Disclaimer: This fanfiction is based upon Shadow Hearts and Shadow Hearts: Covenant. The plot, though, mostly belongs to me, as do the original characters that appear. I do not want this story copied/reproduced/reposted anywhere without my permission.

You don't want to find your story somewhere else, too.Statement: Yes I do know very well that some stuff I might probably use in here is not existing in the upcoming 20th century but who cares! Let me have my fun for hell's sake!

Note:

Well it is pretty hard for me to write a fanfic about a guy who seems to change his name as often as others their underwear (hyperbole) ° Explanation? Maybe it's just this way because the German translators messed up something but:

-Shadow Hearts Part one: We're looking into the library (NPC) and find Sergeant SEIJI Kato...

-Shadow Hearts Part one: Sidequest: Kawashima's death- After he confesses his love (actually a woooooonderfull scene... beside of her death maybe and the fact that he's banging his head against a wall... what turns out to be cute somehow... ° back to topic) well... Kato: (salutes) "Lt. Colonel, I… I love you! I would follow you down whatever path you decide to take in life! I, MASARU Kato, will not leave anything to regret!"...and finally:

-Shadow Hearts: Covenant- When we meet him in South Hampton Inn: "Special agent MASAJI Kato. Japanese imperial navy." And of course this –all the time- "MASTER" but that doesn't count for real...

So let's see what we have... Seiji, Masaru, Masaji... perhaps the second was just a programming mistake and then they decided… "Hey let's make a blend of one and two: Sei- ji & Masa –ru Masa-ji…" But hey those are just my thoughts about it… And actually my Japanese goes not much far... °°° So Masaru is probably not a name but somewhat else…

Well up to here I actually just wanted to explain why I made him have two forenames… Seiji, the normal one he is called by all the people surrounding him and Masaji (second forename)… the name he only allows his good friends to call him, starting that habit when Yoshiko kept on calling him Masaji and flouted with -?-. Hey do you think I'll spoiler my own story?

o°°o:oOo:o°°o

"Good Morning, honey. Breakfast's ready."

"Darling, just five minutes... You know I had a night shift..." The man draws the blanket over his head.

"But then I can't show you the big surprise!" The young bright brunette snuggles up to her husband.

"I'd prefer sleeping..." She pokes him in the back and he turns round to her.

"Oh you little...!" He grasps her, kissing her on the forehead. She giggles and falls upon him.

"Daaaaddy! The coffee's getting cold... huh? What are you doing?" A little black haired boy not older than five dashes into the bedroom and finally jumps onto his father's belly.

"Ow... err... pillow fighting?... Now let's have breakfast!" The three of them get up; the boy is dragging on his father's pj trousers.

"Hey didn't mommy wanted to show you something?" The tall man nods and looks to his pretty wife. She fetches a white tube out of her pocket.

"It's pink!" He regards her, then the tube and back to her.

"And that means?" She embraces him wildly and whispers into his ear.

"In the instructions it says pink means JACKPOT!" He glances at her, a smile comes onto his lips.

"Hey! What are you talking 'bout? I wanna know!" The parents look down to their nosy son, the black haired man lifts his wife from the ground and turns around with her in his arms.

"You're going to have a little brother or sis---ah... Whew honey let me down, I'm getting woozy..." He sets her down carefully and skims over her soft hair.

"You're the best thing that could've happen to me... I love you Yoshiko!"... and then...

"AAAHhh!" He sits upright in the darkness, still trembling and breathing irregularly. He's back in the grey, desperate reality, like always. In his muggy apartment, alone in his bed, with tears in his eyes... He sighs. He hates that dream. Haunting him, with the undeniable fact that he missed the chance to make it real.

Do you know the moment when you feel that your life will not improve and especially not get happy again...

Do you know the moment when so many people take the razor blade, the cord, the pills or the gun and put an end to it...

Do you know the moment when the whole world seems to be a murky pit of gloom and all you want to do is scream, scream until your lungs shred and your heart explodes within your chest and your mind caves in...

He has that moment, right now... like always... He's not terminating it; he's not screaming... he's getting up and under the icy shower, like always. A sip of coffee, a whiff of a cigarette and he's going to work, like always... He's trying to not really live, living means pondering and this irrevocable walks along with remembering... and he can't bear the pain. But sometimes, when his body surrenders to the exhaustion because he hasn't slept for days he can't delay the memories to break through.

°oOo°

"Twenty more!"

"Oh please, no!"

"C'mon don't be such a sissy!"

"I'm shattered! Please let me stop Ma'am!"

"Now listen closely! You little geologist maybe you're a bit older than me! But if you want to be a good navy soldier, you have to sweat: blood, tears and water!"

"... '..." The kneeling woman stands up now, her ground shakes... and the young man, she sat on while he had to do press-ups, collapses under her.

"Whoa!... Could... could you please... get of from me...?" The bright brunette shrugs and steps down from the naked back.

"Thanks... argh... that was heavy..." He sits up rubbing his arms. She crosses hers in front of her chest.

"Do you want to express with this that I am overweight!" Although she sounds angry her eyes say something else. He fascinated stares onto his shoes and blushing stammers.

"Nah... that's not what... err... I just... I...GOSH! Umm... you're a gorgeous woman!" She laughs, happy and friendly.

"Ingratiating, huh? Makes 50 laps around the court!" He coughs unbelieving but resigns complaining and starts running. While she shouts at him.

"And hey! Get that black hair strands, dangling around before your face combed back! Or I'll have to cut them off, Masaji!" He just groans quietly.

"Yes, Yoshiko!" Half a second later he feels a stone crashing into his back.

"What did you say!" She's fooling around with him and strangely enough... he enjoys it. Both does not happen very often.

"Yes, Sir, Lieutenant Colonel Kawashima- Sama!" He grins and she laughs again, with that wonderful genial voice that sends shivers of warmth down his spine.

oO°Oo

"Major Oikawa, where is..."

"Oh Colonel Fukushima... He's in the gym. You meant Sergeant..."

"Yes, I have to talk to him... The gym? Again? He's there very often." The two men make their way to the large building.

"So Kenji, what do you think... why is he doing this?" Obviously the men have to be good friends, neglecting the formality.

"Dunno... Maybe he tries to attract even more women than yet anyhow. I mean, I have problems with finding even one and he shoves the twenty letters lying down on his desk every week, directly into the wastepaper basket." The man unbelieving raises his hands to the sky as if he wanted to accuse God's unfairness.

"Don't be stupid, you know he misses that woman, that's why! But I still don't understand him. He comes to work and immediately afterwards comes here." They stand before a pane of glass now, looking into a room with lots of men inside, most of them training kick-boxing, martial arts, kendo and so on.

"You know Takashi, that woman... what was her name? Well, you know, she really pushed him in the first year." They walk around a corner to look inside another part of the room.

"Right... I saw them several times on the court. Couldn't believe it when I was told she was sitting upon him when he made press-ups... until I saw it with my own eyes." Here rather less men train, three are sitting on a bank, talking, one using the expander.

"If you think that's strange... wait what I can tell you! Ten month after you allocated him to her unit, she came to me and asked me a favour. Well you know me! Of course I said yes, thinking of spoiled stuff! So the next day after work, she took me to the court... Well I was a bit disenchanted, seeing him waiting there for us. Actually he seemed not to know what would happen and looked at me really surprised." The two men walk some steps further to a little wooden bank and sit down, still watching the training.

"And? Go on! What did happen?" Major Oikawa scratches the back of his head and continues.

"She instructed him to lay down, so he did after unclothing his shirt... and then she told me to step upon his back. Of course I was a bit amazed, even more about the fact, that I actually did it!" He shakes his head in disbelieve.

"And she? What did she do?" The Colonel is slowly getting curious.

"You won't believe me... she stepped upon him, too. And then she just said: The same procedure as every day! And told me I should try to stand still. He mentioned somewhat of that he wouldn't think he could do it with two. Actually he quaked but he got us up like a mule." Again he shakes his head, that woman had her own mind!

"This is unbelieving! What a strength!" But Oikawa warns of, he has not yet finished.

"Well I haven't told you the best thing... He made ten press-ups with us upon his naked back and then she said to him: Now let's have a trial on what we've practised yesterday! So he gulped and started complaining. He growled at her that it would be inhuman and she would be an evil slave-driver... So I really don't understand why he regardless did it, then. I mean he slightly leaned aside and carefully laid one arm onto his back! She made him clasp her ankle for hold... and then... I mean he really started press-ups with two people on his back and only one arm to prop!" The men stare at a black haired guy in a rather solitary corner of this training room, Oikawa wants to add something.

"Well actually he really had some problems with lifting us there and I thought: O my God! He'll crack in with the next breath. And she just said: You're doing fairly well. And then I felt that something was pulling through his body, like an enormous tug... Call me superstitious, but I think there was some sort of sorcery... And you know what? After that he made 50 easily! I don't get it!" They still regard the man lying on a bank and heaving a barbell with weights at each side, that are almost twice the size of his chest.

"Oh that was before he didn't came to work for two days, right? Now it's clear to me why she didn't wanted me to bounce him for absence!... Ahem... if you consider this... perhaps he's wearing himself down because he unaware associates it with her... But actually that would be weird, don't you think Major?" Oikawa nods and noticed that the man seems to take a break from his training. They go in to him.

"Sergeant, I have to speak with you!" The man looks at the Colonel and skims back his sweaty black hair.

"I'm training Colonel Fukushima... and after that I want to take a nice, warm bath. Sorry, no free place in my schedule!" He knows perfectly well why Fukushima wants to see him... and he was dodging successfully since several weeks.

"Well, either I'll encounter you tomorrow fifteen hundred in my office... or I'll have to dismiss you from service! Do you understand?" Somehow it upsets the Colonel that this man seems to have lost all respect for his superiors. But the tall, black haired man looks down and nods submissive.

"Well, I'm hopeful to see you!" The Major and the Colonel leave, while the man sits down and sighs pensive.

Maybe he can just walk into that office and say: Thank you, but NO thank you! I don't want to...

And an insidious little voice inside his head whispers: Ohhff co-ourse! With a most unutterable sarcastic intonation...

o-

It's half past two p.m. and Colonel Fukushima opens the door to his office.

"Oh! How long did you wait?" The young black haired man standing in front of the Colonel's desk is not answering.

"Well... Why don't you sit down?" The black haired stands on while the Colonel relaxes in his armchair.

"I'd prefer standing, if you don't mind!" His tune is rather aloof, with a faked smile on his lips.

"As you wish... Well, I assume you know why you are here!" The young man shakes his head but the sudden and nervous blink says something else.

"I'm sorry, Sir. But I do not know that." The Colonel raises an eyebrow than shoves a black casket from his side of the desk nearer to the man.

"Sergeant Seiji M. Kato. This is the reason why I ordered you here!" Although the Sergeant is sure about the casket's content he opens it. Arranged on black satin is a golden navy ribbon, a distinctive symbol of honour.

"No." Emotionless he closes the casket and puts it back on the desk in front of the Colonel.

"What do you mean... No? This is not your decision!" Fukushima gets up from his chair, though he is still somewhat smaller than the other man.

"I mean… I will not take a position Lt. Colonel Kawashima had to die for!" He decides to go straight to the point but changes to a rather curse less expression than he actually had in mind.

"I thought I had warned you about voicing that name again! Beside… She did not even remember you when you where ordered into her division again! As I said this is not your decision. It is a direct order from Minister Ishimura!" The Sergeant listens up there is some sort of dark storm cloud rising up behind his eyes.

"Minister Kantaro Ishimura? Why is he interested in a little geologist merely thus far from court martial?" He gestures the gap with his hands and suspicion builds up inside him.

"I'm not quite sure about this, the Minister is not exposing his intentions. Probably because of your knowledge of the forbidden magic that these adepts used in Shanghai." A smile shortly flashes over Sergeant Kato's lips.

He remembers his research for that very well... Ignoring his order to return to Tokyo, so he could remain in the destroyed Shanghai... All he did was hanging around her all the time, running errands. Well, that was what she said actually...

"Fine if there's no other way, I think I'll have to elucidate something... You do remember that the Minister's Investigation Committee was after both of you?" The black haired nods silent, he had suspected Ishimura to be blameable for this, all along.

"To say the truth... the only reason they didn't blow up your brain, too, was that it had been the Ministers strict order. Kawashima was of no use for him anymore and if you disobey you will be that neither!" Kato isn't surprised by this news, for real but slowly there raises a black little desire up inside his soul, the desire for... retribution... He had stifled it for a long time now, but this could be his chance...

"...I see... Considering this..." He's still doubtful, but his yearning for revenge overthrows his fears. He takes the black casket and salutes already having his own goals in mind.

"I knew you would find to common sense, Sergeant... Or should I say Lt. Colonel Kato?" Major Fukushima smiles pleasing and offers his hand to the young man opposite of him. He accepts the gesture and returns a faked smile once more.

o-

In two days he has to leave the HQ in Shanghai for meeting Minister Ishimura at the capital. He's not looking forward to it but as there's no alternative for him, he's getting his stuff together. He will not take much with him... too many memories to deal with.

Coming to the last drawer of his closet he sighs... There it is. He nearly had forgotten it or rather substituted it... Actually he was supposed to either burn or return it, he did neither in keeping it hidden in the rearmost corner of his apartment...

His old uniform... the one he wore the day when...

Carefully he carries it out of the closet and lays it onto the bed. He takes a deep breath and unfolds the khaki shirt. It's still there meanwhile encrusted to light black spots. The blood she coughed out, dying in his arms.

He always felt some sort of twisted storing this rather grievous memento...

The headquarter of the Japanese Army in Shanghai

They were in the room upstairs...

"Kato." She said not really looking at him.

"Yes?"

"You puzzle me. Ignoring your order to return to Tokyo, so you can remain in this type of place…" He couldn't look into her eyes neither.

"N, no… I am interested in the forbidden magic that the adept, Dehuai, freed… I've been doing some research…" How he wished that moment she would not notice him blushing slightly.

"Research? All you do is hang around me all the time, running errands." He bit onto his tongue, did he really suggested her to be so naive?

"N-no, I just…uh…" He felt sweat drops appearing on his forehead.

"Hm… You're protecting me, right? I appreciate it." Suketani asked him to do so, but he would have done it anyway. And this was another thing he didn't wanted her to make out.

"Huh!" He twitched surprised by her knowledge.

"Now that Shanghai is under our control… I'm just a loud, whimsical hound dog to the higher-ups. A replacement dog will be sent…" At this time he couldn't understand why she was saying things like that.

"Commander… what are you talking about! You're still a hero of the Japanese people!" He did not grasp that the Japanese people weren't equivalent with the Japanese army.

"Kato." She looked out of the window down the busy streets.

"Y… yes?" Why did he always had to feel so bashful in her proximity?

"I wonder what Yuri and the others are doing now…" He did not forget Yuri, someone who could be a true friend to him.

"Yes. They have been missing ever since the Shanghai Earthquake. I haven't heard anything more since." One of two things bothering him actually was Yuri's whereabouts.

"I'm sure they're travelling far, holding firmly to their convictions. No one to answer to… Just following their instincts… Somewhere deep inside, I envy them." She wasn't the only one, though he wasn't sure enough to pronounce it at this juncture.

"Lieutenant Colonel!" And thoughts like these wouldn't help them with the Investigation Committee.

"Wh-why are you shouting all of a sudden, Sergeant?" She seemed to be slightly stunned by him gaining some self-confidence.

"Even you could do it, Lt. Colonel! Anyone can do it! As long as they truly desire it! There are no rules in life! Only the ones you make yourself! I want to live a life of no regrets! It may be difficult, but only you can change the way you live your life!" He wanted to believe in his own words and took all his courage together.

"Kato…" Her voice was pleasing and warm giving him strength and kicking his rational thinking into the bucket. He saluted not really sure why he did it.

"Lt. Colonel, I… I love you! I would follow you down whatever path you decide to take in life! I, Masaru Kato, will not leave anything to regret!"

He heard himself speaking and got shocked by himself while realising what he said. Did he actually really said that right now? To her? His deepest sentiments? Right here? Right now? To HER!

"…" And she looking at him in a very perplexed way did not make him feel more comfortable.

"AAAAHH!" More sweating of embarrassment and blood flushed into his cheeks like boiling pitch. He felt so silly there, somehow head-over-heels in love, so childish...

"What am I saying!" Childish enough to find the only solution in banging his head repeatedly against the nearest wall.

"Yes… I think you're right." She walked over to him seemly worried about him hurting himself severely.

Suddenly two soldiers entered the room. Immediately Kato stopped head banging.

"Wh-what? Knock before you enter!" He didn't like those guys to interrupt him with her.

"Lt. Colonel Kawashima! We've received an urgent wire from Tokyo! Please come to HQ immediately!" Kato and Kawashima had been surprised. What would they want from her?

"A wire from Tokyo? Is it from my father? Okay. Let's go." She looked at him once more and made him have a strange feeling.

"Colonel…" As if he shouldn't let her go... If he just hadn't! Knowing what he knew merely five minutes later.

"It's okay. I'll be right back. Then we can finish this conversation." She pleasing smiled at him; there had been a sting inside him like a hazardous foreboding when she turned to the soldiers.

"Why are you shaking? Well, let's go." She went out with them leaving him alone in this room with a terrible weight on his heart as if she had left forever... He sighed and then...

BAMM BAMM´´ Two shots rang out followed by a hollow fall. He startled and ran out of the room.

One soldier was already death the other one stood over Kawashima who was laying face down on the main floor. He couldn't believe his eyes and hastened down from the second floor nearly stumbling by the shock.

He knocked the soldier out of his way easily and kneeled down to her. He rolled her over... she had been shot. He was panicked by her bleeding body.

"Lieutenant Colonel! Hang on! Lieutenant Colonel!" He couldn't figure what to do, his heart beating like hell in his chest.

"Hahhh… It appears my father has deserted me…" She trembled and her voice was strangely muted.

"We'll get you help right away! Hang on!" He wasn't quite grasping the situation; panic blinding his mind... like a little child doesn't understand what death means.

"I guess I… had it coming… The last gear… fitting…" Her breath went irregular and jerkily, she coughed blood and her lids began to close.

"Lieutenant Colonel! Hang in there!" He frantic shook her to keep her conscious while he already felt his eyes filling with tears...

"Kato… thanks… for… everything…" Blood dripped from her lips onto his shirt as she slumped over in his arms. He pulled her close...

"AAAAAHH! WHY!" His scream like the one of a deadly wounded animal... So full of despair and grief and agony...

back in his apartment

Slowly he opens his eyes and his fingertips skim over the encrusted spots. He sighs deeply as the calm crimson rays of the sunset draw shadowy patterns onto the dark wooden floor.

A slight sparkle irritates him in the corner of his sight, the moment he regards the clouds passing outside the murky window. He looks down onto the shirt again perceiving thin fibres shining like amber... no like gold... in the velvety light.

He hadn't noticed them before but now they nearly bring him to tears for he remembers everything. The colour, the shine at morning, day and night, and the scent. So calming, gentle jasmine and resolute rose... but right... her hair had the dye of amber.

He was so lucky that one afternoon when he had to guard the hangar. It should have been a penalty for skiving three days; but when she strolled by making fun of his stiffness and soreness, he couldn't avoid to smile. She had sat down next to him, starting to chat a bit and the hours just flew away. It went evening and he saw her hair shining like gold, it went night and it seemed to be as black as ebony. Slowly she became tired and fell asleep finally; her head leaned against his shoulder, breathing calmly. He smelled her hair that night and would never forget the fragrance. He didn't dare to move worried he could arouse her but knowing this hours of darkness were worth next day's numbness of his nape a thousand times.

Her blood and her hair, he misses her so much... He doesn't know why, but he changes his decision to throw it away. He will take it to the capital with his other stuff and store it away once more. Probably to remind himself that everything is transitory especially love, but misery... yes misery goes on and on...

-o- End of the first chapter

to be continued -

Author's note: I may have to add here that the memory of Kawashima's death is actually from the Shadow Hearts script, with my own ideas to enlarge the acting and reasons of why they are saying what they are saying. The other memories are completely born by my own idiocy.

And I want to thank all the nice people who think Kato to be too unimportant to write a whole fanfic about him, so I was able to be the first!

Be free to condemn me for having Kato acting and thinking in this way, in your reviews. If you like, tell me your ideas to improve this fanfic.