Chapter 18
Elrond and Estel followed the Haradrim the route they had come. The Southerners did not hurry, but kept a steady pace. They only stopped early in the evening, in a small hallow covered by trees.
When Elrond noticed that the Haradrim veered off the road, he told Estel to dismount. They led the horses into the trees. "We will need to leave the horses here, and approach the Haradrim on foot."
"Is it safe to leave the horses here – these are the outskirts of Mirkwood?"
Elrond sighed. "Not really, but we cannot take them with us. We have to hope that nothing untoward will befall them."
They tethered the horses and removed their bags. Then they walked silently along side the road, just within the trees, so that they would not be seen easily.
The Haradrim were not quiet and had lit a fire that visible between the trees. They did not seem to take any precautions about not being seen. Elrond whispered to Estel, "Maybe they are what they say they are – traders, and there is nothing to worry about. But I need to know more."
"Can you understand their language, ada?"
"Not well, but I have had dealings with the Haradrim before, a very long time ago. I understand some of their language."
As they approached, Elrond and Estel took care to move quietly. Elrond was surprised just how silently Estel could move, he had learned well from the twins, and for a mortal, his woodcraft skills were very good, especially for someone this young. They approached the camp without being noticed.
They found a spot behind some bushes very near the camp; they could see and hear everything that went on easily. The Haradrim had unloaded their horses. Two of them were looking after the animals, giving them water and brushing them. One of the men sat next to the fire stirring a pot that was hung above the fire, and the remaining three men were rummaging in the luggage.
Currently two of them were lifting out a small barrel. One of the men, the leader, broke the seal and opened the lid. He took out what looked like a handful of dried leaves. He crushed some of them and sniffed at his hand, then turned and said something to his companion. It sounded pleased.
Since Estel had no idea what it was they had in the barrel, he briefly looked at Elrond. Elrond's eyes had narrowed in surprise; he obviously knew what the barrel contained. In response to Estel's unanswered question, he briefly shook his head. He would explain later.
One of the other men had opened another of the packages, and took out what looked like a map. He took it to the fire, and the men conferred for a while, obviously discussing their route.
After a little while, the entire group congregated around the fire. The stew in the pot was distributed, and the men began to eat. They talked in their guttural language, and Estel was able to make out the word 'Rivendell' several times. Elrond's face wore an expression of intense concentration. After a while, he quietly turned to Estel, and motioned him to move back.
They left as stealthy as they had approached. Once they were out of earshot, Elrond took his son's arm.
"Estel, I know now why they were in Bree – but I am none the wiser for it. They traded pipeweed – the herb in the barrel you saw for someone they call the 'Master'. They also bought maps of the Western lands, including one of Imladris. I do not know what they need them for or who 'the Master' is – but it does not bode well that the Haradrim trade with him. They are not trustworthy. I will have to find out more when we return home. Come, we need to return to our horses."
They retraced their steps through the night as silently as they could. They found their horses safe and unharmed. As they mounted their steeds, Elrond turned and smiled at Estel.
"You have done well, Estel. You have learned much from the twins and am very pleased how noiselessly you can move through the forest, even at night."
Estel smiled at that comment. It was not often that his father praised him that openly.
They rode on through the night. And suddenly Estel felt such an overwhelming need to talk to his father that he could not stop himself.
"Ada? I … wanted to tell you something. When we were in Lasgalen, I spent quite a lot of time with Prince Legolas. I like him. He is nice."
Elrond caught the odd undertone in his son's voice. "Estel? Does 'like' mean … something else?"
Estel was silent. After a while, he said quietly: "Yes, it does. I like him very much."
Elrond sighed and inwardly scolded himself. He should have seen this as it was happening. Not that it was that inconceivable – Legolas was attractive with this unusual hair and those dark eyes, but he was also Thranduil's son.
"Ada?…"
"I should have seen this. Legolas is an attractive young elf and you are at the right age to fall in love. But Estel, you know this yourself, he is Thranduil's son and because of that, out of bounds. You are mortal, Estel. Any relationship with him, or indeed even a true friendship would complicate matters greatly for me."
"Ada, I think I love him." There was such a longing in that one sentence that Elrond smiled.
He spoke gently but firmly. "Estel, you have known Legolas for three weeks. This is not the basis of a relationship and I cannot allow my under age foster son to get attached to the son of Thranduil, who deeply dislikes and distrusts humans. I am afraid I will not allow this to carry on. I am very sorry, Estel, but you will have to try to forget Legolas."
In the limited light of the stars on a cloudy night it was difficult to make out Estel's features, so Elrond felt more than he saw, the shocked surprise of his son.
"What did you expect, Estel? You know how difficult relations are; the elven realms cannot afford further complications, not at a time like this. We know dark forces are gathering, that has been evident for a while. Further rifts between the elven realms could lead to disaster, we cannot risk it. Also, from what I have seen of Legolas, he is arrogant and cold, he will hurt you in time. I would prefer it if you did not see Legolas again until you are over this crush."
o-o-o-
Estel was devastated. He had anticipated a negative reaction, but not one that was so harsh and final. He thought about pleading with Elrond, but recognised the futility of that, and he also realised that it would simply emphasise his immaturity in the eyes of the elf-lord.
They rode through the night, rested early in the morning and then carried on.
Ten days later they arrived back in Rivendell, without any extraordinary events. They saw and avoided several groups of orcs, but made no contact with them. Estel hardly spoke throughout the remainder of the journey, lost in his own thoughts and seizing with resentment.
But as they neared Imladris, this turned to resignation. What could he do? He was not of age and free to go at his own will. So he decided to wait. One day he would see Legolas again.
o-o-o-
On the day after Estel's departure, Legolas had sought out his father. He rarely disturbed the king's work, but on this evening there was not really a way around it. Legolas knocked at his father's study door.
"Enter"
"Father? Do you have time for a few moments?" Legolas stood in the middle of the room, feeling uncomfortable.
The King looked up. "Of course, Legolas. What is it that you need? Please sit down, you do not have to stand in front of me, my son."
Legolas pulled up one of the chairs across the desk. "Father, I wanted to ask permission to stop the sword practice with Telerion and replace it with more practice with Galadhir. I am not progressing with the sword any longer, I feel I have achieved what I can with that weapon."
o-o-o-
Thranduil briefly closed his eyes. He was disappointed but not overly surprised. He had seen Legolas with the sword, he had no affinity with the weapon, and, as Thranduil admitted to himself, the wrong body build. And at that moment, memories flooded Thranduil with painful intensity. Looking into his son's face, those dark eyes, he saw again, as so many times before, the face of his beloved wife.
Eäradië, how much he had loved her! When Legolas was very young, the similarities between mother and son had not been as obvious. But now, as Legolas neared physical maturity, he looked and moved so much like his mother that there were times when Thranduil could not bear to look at his son.
Eäradië had died after having been tortured by orcs. Legolas had been an infant, not yet weaned. He was Thranduil's living connection to the one person he had deeply and truly loved. He was also Thranduil's only child, and the king had high hopes for his young son. He was pleased to see that Legolas showed skill in archery from an early age, but disappointed to find that he showed little potential for sword fighting and hand-to-hand combat.
The king had hoped to have a warrior son, but when he was very young, Legolas had not shown the potential required. So he had been trained primarily for a strategic role, and Thranduil had to admit that his son's keen intelligence and quick mind had already been useful in a number of situations. Thranduil had been surprised when saw Galadhir and Legolas training, and when he heard that Galadhir thought the prince had potential for warrior training. Thranduil respected Galadhir; he was one of his most experienced warriors.
Thranduil had remained silent whilst these thoughts were running through his mind. He realised that Legolas was still looking at him expectantly.
"Legolas, if this is truly what you wish to do, so be it. But I would like to see that you increase your training with Galadhir instead. You need to be able to fight, and fight well, in these darkening times."
Legolas smiled and the king saw the relief in his son's eyes. The smile brought another wave of memories. Thranduil was torn between spontaneously embracing his son, simply because they had not done so for a long time; and sending his son away because he could bear the memories no longer.
"Legolas, I need to finish these reports. Is there anything else?"
Legolas looked for a moment as if he wanted to say something, but then reconsidered.
"Thank you, father. It is a relief to stop these lessons. I will work hard with Galadhir."
The young elf turned, and left.
o-o-o-
Legolas' life settled into a slightly altered routine. He spent more time with Galadhir, training with the knives and bow. In the evening he would sometimes go to the meeting place of the younger elves, a pleasant clearing not far away from the palace. Sometimes, rarely, he would be asked to join in the circle, but on many occasions he would remain a quiet observer on the margins. He never stayed long and yet found that he could not stay away.
On one mild late summer evening, the entire group decided to go swimming. On this occasion, Legolas decided to join them. The swimming party was a joyful, carefree event with much splashing and dunking, swimming competitions and water fights. Somewhat to his surprise, Legolas found that he enjoyed himself thoroughly.
Until three newcomers joined. With horror Legolas saw that it was his old adversary Rainan and his friends, Darien and Melarion. They had obviously returned from their extended patrol duty. The prince tried to blend into the group of other elves, but his blond hair stood out even when wet amongst the dark-haired wood elves. And sure enough, Rainan came straight towards him.
Still standing in the water amongst several other elves, Legolas turned. He braced himself for an unpleasant confrontation or even a fight. But what happened was unexpected.
Rainan, still dressed, stood on the river bank, and simply looked at him. Legolas felt the other's stare on his body, and how it focused below his waist. Suddenly he felt very self-conscious and disadvantaged by wearing no clothes.
Rainan's voice was as silky smooth and unpleasant as Legolas remembered. "To think that we got into trouble for this …", there was disdain in his voice as his gaze lingered on Legolas body, "there is not even enough there to satisfy a lover."
With that sentence, Rainan turned and walked away, his friends in tow.
The unkind words stung. Legolas blushed fiercely at this remark, acutely aware of the circle of other elves around him. There were sniggers, and all camaraderie was gone, he was once more an outsider. A high-ranking outsider who had been very publicly humiliated. Rainan had achieved his revenge.
Legolas quickly stepped out of the water. He put on his clothes as fast as he could and turned to leave. He was so focused on getting away from the scene of his embarrassment that he had not noticed that he was followed by one of the elf maidens.
Legolas tried to get away from the river as rapidly as he could. Rainan's words had stung, and stung badly. He knew that the other elf had looked for a way to get back to him and that his words were malicious and unlikely to represent facts. But still … Legolas had never been self-conscious about his body. In fact he had never spent much time thinking about it. It was there, it functioned and he had never had any cause for complaint. Some people told him that he was beautiful. That, too, he had never truly believed since it seemed to be an empty compliment in most cases.
And now this. Since meeting Estel, he had become much more conscious of his body. He was fascinated both by the differences and similarities between their bodies. It had been impossible to miss the difference in size of certain parts. But Estel did not seem to mind, and Legolas had been certain that Estel's appreciation of his body had been genuine. But now he wondered. What if Rainan was right? What if Estel had just been polite? What if … Legolas was so lost in thought that he was not really watching where he was going. Instinctively his feet carried him to his favourite tree, and within an instant he found himself high up in the branches.
He was quite surprised that within moments of him settling on a high branch, a dark-haired head appeared in the branches. He had been so focused on his concerns that he had not even noticed that someone else had climbed up behind him.
It was Lindwen, a young elf-maid whom he did not know well. She had lived in Rivendell with her parents for years, and had only returned to Lasgalen a few years ago. He really did not want to talk to her, or anyone else, at the moment.
With a sigh he looked at the unwelcome arrival. Lindwen was looking up at him through the branches. "Prince Legolas, I know you do not want to talk to me now. But…" she hesitated, "he as done the same to me. Do not let him get to you. He will always look for someone to pick on. May I come up?"
Legolas hesitated. He really did not want company at the moment. But the sincerity in Lindwen's voice touched him. She still looked up at him through a frame of green branches. Her dark hair blended into the leaves, but her light skin and deep brown eyes stood out against that background. Legolas had seen her on several occasions; she was normally quiet and stayed in the background.
"Climb up then."
Moments later, the young elf maid sat next to Legolas. "I felt sorry for you earlier. What Rainan said must have been very hurtful."
"I do not want your pity." The statement came out more forcefully than intended.
But Lindwen was not phased. She looked Legolas full in the face, and he was struck by the hidden strength in her eyes.
"You know that I returned to Lasgalen only a few years ago. My mother is from Rivendell, but my father wanted to return here after so many years away. I was very young when we left and I have spent almost all my life in Rivendell. It was hard to fit in here – I found that there were some of the younger elves who were suspicious of me because I spent so much time in Rivendell. I had never encountered this before."
"I tried hard to make friends, but it was slow. I encountered Rainan one evening during a mid-summer celebration a few years ago. I think he thought I was an easy target, and he started to make passes at me. I turned him down every time, but one day he cornered me alone."
Suddenly the confidence in her voice disappeared. Legolas was now listening intently. He also had a fairly good idea what would be coming. "He … touched me, Legolas. Everywhere. And he kissed me, and he tried to …" Lindwen was looking down now, unsure how to carry on. After taking a deep breath, she continued. "I struggled too much, and he could not get what he wanted without too much noise."
It was now Legolas turn to feel deep pity for the girl next to him. Somehow his own experience did not seem so important now. Shyly, he touched Lindwen's cheek.
"You do not need to continue, Lindwen. I can see it causes you pain."
"I need to tell you what happened next. He left me alone but one day when there were many other people around, he pretended I had made a pass at me and said …"
Another pause. "… he said that he would never consider someone with breasts like the udder of a cow." Now the tears spilled over.
Hesitantly Legolas put his arm around Lindwen's shoulder. He had had very little contact with elf maidens and did not really know what to do. Neither said anything for a while.
Then Legolas decided to tell Lindwen about the earlier incident with Rainan, Dalien and Melerion. He could feel her nodding against his shoulder. "Yes, I can see that happening. You were fortunate that Galadhir appeared at the right time."
They sat quietly for some more time, both contemplating what they had heard. The similarities of their experience was startling, down to the point that Rainan had verbally attacked each of them at a vulnerable point of their appearance. Looking at Lindwen, Legolas realised that in comparison to the generally willowy wood-elves, Lindwen was quite full chested, although she was slim and tall.
"It is not true what he said, Lindwen. You are an attractive maid." Lindwen smiled through her tears.
"Legolas? This is true for you, too. I have seen you without clothes, there is nothing wrong with your body."
And suddenly both of them were struck by the oddity of their situation – high up in a tree, a male and a female, talking about the most personal issues. As if on cue, both grinned. Legolas noticed that Lindwen had a deep dimple in the middle of each cheek when she smiled.
They looked at each other again. "Legolas? May I ask you something?"
The young elf nodded.
"Is there anyone close to your heart?"
Legolas was about to say 'no' when he suddenly thought that they had shared so much already and that this was an opportunity to tell someone about Estel. In the brief time they had talked, Legolas had come to trust Lindwen. What she had told him, and that she had told him, made her trustworthy. Somehow he was quite certain that very few people, if any, knew about her experiences with Rainan.
So he told her about Estel. Lindwen listened intently, her whole attention focused on Legolas. When he finished, she was silent for a while. Then she said gently:
"You may see him again, Legolas. Do not give up hope yet. If he cares for you as much as you do for him, you will make it possible to see each other again."
"You do not judge me for loving a mortal?"
"How could I? Yes, there will be grief, but you say he is still young and seems to have elven blood. He may live for many years yet, that you could enjoy together if your affection is true." She sighed. "I would never dare to judge someone for loving another. True love is rare enough, it should not be scorned."
Legolas was surprised to hear the wisdom in the words of someone so young. " What about you, Lindwen?"
"My parents took me away from Rivendell before I was of age. But I had not wanted to leave, mainly because my heart had been given for many years to one of the warriors of Imladris. But my parents decided that I was too young for a lasting commitment. I have not seen him since, but we are writing. I know I will see him again. We are both young, we can wait." Again Legolas was struck by the similarity of their story.
"How did it happen that I never really noticed you before?"
"You did not look. I would not have looked either, if it had not been for that incident earlier. It reminded me so much of what happened to me. I have never spoken about this to anyone before, although of course, several people had heard Rainan's comments about me. I simply did not want you to be as alone with this as I have been."
"Thank you, Lindwen."
They sat together silently in the tree until dusk arrived. When they left, they both knew that this afternoon had brought them a friendship that would last.
o-o-o-
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