AN: Okay, the update delay was so not my fault. My stupid computer was acting all wierd on me. Aaaanyway, here we go once more! Thanx, reveiwers!
SD: Yay! You like my plot! ...hmm, how ironic to make a word choice that means volcabulary and be wrong...urg. Sworry!
whylime: I think i must have pressed ctrl + V while i was typing and copied yer name there. Opps! I would say sorry, but you seem happy, so...YES! IT WAS MY...um..PLAN! (I am Zim!)
persian85033: I know! How rude!
Rogue14: Hee hee, i do this just to torture you. And thanks for checking out my other story! That's so cool of you!
Toxic-Beetle: See, Rogue 14, SOMEONE likes my pacing! ; )
"Listlessness and silence denote the lover"- Latin Proverb
Chapter 9
"Rogue, stop acting like I'm made of china or something!" Kitty demanded, grabbing the book she wanted off the shelf.
"Ah was just gonna get that for-"
"I can get it myself, you know! I'm not dead yet!"
Kitty felt a small shock at her own words. She quickly turned her back to Rogue and walked to her bed.
Rogue, reeling as well from this outburst, backed out of the room, allowing Kitty her space.
Kitty tried to begin reading, but her words were just echoing in her head.
'I'm not dead…yet.'
Would she, in fact, die? It was a question she didn't want to think about. She had already spent to much time crying. And especially after the Professor had talked to her more about how invasive the tumor was…
Never mind that everyone in the mansion was treating her like an invalid. She just didn't know what to think. She knew, of course, that if she really wanted to, the professor would let her go back to school, but she just wasn't ready to face it yet. To hear the kids talking about what they would be doing after graduation, and wondering if she-
Suddenly, she felt a twinge of- of what? Pain? Anxiousness? Indifference? Jealousy? For everyone else, this was a time for new beginnings. But not for her.
'Lance. What is he going to do now?' She allowed her self to think of him for a change. 'Will he start working? Stealing? Will he even graduate?'
She remembered the long study hours together, where she had seen him labor over his work. He had wanted to graduate, if not top of his class. And as she had watched him bent over his work, she felt she had gotten to know him so much better. This was the real Lance. The Lance that finished what he started. The Lance that tried hard to please, despite his hardened shell. The Lance that believed in himself.
That believed in her.
Did he still?
She barely heard Rogue leave the room as she thought about the last time they had spoken…if you could call it that. She shuddered at the vicious words he had flung at her. She set her jaw, conforming to the unwavering anger that he had proved in her.
She looked over at the picture of her parents, willing herself to stop thinking about him. Her parents…they were inconsolable. Telling them was the worst thing she could imagine. At least the Professor had talked them into allowing her to stay at the mansion, at least for a little while. It was true, he had more access to medical options. Not that there were any for her, it seemed.
'If I die' she thought, numbly, 'What would everyone say at my funeral?' She pictured in her mind the dismal scene: her friends and her parents, bent over the coffin, lamenting the loss that had come far too soon. She mentally scanned the crowd.
'Aunt Mary…she would cry for a long time. I wonder if she would if she knew I was a mutant. Would Rogue cry? Scott? I think Kurt would. Poor guy. Jean would probably be consoling everyone. And the Professor? What would he do? Would he cry? And Storm. I bet she would be crying. And L-'
She stopped herself. She pictured him now, his brown hair dipping low over his eyes as he did nothing to hide…his tears? Would he even cry?
She watched him, in her imagination. How he would try to be tough, and fail. How no one else would ever believe in him in the way she had. Would he finally transform completely into the thug everyone thought they saw in him? Without her, would there ever be anyone he could hold close?
Did he want to hold her close?
The more she allowed herself to think about him, the more she realized how much she had missed him. His eyes, his smile…and just…him. Being near him, feeling needed. Wanting to help him guide him, help him see what he could be. Feeling like the day was passing in a haze…until she got to talk to him. Or even see him.
She thought again about the day that had changed everything between them. She heard herself now, in her memory, reliving the words she, too, had hurled at him. She had chosen her words carefully, using them to hit where he was weak. She knew his doubts and fears…and she had used them against him. 'I can't keep blaming him for the argument.' She thought to herself. 'I was just as cruel.'
She began to cry now.
'What kind of person am I? How could I have said all those things? Just because he said something stupid didn't mean I had to attack him!'
She wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve and jumped up with determination.
'I have to make it right again!…I may not have much time left.'
