Author's note: In this chapter, I am playing a bit with Tolkien's timeline – in the books Estel finds outs who he is when he is twenty. This does not fit with my other stories, so he is declared adult and finds out a bit earlier.(I know this is AU.)

Chapter 19

After their return to Rivendell, Estel busied himself with weapons training. He spent hours practising, and as the months passed, he became muscular and lean. He also intensified his healer training with Elrond. Altogether, Estel became much more serious and less carefree than he had been. He spent less time with his friends, and more on his own. His previously ready smile disappeared and became rare.

Elrond noticed the change, and it saddened him. He was well aware of the cause of the change, but felt that Estel had to go through this phase and grow out of it. The risks of alienating Thranduil further were too high, particularly since Estel did not yet know his true heritage, but Thranduil did. Also, Elrond admitted to himself, he had never really taken to Legolas. He had seen the prince on several occasions, not often, and he could not remember seeing the youngster smile even once. The elf-lord feared that any close association between Estel and Legolas would lead to pain for Estel and have political consequences that could not been foreseen.

o-o-o-

A few weeks after their return, Estel received a letter from Legolas, and responded immediately. He asked Elrond to be permitted to send a letter once a month. Elrond hesitated, he really did not wish for this relationship to continue, even by correspondence. But when he looked into Estel's eyes, which had already lost so much of their youthful sparkle, he could not deny his foster son's wish.

Estel thanked him, and from then on, a carrier bird would arrive in Imladris once a month and return with another message. As time went by, Elrond was surprised, and somewhat concerned, that neither Legolas nor Estel ever seemed to default to write. Estel never spoke about the contents of Legolas letters, or about what he wrote in return.

Elrond was tempted on occasion to go into Estel's room and read the letters, but he discarded the thought as fast as it came. He might object to Estel's friendship with Legolas, but he would not go so far as to invade his privacy.

o-o-o-

Late in the autumn, just before the passes finally closed for the winter, Elladan and Elrohir returned. They had spent much time hunting orcs, wargs and spiders, had rested for a few days in Lasgalen and had then returned home.

On the day the returned home, Estel waited patiently after the initial excitement of their homecoming had ebbed. After the evening meal he quietly asked Elladan whether he had seen Legolas.

Elrohir gave him an odd look, and Elladan sighed. "Estel, I very much dislike to be the one who tells you – but Legolas has found himself a maid. I am sorry, Estel, I know this will hurt you."

"Do you mean Lindwen?"

"You know about her?"

"Yes, Legolas has written much about her. They are not courting; she is just a good friend to him. You know she wants to bond to Calanthir one day."

"Estel … Lasgalen is a long way from here. I have seen the two of them together. They are close. I must admit I was a bit taken aback seeing Lindwen with Legolas. I have always thought that eventually she would bond to Calanthir. They were close for years before Lindwen left for Lasgalen."

"Elladan, she still hopes to marry Calanthir one day, but they are both too young. Legolas has found a friend in her, no more. I believe him."

There was such a conviction in Estel's voice, that Elladan decided not to pursue the topic, although he was convinced that Estel was being misled.

o-o-o-

Elrohir had followed this exchange with amazement. Clearly there had been a lot that he had not been aware of. Indeed it looked as if his younger brother had fallen for that princeling from Mirkwood! The younger twin shook his head as Estel left.

"Elladan, why did you not tell me about this! I would have kept Legolas away from Estel in Lasgalen!"

"It was not my place to do so. He has to make his own experiences, and mistakes. Although I fear that he will get hurt badly. Even though he is young, he loves deeply. He has changed, even after just returning I can see that."

Elrohir's grey eyes flared. "Elladan, that was irresponsible! How can you let him knowingly get hurt!"

Elladan sighed as he met his brother's angry stare. "Because getting hurt is part of growing up. I had no right to interfere."

o-o-o-

Getting to know Lindwen had brought many changes in Legolas life. The girl had never truly settled amongst the other younger elves of Lasgalen. Even though she had lived in Lasgalen for about eight years now, she still felt very much at the margins of the group of younger elves, who spent most of their time together.

When she began to talk to Legolas, she realised that he was neither as cold nor as arrogant as others said he was. Instead, she found that she greatly liked the young prince, and began to seek him out.

Often, when dusk was falling and the light was fading, she would go to the training ground and wait for Legolas to finish. They would then go to the evening meal together, and spent the evening in each other's company. Of course, they were not able to meet up every evening since both had differing duties, but it became a pattern that many people noticed.

Within a short period of time, the rumours began to circulate. Both Legolas and Lindwen were aware of it, but neither cared very much about what others said.

o-o-o-

Legolas found that he was beginning to look forward to his spare time, something that he had rarely felt before. Usually free time was time that he had to spend by himself, possibly watching others enjoy themselves, but rarely had it involved genuine enjoyment for him. Now, things were different.

On many days at the end of his training with Galadhir, Lindwen would be waiting at the training ground for him. She would ask him about his day and would link her arm with his. Once he asked her why she did this, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said that it felt good. And Legolas agreed. His only regret was that he would have very much liked to do something like this with Estel, and had not been able to do so in public.

They sometimes took the evening meal by themselves, or together with Lindwen's parents or the king, less often with the other younger elves. Neither of them felt that they really belonged to that group.

At first, the meals had been somewhat awkward but it soon become apparent that Lindwen's parents were delighted by her association with the prince; and Thranduil had no objection to Legolas keeping company with Lindwen. Legolas asked his father whether he minded that he and Lindwen were friends, and Thranduil had answered that he had no objections. Lindwen came from a suitable background, and, should this relationship last, her Rivendell connections would be politically useful.

It was very apparent to both Legolas and Lindwen that there was no way they would convince their respective parents, or indeed anyone else, that they were not courting, but were simply friends. In the end, they jointly decided that it was far easier to let everyone believe what they wished. But they both made a point of explaining the situation in great detail to their absent partners.

After the evening meal, they often went for either an extended walk or a long swim. Legolas had found to his pleasant surprise that Lindwen was a very strong swimmer, and loved to let herself drift along the river over long distances, even if it then meant a hard swim upriver to return. Afterwards they would lie on the riverbank and let the night air dry their bodies, and then they would talk. About everything. Legolas had never had a friend to whom he could talk about everything that concerned him. They shared childhood memories, and talked about their hopes, and dreams. What they would like to do in the future. They talked about their bodies and their first sexual experiences. About unfulfilled needs and longings. About themselves.

One evening they had gone for a walk rather than a swim. It was a clear, moon lit night, and they could see their path clearly through the trees. After a while, they arrived at the edge of a star-lit clearing, and spontaneously, without any prompting from each other, they sat down with their backs against a mighty tree at the edge of the clearing.

They sat next to each other in companionable silence for along while, until Lindwen quietly leaned against Legolas' shoulder, and pulled his arm around herself and down to her waist.

"Lindwen? What …"

Legolas found a gentle finger across his mouth. "I just want to be held for a little while. It feels so comfortable, and I know you will not take advantage of me. Please …"

Instinctively, Legolas pulled Lindwen closer. With a sigh, she settled her head on his chest. Legolas thought about what she had said. It was true; he would not try to make a pass at her. They had spent much time together in the last few months, and much of that alone. They had seen each other unclothed regularly, but there had never been even a hint of desire between them.

Legolas knew that Lindwen missed Calanthir greatly. She had told him on more than one occasion that what she missed most was simply to be held and comforted. Legolas decided that there was no harm in granting her this pleasure. Soon, he felt her breathing evening out. She had fallen asleep against his shoulder.

Legolas thought of Estel, and how good it had felt to hold him and to be held by him. He still remembered the feelings and sensations distinctly. It id not take long for Legolas' thoughts to wander off into the realms of sleep as well. He did not notice that his head sank against Lindwen's dark hair.

Neither of them woke when a group of older elves, who were also enjoying the star-lit night, entered the clearing they were sleeping in. Legolas' and Lindwen's softly glowing forms were immediately recognised, and quietly the other elves withdrew. But this incident further strengthened the public opinion that Legolas and Lindwen would be betrothed as soon as they were old enough – even if this might be several decades away yet.

A few days later, one of the cooks commented on how close the young prince seemed to a certain young maid. When Legolas asked what she meant, she told him that she had seen them asleep, holding each other. Legolas did not deny the fact, but inwardly he groaned. Why did these elves had to come along that path that particular evening!

o-o-o-

A few months later in mid-winter. Estel held another letter from Legolas. They had written regularly to each other, and due to this correspondence, had shared much of their daily life, their feelings and hopes. Legolas told him much of Lindwen, and even though there was the odd twinge of jealousy and mistrust, Estel was mostly pleased that Legolas had found such a good friend. He needed someone he could trust and spent some carefree time with.

Now Estel was half-way through reading Legolas' latest letter, when he stopped in surprise:

Lindwen has convinced her parents that she is now mature enough to return to Rivendell for a while. I immediately offered myself to be part of her escort. Her parents were grateful, and, amazingly, my father had no objections. I think they have agreed that if I come along I would keep her from seeing Calanthir. They have not said this directly, so I have no intention of doing that.

We would be coming as soon as the high passes are clear. My father will write to yours and ask whether we can come.

Estel, I have missed you so much in all these months! Perhaps it will not be so long now until we see each other again!….

Estel could not help but read, reread, and read again what Legolas had written. If all went well, he would come here in another two months or so!

His immediate reaction was to run to his father and tell him. But as fast as the thought had occurred, it was banished. Elrond would not be overjoyed, and might even decline Thranduil's request if Estel should his pleasure and anticipation too openly. The young man had taken care not to mention Legolas more than strictly necessary in the last few months. He had found that very difficult, he had never had any reason to deceive his adoptive family before, and felt guilty and ungrateful for doing it. But he also felt pushed into a corner, unable to escape without either denying his own feelings or being deceptive about them.

o-o-o-

Elrond had finally caught up with the paperwork at the end of the day. It had been extremely busy – he had ended up treating several wounded men whom a group of rangers had brought in. They had been involved in a clash with wolves not far from Rivendell. Elrond sighed. Wolves had been a real problem this winter. It had been consistently cold, and all wild creatures had struggled to survive. Wolves had gathered in unusually large packs, and had on occasion attacked human settlements in their search for food. In turn, men began to hunt the desperate, hungry creatures systematically, and inevitably, some of them got hurt. Wolf bites were nasty, often infected, and Elrond had needed considerable skill to mend some of the injured brought to him today.

And now, at the end of this long day, he had finally read Thranduil's message about sending Lindwen and her escort, including Legolas. Elrond searched desperately for a reason how he could say politely 'no' to the king, but could not find any excuse. Lindwen had grown up in Rivendell, she had many friends here, and it would be cruel to deny her the chance to see them.

Elrond had noticed that Estel had not mentioned Legolas much recently and he hoped that the boy had outgrown his crush. The elf-lord knew that young humans often fell in love with others, and after a while these passions faded. But Elrond also knew Estel well, and he had seen the change in his foster son over the last few months. Somehow he doubted that Estel would simply drop an affection, it was against everything that Elrond had seen of his adopted son so far. This meant if Legolas came to visit, they would have to be watched carefully. Elrond decided to talk to the twins.

o-o-o-

During the evening meal, Elrond announced the planned visit by Lindwen and her escort. He observed Estel closely. The young man's eyes lit up briefly but then the shutters closed and the expression in the silvery-grey eyes became unreadable. Elrond sighed. Estel's reaction had confirmed his suspicion that Legolas had not been forgotten, but it also showed how much trust had been lost between them. Only a few short months ago, Estel would have shown his joy openly.

Elrond had on more than one occasion wondered whether he should have reacted differently when Estel told him of his affection for Legolas. And yet, there had not really been a choice. Too much was at stake, much of it Estel did not even know yet. They could not afford an entanglement with the Lasgalen prince.

Much later, when Estel had retired to bed, and the three elves still sat around the fire in the family's common room. Elrond brought up his concerns with the twins.

"Elladan, Elrohir, I need to talk to you."

Two pairs of grey eyes looked up.

"I found out a few months ago that Estel has an unfortunate affection for Legolas, Thranduil's son. I was too preoccupied to see it in the summer, I should have noticed and prevented it then. But I failed to do so, and the result is that, I believe, Estel has fallen head over heels in love with the young prince. Almost anyone else I would have few issues with, he is at the right age to fall in love. But I do not need to tell you about the problems this could cause with Thranduil, and also, should it last, later for Estel. I am very uncomfortable with Legolas visiting; he and Estel must be kept apart as far as possible, and otherwise watched. I do not like doing this to one of my children, but this is necessary."

Elladan nodded. "I knew this. I picked up on it in Lasgalen and talked to Estel about it. All political considerations aside, I am afraid he will get hurt. I do not believe that Legolas is a good choice as a first partner."

Elrohir cut in. "I could not believe it that Elladan did not tell me, I only found out much later! And I would have never thought that Estel would fall so easily for a pretty face and a good body. I always thought he would be looking for something else."

"Legolas is attractive, no one can deny that. But to me, he lacks warmth. His is a cold beauty." Elrond sighed. "Unfortunately no parent can prevent their child from all hurts and misadventures. We will just have to watch over him as best as we can."

o-o-o-

Three months later. The harsh winter had finally broken. Estel's sixteenth's birthday had passed with a celebration. Elrond had also made an announcement that surprised Estel. He knew that his parents had been of the Dunedain, and that amongst these people, the age of majority was twenty years. But amongst the human folk around Rivendell, adulthood was declared earlier, usually with the seventeenth birthday. Elrond had announced at this year's birthday celebration that he would declare Estel's majority at his next birthday, in line with the customs of the humans living in the Rivendell area.

Estel had been very surprised, but also pleased by this announcement. He was not quite certain what had caused Elrond to make this decision, but he would not object! He had always thought that Elrond would delay his mortal son's majority as long as possible, since all humans lacked in years and wisdom in comparison to the elves.

The young man was eagerly awaiting the delegation from Lasgalen. Legolas had written that they would arrive in spring, around the date of his own birthday. Legolas' birthday was about a month after Estel's, his parents had given him the name 'Greenleaf' to celebrate the arrival of new growth and life at that time of the year.

But Legolas' birthday had now also passed, and Estel was waiting for news everyday. So was Calanthir. The young warrior had sought out Estel some time ago, and they had talked at length about Lindwen and Legolas, and the difficulties each couple had faced. Estel did not know Calanthir well, but they now found that they had common ground. Estel was glad that there was at least one person in Rivendell he could talk to without receiving a negative reaction. But Calanthir was out on patrol often, so Estel did not see much of him.

o-o-o-

It had rained for a week. Elrond had mentioned to his sons that he believed the delegation from Lasgalen had been delayed by the poor weather, the paths were muddy and treacherous, and the horses would not be able to move fast.

And now, finally, a messenger from the patrols had arrived, announcing that the visitors would arrive around noon.

Suddenly Estel was nervous. What if Legolas had changed his mind? What if Legolas did not like him anymore? What if the rumours were true and Legolas liked Lindwen better than himself? He had spent so much time with her. All the joy that Estel had felt was suddenly replaced with insecurity.

The morning dragged on, but finally there was the clatter of hooves in the courtyard.

Hesitantly, Estel made his way out. There they were, six cloaked and hooded figures, looking travel worn and bedraggled. They stopped, and the first rider pushed his hood back. Legolas!

He looked exactly how Estel had remembered him. For a brief instant, their eyes met and held, a moment so short that no one else noticed the contact. Without any hesitation, Legolas slid of his horse, and approached Elrond. The greetings were formal and polite, until there was a small commotion in the background.

All the riders had pushes back their hoods, and Lindwen had spotted Calanthir. Without any regard to formality or decorum, the young maid jumped of her horse and ran towards the dark–haired Imladris warrior. Calanthir opened his arms, and when he held her, the expression of joy on their faces was so radiant that all spectators smiled.

Estel's eyes found Legolas' again. What would he have given to be able to show his affection so openly! Legolas saw the expression, and gave a very brief shake of his head. Their time would come, now was not the right time to greet each other in this way.

o-o-o-

The guests were shown to their rooms and arrangements for refreshments were made. All of the Lasgalen elves wanted to bath before doing anything else, the journey had been long and muddy.

As the king's son, Legolas was given one of the nicest guest rooms Imladris had to offer. It opened onto a balcony with a view of the river and the waterfalls beyond, and on one side it was framed by a mighty old beech tree whose branches reached over to provide shade and shelter. The first thing the young wood elf did was to open the shutters wide. For a long moment, he marvelled at the beauty of Imladris. He had heard of it, but had never been here before.

After a while he noticed that he still had not changed and bathed. He quickly stepped out of his travel stained clothes, and searched for his wash kit and a clean tunic and leggings. He decided that instead of having a wash in the small washroom adjacent to his bedroom, he would try to find the bath pool or bathing chamber. He found a light robe in the wardrobe and took a towel and his clean clothes, when there was a knock at the door.

Instinctively, he responded. "Enter"

It was Estel. The young man had quietly slipped aside after the initial greetings, hoping his father would not send him away on an errand to keep him away from Legolas. Either by design or good fortune, this had not happened, and Estel had escaped notice.

For a moment, young man and elf simply looked at each other. Then Estel took a step forward, and within moments they held each other, as close as possible.

And within those first few moments, both knew that nothing had changed between them.

o-o-o-

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