Chapter 54: Truth, Lies, Tears, and Laughter part 2
"Welcome home then, Kurt, welcome home."
Christian pulled the van he shared with Margali and Amanda away from the area designated for the circus' living quarters and back to the front gate. He'd lived with the Szardos family even since he'd abandoned his and James' "Wenig Amerika" trailer so that Brin could have a space to live. It was supposed to be temporary, but he liked the Szardos'.
A sliding door divided the sleeping spaces so that Margali and Amanda were off in their own rooms in the back. He and Kurt shared the much smaller bunks off of the main living area. Christian slept in the bottom bunk that was supposed to be Stephani's though as far as he knew, Stephani had never actually slept in it. Kurt had the top bunk, which he had personalized with a weird blend of old Circus Gehlhaar posters and religious ephemera. He'd also removed the ladder since he didn't need it and the hallway was a lot larger without it. Each night Christian fell asleep to the sound of Kurt murmuring his prayers at the foot of the bed. Sometimes he went on for so long that Christian didn't even hear him vault into the bunk above.
Most of the time the arrangement worked well. And when things didn't work out Christian just imagined he was living in the zaniest most off the wall sitcom plot imaginable. "See what happens when a California surfer joins up with old style European traveling circus and lives with two gypsies and a guy who looks like the devil". Sometimes he could almost hear the laugh track. You couldn't pay people to make stuff up as good as what they came up with on a daily basis. The truth was, Christian didn't want to move out. Life was too fun.
Amanda was waiting just inside the door of the office and as Christian pulled up she stepped back into the office interior. A moment later Wolfgang emerged carrying Kurt, who was so bundled up in that coat he always wore whenever he left the circus that he was hardly recognizable. Christian opened the side door and looked around. He almost wanted them to be caught, wanted someone to see what Wolfgang was doing. But the rest of the circus was parked on the other side of the fairgrounds, already engaged in the routine of making themselves at home, and he could hear the sound of their semi trucks being unloaded as the roustabouts lost no time setting up the big tent. No one knew about this little drama as it was being played out, as far as the rest of the circus was concerned this was just another stop on the tour without Kurt. Wolfgang was going to get away with this just like he got away with everything else he did.
The four of them got on and Wolfgang dropped Kurt on Christian's bottom bunk. Kurt moaned and shifted, but didn't wake. Christian got up from behind the driver's seat to watch.
"I can't believe you didn't tell us about this Wolfgang," he reiterated as Margali unwrapped Kurt's coat from his face and shoulders.
"That was his decision Christian, it can't be undone now," Maria said.
"What happened to him anyway?" Christian asked.
"No idea," Wolfgang said. "Margali?"
Margali looked up. "I'll need some warm water and a cloth Amanda," she said. "I can't read anything with this much dried blood." She ran a finger along Kurt's cheek, trying to trace one of the lines that had been carved there.
"You said that those cuts didn't mean anything," Wolfgang said.
Margali shook her head, squinting at Kurt's hand and arm.
"I could be wrong," she said. "I need to see better to be sure."
"I'll pull around to the living quarters," Christian offered. "There's a wash building with hot and cold water. You guys coming?" he asked turning towards Wolfgang and Maria.
"I better stay here for a little while and smooth things over with the management. They seemed a little confused by all this." Wolfgang said.
"I'll stay behind with Wolfgang," said Maria.
"Okay Dokey," Christian said with mock casualness as he dropped into the driver's seat once again.
"Please don't tell anyone," Wolfgang warned him, "not yet at least."
"Hey, I'm not telling anyone. I'm just pulling around to our parking space so Margali can 'read' Kurt better is all. If that's okay with you." Christian said, the irony all too evident in his voice.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"All right, we'll be back in a little while and then you can let us know if you need anything," said Wolfgang. Christian nodded and watched then jump out before pulling the van around the back.
He sat with Kurt and Amanda while Margali prepared the water.
"You guys were all pissed at Kurt before, when he left with Father Dietrich" he said, watching Amanda pushing Kurt's unruly curls out of his eyes as he slept. "You wouldn't even talk to him. Why the big change?"
"I know. Mom says we might have made a mistake," she said. "That's what she's trying to figure out."
"What kind of mistake?" Christian asked. He didn't like mysteries.
Amanda sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "It's really complicated. I don't even think I could even explain it to you. Let's just say mom thought Kurt tried to hurt her, maybe even kill her."
Christian tried to suppress a snort of laughter. "Kurt? Are you kidding?"
"He had a very good reason at the time. And then what mom did…" Amanda stopped playing with Kurt's hair and cupped her chin in her hands, thinking. "I was angry at both of them I guess. I told you, it's complicated. It was a bad few days"
"I guess…" said Christian. He turned back to see what was taking Margali so long just as she came into view carrying a large bowl of steaming water with both hands. There were a few thin towels draped over one arm. "Ugg. That stinks," he said as she set it down on the floor.
"I put some herbs in it," Margali said as she soaked one of the towels in the water. "They have… antiseptic properties."
Christian made a face. "What about rubbing alcohol and bactine and stuff? You're going to get that smelly herbal stuff all over my bed."
Amanda gave him a look of silent disapproval and was quickly joined by Margali.
"What?" Christian said, looking wounded.
"If you're going to stay, then be quiet," Margali said. "I'm working."
"I get it. Recipes from the old country and everything. Fine. I'll be quiet." Christian rolled his eyes and moved toward the front of the trailer where he picked up a book and feigned disinterest. Maybe he would have to move soon after all. Sven and Nils had some room, if you liked swarthy Swedish acrobat types. Or Feuer Langerhan had his own trailer; he wouldn't even need heat during the winter. Christian sighed and peeking over the top of his book watched Margali lay her hand on Kurt's forehead.
"He was looking for us, but at the same time he's afraid to come back. He knows the depth of our misunderstanding," Margali said. "He was totally unaware of what he'd done and now that he knows, desperately wants to repair things. He was trying to explain it himself before he collapsed."
"Is that what all these symbols are for? I don't recognize them," Amanda said.
Margali shook her head. "No, I don't think so. And I have seen them before. My mother and sister used them, but never like this." She sighed and picked the towel out of the bowl, wringing it out with both hands.
"They go all over his chest too," Amanda said, lifting up Kurt's blood stained shirt and looking under it.
"They do?" Margali dropped the towel back in the bowl and frowned. "All this has to come off then."
"Did Kurt do all this?" Amanda asked.
Margali shook her head. "I don't see how. Kurt's never had any instruction in the use of this or any other magical alphabet. And the symmetry and dexterity," She glanced at Kurt's hands. He'd adapted remarkably well to a world full of tools for five fingered hands, but there was still a noticeable difference in his work. "I don't think he would have been capable."
Margali looked up at Christian who had given up his ruse of pretending to read ever since it looked like she could read Kurt's mind. "It looks like we need your help after all," she said.
"Déjà vu." Christian said as he got up to join them.
"Huh?" Amanda asked.
"You weren't there, but in Brighton, after Wolfgang found him," he said, as he raised Kurt's hands above his head so Amanda could slide his shirt off, "I helped pull Kurt's clothes off then too."
"That's right, mom was … sick," Amanda said. She didn't like thinking about that weekend at all, so many bad memories all at once. She gave Christian a sad half smile. "Thanks for helping out."
Christian shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal," he said. He pulled one of the thin blankets down from Kurt's bunk so he could have some modesty. "Wow, I know the whole modern primitive body scarification thing is in now, but that's pretty extreme huh?"
"Maybe, maybe not," Margali said. "It really depends." She reached down for the towel again to wring it out.
Christian sat back down in his chair with his book. "Depends on what?" he asked.
"On what they mean," Amanda said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Christian was about to ask what they were talking about, but Margali had started working on washing the dried blood off of Kurt's skin and a moment later he jerked awake.
"Hurting me," he said groggily, sounding as though he had been caught in the middle of a sentence.
"I'm sorry," Margali said, "there's infusion of nettles in there, it stings." She leaned down to soak the towel and wring it out again, the clear water becoming murky and dark.
Kurt rubbed his eyes and stretched, still waking up. Margali had most of his face clean and they could see a symmetrical pattern of angular swirls had been carefully cut into his skin, deep enough to leave a permanent scar but not so deep as to be disfiguring to the delicate muscle beneath. It was the perfect symmetry that had Margali's attention though.
Working more quickly, Margali held Kurt's arm over the bowl and squeezed water over it so that the dried blood ran down his arm and hand and back into the bowl. Kurt flinched and tried to move away.
"You're all right. It's just water," Amanda said, climbing into the bed to sit with him. Margali handed her a fresh towel so she could work on his other arm. "No one's going to hurt you," she said when Kurt continued to try to pull away.
There was a spark of recognition in Kurt's eyes and he stopped struggling. "Amanda?"
"Yeah, we're just trying to get you cleaned up. What happened to you?" Amanda asked.
But Kurt wasn't listening. He sat up quickly, backing quickly away from Margali and Amanda.
"Relax Kurt, we're not trying to hurt you," Margali said. She reached out for Kurt's arm, but he vaulted over the two of them in a flurry of movement. Christian jumped up to block his way, fairly certain that after two weeks of carefully lying to the entire circus about Kurt's whereabouts, Wolfgang's planned homecoming for Kurt didn't involve him running out of his trailer naked and spattered with blood.
Christian went to grab Kurt by the wrists and only had time to catch a glimpse of the expression in Kurt's eyes to know that for some reason he was truly panicked. There was a bang and an explosion of air and for a moment Christian thought that somehow Kurt had exploded. He had only seen Kurt teleport once or twice and never up close. Except that Kurt hadn't gone anywhere. Kurt seemed to realize this fact and that he wasn't wearing anything at the same time and his look of panic shifted almost comically to one of horror.
"Here," Amanda said, quickly pulling Kurt's blanket off the bed. She draped it around his shoulders as he sank to the floor though whether it was out of weariness, frustration with his inability to teleport, embarrassment, or a combination of the three, Christian couldn't tell.
"Why couldn't I teleport?" Kurt asked. H e reached up with a shaking hand to wipe a small trickle of blood from his nose.
"Maybe you're just tired," Margali said. "Now please, stop trying to run away. I'm not angry. I'm not going to try to hurt you."
"You're not?" Kurt said sounding relieved and turning around.
"No." Margali laughed. "Now, are you going to tell me what happened to you or am I going to have to just sit here guessing?" She held out a hand and Kurt accepted it in silence, climbing shakily to his feet and returning to the edge of Christian's bunk. But instead of talking he allowed Margali to work in silence, wincing every so often as Margali cleaned the last of the dried blood from his fur.
When she was done Margali handed the bowl to Amanda. "Be careful," she said. Amanda took the bowl and motioned Christian to follow her. He looked back at Margali and Kurt and then at Amanda as though to say he preferred to stay.
"Let's go," Amanda said in a tone that brooked no arguments.
With a frustrated sigh Christian heaved himself out of his chair once again and followed her.
"What are you doing?" he said when they got outside, "Kurt was going tell us what happened."
Amanda shook her head. "No, he was going tell mom what happened. Here." She handed the bowl to Christian and started opening one of the trailer's outer compartments. "Don't you remember when I told you, there are only three people Kurt talks to, Father Dietrich, Wolfgang, and my Mom?"
"Yeah, I do remember that," Christian said. "When Brin first came."
"So, he left Father Dietrich's, Wolfgang struck out for some reason, that leaves my mom. He wouldn't have said a word with us in there." Amanda said.
Christian started to dump the water out onto the ground.
"No!" Amanda caught his hand and tipped the bowl back up. "What are you doing? You can't dump that out there."
Christian looked started. "What's wrong, it's just water."
"No, it's got Kurt's blood in it too. You can't just dump it in the dirt like that," Amanda said. She pulled a bucket out of the compartment and shut it. "Dump it out where there plants and stuff. The roots will suck it up."
"Why? Is Kurt's blood like, good fertilizer or something?"
"Something like that," Amanda said.
Christian shrugged. "What's the bucket for?"
"I'm going to wash Kurt's hair. It's gross," Amanda said.
Christian dumped the bowl out over thick patch of tall grass and bushes growing at the edges of their campsite. He jogged back to the wash building where Amanda was standing. "There you go," he said holding out the empty bowl to her, "I'm sure those plants will be a foot taller and blue by tomorrow morning."
Amanda made a face and turned the hot water spigot, waiting for the water to get warm.
"I still don't get it," Christian said.
"Don't get what?" Amanda asked.
"The big change of heart. I mean, you wouldn't even look at Kurt back in England and now you want to wash his hair. I don't get it." Christian leaned back against the wall. He stared off into space for a few moments thinking about it. He'd tried to make jokes and be light hearted while it was happening, but they were some of the darkest times in his life. "Kurt kept asking where you guys were," he said, "And the first couple of days after it happened, when he was totally out of it, he would wake up at like six every night all freaked out thinking he had to get ready to perform. It was weird. He was like a clock."
Amanda sighed, staring at the water rushing into the bucket. "I know. I said I was sorry."
"I don't care about that. It would have been nice if you were there for him, but whatever." Christian tapped his hands on the wall nervously. "But there has to be some reason why you guys changed your minds."
"It's because of mom," Amanda said after a long silence. "She had this dream a few nights ago where her sister came to her and said 'the gate is closed, the way is open, and your angel will have scars'."
Christian waited for her to finish but when Amanda said nothing else he spoke. "That's it? That was her dream?"
"That was it," Amanda said, picking up the bucket and leaning back against its weight.
"Oh, well it's perfectly clear to me now," he said with a sarcastic laugh. "Honestly, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Amanda shrugged. "I don't really know exactly. I think mom's hoping that maybe Kurt can tell us. I think she thinks it means she was wrong. Coming?"
"I don't know. Is the secret society through meeting yet?" Christian asked.
Amanda narrowed her eyes. "What's the matter with you?" She asked. "Why are you being so difficult about this?" She was used to Christian being so easygoing. She'd never heard him sound so cynical before.
"Sorry, I guess I don't really believe in this kind of stuff," he said. "It just seems like a lot of needless suffering for Kurt in the end."
"I don't believe in it either really," Amanda admitted, "but I know my mother, and she knows about some pretty amazing stuff. She says to never discount a dream."
"Even if it's contradictory statements about scared angels?"
"Scarred angels, but yeah." Amanda said with a shrug. "Anyway, coming?"
"Yeah," Christian said. He held the door open for her so she could carry the bucket of hot water up the steps.
The scene was pretty much how they had left it except that now Kurt was dressed in a clean shirt and shorts and he had his face buried in Margali's shoulder. She had put her arms around him. Obviously they'd walked in on Kurt's explanation still in progress, the very end at least.
"Oh," Amanda stopped, Christian bumping her from behind.
"It's okay," Margali said. She pushed a lock of her hair aside and craned her neck around so she could look Kurt in the eye. "Right?" She asked.
Still sniffling Kurt nodded and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just missed you," he said.
"We missed you too," Amanda said, putting the bucket down and sitting down at her mother's back so she could look Kurt in the eye.
"But what about before?" Kurt asked. "What about what happened before?"
"What did I just say about that?" Margali asked him.
"That it doesn't matter, that you made a mistake, and that if I can forgive you…" Kurt stopped to wipe his nose again and Christian found his comedy side, the one he couldn't quite control, wondering if this wasn't the "very special episode" of his sitcom, the one in which the funniest and usually least accessible character shows that he's human after all. Except that with Kurt there had never been any doubt.
"That if I can forgive you," Kurt said, beginning again, "we can be a family again."
"That's right," Margali said.
"Of course I forgive you," Kurt said, reaching up to wipe fresh tears from his eyes. "All I wanted to do was come home."
Amanda took Kurt's hand in hers. "Welcome home then, Kurt," she said and using her index finger to tilt Kurt's head up, she planted a kiss on his forehead, "Welcome home."
Author's Note: The title "Truth, Lies, Tears, and Laughter" is a line paraphrased from the lyrics of Cirque du Soleil's "Quidam".
