Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Slywolf, am pleased to announce the next chapter of a Familiar Stranger. And I will now force Roi to undergo a rigorous interview.
Roi, How do you feel about Link?
"I feel sorry for him. Whatever happened to him with the Gerudo must have been terrible."
So you give him permission to force you to undertake a rigorous and nasty test before he trains you?
"What!"
Never mind. And how are you coping with being a girl?
"Well… don't spread this around… but the first time I had to use the toilet, I kind of forgot I was a girl…"
In a shocking disregard for the laws of writing, I will temporarily switch to script format in order to adequately display my feelings on what I just heard.
Slywolf: X_X
Thank you for your forbearance. Roy, don't worry. Only I and the four hundred people my faulty hit count monitor says are reading this story know of what you have just said. (Of course, if there really were 400 people reading this story, I would expect that at least 100 are members. SO I WOULD BE GETTING MORE REVIEWS!) What I meant is how are you coping with the whole (Looks around to ensure Zelda and Link aren't nearby) breasts and curves thing?
"You're sick."
Why, thank you.
"I'm coping. It was a bit of a shock trying to get into shirts that used to be loose only to have them split. And looking at a naked girl and no longer getting a thrill out of it is a bit disconcerting. And as for these colossal things on my chest, how do girls cope with them?"
Firstly, I would have to say that in order to increase comic potential, your brea… actually, let's just say that you're three times the woman Zelda is and let it go.
"My… chest is three times larger than Zelda's?"
Well, she is an elf. You are a human, so obviously you're bulkier. Besides, where do you think all the weight from your muscles went when you became a girl?
"That's why the Sealed Sword is so much heavier."
Moving on, how do you feel about the fact that this is a Romance story?
"It is? God, I pity the people who you have… Oh no. Not me!"
Well, someone's a bit dense. Yes, you.
"Who with?"
You really are very dense. I pity you.
"Who? Is it Marth?"
And that's all the time we have on Celebrity Squares! I, Slywolf, own absolutely nothing. And Thais, Fanfiction.Net needs more reviewers like you! I can only hope your example shames other people into reviewing every chapter! Can you do the same for Pathway's of Fate? Please? I know that a lot of people are reading it, but no one is reviewing. It is truly irritating!
"Is it Marth? Or maybe Captain Falcon? Or Link? Or Mario? Or Luigi? Who! Tell me!"
Sorry, thicky. We have a story to start here.
"Zelda, what do you mean, you can't take me shopping?" Roi stared at her friend.
"I'm sorry, but I promised Link I would let him take me for lunch three days ago." Zelda looked apologetic.
"Can't you change the date? I need clothes now! I can't just go around in my boy clothes. All the men here have fits when I walk past them."
"Except Link, who wants to rip your head off. And that is why I have to have lunch with him. To get him to change his mind on that score. But, you do have to get clothes. Hmm." She looked around. Samus had left early to grind Captain Falcon into dust for stealing her bra. Zelda almost pitied the reincarnation of Happosai (Ranma ½ character, who is a lecherous panty-thief). That left… "Peach? Come here, will you?" Roi's face fell.
"Oh no! Not her! She's an… airhead!"
* * *
That had been 6 hours ago.
"So, we've narrowed it down to 5 shades of red. Hmm." Peach licked her lips. She wanted to get Roi's lingerie color to match her just perfectly.
"Peach, why are we bothering with the lingerie?" Roi asked dejectedly. After taking one look at the clothes she had picked out, Peach had shook her head and made her take them all back. Then she had spent an hour picking out various types of shoes, then another hour on skirts, and another on blouses, and another on make up, and a fifth on combat wear (Peach agreed with Link in that women shouldn't use swords. But, since it meant another hour in the mall, she had agreed to Roi's request delightedly). They were about to leave when Roi had mentioned underwear. Peach had squealed sorry, and then dragged her off to Victoria's Secret (No, I have never been in. Nor have I tried to get in. Nor, if my luck holds, will I ever go in there. So far, my girlfriend has resisted the temptation to send me in to get her something). Once inside, she had literally ripped Roi's clothes off, and sat her inside a changing cubicle.
"Because men love this stuff a lot more than they like 'Sports Bras'." Peach said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"And why should I care what men like?" Roi asked angrily.
Peach looked at Roi's figure. She shook her head. "If you don't, that is the biggest waste in the galaxy."
Roi blushed.
* * *
After half in hour more in Victoria's Secret, Peach had forced Roi to get into a complete set of her new clothes and twirl in front of a male employee (Yes, I know the idea of a male V.S. employee is stupid. That's part of the joke!). The man suffered a triple heart attack. Peach considered the attempt a success. Then, she sent Roi to the food court and went to take care of some personal business. After spending 5 minutes in the food court, Roi had gotten bored and gone for a walk. As she was walking, she tripped and fell, but was caught at the last by…
"Whoah, Roi! It would be a shame for you to break something in that lovely outfit!" She looked up and into Marth's face. Link stood next to him, wearing a worried expression. When the Hylian noticed Roi looking at him, though, he wiped it off his face and replaced it with a scowl. He held it for five seconds before losing it and returning to his customary grin. Roi giggled.
"Thanks for saving me, Marth." She said. Inside, though, she was thinking God, he's so handsome. And strong. I wonder… If I'm a girl now, can I fall in love with him?
"It's all right. To tell the truth, I did hardly anything. It's Link here whose magic slowed your fall enough for me to catch you." Marth replied. No! Why did I say that! Damn it, she feels nice to hold.
Roi pulled herself up. She turned to Link. "Well, if that's the case, I should reward him, shouldn't I?"
"No, it was Marth all the way."
"Oh! Handsome and modest! Well, here's your reward" She leaned forward and kissed Link's forehead. Link tried to look angry, but he failed. Instead, his mouth expanded into a happy smile.
"Well, I… guess it was worth saving you, Roi" Marth coughed. "And… I'm sorry for what I said earlier today. You're not a Gerudo, and I'm sorry for thinking you were. I had no right to drag you into my own problems."
"Thank you, Link. But why do y…" She noticed Marth shaking his head and making a cutting motion across his neck. "So, what are you two doing here?"
"Hmm? We're getting dinner. The chef at the Smasher's bar is preparing something called 'Meet Stu'." Marth turned to Link. "Link, do you think we can let her come? She is a girl, after all."
"Up to you, Marth. If you want, I can go to another restaurant and leave you two lovebirds alone." Link leered genteelly. Marth punched him. "Hey! You stupid human!" He removed his gauntlet and then punched back.
"That's it? You punch like a woman!" Marth laughed.
"Would you prefer I put the gauntlet back on?" Marth had a sudden vision of his heart being used as a tennis ball by Link and shook his head.
"Men." Roi muttered. Marth and Link suddenly stopped pummeling each other and looked at her concerned.
"Well, she's a woman all right." Link remarked.
"Yeah. Bound to happen eventually. The danger signs are when she starts falling over in order to encourage nearby men to save her." Marth shook his head.
"Yeah." Link's brow furrowed. "You mean… like she just did?"
"Look. Can I come, or can't I?"
"Actually, if Link has no objections, I would love to have you come. Link?" Marth asked.
Link thought for a few seconds. "She can go with you instead of me. I have to pick up something for Zelda. At some place called," He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and read it "Victoria's Secret." He turned to Marth. "Who is Victoria, and why does she have a secret?" Marth whispered something into his ear. Link paled. "I hate this planet."
"You can always get drunk, and tell her you forgot it."
"No. I am her true knight. Farewell, Marth. I might not return." He walked away. Than, when he was around the corner, he grabbed a passing woman by the arm, held a sword to her neck, and waved the paper in front of her. "Either you get this for me, or I will slice you into 50 flesh cubes." Honor is all very well and good, but there are some things no man should have to do. Marth and Roi didn't notice.
"Poor Link. Well, shall we? I have reservations for two at the Hava Happa Dai sushi restaurant." Marth held his arm out for her. She slipped her arm around his, and they went off…
* * *
Marth was walking Roi back to the room she shared with Zelda. "I must say, Marth, it was very nice the way you still tipped him after he set your shirt on fire."
"And the way you didn't slap that waiter when he poured water on your white blouse showed tremendous self control. It is a bit of a pity that Link was walking past when it happened."
"I thought slapping him would be rubbing salt in the wound."
"And he had so many to choose from, you didn't have enough salt for them all."
"Exactly!"
They reached her room. "Well, Roi, here's your stop. Goodnight. You need your sleep. Even though Link is your friend again, he still plans to send you through the hardest training he can come up with."
"He's suffering a 'You have to be cruel to be kind' moment, isn't he." Roi sighed. Marth noted the way her breasts moved when she sighed. "Well, Marth, thank you for a lovely evening." She leaned forward and kissed him. She pulled back, then moved in closer until their bodies were touching, took a deep breath, and kissed him again, wrapping her arms around him for support. Marth reached around her slender frame, and hugged her close to him. They both closed their eyes, lost in the moment.
20 minutes later
Marth entered his room in a daze. Link watched him over a cup of coffee. He staggered over to the table, collapsed into a chair and stared at Link as if seeing him for the first time ever. Link waited and then said, "Interesting. I would ask you how it went, but I feel it would be pointless. Good kisser, is she?" Marth just stared. "All right, all right. If it means that much to you. So, Marth, how did your date with Roi go?" Marth kept staring. Link waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Link to Marth, Link to Marth. Come in, Marth." Marth continued to stare. "Okay. I am scared now. Is everything all right?" Link began to inch for the phone to call Dr. Mario.
"I kissed Roi." Marth said in a stunned voice.
"Ah, good. Back to your senses?"
"I kissed Roi."
"I gathered that, yes."
"I kissed Roi!"
"Getting creeped out."
"I! Kissed! Roi!"
"I'm calling Dr. Mario." Link grabbed for the phone, but Marth pulled a dagger out and stabbed it down between Link's fingers. "Okay. I'm not calling Dr. Mario. I'm going to spend the night listening to you repeat yourself."
"And I enjoyed it!"
"If this isn't going anywhere, I'm going to have to kill you."
"It was great!"
"I figured that out."
"And I think… I think I'm in love!"
"Good. I would be worried if you kissed her and you didn't love her."
"I love Roi!"
"If she's like this at our training session tomorrow, I will kill myself."
"No! You don't understand! I am in love with Roi!"
"Mazel Tov. Absolutely top hole. Right. I have said 'great' in two languages. Can I leave?" Marth reached forward and twisted Link's left ear. "You have my full attention."
"I am in love with Roi."
"Right."
"And I kissed Roi."
"With you all the way."
"And Roi is a boy."
"No, Roy was a boy. Roi is a girl. I would draw you a picture, but I find it hard to concentrate when someone is bending my ear. Really, Marth. I explained it all last night!" Link's ear was whitening. "Can you let go?"
Marth ignored that "So you did. But… how female is she?"
"Did she kiss you?"
"Yes…"
"Did she start the kiss?"
"Yes."
"Was she gay before she became a girl?"
"No."
"Then I would have to say she is as female as Zelda. Possibly more so."
"Thanks, buddy."
"You can thank me by letting go of my ear." Said ear was purple, and there was the sound of crunching.
"Sorry?"
"Let go! Let go! It hurts! Augh! Please!" Marth blinked. Link was actually crying. He let go.
"Sorry, Link. I forgot how sensitive Hylian ears are." Link glared at him with raw hatred, feeling his ear. Link's eyes narrowed. Marth looked for somewhere to hide.
"You forgot. You bastard, you could have killed me!" He scrunched his hand into a fist and shot straight for Marth's nose.
Next chapter, Roi's training. Don't worry, Marth is all right. He has a broken nose, but considering Link was wearing his gauntlets, it could have been so much worse. Marth also agrees that he deserved it, don't you Marth?
"Yeth I did"
I'm sorry?
"Yeth I did!"
I can't understand a word you're saying.
"I thaid I did you thtubid authow."
Nope. Not a word. You should get that looked at.
Thylwolv, it'th not vunny! My nothe is bwoken!
Is it Incan? Because if you're trying to tell me something in Incan, I don't speak the… oh! Where did he go? Anyway, he and Link are friends again. And… while I promised myself I would never reveal this, but Roi and Marth had the exact same dream. The only difference is when they woke up. Some of you may not like the fact that Link returned to sanity so soon, but don't worry, it was all done for a very, very good reason. MWA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, and thanks, turqoisefox. That gave me a very, very, very, good idea…. What would Elliwood say if his son became his daughter?
Now, if you enjoyed this story, review, or you're nothing but a common thief! Review! Now! Click the blue button!
