New chapter. Great. Fabulous. I have nothing to say right now so...enjoy.

I don't own Inuyasha. Duh.

***

Chapter 2-Je Suis Personne Petit Weasel.

***

Miroku woke up the next morning with a hangover that far surpassed my own. He deserved it. After briefly explaining to him what he had almost done the previous day, I found myself going for his nice-guy attitude...again.

"I...I almost..." He put his head in his hands and went silent.

I was shocked, being without a battle plan. "Well, yeah, I mean...erm...you really shouldn't do that anymore, you could upset Sango."

"You're right, you're absolutely right. I can't believe myself." He lifted his head and fixed me with the most unbelievable look. Strong, hurt. "And to burden you after your recent tragedy..." His hand strayed to mine. He was making it sound like my mother had committed suicide.

"Trust me, it was for the best." I scowled in remembrance of Kouga. Yeah, it was for the best, but I was having little success convincing myself of that fact.

"No, Kagome, that's not the point." He had gotten very close, very fast. I backed up a bit into the couch, where we were both seated, out of instinct. "Whether it was for the best or not does not matter...It will take time for your heart to heal, no matter the circumstances...and..."

I swallowed.

"And I would like to help you heal..."

Reality hit. The alarms in my head were blaring that that was the corniest line I had heard in a good week. But as I was registering the insane sappiness, his lips were brushing mine lightly. I pulled back, "THAT'S IT."

So as you can imagine, I promptly booted him out of the apartment after fixing him up with the cover story Inuyasha and I had created. I was eternally grateful that Inuyasha had been out grocery shopping at the time, because had he been around, he would not only have watched my weakness at work, he would have videotaped it.

Despite the fact that I had humiliated myself again, it drove a long ignored and frankly, distrusted point home. If I wanted to "heal," as Miroku had put it, I would need to fill the void Kouga had left. That would also be the day I admitted that Kouga had left a void at all. I suppose my plan up to that point had been to be a free, independent spirit. That wasn't working out, and day by day I felt myself slipping away.

I remained fixed on the couch, staring out at nothing, until Inuyasha came home laden with bags. After helping him store stuff away, I leaned on the counter and began to force my idea out into the open. "Inuyasha...we need to talk."

"Talk about what Kagome?" He replied tonelessly while examining a can of guava juice.

"Things."



Perhaps he noticed my firmness, or the fact that my face was drawn into a hurt, sort of distant look. But whatever the reason, he set the juice down and turned to me with full attention. "Okay Kagome, let's talk."

"This may take awhile, let us adjourn to the couch."

"With pleasure."

Still, our words remained flat and without tone. For once, we were being serious with each other.

When we were both settled into the plush, velvety comfort of our seat, I began after taking a few steadying breaths. "Inuyasha...I think I'm missing something in my life."

"Yes?"

I sighed again. "When...Kouga... When Kouga left me, I felt awful."

His eyes softened considerably. "I know Kagome."

"I mean, really, I felt like I couldn't even breathe. At the very start of it, all I could do was cry for him, for his...absence in my life...Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"You miss Kouga?" He asked hopefully.

I grimaced. "No! Of course not!"

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

"But...He was terrible..."

"But you missed him," Inuyasha pressed.

I pouted and bit my lower lip. "Yes I did. I did, you're right. I cried everyday, every night. And I wasn't crying for myself."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and dragged me closer to him. "Hush Kagome sweetheart, it's going to be okay."

I realized that I was crying, and noticed how he wasn't getting upset about what would be future tear stains on his Gucci shirt. "Inuyasha, I think I have to do something about this."

"I do too."

"But I can't go back to Kouga..."

"Yes that's right, he would only hurt you again."

"But I miss him!" We were walking in circles. Inuyasha was being fantastically patient with me.

"Baby, you don't have to go back to Kouga."

My sobbing paused momentarily. "Huh?"

He chuckled softly. "Kagome, have you forgotten about the outside world? There are other guys out there."

I had intended to direct this conversation, not to let Inuyasha do it. I had also told myself I wouldn't cry. Well, I'm not a very strong person. I don't really follow anything through.

"Are you saying...I should start dating again?"

"Oh Kagome..." He chided sweetly, "You make it sound so terrible."

"That's because it is!" I was suddenly angry through my tears...and Inuyasha's shirt.

"No, no, no...Sweetie, don't you remember before you hooked up with Kouga?"

I sniffled. "No..."

He laughed again, "It was just us. We were the King and Queen of the dating scene. Remember that line?"

Remembrance dawned on me, "Oh yeah..."

Inuyasha then began to recount some of our adventures in clubs, restaurants...Our day-to-day boyfriends... While he talked, I let my mind wander a bit. It had been fun times back then, this was true. I remembered the freedom, the excitement, the blood rush. We were young and wild, always telling each other that we could worry about settling down tomorrow. Every night we were at dance clubs, showing ourselves off and experiencing the joys of being available. It was heaven... Then I found Kouga...and I thought that being with him was really heaven.

He trailed off in the middle of a tale about me cutting my foot on a piece of glass in a club and being attended to by the gorgeous DJ. "And remember how he kept wrapping the bandages around and around your foot so you wouldn't leave?"

"Yeah..."

"My point is Kagome, that we can have those times back. I mean, what's getting in our way?"

For a moment I considered it again. The bliss and independence... But what would people think? A young girl fresh out of a binding relationship and she's already throwing herself around after a week!

Well it was none of their damn business anyway. It was my life, I would do whatever I wanted with it.

"You're right Inuyasha. I want those times back."

He lifted me up by the shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes. "You do?"

"Yes." I was grinning. And it was the first real smile I had shown the world in a whole week.

***

I had really wanted to start getting ready for one of the first nights on the town I would be having in a long time at that moment, but Inuyasha had reminded me that we had to catch his sister's art show.

I was disappointed for a moment, but gave in. I owed Inuyasha a lot.

After a whole day of obsessing about what to wear, on both my behalf and his, we finally got ourselves into a taxi at six. The show had started an hour ago, but we were too disorganized to pay attention to anything but what earrings to wear, and such of the like.

Inuyasha was rifling through my purse, searching for a mirror impatiently with six or so bobby pins sticking out of his mouth. "Your hair looks fine Inuyasha, quit obsessing."

"Sorry, I can't help it." He shrugged and continued pawing.

I sighed and hung out the window, letting the cool night caress my face. "I feel like I haven't been outside in ages..."

"You're right." He jammed a pin into his mane with one hand and held the mirror up with the other.

"Huh?"

"Look at you, you're as white as a sheet! Haven't been outside the apartment for seven days..."

"I...I am?" I asked abysmally, gently taking the mirror from him and examining my face. "Oh! You're right!" I stroked my cheek, "I look like a vampire!"

"Well then you'll fit right in at the show," He bit out darkly.

I chose not to respond. I knew he was referring to his dad and Sesshomaru, not the bland mob of artists that would be flooding the place. There was no use poking around in matters that were not my own, or my concern. He wouldn't have listened to me at the time anyway.

"We're here."

"Shit, does my hair look alright?"

"I told you five minutes ago, it looks fine."

We stepped out of the car with as much elegance as we could muster. Being fashionable people, we looked fairly decent, but we were not up to speed with the style of this particular crowd. Pale, pasty, garbed in black or dark green or dark blue or...well, let's just say the general mood was "dark." It set off their white skin in a strange way, making it glow. There was not a shred of emotion on any of the faces that wafted past us; and they all looked as if they had never slept. Artists, all of them, if what they did could be called art. It was ironic and fascinating how little Rin's work attracted this batch of followers. The girl was just so spunky and delightful, and she didn't dress like this. She slept regularly. And she loved the sun.

The flow of people was being directed into a gigantic white building, an art gallery. It was ugly and loud in the way that only "modern" architecture can be. As I recall, they had torn down a terrific little theater from the 1950s to set up the white menace. Still, it was a popular place, and regulars flooded in simply to attend the art shows, regardless of the artist, and so it was a target location for Rin's first showing.

I had seen her paintings previous to the occasion, and they were very good, I had to admit. They in no way reflected her outward appearance or mood, but that was the charm in them. It was really curious to see such twisted and repulsive creations coming from our little sugar sweetheart. Inuyasha and I spent lots of time with Rin, it was a favorite Sunday afternoon pastime to hang out in her studio-apartment and watch independent or Bollywood films. Rin liked to have us too. Sometimes she would paint us sitting by the T.V., or once in a while she would make us pose. We enjoyed it; being vain and showy as we were.

Sesshomaru also had a particular affection towards Rin. He fulfilled the role of over-protective mother; a position abandoned when their real mother died of cancer when Rin was two. He looked after her, always made sure that she was happy, that she was okay, that she was being treated properly by her current fling. He displayed a dedication that was truly admirable.

Inuyasha nudged me in the ribs. "I feel like leaving." His eyes were flicking about like a cornered animal's.

"Don't be ridiculous," I snapped, and gripping his arm roughly, paid the taxi driver and began the march towards the doors.

Inside people were crowding everywhere, it was difficult to maneuver to any location without having to jostle a Bruce or Octavia out of the way first. Inuyasha stayed close to me as I shoved various dark haired men and women out of my path.

"There she is!" He whispered, relieved.

"Where?"

"There!" Having no manners, whatsoever, he pointed over the crowd to a ponytail that was sticking out of the black sea like a beacon of hope in the wilderness.

I began to guide us to the ponytail, feeling pressured by the obvious looks of distaste and utter loathing that our fellows were giving us. The lights that beamed down in all directions were making me dizzy, but I blinked it out as best I could. The white walls weren't helping much either. White, white, white. White outside, white inside. Then there was the clash of both the dark paintings and the dark fans combined. It was a roaring battle of the two opposing colors and Inuyasha and I, bedecked in jeans and purposely torn and agitated clothing, were right in the middle of it all.

"Hey!" Rin's girlish voice squealed happily as we approached. She rushed to us and threw her arms around our necks, flashing us each a charming smile and trying all the while not to spill the little drink she was holding.

"Hi Rin," we said together.

She led us back to her original place where two tall men were standing coldly, looking more out of place than me and Inuyasha. Obviously Rin was expecting us to greet these giants. One nodded and spoke at last. "Inuyasha." He nodded to me. I blushed.

Inuyasha cocked an eyebrow and sarcastically replied, "Sesshomaru."

I was a giddy schoolgirl. "H-Hi Sesshomaru."

Of course he didn't bat an eyelash at my obvious show of attraction. He was no doubt used to having women melt before him. I wasn't bothered by that though. It was natural that such a gorgeous man would cause a reaction in me, but I never said I didn't side with Inuyasha when he said he hated his brother. Sesshomaru could be kind to Rin, he could be indescribably beautiful, but he had pissed me off far too many times for me to actually like him.

"Good evening Inuyasha."

Good evening? Who the hell says good evening anymore? Oh wait, sorry, Inuyasha's dad does.

The man looked a good deal like his sons. He had long white hair that he usually kept tied back in a low, business-like ponytail. He had the piercing yellow eyes that seemed to look right through you. Sesshomaru had the cold, dominant manner down, just like his father. Inuyasha just put a different spin on things altogether.

Unlike Sesshomaru, however, he didn't even seem to register my existence. I was just Inuyasha's date, and the fact that I wasn't actually his girlfriend made him uncaring as to what happened to me. He didn't have anything like prejudice against gay men or anything, he just really wanted grandchildren is all. It was a complicated thing.

Rin broke the icy silence that was steadily developing beneath the pounding alternative music that was blaring through the speakers set out randomly in the room. "So did you just show up?"

"Yeah..." I replied, glad that we were moving gradually away from Sesshomaru and his father, who had pointedly taken up an interest in the nearest painting to them. "We would have gotten here sooner but Disney's Littlest Diva here decided that she needed to take an extra forty-five minutes making sure the tears in her blazer were distressed enough."

Rin laughed cheerfully while Inuyasha scowled and smiled at the same time. "Well at least I didn't take three hours fixing my hair. And I have more of it than you!" He threw back jokingly.

"Listen, listen," Rin interrupted, "I could sit here and listen to you guys argue all night, but I'd rather you see my paintings. Especially you Kagome."

I didn't know what she meant, but as she wasn't showing any signs of explaining her statement anytime soon, so I gave up on the subject. "So what about Sango and Miroku? They couldn't make it?"

"No..." Inuyasha started, "Sango had some...family business to take care of, and Miroku, the splendid ass, is recovering from a hangover."

"Ahhh..." She said, as if suddenly enlightened, and then she burst out laughing again.

"Uh-huh. Hangover, sure. He didn't seem to have much of one this morning when he woke up from spending a good twenty-four hours passed out on our couch."

"Why? What happened?" Inuyasha hadn't ever found out what had become of Miroku.

"Nothing, he just tried to pull a fast one on me again."

"Oh ho ho...Miroku the infamous player huh?" Rin inquired impishly.

I grumbled and mumbled, but chose to avoid the matter in the end.

"What do you have there?" Inuyasha asked, hovering above Rin's beverage.

"Just tea."

"Tea? Shoot. I was hoping it was the real thing."

She elbowed him in the stomach, "I'm only eighteen!"

"Feh, well it looks as if these people have been living on vodka their whole lives..." He waved off into the crowd, "Nadia dear, do spare a flask won't you?"

Rin laughed pleasantly again into her tea.

***

Shortly after our conversation with Rin we met their father again and he promptly began a discussion with Rin, praising her work. Inuyasha didn't look very ready to leave his sister's side, regardless of her company, and I didn't want to wrench him away from her. So I wandered off on my own to inspect the paintings.

They were all tragically beautiful, and wrong on several levels at the same time. They combined what seemed like sheer abuse to the canvas and realism in a strange, perfect way. Each was a confused portrait or mural, often a mix of chaotic black marks and scratches with a lost little photo realistic thing set somewhere in it all.

I studied each one carefully, and then came upon one that gave me a little start of surprise. I found myself staring a picture of...well, myself. I was sitting casually on Rin's couch, all snuggled up and comfortable, and I had my eyes closed. Perhaps I was sleeping, but whatever I was doing, I had this lovely peaceful look on my face. Of course behind me there was a mess of black claw marks, but I really looked beautiful in this picture, much to my surprise. I suddenly realized what Rin had meant earlier about wanting me to see her gallery.

"She's talented, isn't she?"

I turned in alarm to locate the source of the cold, toneless voice, though I knew it already. "Sesshomaru...you scared me."

I half-expected him to say, "I have a tendency to do that to people," but instead he said, "She makes black very radiant."

"Yes...she does. I think this one might be my favorite." I was too uncomfortable and startled to know how stupid that had sounded, and his response reduced my already crumbled brain to mush.

"I agree."

I blushed vividly, and turned my head away shyly to hide it. My mind concluded that he must have not realized it had been me in the painting. That or he simply liked it because it was a good piece of art. I turned my face back to him, prepared to say something smart and flashy, but to my disappointment, he had moved on, leaving me feeling both utterly alone, and utterly humiliated.

"Aw damn, wait till I tell Inuyasha about this one..." I muttered, snapping my fingers.

I returned my full attention to the painting and studied it carefully. Rin had been sweet to paint me, I would have to thank her. I also rather liked the thought of being a model.

Suddenly I felt a tapping on my shoulder. Deep inside, I was hopping that it might be Sesshomaru...but common sense reminded me that he preferred sneaking up on people. Inuyasha held up his drink in a congratulatory gesture. "You look good."

"Huh? Oh-" I looked at the painting again. "Thanks."

"Ready to leave?"

"Yeah sure. If you are, that is."

He shrugged. "It's a bit too black neh?"

"I'll say." I shifted uncomfortably on my toes. It was really terrible of us to judge these people based on their taste, but hey, like I've said many times before, we're as selfish and ill-mannered as it gets.

After finding Rin and thanking her heartily we fought back to the doors and stepped out into the fresh summer air. "The night is young." I said to the sky.

"You bet. Let's hit the road. Call a taxi, I did it last time."

***

An hour later and after much primping Inuyasha and I left the apartment for the second time that evening, choosing to walk and enjoy the evening rather than call a cab. He was a little idiot, more giddy than I had seen him in months.

"I just can't believe we're finally going out like this again!"

Normally he was mean and spiteful, so this was a dramatic change for me. I had trouble adjusting. "Erm...yeah..."

The buildings flicked by. New York was mesmerizing at night, I had missed seeing it all lit up like this. It felt like coming home after living on a deserted island. What had I been missing? Why had I left it?

Being the good girl that I was, after I hooked up with Kouga I did my best to go easy with some of my old habits. When the engagement was finalized I stopped going out all together. I had facts to back me up when I said to the night sky, "It's been months since I did this!"

"Let's go to Velvet, please?"

"Inuyasha, quit skipping, you're scaring me." I unhooked my arm from his with a bit of difficulty.

"So what about it, Velvet?"

Velvet had always been our favorite dance club. It was the real deal. All the flashing strobe lights, the pounding music. It really wasn't unique or memorable in any way, we just liked it because it was a traditional place that stuck with all the old themes...whatever they were.

"Sure why not."

He squealed in girlish delight and ran ahead a bit. Passerby gave us weird looks that I couldn't rightly blame them for. I did the best to ignore them while mutely apologizing for Inuyasha's behavior at the same time. I covered my eyes and smiled. It took all of my strength to keep myself from turning around on the spot and walking away from him firmly.

My embarrassment persisted for a few blocks until we finally arrived at Velvet. The sleek gray building was practically pulsing with the blaring music inside. It was a nonsmoking club, and so there was a little throng of sulky figures hanging outside puffing into the air. I was doing my best to get Inuyasha to quit, but he didn't seem to care.

"Come on!" He beamed, taking my hand and rushing towards the doors. Apparently they hadn't approached their maximum capacity, as the red rope hadn't been put up yet and their was only a single security guard eyeing us suspiciously at the entrance. Velvet had no qualms about letting the "right people" in. Thank goodness for that, because Inuyasha just attracts humiliation and disaster wherever he goes.

As we stepped in, I threw up my arm over my eyes and hissed. The white light was blinding, and it kept blinking on and off persistently, confusing my senses. A massive crowd of people was throbbing in time with the music, dancing wildly. The interior of the building could not be very easily distinguished, except that there was a raised stage weaving through the floor in a liquid form, and a balcony above where people could also go to dance. A bar could be found somewhere in the mess, but I was in no mood to find it just yet. A DJ was toying with a turntable on a platform some ten feet above the stage and ten feet below the balcony.

"We're home!" Inuyasha chirped.

"Wait a minute, what about pay?" I was shouting above all the noise.

"It's Friday you big goof!"

Fridays were free. I remembered that suddenly. "Oh yeah..."

"What?!" He cupped an ear and bent down to me.

"Nothing, let's go!"

Inuyasha whooped and dashed into the horde of people that was thrashing around. I followed after him, feeling a bit of the old adrenalin rush creeping back into my veins. I was starting to remember the way that I had lived, purely for these reckless nights.

***

The room was spinning...but in a good way. My hair was a mess, flying all about me and hitting various people in the face. But then, their hair was hitting me in turn, so we were even. It had taken me a while to work up my courage, as I'm actually shy by nature, believe it or not, but I had finally made it to the place where I belonged: the stage.

Inuyasha was somewhere...probably flirting. He didn't dance much; instead he hung out at the bar or in booths, winning over innocent victims with his empty smile. Bless his heart. But I wasn't particularly concerned with his affairs at the moment. I was preoccupied with trying to seduce two guys dancing on either side of me.

It was my night of reckless abandon, I was steadily being absorbed by the beat of the music, the heat, and the hot guys combined, it was all intoxicating, and I wasn't even intoxicated yet but... My heart still wasn't in it. I tried to let go, I tried to make myself believe that this was what I wanted, but thus far, only my body was agreeing.

Often as I spun to survey the rolling sea of people from the stage for a moment, I would pause or hesitate, convinced that I might have seen his face eyeing me sheepishly from the corner. His face... I hated him so much, but it was just, just, just...so hard to let go. So hard to let go of him and the pathetic dream I kept locked in the back of my mind that he might return for me.

I whipped around to get a bit closer to the male who was trying to get a bit closer to me, when I stopped. Could it be? Was it him? A black ponytail was flying around. Naturally, it was connected to a head somewhere. The manly ponytail was Kouga's signature look. I searched for the head, standing patiently, totally still, watching the crowd, waiting for him to look up and see me.

The guy behind me looked a little confused at my sudden seriousness and moved on, probably thinking that I was stoned or something. "Come on...look up...look up..." I whispered beneath my breath, eyes never leaving the lock of hair as it bounded over and across the masses.

Suddenly a face darted up, followed by the black hair, and I gasped. My heart skipped a beat and the music dulled to a mute.

It was a girl, waving around and bedecked in glowing bands.

My heart fell again, hard, and I sighed. I was so stupid, who was I kidding? What the hell did I think I was doing shaking around on stage when I had no right or reason to be up at all? Feeling utterly crestfallen and embarrassed, I bounded off the platform, shoving through everyone fiercely with eyes swimming with tears.

I heard someone shout my name over the music, but I ignored it and only picked up the pace as I drove onward towards the bathroom. Thank god that there wasn't a waiting line, I didn't want to hide in a throng of strangers with my mascara running sloppily down my cheeks. Especially because not a single one of them would care.

When I reached an empty stall I dove in and collapsed on the small, cold bit of ground. I cried my eyes out knowing that my sobbing would be drowned out by the music. Suddenly there was a sound of shouting voices, probably just a typical fight or something. The conflicting voices grew closer, and I could just barely hear snippets of conversation.

"Out of my way bitch, it's an emergency dammit!"

"This is a ladies bathroom. I don't care how bad you need to use it! Go wait in line where you belong!"

"TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT I'M WEARING?! Do I look like I might pose a threat to your feminine rituals or whatever?!"

There was a sound of scuffling, and then more shouting, followed by some startled, shrill cries of shock, then...

"Kagome?! Kagome?! Get out here!" The door of the stall shook from abusive pounding on the outside. "Let me in or come out!"

"I-Inuyasha?" I sniffled.

"Yes! Get out!"

I threw my head down again. "No! Go away!"

He cursed softly and his head suddenly appeared beneath the door. I gasped in surprise and firmly kicked at him He dodged narrowly. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"YES!" I kicked again.

"LET ME IN!"

"NO!" Inuyasha lashed out with his hand and grabbed my foot, then quickly dragged himself under the door with amazing ease and grace, and scrambled to his feet, right in front of me. I screamed, "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Shut up." He fumbled with the lock on the door and then threw it open, snatching me roughly by the arm at the same time and dragging me out. Women dashed out of our way as we went, disgusted or enraged. I tried to hide behind my hair, I was no where close to being done crying.

"I want to go home," I whispered softly under my breath. The blaring lights and the crowd swirled around me vibrantly as I stumbled along after Inuyasha. It was a wonder he wasn't drunk yet. Or hanging on the arm of some strange guy. It seemed like mile after mile we trudged, knee deep in people who were either passed out or half-way there; it was sickening. All I had was Inuyasha's hand clamping roughly around my upper arm, preventing me from straying out of his sight and falling to the ground in the salty, gross heap of flesh that I was. I could feel the bile rising steadily in my throat, "Please...Please...I want to go home..." I was whimpering.

Suddenly I felt a rush of fresh air; cold, crisp, some-what clean air. At least it was somewhere outside of Velvet. I let the relief and the delightful prickle of the night wind wash over me while my lungs heaved tremendously in the sobs I had still needed to unleash. Inuyasha embraced my shoulders with one arm and led me to rest my head on his shoulder. When he got over his "nice" stint, he would be seriously pissed at me for ruining all of his clothing with my tears.

I had yet to open my eyes, though I knew from the smells, sounds, and temperature that we were definitely out on the street. "We're going back now right? Please?" I whispered softly in Inuyasha's ear.

"Yes, we're going home." He sounded a little annoyed, but I was too drunk on my own agony to care. He was annoyed all the time anyway.

Somewhere between that moment and the next Inuyasha managed to wave his arms enough to get someone's attention. He led me fumbling and tripping to a cab, and I opened my eyes a crack as Inuyasha gently pushed me in. On the way home, he allowed me to rest my head on his lap while I continued to cry. It was a short-long trip that I spent in and out of consciousness. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol that night but all of my weeping was making me very dizzy very fast. It was hell. Inuyasha, meanwhile, stroked my hair soothingly and hummed something sweet and quiet.

I fell asleep completely before we reached the apartment. I do remember him lifting me up and carrying me in, but that was it for the night. I didn't dream, it was all dark. Just dark. It was dark until morning when the sun rose, and then into the afternoon until I woke up around three. Pure darkness, like my heart.

***

Hope you liked it.

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