I return! Sorry for the AWFUL wait. And really, it's not because I have so much on I can't find the time to write, I just sort of got into a writers block kind of affair… Please bear with me! I will try and continue… I'm not sure where this will end. Any suggestions?

As always, I love everybody who finds the time to review! It's basically the reason I'm picking this up again! So, know they all do mean something! Thank you everyone!

Dear Pablo,

I'd just like to announce before Prongs gets his mixed up, untruthful story to you that the aforementioned twit is… a twit. And, if you see him, I'm not talking to him. And now I am going to lunch, at which I will sit away from any monkey-stealing scum.

Fuming Mad,

Padfoot

Dear Pablo,

Would like you to note that I am not: a) a twit, b) a monkey stealer or c) scum. Like I told Padfoot about one billion, billion times, McGonagall confiscated it. How you confiscate a monkey is the real mystery! NOT how did I steal the monkey!

Innocent (at least until proven guilty),

Prongs

Dear Pablo (my one, TRUE friend),

While we're on the topic of monkey stealers, let's talk about Prongs (my ex-bestfriend). How anybody could be so cruel hearted as to steal a sweet, innocent monkey is beyond me, but the aforementioned failure has shown his true colours and committed the crime. Why he expects me to believe that our kind Professor, McGonagall would do such a thing is really an outrage. And while we're speaking of outrages, let's go and report Prongs to the MCOSCHTS (Magical Creatures in Outrageous Situations that Could Harm Them Society).

On the case,

Padfoot

Dear Pablo (you wonderful old chap, who I love so much more than anybody else who might write in you)

If any smelly dogs happen to read this let them know that McGonagall long ago deemed monkeys not suitable pets for school when the last nutter attempted to keep one in his dormitory. Also let that stupid, lesser beast know that monkeys are not magical creatures so the MCOSCHTS would not be interested in them. Also let the hideous canine be warned that he can expect to buy me new socks as his pet monkey ruined all mine. And new quills. And new drapes. And new parchment. And a new hat. And new pajamas. And a new potions kit. And a new copy of 1000 Magical Herbs And Fungi. That will be all.

Angelic as Always,

Prongs

Dear Pablo,

Lies, my friend. All lies. Little Flea wouldn't have hurt a fly. Maybe a stag, but not a fly. And that was my little monkey's name. Flea. It was because he gave me fleas, and that is how our love grew. We both knew how aggravating fleas are. I would have kept him forever, but now he is lost in the deepest, darkest jungle of the deepest, darkest place ever. And I am not buying you anything, monkey-stealer.

In Mourning,

Padfoot

Dear Pablo,

Padfoot is still on about that bloody monkey. I made McGonagall confess to him she stole it, but he wouldn't believe her. Accused us of having a relationship and she was only covering up for her lover. I feel sick now. Luckily I already threw up all my dinner because some brainless fart charmed all my food to look like delicious chicken, and taste like delicious chicken, but it was actually monkey poo. Urrggg. And I ate quite a lot before said fart told me what it was. And by a lot I mean about a whole 'chicken'. Now I have nothing in my stomach to throw up on Padfoot when he reminds me of my 'lover. Speak of the devil, here he comes. He is telling me I can't use you because you like him more than me and therefore when we are fighting only he can use you. I feel like I need to take a breath after writing all that. Padfoot wants to use you. Moony is looking suspicious. Wormtail is scratching his nose. I think I'd prefer to take notes about the common room in you than give you up to the accusing liar. There is a VERY pretty redhead in the corner studying. She looks like she needs help. Maybe, just maybe, she needs a knight in shining armour. I can be a knight. All I need is the shining armour. Well, Padfoot can use you while I go rob one of the knights in that creepy hallway that no one ever uses. I am scared.

Severely Creeped Out (by many, many things),

Prongs

Dear Pablo,

Well, we've finally got rid of that snot-nosed idiot and we can continue with our deep discussions that I will treasure in my heart for the aeons of time that are still to come. If only some of my other friends could be more like you. I'm going to do a Prongs and observe Wormtail and Moony who are, at the moment, being very unconsoling. Moony is reading. Can you believe it? Reading. I am in pain and my best friend in the whole world (besides you of course, darling) is reading. And what's more, he's reading a book we're meant to be reading for Advanced Transfiguration. How many times have I tried to tell him, you DON'T NEED BOOKS TO GET GOOD MARKS. I can already guess the first line of the book. Something like: 'When contemplating a specialty as meticulous as the art of Transfiguration one must be fastidious in their readings in order to elude any potential predicaments.' It will then go on to list how the book will help one to study Transfiguration and the rest of it will be bullshit on the subject that even I could have come up with. I mean, seriously.He's studying about how to study. It's utterly ridiculous.Wormtail, who is meant to be the steady one of the group, never fighting or taking sides but always there to lend a helping hand is scratching… no wait, picking his nose. That's just gross Wormy. And I'm meant to be immature. They are both being boring. I hate boring things. Muh… Prongs has just walked up to Lily wearing a suit of armour. She is screaming very loudly and disturbing Moony. So, in the name of Moony I must stop Prongs. Too bad it'll stop any potential embarrassment.

Doing Good Deeds,

Padfoot.

Dear Pablo,

Don't worry! It's not another monologue from me! Padfoot has decided to talk to me!

I would say that you, Prongs, decided to talk to me, but let's leave that matter for Merlin to contemplate.

I agree with you there. So, are you 'forgiving' me for 'stealing' Flea?

Well, McGonagall actually convinced me that she took him by showing me a letter from some naturalist about how she was going to introduce him back into the wild –

And you've still been going off at me this whole time?

Well, I didn't want to give in to you. You know what happens when I do that!

No. What?

You get all stuck up and be mean.

Well, baby, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Yeh, sure. Anyway, Fleas is going to the wild. He'll probably get a monkey wife (hot, of course) and have monkey children and be all nice and monkeyish.

And so the story ends happily and we can all celebrate.

Let's have a remembrance party.

Yeh… and you can give me presents, which contain all my ruined items good as new (preferably actually new and not just transfigured rocks).

Damn. You caught me out. Well, fine. But you're coming with me to Hogsmeade.

Yay! Hogsmeade trip!

Let's invite the others and make it a party.

It can be the remembrance party!

I was thinking maybe more than four people should come to that. We'll get supplies though.

Ok… House party or school?

Umm, school? Everybody loves monkeys.

If you say so…

Well, I say we spread the word, set the date and then have fun!

Shoddy inviting 6th Year's!

Yet another excuse to talk to Lily?

You better believe it.

So, that is settled. Wow, now I am so excited. We need a monkey banner and a monkey cake and monkey drinks…

Monkey drinks? Can't we just draw a picture of a monkey on fire whiskey bottles?

I suppose. And think of some monkey drinks?

Look, Padfoot. We've been friends for ages, right?

Yep.

Then I think it's my duty to break it to you: Not everybody likes monkeys.

But… But, no…

But, yes, Padfoot. So, although I know and you know that it is a remembrance party, maybe we should keep it quiet, ok?

But we can tell Moony and Wormtail?

If we must. But other than that, it can be a secret, ok?

Well, if you say so. What do people have against monkeys anyway?

I dunno. Fleas?

But people like me and I have fleas.

But you only have them sometimes. I hope.

Yeh… If I were people I would feel sorrow for the monkeys. Not hatred.

If you were people then we'd all be pretty stuffed.

At least I'd be happy.

I'd be happy if we could go over there and make Moony stop reading and start having some fun.

I'd be happy if we could pull Wormtail's finger out of his nose.

I think everybody would be happy if that happened.

True. Let's do some more good deeds and save the world from the perils of Wormtail's personal hygiene.

It'll be hard. But necessary. Wand please.

With pleasure.

And now, Pablo, we must depart on our valiant quest.

Remember Fleas,

Padfoot and Prongs