Chapter 41: Traumatic Incident Number 4
"It was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen."
Geoff Mallory bustled into the trailer, surprised that he'd been able to follow Amanda's directions through the compound. The Brighton Festival living quarters of Circus Gehlhaar were even more maze like and complicated than where the office trailers had been.
"Where's Amanda?" He asked, knowing that Wolfgang and any of the others he had met last night were probably sleeping the way he should have been. Amanda's was the only name he now knew besides Kurt's, and he had no idea what she even looked like.
"Here." Amanda called from the back. "We're all back here."
Geoff moved through the trailer which was much newer than nicer than many of it's neighbors. Kurt was in the back room with several others. A woman with blonde hair wearing dark clothes moved away so he could sit at the edge of the bed where Kurt lay.
Kurt looked the same as he had when he left just a few hours ago except that something was now terribly wrong. He could see the tendons and muscles in Kurt's neck straining with every breath he took. There was a small trickle of blood running from his nose. He had a small bag with him, the same one he had brought the night before. He pulled his stethoscope and penlight out so he could examine Kurt again.
"What's happening to you Kurt?" He muttered to himself as he worked. He couldn't understand how this was the same patient who had walked out of his office that morning. There certainly wasn't any danger of Kurt kicking him across the room now and Geoff found himself wishing it were the other way around.
"He was okay before." Amanda said. "He just said he was tired." She tried to keep her voice from shaking.
"I know. I'm going to do everything I can." Dr. Mallory said. "I have another doctor coming from the clinic with some equipment."
As if on cue a man dressed in a white coat struggling with several large bags pushed the door open. "Geoff? Am I in the right place?" He asked. He had neatly combed dark hair and the name "Dr. Gallo" was embroidered on his coat; he had obviously rushed out of the office without changing. He joined them, dropping bag after bag as he released their straps from his shoulders.
"This is Paul, my partner." Geoff said brusquely, he was already unzipping the cases and pulling things out.
Paul looked up and smiled briefly at everyone. He spent a long moment looking at Kurt, but had didn't seem surprised by his appearance like Dr. Mallory had when he first arrived. Dr. Mallory had obviously explained things to him. For a few moments no one spoke but the pair of doctors who worked efficiently and quickly, Paul often handing the right thing to Geoff without being asked for it; the two of them speaking in half sentences that neither needed to finish.
"We need to… Oh, you started one. Can you hand me the… Thanks." Paul said as accepted a bag of fluid and plugged the tube into Kurt's hand. He spent a moment looking for a place to hang it before Amanda took it from him.
"Something's wrong isn't?" Father Dietrich asked.
Geoff looked up into yet another face he didn't recognize. "Something. I'm not sure what yet." He said. "Are you part of the circus too?"
Father Dietrich shook his head. "I'm a friend. I'm Kurt's priest."
Geoff nodded in understanding, shifting his attention back to the task at hand.
Nothing they did was working. Kurt hadn't improved. In fact, he actually appeared to be getting worse and it slowly dawned on Geoff that his greatest fears were being realized. He understood what was happening, why Kurt couldn't breathe, why his blood pressure was dropping, why nothing they did seemed to help him.
Despite his appearance the night before, Kurt had been bleeding internally, but not bad enough that the blood couldn't clot, that the wounds couldn't begin to heal. But sometime during the night one of those clots had come loose, forced into circulation by the blood moving through his veins. And then it had been slowly carried closer and closer to his heart until it lodged there, robbing the organ of its ability to pump blood, a condition known as "pulmonary embolism". It killed thousands every year. Surgery, trauma, any event where there was bleeding, there was the possibility of this complication. And so even as they had sat together eating shortbread cookies, Kurt's fate had been sealed.
Had they been in a hospital Kurt's prognosis would have still been poor. Advances were being made in this area all the time, new drugs and techniques that might have saved his life. Even so, there were only maybe a dozen or so surgeons in the world knowledgeable enough and they were too far away. Here in this trailer, less than five minutes away from a hospital, help was still beyond them. They may have well been on the moon.
Geoff turned to the man kneeling beside Kurt's head. "You said you're a priest?"
"Yes."
"If you want to administer last rites, you can. That's a good place to be, so you're out of the way." Geoff said. He looked into Paul's eyes and could see his partner had been thinking the same thing. They would continue to work, but they were doing it now not for Kurt, but so his friends and family would know that they had fought with him until the end.
"I'll get my things." Father Dietrich said. He rose slowly and with the feeling of unreality returned to the front room of the trailer.
Even before Kurt had been found, when it was just a phone call from Wolfgang telling him Kurt was missing, he had made the decision to come here. Though his relationship to the circus was primarily through Kurt and he considered Kurt a friend, he cared about all of the families in Circus Gehlhaar. In the many years since he and Kurt first met, he had come to serve as priest to several other of the circus's members and their families. And even those who may not have shared in his beliefs still came to count on him as listening ear and spiritual guide. It was something he enjoyed. Some of the closest bonds of family and friendship he had ever seen existed here. It was as though by sacrificing the stability of living in one place, the deeper need for warmth and understanding drove them. He chose not just to come for Kurt, but for all of them.
He hadn't known what to pack. He had nearly left his stole and his oils behind, including them only at the last minute as though to ward off the possibility that they would be needed. His hands were shaking as he reached into his suitcase.
Father Dietrich tried to stay out of the doctors' way as they worked, but he couldn't help but notice that more often then not, they were staying out of his way. He had administered last rites for his parishioners before and it was always difficult; probably the hardest thing he had to do. He usually dealt with it but pretending he didn't know them; it was only while he worked, so that he could commit his full attention to the task at hand. And then afterward he mourned for them.
But with Kurt that was impossible. Everything about him was so distinct that there was no way he could keep up the ruse for long. From the way the oil soaked into and matted the fur on his forehead to his palms with their thick sturdy fingers, there was no one else Kurt could be. It seemed that the doctors finished at the same time he did, the three of them stepping back nearly in unison.
The room was completely still, it's occupants frozen as though in a tableau. Brin sat with Amanda, she had put her arm around Amanda's shoulder to comfort her friend. Next to them was James, sitting a little apart from them, his mouth opened in surprise. Father Dietrich was still at the head of the bed with Margali still beside him. In the middle of it was Kurt, lying on the bed with his head tilted at an unnatural angle, his eyes part way open so that the whites showed.
James slowly closed his mouth and forced himself to swallow. "Someone should tell Wolfgang what happened." He said in what was barely more than a whisper. He was met with silence and he slowly rose to his feet. "I'll go tell him." He said. The room stayed silent and still as he left, but it was as though his action thawed them all so that they began moving again when he was gone.
"I'm so sorry." Dr. Mallory said. He slowly peeled off his gloves so he could wipe his nose and eyes. His partner, Paul, who had only known Kurt through Geoff's stories, if at all, kept his eyes downcast.
Father Dietrich let his hand come to rest for a moment on the top of Kurt's head before he laid them against Kurt's eyelids to close them. He looked up and caught Margali's glance. For a moment she looked resigned and then something in them changed. She stood up.
"No." She said. "This isn't happening." She sat down next to Kurt on the bed, nearly shoving Dr. Mallory to the ground. He jumped back in surprise. She took Kurt's hand in both of hers, squeezing it tightly and closing her eyes.
"Magali." Father Dietrich said. He put a hand on her shoulder, but she shook her head, now rocking back and forth squeezing Kurt's hand tighter and tighter. On the other side of the room Amanda leaned forward, slipping out from under the arm Brin had put around her shoulder.
"Mom. Stop." She said.
"No!" It came out high pitched and hoarse, like a scream. The two doctors, who had begun putting their equipment away and removing the evidence of their interventions from Kurt's body stopped and moved away. Grief could tear families apart and they knew better than to hang around in the middle of it.
The room had begun to fill with a strange energy – the same charged feeling that came before a lighting storm. Father Dietrich could feel the hair on his neck standing on end. He was sitting the closest to Margali and somehow, it seemed to him as though she was the locus of it, she and Kurt. She was squeezing his hand so tightly that it looked like bones were about to snap.
"Margali, what are you doing?" Father Dietrich asked.
The energy in the room changed, shifting to feel darker, even sinister. Yet Father Dietrich wasn't sure what they were feeling at all. "Margali?" He asked again and suddenly her eyes opened wide, her expression becoming trapped and frightened. Father Dietrich still had his hand on her shoulder. "Margali, whatever you're doing, stop it." The energy was building, becoming too much to bear.
And when it seemed that it was impossible for it to build any longer, the release came. A great discharge of power so intense that everyone was thrown backward in a circle around the pair, the world going black even as they fought to understand exactly what was happening.
Kurt opened his eyes and tried to draw breath. He couldn't. He was choking; there was something in the way. He struggled for a moment, gagging and coughing, the world threatening to return to darkness as it closed in around the corners of his eyes. Suddenly Brin was there, looking down at him. There was a frantic moment where it appeared that she too was at a loss for what to do, but then she reached out a hand and used it to withdraw the offending object from Kurt's throat. Kurt turned onto his side, still gagging but happy to at last draw breath.
"That was horrible." He said, still gulping air gratefully. "What happened? What was that?" He repeated himself in English when he remembered it was Brin he was talking to.
Brin was staring at the tube still held in her hand. She turned and looked at him. "Kurt?" She asked. "Kurt I thought you were…" She trailed off, looking around at the rest of the room, at everyone else lying on the floor as though blown backward by a great gust of wind. What had happened?
"What is that? Why was that in my mouth?" Kurt asked. He sat up, now looking around the room as well.
Brin looked at Kurt in wide-eyed wonder. "They put that down your throat. The doctors." She said, gesturing toward Drs. Mallory and Gallo who were still unconscious on the floor. "To make you breathe, I think."
Kurt knitted his brow. But, that's what he had been choking on. It had made it hard to breathe, not the other way around. Then he sat up straighter, looking in surprise at where the priest had been thrown against the wall, Margali sprawled out unconscious with her head against his chest. "Father Dietrich?" He turned back to Brin. "How did Father Dietrich get here? What's going on? Mom? "
He hopped down off the bed and Brin gasped. A moment ago she had been watching him die, hadn't she? Wasn't that what had happened? She opened her mouth, but didn't speak.
Kurt touched Margali on the check and she groaned, rousing Father Dietrich as she shifted position. He looked confused for a moment, but then seemed to come around, making the same wide-eyed expression as Brin.
"Kurt?" He sat up quickly, gently lowering Margali to the floor as he did. He reached out, like he was going to touch Kurt but was afraid to. "God in Heaven, how is this possible?"
Behind Kurt, Brin shook her head. She didn't know how it was possible either.
Kurt could feel the corners of his mouth turning down hard as a frown formed on his face. How had all these people gotten in here? And why were they all lying on the floor? And most importantly, why did everyone suddenly seem afraid of him? The others stirred now too, rubbing their eyes and groaning as they came awake. Kurt climbed back onto the bed and pressed himself as far back against the wall as possible. He didn't like this. When Margali saw him there, she gave a quick shriek of surprise and then covered her mouth with her hand.
"It's all right Kurt, I'm not going to hurt you." Dr. Mallory said as he cautiously approached, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He wasn't sure how his patient, who a moment ago had had neither respirations nor a pulse, was now awake and talking to them. Kurt shrank away from him and shook his head.
"Margali, what did you do?" Father Dietrich asked.
She shook her head. "It was an accident." She said, her normally strident voice sounding like that of a scolded child. "I didn't mean for it to happen."
James was silent as he and Wolfgang made their way toward Margali's trailer. When he had arrived in Wolfgang's trailer, James had found himself strangely mute, as though by not telling Wolfgang that Kurt was dead he could somehow change what had happened. He still hadn't said a word even as they made their way back to Margali's.
"James, what's going on?" Wolfgang asked him over and over as they walked.
They stopped at the door of the trailer, James barring the way.
"What's the matter with you?" Wolfgang asked. "What's going on here?"
"Father Dietrich is here." James said, finally finding his voice. Wolfgang looked confused. "He's here and two doctors are here." James took a deep breath. When he had left to fetch Wolfgang he hadn't realized how difficult this was going to be.
"Something happened to Kurt?" Wolfgang said.
James nodded. "Father Dietrich was able to perform last rites." He said. "But there was nothing the doctors could do. So he… So Kurt…" Wolfgang pulled James out of the way and opened the door. He stormed through the trailer and stopped at the door to the back room. James arrived a moment later and looked over Wolfgang's shoulder into the room, his jaw slack with disbelief.
"I don't believe it." Said James. "When I left, he was…" But he didn't finish his sentence, because now Kurt was sitting up of the edge of the bed while one of the doctors held a stethoscope against his chest.
Dr. Mallory sat back, bending his stethoscope in his hands thoughtfully. He looked over to where Wolfgang stood in the door. "I can't find anything wrong with him." He said.
Wolfgang looked confused. "That's good right?" He said.
The second doctor, Dr. Gallo took Geoff's stethoscope and put the earpieces in his ears. "May I?" He asked Kurt. Kurt shook his head and moved to the opposite end of the bed. He glanced suspiciously in Father Dietrich's direction; still not sure of how the priest had gotten in their trailer, his confusion overshadowing any happiness he had over seeing his friend and mentor.
"You're fine." Father Dietrich said. "Everyone was just worried that's all." He told Kurt.
"Wait a minute." Wolfgang said. "James just told me Kurt was dead." He turned back to James. "That's what you were trying to say right?"
"What?" Kurt asked.
"Wolfgang!" Father Dietrich shouted before James could answer. Whatever it was that had happened was strange enough without discussing in front of Kurt.
"But I'm not dead." Kurt said.
"No." Father Dietrich said. "You're not."
Kurt nodded as though Father Dietrich had confirmed what he already knew and he wasn't sure why no else seemed convinced. The sound of someone sobbing broke the silence and for the first time he noticed Amanda, still curled up on the floor where she had fallen. "Amanda, what's wrong?" He asked. He got off the bed and knelt on the floor beside her.
She sat up, her eyes wet with tears, looking past Kurt to glare at Margali. "Mom, how could you?" She said.
Margali looked stricken. "Amanda, I…"
"Amanda?" Kurt went to put his hand on her shoulder.
She whirled around. "Don't you touch me!" She shouted. "Get away!"
Kurt froze in surprise, but then retreated once again to the far corner of Margali's bed, folding his body up tightly and wrapping his tail protectively around himself.
"Amanda…" Father Dietrich started to speak, but Amanda stood up, placing her hands on her hips, still glaring at Margali.
"How could you?" She asked again, more forcefully, nearly dripping with venom.
"Amanda, what's wrong? Kurt's fine." Wolfgang said.
She glared at him for a moment. "I know Kurt's fine." She shouted. "But I'm not." Then she pushed Wolfgang aside and ran from the room and out of the trailer without looking back.
"Will somebody please tell me what is happening?" Wolfgang said. He was met with stunned silence as though nobody knew how to answer. Then Dr. Mallory stood up.
"Wolfgang, this is my partner Paul Gallo. If you come outside, we will explain, or at least attempt to explain, everything." He said. He beckoned the two of them. Dr. Gallo stood immediately, but Wolfgang hesitated looking from Kurt to Dr. Mallory and back as though he wasn't sure who was going to give him the best answers. Finally he followed the two doctors from the trailer.
"Would you like me to go find Amanda?" Father Dietrich asked Margali.
She shook her head. "No. This is something only I can solve." She said and left without another word. At the same time James gave a quick nod to Brin, motioning towards the door. She too got up and left so that it was just Kurt and Father Dietrich alone in the room.
"How did you get here?" Kurt asked Father Dietrich, happy to have someone to answer his questions at last. "How did you even know to come?"
"Wolfgang called me and told me you were missing. And then later I tried the office phone and left a message. Amanda called me back and said you'd been found but were at a hospital. It was a little confusing for a while." Father Dietrich said.
"You came just for me?" Kurt asked.
"For you, and for your family too. Everyone was very worried about you. So was I."
"How did you get here? How long was I missing? I don't remember any of that." Kurt said, knitting his brow in confusion. He was looking around the room, taking in the various things the doctors had left behind, trying to figure out why he wasn't in his own bed. "I remember Christian picking us up in a car." Kurt said. "And Dr. Mallory. I woke up in the middle of the night and he gave me something to eat." He had other memories too, but they were even more vague, nothing he could put into words yet.
Father Dietrich slid the stole from around his neck and shook his head. "I took a plane and I only got here a few minutes ago." He said. "I wish I could tell you more, but I know less than you do."
Kurt shifted so he could look out the window and shivered. "I don't like not knowing," he said.
"Here." Father Dietrich picked up the blanket that had been tossed aside while the doctors worked. He put it around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt took the edges and wrapped himself tighter. It was so strange to be sitting on Margali's bed in this trailer that had never really felt like home; at least not in the same way their old one had. And it was even stranger the way everyone was acting, both frightened of him and angry with him at the same time. At least Father Dietrich seemed to be back to normal.
"I'm glad you're here." Kurt said.
Father Dietrich smiled. "So am I."
"And, I like your shirt."
