Chapter 24

They buried Lindwen at dawn the next morning with a small, quiet ceremony. They also placed an unobtrusive stone marker on her grave. It was small, but any passing elf would know who had lost her life here.

o-o-o-

It was a very sad and bedraggled group of elves who arrived a week later in Lasgalen. Legolas did not answer the guards' questions, but immediately made his way to his father's room. He found the king in consultation with some of the more senior warriors.

"Legolas! You have returned!" The joy in the king's voice was unmistakable. But one look at his son stopped Thranduil. "What has happened?"

"Lindwen has … died." Thranduil was too shocked to react immediately. In a monotonous voice, carefully guarded, Legolas recounted the events of the journey.

All present listened in silence. Then Thranduil asked his companions to leave. The king was well aware of how close Lindwen and Legolas had been, and what a terrible blow this must be for his son.

In a rare gesture of affection, the king put his arm around his son's shoulders. "Legolas, there is little I can say to help. I know how close you were to her. I know I cannot help you with words." Legolas simply nodded, stiff with tension. He was trying hard not to break down in front of his father.

"Legolas? There is no shame in grieving for a loved one…" The king pulled his son into a close embrace. And suddenly Legolas found he could not hold on any longer. He cried and cried until he was physically and emotionally exhausted. Thranduil stayed with him, and held him until he finally dozed off at his father's shoulder, something that had not happened in a very long time.

o-o-o-

The next day, Legolas tackled the difficult duty of writing letters to Calanthir, Estel and Elrond, and of talking to Lindwen's parents. He decided not to tell them of the unborn child, it would have hurt them even more, and would have altered nothing.

After all of this was done, and Lindwen's death had been properly acknowledged and lamented, Legolas found himself at a loss of what to do. Somehow he felt listless and lacked energy. Everything seemed to be an effort, and every moment brought memories of Lindwen. He could not face taking up his normal routine, of weapons training and study. He also found that eating required an effort that he found increasingly difficult to make.

So he often did not eat, and spent much time simply sitting on his bed. He knew his father and others were concerned, but again, to do anything was more of an effort than he could motivate himself to do. Everything seemed to be so pointless without Lindwen. She had brought such a big change to Legolas' life; to have this taken away again seemed unbearable.

The months passed, the midwinter celebrations came and went. Legolas avoided participating as much as possible.

o-o-o-

One evening, Legolas was yet again sitting on his bed, simply staring at the blanket between his crossed legs, there was a knock on the door. "Enter"

It was Galadhir. The instructor stood in the doorway, awaiting some kind of acknowledgement, but Legolas simply sat there, doing nothing.

Galadhir had seen elves in this situation before. Grief was a serious danger for elves, it could cause an elf to fade and die. Drastic measures were called for. He did not want to lose this young one.

"Legolas, it is time that you stop grieving this much. I will be honest with you. You are fading, and if you continue like this, you will not see the summer. I have seen it before, more than once. Your father is very worried about you, and yes, before you ask, he has sent me."

There was no reaction from the young prince.

"Legolas. Look at me."

The young elf slowly lifted his head. "I know you miss Lindwen. I know she was a good friend to you, one of few which makes it even harder. And yet, you still have so much to live for. You are young; you have not yet seen much of this world. You have your father, and he needs you. I also believe you rather like young Estel from Rivendell, what about him? Have you even written to him?"

Legolas nodded. He had replied to Estel's messages, even though his responses had been much briefer than his previous letters.

Then Galadhir said something unexpected. "I have had a message from Estel. He knows that you consider me a friend as well as an instructor. He asked me if f I could help you. He also mentioned that you had promised to be with him for his birthday, but wrote that he did not expect to see you and did not want you to feel bound by a promise you may no longer wish to keep. Legolas, this young man cares for you, more probably than is good for him or you. But you owe it to him, and your father, not too fade. You are not alone, you have family and friends."

"Estel has written to you?" There was shock in Legolas' quiet voice.

"Yes, he is very concerned about you. He is not ignorant, he knows what elven grief can do, and he knows that you and Lindwen were close. This young man is quite special, Legolas, he is unusually perceptive for a mortal."

"Legolas, I have brought something with me which I need to show you." He opened a small bag he had brought with him, and took out a small mirror. He held it in front of Legolas' face.

"What do you see?"

Legolas' voice sounded dull. "Just me."

"How do you look like?"

"Like al …" At that moment, Legolas realised that he was about to speak an untruth. He did not look like always. Starring back at him from the mirror was a gaunt pale face with dark circles underneath the eyes and blotchy skin, framed by dull hair.

Legolas sighed. And suddenly, Galadhir's words sank in. He had promised Estel to return for his birthday, and this birthday was only two more months away. And currently Legolas did not feel at all fit enough for the long journey to Rivendell.

"I cannot go to Rivendell for Estel's birthday."

"Do you break your word so easily, Prince Legolas?" Galadhir sounded stern.

Legolas sighed. He sounded resigned. "I just cannot … face that path again."

"You can, and you will. I have already spoken to your father. He is not overly keen on the idea of you returning to Rivendell but I told him that this is the only way you will learn to live with the past. You need to face what happened, and learn to accept it, hard as it is. Do you really believe Lindwen would want you to fade for her?"

"You would come with me?" Surprise shone through the lifelessness of Legolas' eyes.

"Yes, I would. But only if you are fit to go. This means that you will have to eat, and train, and care for yourself and others again. There is enough time for you to recover – if you are willing to put in the effort. I will help you if you let me."

Legolas looked at Galadhir for a long while in silence. Then he nodded.

o-o-o-

In Rivendell, the months had passed quietly. Estel had been shocked and saddened by Lindwen's death, and had seen with even greater sadness how much it affected Calanthir. The young warrior was simply not himself any longer. Always lanky, he grew gaunt and thin, and his shiny dark brown hair became brittle and dull. He also seemed to have lost all energy.

Finally, after an evening meal, Estel asked his father if there was anything that could be done to help Calanthir. Elrond sighed. "Not much. He needs to find the will to live, to overcome and deal with the grief. Unless he can find that strength, or a reason to remain here, he will either fade himself or go the West. Many elves who cannot overcome the grief for a loved one will go to Valinor. It takes much effort to remain here."

"But you did .. after Celebrian left…"

Elrond was silent for a long time. "Yes, I did. But I had three children to raise, I did not want to rob them of the opportunity to remain here for some more time. Also, by that time, I had other duties here that I had to put first. But it was hard at times …" Elrond did not add that the death of Estel's own mother Gilraen had perhaps been an even harder blow for him.

After another long silence, Estel asked another question that had been on his mind for months. "Ada, Legolas' letters … are not the same as last year. It is almost as if … he has lost interest, not only in me but also in everything. He even appears to have stopped his archery training."

Elrond looked at Estel for a while. "I do not wish to hurt you, Estel, but may be he has lost interest …"

Estel shook his head. "I know you do not approve … but this would be totally out of character. Do you think he could be affected by grief as well? Lindwen was a good friend to him, is that enough for grief to be a serious problem for an elf?"

"It could be … if they were close friends." Elrond did not add that his wife Celebrian had been more friend than lover; their bonding had been a political alliance, no more. There had been no true love on either side, although there had been great friendship and respect.

"How can I help him?"

"You need to give him a reason to carry on, but across this distance this will be difficult."

"He promised me he would come for my birthday. I hope he still does."

"I would not raise my hopes too high … if he is grieving for Lindwen, he may well not keep his promise."

Estel was silent for another long moment. "Why do you dislike Legolas so much?"

Another pause. "Estel, it is not so much dislike as mistrust. I do not trust him; he is too much like his father. You know that there is much bad history between Thranduil and myself. Neither of us can afford further complications, and more importantly, I do not want to see you get hurt. Legolas is undoubtedly attractive, and I can see why someone young like you would fall for him. But is that enough? I had always hoped that my children would seek more in their partners."

"Father, I like Legolas as a person not just because of the way he looks!" Estel sounded hurt and indignant. Elrond did not look convinced, and sighed.

That evening, Estel sat down and wrote a long message to Galadhir, asking about Legolas. A couple of weeks later, he received a reply that confirmed his fears. Legolas had indeed been affected deeply by Lindwen's death. Galadhir hoped that Legolas would be able to find the will to continue with his own life. He also wrote that he would give any help possible to the young prince. Estel was relieved by this news, if he could not be there; at least there was someone who would look out for him. Not that he doubted that Thranduil would do so, but he was a king, with many other duties.

o-o-o-

At the midwinter celebrations, Calanthir announced that he would sail West. No one was surprised, although many were saddened. As early in the year as possible, the Imladris warrior said his farewells, and left for the havens. Estel and the twins accompanied him for a long stretch of the way, before he took his leave of them, and they returned to Rivendell.

o-o-o-

It was only a few days after their return that Estel received a long letter from Legolas. Legolas apologised for the brief letters of the last few months, but was also honest and told Estel how strongly he had been affected by Lindwen's death. But the prince also wrote that he had every intention of keeping his promise and returning to Rivendell in time for Estel's birthday.

Estel was overjoyed. Unable to contain the news, he went to his father's study, knowing fully well that Elrond would be far less enthusiastic than himself. And yet, he simply had to share this news!

Indeed, Elrond's response was indeed rather cool. "I told Legolas that he could return here if he wished to do so. I will abide by my promise, Estel, but I want you to think about the consequences of a relationship with Thranduil's son. Meanwhile, I will make sure that Legolas' visit will be properly acknowledged in the festivities. He is a prince, after all."

Estel felt rather let down by this response, but then had to ask himself what he had expected. It was not as if he had not known that Elrond did not approve. "Thank you father, "he said quietly, and left. The door closed silently behind him.

o-o-o-

Elrond looked after his foster son with a mixture of sadness and regret. Estel had changed much in the last two years. He had matured physically; all youthful lankiness and awkwardness had gone. He had grown into a fine looking young man, lean and muscular with a sensitive face. In other areas, Estel had matured as well. His youth was undeniable, and yet, he was much more serious and thoughtful than he had been a few years ago. Even though to Elrond, Estel would always remain a child, it was indeed time to grant him his majority. Mortals grew up too swiftly, their youth and innocence only lasted such precious short years. And this one had many difficult paths ahead of him.

o-o-o-

And so, the height of winter came and went. In Rivendell the snow thawed and gave way to the first tentative green. Plants and animals began to recover after the cold of the winter. Spring came, and soon Estel's birthday approached.

The celebrations for the day had been carefully planned. Several delegations of visitors were expected. There would be a festive mail, followed by speeches. For the first time, Estel would be asked to speak in public. This would be followed by music and dance.

Estel was waiting anxiously for Legolas' arrival. Much to his joy, the tone and quality of Legolas' letters had changed. They were longer again, with more detail, and indicated that the young prince had more or less taken up his normal life again. Lindwen was still mentioned often, but Legolas seemed to be coping better with her loss as time went by.

Finally, the big day arrived. Several delegations of humans and elves had already arrived, but there had been no word of a party from Lasgalen yet. Estel knew that Legolas only travelled with two others, Galadhir and Tirond, both of whom had volunteered to accompany the prince. Since they were both experienced warriors, Thranduil had felt the size of the group to be sufficient.

From early in the morning, Estel could hardly contain his excitement. To be recognised as an adult would be a long awaited event, and would open up new possibilities for him.

He was also still waiting for Legolas and his party. The young prince had repeatedly written that he would be there, but had not yet turned up. Estel was quite concerned, after the last disastrous trip between Lasgalen and Rivendell, anything could have happened. But the weather had been good for the last few weeks, with an early thaw, and there was hope that it had held in the mountains as well.

Fortunately, the preparations for the evening kept Estel busy, although he could not hide his restlessness. What if Legolas did not come? What if indeed something untoward had happened?

It was late in the afternoon, and Estel was in the middle of rehearsing his speech for the evening, when he heard the clatter of hooves in the courtyard. Abandoning his talk, the young man rushed downstairs and out. Legolas, Galadhir and Tirond had arrived. Estel only just stopped himself from rushing to Legolas, pulling him off his horse and holding him close. But there was no way he would allow himself to do this in front of his family. So he waited at the bottom of the stairs until the formal greetings were over, and had to be content with a long look at Legolas.

Much to his relief, the young prince did not look much different to when they had seen each other last. After having seen how Calanthir had been affected by his grief for Lindwen, and knowing that Legolas had not been well, Estel had half expected to see Legolas thin and ill-looking. But at least at first glance, Legolas looked much as he had done before. He appeared to have lost some weight, but his light hair was shiny and his skin glowed. There was a lingering sadness in Legolas' dark eyes, but he had evidently recovered from most of the physical effects of his grief. When he saw Estel, he smiled. At that moment, Estel knew that all was well.

o-o-o-

What followed, was a rush. The Mirkwood delegation had just arrived with sufficient time to spare to unpack and dress for the evening. Estel too had been drawn into various last minute preparations, not the least of which was getting himself dressed and ready. For the first time, he very much wanted to look his best, but what was his best? He had extensively discussed clothes with Elladan, and they had decided dark leggings, a grey tunic and a deep maroon robe would complement his colouring best. Elladan had also suggested to keep Estel's hairstyle simple, just tie back a few strands with a clasp to keep it out of his face. At first, Estel had objected, because his long wavy hair had a tendency to tangle and curl, rather than hang straight down his back. But Elladan had maintained the style suited him and framed his face.

Now, looking at himself in the mirror, Estel was astonished at what he saw. He had indeed changed – and was not so bad looking after all! There was a knock on the door. Elladan, ready to take him to the celebration. The older twin smiled. "You look well, little brother. Come now."

When they arrived, all the guests were seated. Immediately, Estel's gaze sought and found Legolas, who gave the smallest, almost imperceptible smile. The prince looked beautiful in a deep blue tunic with a forest green robe and leggings. And instantly, Estel felt the attraction towards Legolas that he had felt since their first meeting.

But he had no time to think about it. Elrond welcomed the guests, and then said a few words about his foster son. He spoke of his pride and joy of having raised such a special young man, and Estel was touched deeply by the affection evident in Elrond's speech. Then it was Estel's turn. After Elrond's talk, he found it surprisingly easy to say what he has planned to say – to show his appreciation and thanks for the care, love, and support he had received growing up in Rivendell. After that, he officially opened the festivities; the first time ever he had been asked to take on this role.

Many elves and humans came to congratulate, including Legolas. Their eyes met and held, and again Legolas smiled that small smile that made Estel's heart melt.

The evening wore on. The food was excellent, with many of Estel's favourite dishes. Elrond also put no restriction on wine, but only said that Estel was now old enough to find his own limits. Estel danced with a flurry of partners until he felt dizzy and light-headed from the mixture of food, wine and excitement. He and Legolas had only shared one dance, both very much aware of the reaction of their own and the other's body after such a long separation.

It was well into the early hours of the morning, when the party began to disperse. Estel decided that it was past time to find his bed. He had had rather more wine than he had ever had before, and was beginning to feel the effects of it. So he decided to lie down on his bed, just for a little while to rest.

He only took his light boots of, and stretched out on his bed. The world was bit blurry, and the bed did seemed to sway somewhat. But he forgot these odd feelings when, without a knock, the door opened. It was Legolas. He, too, looked flushed and, Estel had to admit, a little bit drunk. The prince closed the door behind him silently. "Estel!"

Within moment, young man and elf held each other in a tight, passionate embrace. All the pent-up desire and emotion of the last nine months broke through, and both had had sufficient wine not to feel awkward after the lengthy separation. Quickly, desire rose between them, and without either of them giving it any further thought, they undressed each other.

And then, for the first time, they made love. It was awkward, and painful, because neither of them had any experience, but it was also a magical moment of fulfilment and togetherness.

Afterwards, Estel held Legolas as close as he could. "I thought I would lose you to grief, Legolas. I have seen what it did to Calanthir …" Legolas smiled at the young face below his own. "It was the thought of you that kept me going. I love you, Estel, and I am no longer afraid to admit it." A gentle kiss sealed that statement.

"Legolas? Do you think we can make it work?"

At these words, Legolas laughed, a small musical sound. "We are trying already, Estel, have you not noticed? This coming summer will be our third together, and I hope we can spend some of it in each other's company."

o-o-o-

And Legolas' hope came true. He remained in Rivendell for some part of the spring, and later in the summer Estel travelled to Lasgalen with the twins.

o-o-o-

The End.

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