Ha ha ha. Gotcha didn't I? Weren't expecting that were you? Ha! Wow I'm so. Cool. HA! In other news, I'm quite pleased with your reactions, carry on.
*****************************************************************************
This chapter is dedicated to the splendid authoress Chickmooget who had a birthday a little while ago. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOOGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this momentous occasion, I want all of you to go out and leave her a happy birthday review please. I know it would make her very happy, even if it's stupidly late. And it would be a fantastic good deed for any of you out there who are hoping to escape the fiery depths of hell in the afterlife. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
******************************************************************************
As promised, review responses for chapters 4 and 5 and in this case, the other thing. I intend to do it this way from now on, responding to reviews from the past two chapters, but chances are I won't remember if you post a review in an earlier chapter to respond to it. It's not that I don't care, it's that I have the memory of a goldfish.
RED DAY: Yeah sure. Kag and Hojo...whatever you say. Maybe. Maybe not...
acrimsonnight: I'm not saying. I keep my secrets about coupling...it's just more fun that way. Glad you're liking the story. Thanks for the support about BLAH. I share your hatred for he/she/it. I didn't really let it get to me, I just sort of got frustrated; I mean, what do you say to someone like that? Thanks again!
Tori: Yes, I'm very good with twists. They are my speciality. Have to keep you guys on your toes you know. Of course Hojo wants to play Romeo, sort of a dead giveaway, but hey, who said he would actually get the part? I didn't. But then again I never said he wouldn't get the part either...
Rabid-Inu-Girl: Yeah...the object was to make everyone sick with the fluff from Shippou and Rin. I'm glad at least that I got the desired effect no? As for your latest comment about the pairings... Maybe. ~_^
Tsuki Yume: Glad you're liking it.
Choas Babe: You're darn right. GO SHIPPOU!
Kagura Fanel: Dip. Bollywood. Asian Hollywood. We've already gone over this so I won't repeat myself further. Actually, I don't know how you could have missed it with your impeccable perception of the world around you, but Inuyasha is entirely and without a doubt, straight. Sheesh Kagura, everyone else got that real quick. I guess you're just behind as usual. (And why do you think I put it in a chapter that you and everyone else would see? Does it LOOK like I would mind the name "Kaggles?" Shnikies KAGURA.) ^_~ HAHAHA! See? If you posted your stuff you would get to do this to people. It ROCKS!
Tiffany: The title of the story means, "Do You Want to Meet Me?" The title of the second chapter is, "I Am No One's Little Weasel." This chapter means, "So Silly." Good luck with Spanish!
Sylaera: I'm delighted that you like the story. It's funny how Inuyasha being gay all started out... I have a female friend that I call Inuyasha, and well, watching the series, I saw that she wasn't getting any of the action she wanted, so I got the idea to write a story just for her in which she could enjoy all the male company she desired. And I totally agree, I should be getting waaaaaay more attention. When are people ever going to realize that it's ALL ABOUT ME? Dammit! ~_^
Myouga Jiji: Yes you have heard that before. ~_^ Had to name her something different tho to respect her privacy and all that. And how does it feel being an insider? Knowing the connections and what not? Isn't it fun? As for BLAH, what's done is done, I have no idea what "The Message" is from anyway. ?
sashlea: Ahhhhhh, gotcha. I'll do that with the recommendations, yes. It makes sense. Thanks for the tip!
renamangga: Thanks for the support. And what the hell, he/she/it probably won't see it, true, but let's post it for them anyway, shall we? From, renamangga to BLAH: ahem,
I'm sorry you think that about this fic, but you really need to learn to a.) be nicer about things, b.) only flame if you have the courage to sign, c.) shut your trap, and d.) all of the above. To be quite honest, I'd rather read about Inuyasha's homosexual escapades than read anything by someone so close-minded and rude as you. And just as an ending note, it doesn't make you cool to say things like that.
What she said.
Peenya Kowlada: Oh what a darling review! Yes, Kikyo is absent. I think the world had had enough of her when she died the first time. No need to revive such repetitive drama neh? She might make a brief cameo later if I need some random extra to fall off a building or something. And I know there was a lot of swearing in the first chapter...but hey, it's New York. Oh by the way, I'm glad you picked up on the jumping plot line. You know I was killing myself over that for a long time. I didn't know if it was going to fast, or going to slow, or getting too boring or too dramatic...It's nice to hear some positive input about that. Thanks again for the review!
Gwen: Hoo hoo ha ha, neat! Such excellent praise! I'm most flattered, thank you. I figured Inuyasha needed a change, and what better way to change him than by reversing his sexual preferences? HA!
koinu-no-ai: Oh...thank you. *a single tear rolls down her cheek* Your words are touching. If you can bring up such good points in a review I may just have to check out your story... ^ ^
Fate Bringer: I agree, no need to bite people's heads off for writing. Be nice in reviews, sheesh. But even so, they probably did mean all gay people. Because if he hates Inuyasha being gay, he probably hates everyone else being gay too. And someone brought up a good point to me that the whole Inuyasha series is based on the power of love and how blind it is; demons and humans and what not. There's even the gay character Jakotsu later on. So that person must just not be a true Inuyasha fan...pity. Thanks for the review!
Sesshyangel: I would assume New Yorkers do. To be honest, I've never even visited New York in my entire life, which is why you don't see many specific addresses in the story ^ ^. I've written this based on my frequent trips to Chicago. I have a sister going to college there, and I figure it's gotta be just as vile as New York so might as well work with it.
Tsuki Yume: I'll try to update fast...no promises though. Thanks for the review!
***
Chapter 6-Si Bête
***
For the next few days I was puttering around madly. As far as I knew, there was nothing I needed to bring to the audition except myself. But that automatically created a requirement that I with my exquisite fashion sense could not ignore. A new outfit. It had to be perfect, it just had to be.
Far back in my memory when I had first moved to New York I recalled feeling the driving need to become a contributing member of society despite the more-than-adequate financial support my parents were feeding me from across various locations. It was nothing compared to what Inuyasha was being backed with, but it was still something. A big something. At any rate, after being locked in a boarding school for a majority of my young-adult life I was delighted with the prospect of being able to support myself. Everyone else was doing it, I had to join the trend. And the moment I did would be a special one, with the essential outfit.
When I had secured a job interview at the office building I now dragged myself to on a semi-regular basis, I used the week leading up to the occasion to search for the right clothes. The entire week.
Now, however, I had Inuyasha. Inuyasha was a freak of nature. He could smell Christian Dior a mile away. And he turned his nose up at prices frequently because he knew exactly where he could find the same blouse at a dingy thrift store without the extra one-thousand dollars. Being a fashion major, he knew everything that was anything to do with clothes of any sort, shape, kind, or era. He truly devoted himself to his craft, and I had to admit that the creations he turned out while spending hours a day locked in the small sewing room of our apartment were quite nice.
The audition was always on my mind; every hour and second of the day. After the first-moment adrenalin rush had begun to subside, I paused to reconsider my sudden ecstacy. Why was I so excited? Why was I even auditioning in the first place? Did I really want to be an actor? Had I dreamed about it my entire life and just not realized it?
Immediately a reason snapped itself into place, but I ignored it. Certainly Hojo was a decent guy, hell he was a downright hometown bashful gentleman. You just wanted to pinch his cheeks. But honestly, I wasn't really doing this for him, was I? It would be insulting to my character, to go to such trouble for a guy...
Again.
Therein lied the fact that proved my reluctance to join the group for Hojo's sake was legit. Kouga still lurked in my heart like a taunting spirit. He was not about to abandon my soul anytime soon, it wasn't like I had suddenly become a happy, frolicking young woman again. I had been in love with Kouga. I was not, however, in love with Hojo.
It was my belief that I was going into this thing as a type of therapy. It was probably just what I needed to relax and forget the past. It was just what I needed to make it possible for me to really, finally move on.
***
"Inuyasha you ready?" I yanked my jeans up and buttoned them.
"Just a minute..." His voice echoed over to me from the other side of the apartment.
I bit my lip with excited glee. How stupid I had been to waste a week of my life away sniffling in bed just a few days ago...Especially when there were so many things I still had to do! My lip-biting was in vain, and I was soon giggling stupidly. When Inuyasha came in, he found me sprawled out on my bed wiping tears from my eyes.
"You're a freak," he commented innocently.
I laughed softly and slowly until I was totally calmed down again. "Ohhhhh...." My head went up and I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Ready to go?"
He nodded in response and I clapped my hands enthusiastically. "Great. Where first?"
Inuyasha blinked stupidly, then clicked back. "Oh. Um, BCBG."
"There?" I was astonished. We hadn't been to BCBG in a while. We hadn't been to BCBG for months. Time spent together had dwindled substantially when I got engaged to Kouga.
"Why not? It's got just what you need."
My voice went up a tone. "Really?" It was terribly expensive. And to my knowledge it didn't exactly offer the semi-business attire I would have preferred for the occasion of my audition.
"Sure. You love BCBG, and they just released their new summer collection.
"Yeah I do but, do you really think they'll have what I'm looking for? I mean, I really need them to understand that I'm serious about this." I fluffed my hair.
He rolled his eyes slowly and huffed. His hands on his hips, he sized me up with his eyes momentarily and then proceeded to snatch my wrist and drag me straight to my own closet. I sensed my own doom on the horizon felt a shudder of fear race through me.
The closet doors were thrown open. "Observe." He pointed at my neatly organized clothing and then when I shrugged in answer he proceed to dishevel all of my hard work. Cashmere sweaters and silk skirts were hurled over his shoulder without hesitation. Eventually he came to a stop and held a nice jean jacket embroidered with daisies timidly in front of him as if it were crawling with disease.
"What the hell is this?"
I twitched sharply at his tone. There was no stopping him when he decided to rifle through my wardrobe, but I drew the line when he sniffed at my clothes so coldly. Without even giving them a chance! Hey, I liked daisies! They're cute! "It happens to be a jacket your royal wise-ass."
"It's not a jacket, it's a monstrosity!"
"Hey!"
He continued. "And when you're not wearing something as ridiculous as this in public, you insist on prancing back and forth in lavender business suits! LAVENDER!" Inuyasha waved the hated jacket around frantically for emphasis.
"I like lavender!"
"Yeah well all shades of purple make you look like an eggplant."
"HEY!"
"I'm just a messenger of the truth Kagome." He tossed the jacket away and added, "When you look good it's because I have to spend an hour coyly advising you to wear this with this and that with that in a way that won't insult you too much."
"I think I'm fine. I wear all the best designers."
"In the wrong way."
"Shut up. I'm not changing for you." I folded my arms and spun away from him with my nose in the air like a child. We were both children.
As he continued to throw away various articles of clothing, he muttered softly, "Couldn't if you tried."
I turned back, my mouth agape. "What did you say?"
"You heard me," he spat. "I dare you to change."
I fumed. "Why should I?!"
"Because it's necessary!"
"I'm not going to!"
"You couldn't handle it!"
"Oh? Wanna bet?!"
"Sure!"
"Fine! Twenty dollars!"
"Fifty!"
"Deal!" I puffed up by a good margin and glared at him with all my might. Little bitch. If he hated that jacket so much he good shove it where the sun don't shine. Or if there wasn't enough room in there next to the giant stick he could stuff it in the source of never-ending space, his big fat mouth.
He got to his feet with the jacket in hand again. "First thing: You are going to get rid of this."
***
Up until that day, no one had actually told me I had a problem with fashion. I didn't even suspect. I just strutted around as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with my teal cashmere sweater/violet shirt-dress ensemble. I didn't find anything particularly repulsive about Inuyasha's taste either, which you would have suspected considering that he had just accused me of having horrendous taste. But I didn't. Yet the more I thought about it, I supposed that it was true; I never dressed like he did, and he allegedly had great taste. When I purchased fine designer clothing, whether the occasional real thing or a thrift shop product, and I did purchase them often, I didn't really put things together the way Inuyasha did.
After a while, having been exposed to these things, they started to bother me deeply, and I spent most of our grim ride on the subway in deep thought, delving into this trivial issue that interested no one but us. After much thinking, it dawned on me that I had been scammed, and I peered over at Inuyasha to see him smirking with a smug look on his face. I resisted the urge to hit him forcefully.
My anger seethed and boiled to its peak, but then gradually sank. At least I was getting fifty dollars out of it. Inuyasha had to have faith in this operation if he was willing to sacrifice a fifty for it. He was oddly stuck-up when it came to money. There was always the possibility that I would fail to complete the transition he had in mind, but I was not about to bow down to him, whatever it took. He obviously knew that...It made me wonder why he wanted so badly for me to switch myself around at this particular time. Perhaps it had something to do with Kouga; maybe he thought I should cleanse myself of the life I had had with him. I might really have to change after all, for my own emotional health; and if I had to change, I had to change. Might as well get some cash from it.
Even if it was just clothes, I was still apprehensive, no matter how hard I tried to conceal it. Never once had I stepped out of character enough to wear a really scantily revealing top, and I didn't favor tight jeans either, because one of my most uncomfortable and closest secrets was that I highly disliked going commando, and I had never in my life even tried on a thong. They gave me the creeps.
Besides, my wardrobe was part of me. I had spent my life in a religious girls school bedecked in a ridiculous uniform. The thing was an embarrassment: white shirt with green collar and a pleated green skirt that didn't allow you to bend down, plus a red ribbon holding it all together. And knee-socks. Please. Being a senior in that get-up was not one of my fondest memories.
But despite my hatred of the flimsy thing, it inspired a need to keep to the plain attire in me. Having grown up wearing and in the constant presence of the uniform, I found myself unable to escape it, even after I had moved to New York. It was like it was laughing at me. I kept to the dull stuff and couldn't bring myself to buy even the most amateur of flashy outfits.
This change was going to be even more of a change than I had previously thought. Imagine it had all started out with me wanting a new outfit for my audition. Sheesh, I would never go back to Inuyasha for fashion help again.
***
BCBG. Maxazria, BCBG. A prestigious fashion house, fairly expensive, Inuyasha was totally convinced that this was the place. He wouldn't listen to a word I said, and rolled his eyes when I told him it was too pricey. "Live a little..." He muttered.
"Every time you say that and I listen to you I get closer to death."
Again he rolled his eyes, and this time added an over-dramatic sigh for fun. I threw up my arms in disgust. The store was looming in front of us, tucked away neatly in a Nordstrom's. It wasn't that expensive, not compared to the other countless times I'd splurged, but I was still apprehensive nonetheless. I mean, reminding yourself that you could buy a shirt at BCBG for the same price from Eileen Fisher reduced the thrill of buying it.
"Come on sweetie," he grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the entrance. Why couldn't I have contracted a cold? Why did I accept his bet? Why hadn't the train stalled and why oh why hadn't there been a psycho killer riding with us to slow things down? "Come on," Inuyasha said again, a bit more sternly.
Biting my lip, I allowed myself to be pulled inside, where the bright lights immediately sparkled in my eyes. While I passed a hand over my vision for shade, I asked, "What now slick?"
"What now? Dear child I'm going to take you on the ride of a lifetime." He scuttled to a rack of fluffy summer dresses and pawed through them with expectant looks in my direction.
I groaned and dragged my feet to him. Upon reaching his side he promptly shoved a few things into my arms. "Wow, should I go to the changing rooms now? That was fast..."
His eyebrows went up, "I hope you have more energy than that, we're just getting started."
***
I loafed in a plush chair near a rack of belts-brooding silently. Inuyasha was like some sort of insect, an ant perhaps, gathering food for the colony. He scuttled around in a jittery manner; head bobbing up and down every so often from between rows of blazers and skirts. And amazingly, for such a willowy body, he could carry many times his own weight. Heaps of clothes were piled in his arms, and I could see the attendants from behind the counter flinching every time he sniffed and threw an expensive shirt onto his pile as if it were little more than a rag.
For about the umpteenth time, you'd have thought he'd have noticed the trend by now, a nervous store-keeper approached him tentatively. "May I help you sir?"
"What?" He observed her around the layers of clothing he held in his arms. "Oh...no, I'm fine thank you."
The girl hung around him anyway, reaching out anxiously whenever she saw the mountain tottering and making soft mewling sounds. Inuyasha's head was darting around. "Kagome? Hey! Where are you?"
I raised my hand where I sat, "Over here. Done yet?"
"I think so..." He made his way in the direction of my voice. "Did I miss anything?"
My eyes swished up and down the pile darkly. "No."
"Where's the stuff I told you to hold on to?" Inuyasha's voice was half-muffled as he tried to speak around the clothes.
Sighing, I gathered the few dresses I had been watching over for the past forty-five minutes. Being a weak, uninterested soul, I had quit after fifteen, and made myself comfortable in the depth of a chair positioned between the belts and the hats.
He inspected the dresses I held carefully, then his yellow eyes glistened in approval and his enthusiasm was renewed with even greater intensity than before. "Wonderful," he chirped, "Ready to try stuff on?"
I felt the blood seep out of my face coldly. "Try it...on? All of it?"
"Well of course! What did you think we were going to do for the next three hours? Window-shop?" He snorted. "Please."
Cursing, struggling to find a way out of the situation, my eyes strayed desperately to the clerks, but they were giving me evil eye venomously; accusing me of not stopping him when he had been in a mad rush through their store. I was stranded.
"But..." Anything. What would get me out of it? Anything. Please. "Work! I have to be at work!"
His golden eyes rolled upwards towards the ceiling. "You don't have to be at work for another four hours. That leaves plenty of time."
"No! You see, I um...No!"
"Don't try to escape now...I know where you live." Inuyasha allowed some of the clothes off the top of the hill to spill into my arms, and I groaned.
"Inuyaaaaaaashaaaaaaaa..."
"No whining!" He scolded. "To the dressing rooms! Scoot!"
"I'll unlock that for you." A young female clerk, the same one that had been sidling up to Inuyasha not so long ago with a pained expression, came forth with a key dangling in her hand. She brushed past us with the stalking grace of a cat. An evil cat. "I'm happy to help." She glared sternly at both of us with a mocking smile and giggled at me with a false laugh as she bent and unlocked the door to the nearest dressing room and gestured for me to enter.
"A ha ha ha..." My eyes were also narrowed. Bitch. Assisting in my doom. Bitch.
"Please, call if you need anything." She retreated again, losing none of her predatory elegance.
Bitch.
My gaze was trained on her as she returned to her post by the counter and began to chat with a co-worker. They were snickering and looking at us. The moment was interrupted, however, when I felt something hit me in the backside, and I knew immediately that Inuyasha was continuing to impatiently urge me to get into the room.
"Goooooooooo!"
"Hold it princess, I'm moving, I'm moving." Grumbling all the way, I moved into the changing room.
"Take these with you!"
I turned just in time to get a jumble of clothes thrown in my face. Shocked by the force, I stumbled backwards a bit and collided with the wall behind me in a loud thump. I couldn't suppress the wave of curses that spewed from my lips as I considered all the abuse my butt was taking. The laughter of the salesgirls rose in the background.
"Hurry up now!" Inuyasha smiled and waved as he began to shut the door. "I'd come in with you, but between you and your possible apparel I don't think there would be much room." With that delightful parting comment, he shut the door firmly and left me wallowing in a heap of expensive fabrics.
"Screw you," I hissed.
"Don't forget to show me everything."
"Shut up."
He sniggered from behind the door. Growling once more, I carefully pulled a silk dress away from the pile. It was a lovely, delicate, not to mention see-through thing. Flowers sprawled down from the top left corner of it to the bottom right. Beautiful flowers. The dress itself was beautiful. And probably expensive too.
Sighing again, stupidly, I stripped down in front of the mirror and carefully slid the flimsy material over my skin.
"Show me," Inuyasha barked.
Frowning as I learned an anatomy lesson about myself that I shouldn't have learned while "dressed," I responded, "Is there something I should be wearing under this?"
***
Fifteen billion shirts, dresses, jeans, and combinations of them later, I was nearing the end of the torture. Inuyasha had finally given in and joined me in the changing room. Technically, every piece of clothing had been fitted to my flesh. I was through with that. Now for the tricky business, Inuyasha had to scan through everything again, using his excellent memory to remember what had looked reasonable and what hadn't.
I sniffed haughtily and stood with my arms extended as he held a something to me.
Suddenly his face lit up. "I think we have a winner."
My expression immediately changed from painfully and desperately bored to astounded. I had been losing hope of seeing the world outside of the dressing room again. But could it be? Had he finally reached a conclusion?
"You serious?"
Still grinning, he stooped and collected a pair of tight fitting navy blue-denim pants and a few other garments, then rose again. "Here you are!"
I accepted the small bundle happily. "This...is so great..."
"Go, go!" He was jumping around excitedly in the confined space. "Try it on, try it on!"
Looking down at the carefully selected items, I remembered them all, but not particularly. They hadn't stood out in my mind as being anything fantastically stupendous. "You sure about this?"
"Well if you'd rather go through everything again..."
Not wasting anymore time with words I nearly tore off my clothing in my haste. First I squeezed into the pants. At first I thought I had grown several inches, but presently I realized that they were clam-diggers. The were dark denim with a lighter shade of the same fabric sewn around the bottom of the pant-legs. The pockets and zipper were announced with strips of white fabric.
"Top?" Inuyasha passed me something white. I turned it over in my hands for a moment, and then slipped it on. It was a spaghetti strapped shirt made of white linen. The fabric was course and rough, and should have been thick and heavy, but it was instead light and semi-transparent. My skin shone beneath it with a bright, youthful sort of glow. All in all, it was a nice enough summer outfit.
"This it?" I asked.
Smiling, Inuyasha produced one last item that I hadn't seen before or recalled trying on. "I found this while you were experimenting," He was still grinning impishly when he helped me shrug into it. "Don't know how I could have possibly missed anything, but I did." His curious behavior failed to irk me, as Inuyasha had a habit of acting weird at equally weird moments.
It was a jacket, a beige, sort of green jacket with tan lines of thread cris-crossing all over it form a checkerboard effect. It had three-quarter sleeves and fanned out a bit around my torso with a pink zipper. Very retro. Every bit of it fit me perfectly. I was not impressed.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Inuyasha primped the clothes dutifully; pinching the sleeves affectionately. I shuffled my feet in the stray clothes crowded on the floor. Then he slipped some shoes onto my feet that were white with high heels and resembled damaged spider-webs.
"Well?"
"Um...It's great." I was lying, and he knew it. As I stared down my reflection in the mirror I just couldn't see myself anywhere. Nothing was me. Sure I whore designer stuff, sure I swung for a form-fitting thing once in a while, but this thing that I was wearing now...It just wasn't me.
Inuyasha's face fell, and I prepared to face the music and the loss of a good fifty-dollars. "Is it really that bad?"
"No, no," I shushed, waving my hands. "It's just that...well..."
"It's not what you usually wear?" Never once did his tone become smarmy, never once did he make the slightest action to imply that he was going to rub my failure in as much as possible.
I hung my head and whispered, "I'm sorry..." His hands left my shoulders. "Guess you'll be wanting that fifty dollars now huh?"
"Don't worry about it." He was smiling again, but with far less enthusiasm than a few minutes ago. "I tried..."
Again I mumbled my apologies and gently eased out of the jacket. Next the top went over my head, then the pants. When I was back in my own clothes, I found a strange satisfaction and comfort that I hadn't been aware of for a long time. But with the gladness came a nagging regret.
I was ready to leave, but Inuyasha claimed he needed to buy some shirt or belt or whatever, so he stayed and politely turned down my offer to remain with him; telling me to go get us some lunch at the café directly across from the store. I obeyed and ordered us salads and tea, feeling for whatever reason that I needed to cleanse myself with healthy food.
Inuyasha came in with a white BCBG bag. A very big BCBG bag. Far too big for a belt or shirt, or even both. I leaned over the table as he sat down seemingly as far away from me as possible. "What's in there?" I asked.
His eyes flashed for a second and he stabbed a pepper roughly with his fork. "Just some things."
Inuyasha could act jolly, he could act like an idiot, he could act like a psycho or a jerk or anything but a bashful guy. Whenever he turned even the faintest shade or red or showed the smallest sign of uncertainty, you could be sure that something was up.
"Come on, what's in there?" I pressed.
He pressed back. "N-None of your business."
My curiosity raised to its peak, I once again pushed myself up from my chair to see down into the bag. He pushed it behind his seat with his foot, so I hopped up and ran over in an attempt to snatch it. But just as my hand came down for the handle, he slid it under the table and my fist closed empty on the air.
"No way." His fork resumed its quest through his greens without another word from him.
Pouting childishly, I dragged my feet back to my chair and flopped down on it with my arms folded. After watching him sourly for a few seconds and trailing his first bite with my eyes as it traveled to his mouth, I sprang up and dove under the table, sending the glassware trembling. People turned shyly to observe the mad woman who was crouching on all fours under a table.
Inuyasha dropped his silverware abruptly and swooped down after me, contributing to the scene we were making; but I swooped up again before he could catch me, this time with the bag in hand. "Ah-ha!" I cried triumphantly while simultaneously driving my hand into the BCBG clothing. He was still in hot pursuit, and once he had disentangled himself from the chair and table legs Inuyasha was blindly snatching at my hand, trying to stay it before it revealed his purchases.
My gleeful sniggering stopped suddenly when my eyes rested on the first thing I had pulled from the bag. The jacket was dangling from my fingertips, still half-wrapped in tissue paper. Inuyasha made an attempt to snatch his things back but I yanked them from his reach with my attention still glued on the jacket. My mouth hung open and I wordlessly set the jacket down after a while, sifting through the bag again. I was searching for the receipt, and on my way I saw the rest of the outfit, along with several of the summer dresses I had tried on also folded neatly inside. Eventually I drew out the slip of paper. His total had come to roughly $600.00.
"I'm not taking anything back!" He growled.
I stared at him. "Then what are you going to do with it?"
Inuyasha hesitated again. "I was going to give it to you..." He pulled back the bag and all its contents, taking the receipt from my grip. "When the time was right."
My confidence came back a little, and I started to reply smartly, "Then I'll take it ba-" I couldn't finish. Inuyasha had spent six-hundred dollars on me. Even for friends, even for wealthy friends, that was still saying something. That was saying a lot.
"Why do you want to change me?" I wasn't trying at all to be mean, and he understood that and handled my statement calmly.
"I'm not trying to change you...not that way. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think that you might like it if you gave it a real try." He stared me down with his piercing eyes. "I'm only trying to help you." His nails clicked on the table as he rolled his fingers in impatience and frustration; searching for the right words. "Just think of...think of it as experimentation...exploration. Okay?"
After much inner debate, and finding no other solution, I settled on a simple, well-worn phrase of mine, "Thank you."
***
The clothes felt strange in my hands. I sat on the bed, listening to the noises of the city outside. Work had been slow and repetitive. When I came home dragging my feet I took a shower and changed into my pajamas, intending to go to bed early.
Yet after several hours of staring up at the ceiling watching the blades of the fan swirl before my eyes I got up and brought the white bag out from its hiding place under my night stand. It was ridiculous, getting so worked up over a few outfits. All I ever did was overreact. And I had lost enough sleep already in the past week. There was absolutely no reason to pursue the trend with as trivial a matter as clothing.
But I did. It was easy to see that the outfits were symbolic. To me, it seemed that if I gave in and wore them, I would be warping my entire image. That could possibly mean disregarding Kouga. It could possibly mean scoring Hojo.
But did I really want Hojo? Would it really change me that much to wear something different? Would I never be able to go back to the way I was?
The matter was deep and complex, I couldn't go into it much farther than meeting the wave of questions that sprang up.
While I gazed down at the fine filmy material of one of the dresses, I decided to approach it from a different angle. Supposing they were really just clothes, what was the big deal? They weren't ugly clothes, they were actually quite pretty.
Just not on me.
It was almost surprising. A major turning point in the situation for me. I realized that half of my trouble with the stuff was that I found that it was not meant for me. Really, it belonged on a model! Not a drab, plain, silly, obedient girl like me... I felt...unworthy of it.
But there was no reason for me to feel unworthy of anything! I was fine just the way I was, if I wanted to wear some clothes, I wanted to wear some clothes, dammit.
Ten minutes later I was standing in front of the mirror in the stuffy summer darkness in a peony-cream, beautiful dress. It shimmered and caressed my skin all the way down my body. Lovely. I sighed and hurried out of it, folding it down and pressing it carefully to the bottom of the bag.
Next I eased into another dress, than another, and finally the pants and jacket outfit.
Change was good. Change was healthy. Change was just what I needed. And there was nothing wrong with me. I was a good person. I wasn't unworthy, that was stupid. I hadn't done anything that should make me feel unworthy. I hadn't done anything wrong.
Right?
***
The day of the audition swiftly approached and I spent the many hours in between quoting movie lines in front of my mirror like a nitwit. I had no experience, and the possibility that I would get in the group seemed very slim. Inuyasha searched for support and eventually came up with, "Well, you are very dramatic. That's good, right?"
Riba drilled me at work, and although it was supposed to be a secret, all the other ladies eventually found out about it and we performed horrific "skits" in the coffee room on breaks. I felt like a total idiot, and every time I stuttered or blushed and turned away (as I did frequently), I could practically feel my desire to become an actress slipping away.
When asked about my chances of success the women would politely change the subject. When Sango and Miroku found out about it they cheered me with obviously fake enthusiasm. As I sniffed at what poor actors they were the bitter phrase "it takes one to know one" rang about in my head.
Rin and Shippou of course beamed with enthusiasm every time I walked in the room. But those two could get excited about the shapes of clouds for heaven's sake. They hardly counted. But I figured at that point that I had to take all the support I could get, so I puffed up reluctantly whenever they announced that I would be the next Audrey Hepburn.
In other news, the clothes remained in the bag, which was tucked away discretely in my closet until the moment came to decide what I would wear to the audition.
Other than that, things were more or less a combination of up and down moments. Which was the way they usually were. Which was boring.
However, something mildly interesting did start happening over the next few days; though it was hardly unexpected. As in accordance with tradition, when Shippou started hanging around Rin more and more often, so did her older brother. Her eldest brother.
Sesshomaru's watchful eye was never far behind the young couple, and since Inuyasha and I enjoyed going places with them so much, well, I started to see a lot more of him. Every time I was in his company I felt strangely uncomfortable. You tend to get the feeling that he's not only watching his little sister when he's around, he's also watching you too. It's not a particularly intimidating gaze, or a judgmental gaze... Not if you avoid looking him directly in the eye...
Which is what I happened to do one day while Rin, Inuyasha, Shippou and I were all having lunch together.
Rin brought up again that I was going to be a wildly successful actor someday. "She has talent, I know it. Don't think I haven't noticed your talent Kagome!" She shook a finger at me as if she were a mother scolding a bad child. "Don't you think so Sesshomaru?"
The previously silent observer of our conversation had now been dragged into it. I blushed, for no reason at all. The table went quiet as everyone leaned forward a bit for an answer. Timidly, I raised my gaze to his, and froze like a deer in the headlights. To be honest, I hadn't actually expected him to be looking at me when I looked at him, but he was.
My heart beat accelerated, I held my breath.
There was something about the way his eyes rested on me so calmly, as I had never seen them before. Maybe it was just that I didn't really look at his eyes directly very often, but it seemed that...there was something lifted from them. They were calm and steady, beautiful. Not cold or reprimanding. Just perfect.
"Everyone has talent."
The statement stung; my emotions got the better of me in the frozen moment, and I turned away pretending that something outside had caught my attention. It felt like for just a second or two after I had looked away that his stare had still been fixed on me, but I had probably imagined it.
Rin shrugged. "Yes, but Kagome has really special talent."
Shippou put something in before Sesshomaru had a chance to counter Rin. If he had even wanted to.
***
My foot bobbed up and down where I sat rigidly on the bed. Up and down, tapping with a persistent beat. I looked over at my bedside clock. 4:00 a.m. After checking for details I had forgotten to ask about the first time, I had discovered that the auditions went on anytime between eight and three in the afternoon.
The noises of New York were dim. The lights were still down in the city. In an hour or two, the sun would rise on a city that was already awake. In fact, there were probably people already at work. I flopped backwards onto the mattress of my bed.
My restless body had been tossing around in the sheets for nearly forty-five minutes now. At this rate, when I turned up for my audition I would be nodding off before I had a chance to say my lines. I had to get some sleep.
There was already a sleep aid floating around in me somewhere, it would kick in eventually, but eventually wasn't coming soon enough. I switched on the T.V. and watched the fan spin. As a little girl the sound of people moving around and talking outside my room had made me feel safe and sleepy.
Someone was blaring back a story that had been playing on the news for days and days. I didn't listen, didn't know what it was...didn't care. In New York you could see the news live everyday. The stories that ended up on T.V. started in the streets. I wasn't interested in it anymore. The first months after boarding school had made it seem exciting and exotically dangerous, but not anymore.
The sounds of gun shots from live coverage of some story leaked into my ears and I screwed my eyes shut against the ringing sounds.
To my surprise, the darkness that now swarmed across my vision was oddly soothing. It was peaceful... I must have been more tired than I realized, because in moments I was dropping off, with the gun shots still blaring in my head.
I dreamed about running alone down a dark alley by myself. It was strange, I could see the shadowy buildings all around me, but there were no lights on. Even the street lamps were extinguished. In the distance, over my own ragged breathing, I could hear the distant sounds of the city; of people and cars and buses and trains moving and thriving in the night. But they were so far away, I couldn't reach them.
Then the buildings seemed to fall on top of me, and I fell. It was a wretched feeling of despair and loneliness, and shame. Like I had humiliated myself or let someone down. I was sure that I was going to die of crushing unhappiness, and with the city noises still hovering around me.
But all of a sudden, I felt something warm wrap itself all around me, and I sighed, realizing that up until that point I had been bitterly cold. I saw golden eyes dancing in front of me, and sighed in rapture. The city was all around again, and I was happy.
***
My eyes cracked open to the sound of cars zipping back and forth under my window, and country bird calls replaced by a chorus of horns. Sunlight was pouring through the blinds. I stretched my arms and legs dreamily and blinked in the potent light.
I bumped into something. Only mildly surprised, I rolled over and saw a pair of yellow eyes blinking away sleep in front of me. Inuyasha yawned and smiled.
"Hi," I said sleepily. "What're you doing here?"
He yawned again and rubbed his left eye slowly. "I heard you crying in your sleep."
"Crying? Not again." Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Cry. I was kind of a repetitive person.
"Yeah, don't feel bad about it." He scratched his head and turned onto his side.
I was about to return to sleep myself when I sat bolt upright. "TIME!" I screeched.
Inuyasha cried out in surprise and slipped off the bed. There was a loud thump as he hit the wood floor. I scuttled over to the ledge and peered down at him. He was rubbing his head sourly. "What the hell was that for?!"
"TIME!" I screamed again.
"Crazy bitch!" He growled.
I looked around wildly and then made a fantastic lunge for the night stand. I missed it completely and landed on Inuyasha, who was spitting and screaming obscenities as I was rolling off of him.
"Time, time, time!" My alarm clock was turned away slightly, and I grabbed at it furiously. 2:30. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
"WHAT?!" He shouted.
"I'm going to be late!" In my mad scramble to get up I landed my foot squarely on Inuyasha's gut and slammed into the closet. Throwing it open, I began ripping through my clothing. "What am I going to wear?!"
Still moaning and groaning in a pathetic heap on the floor, and clutching his stomach as well, Inuyasha was of no help whatsoever. Baby. I tore at my hair and practically screamed. After sifting through my blouses again I spun around and kicked him violently in the ribs. "GET UP AND HELP ME!" I was violent in the morning...afternoon...whenever I woke up.
"SHUT UP!" He resumed moaning.
"LISTEN BASTARD! I HAVE A HALF HOUR TO GET TO MY AUDITION!" I knelt down so that my face was level with his. "DO. NOT. RUIN. THIS. FOR. ME."
Inuyasha squirmed a bit more and then pointed into the closet at the BCBG bag. "Jacket," he wheezed, "clam diggers, white top. Find some white high heels." And then he continued to writhe.
I sat frozen for a moment. The outfit that was supposedly too good for me. My gaze strayed to the bag. "T-That outfit?"
"Yes!" More huffing and puffing. "What are you waiting for?!"
I swallowed once, and then without a second thought, I raced forward on my hands and knees and grabbed the bag and a pair of shoes. Then I tore into the bathroom. 24 minutes left.
***
I probably forgot somebody in the reviews. If that is true, SORRY! You can hate me all you want if I did. Recommendations next time. Too lazy. Zzzzzzz...
*****************************************************************************
This chapter is dedicated to the splendid authoress Chickmooget who had a birthday a little while ago. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOOGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this momentous occasion, I want all of you to go out and leave her a happy birthday review please. I know it would make her very happy, even if it's stupidly late. And it would be a fantastic good deed for any of you out there who are hoping to escape the fiery depths of hell in the afterlife. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
******************************************************************************
As promised, review responses for chapters 4 and 5 and in this case, the other thing. I intend to do it this way from now on, responding to reviews from the past two chapters, but chances are I won't remember if you post a review in an earlier chapter to respond to it. It's not that I don't care, it's that I have the memory of a goldfish.
RED DAY: Yeah sure. Kag and Hojo...whatever you say. Maybe. Maybe not...
acrimsonnight: I'm not saying. I keep my secrets about coupling...it's just more fun that way. Glad you're liking the story. Thanks for the support about BLAH. I share your hatred for he/she/it. I didn't really let it get to me, I just sort of got frustrated; I mean, what do you say to someone like that? Thanks again!
Tori: Yes, I'm very good with twists. They are my speciality. Have to keep you guys on your toes you know. Of course Hojo wants to play Romeo, sort of a dead giveaway, but hey, who said he would actually get the part? I didn't. But then again I never said he wouldn't get the part either...
Rabid-Inu-Girl: Yeah...the object was to make everyone sick with the fluff from Shippou and Rin. I'm glad at least that I got the desired effect no? As for your latest comment about the pairings... Maybe. ~_^
Tsuki Yume: Glad you're liking it.
Choas Babe: You're darn right. GO SHIPPOU!
Kagura Fanel: Dip. Bollywood. Asian Hollywood. We've already gone over this so I won't repeat myself further. Actually, I don't know how you could have missed it with your impeccable perception of the world around you, but Inuyasha is entirely and without a doubt, straight. Sheesh Kagura, everyone else got that real quick. I guess you're just behind as usual. (And why do you think I put it in a chapter that you and everyone else would see? Does it LOOK like I would mind the name "Kaggles?" Shnikies KAGURA.) ^_~ HAHAHA! See? If you posted your stuff you would get to do this to people. It ROCKS!
Tiffany: The title of the story means, "Do You Want to Meet Me?" The title of the second chapter is, "I Am No One's Little Weasel." This chapter means, "So Silly." Good luck with Spanish!
Sylaera: I'm delighted that you like the story. It's funny how Inuyasha being gay all started out... I have a female friend that I call Inuyasha, and well, watching the series, I saw that she wasn't getting any of the action she wanted, so I got the idea to write a story just for her in which she could enjoy all the male company she desired. And I totally agree, I should be getting waaaaaay more attention. When are people ever going to realize that it's ALL ABOUT ME? Dammit! ~_^
Myouga Jiji: Yes you have heard that before. ~_^ Had to name her something different tho to respect her privacy and all that. And how does it feel being an insider? Knowing the connections and what not? Isn't it fun? As for BLAH, what's done is done, I have no idea what "The Message" is from anyway. ?
sashlea: Ahhhhhh, gotcha. I'll do that with the recommendations, yes. It makes sense. Thanks for the tip!
renamangga: Thanks for the support. And what the hell, he/she/it probably won't see it, true, but let's post it for them anyway, shall we? From, renamangga to BLAH: ahem,
I'm sorry you think that about this fic, but you really need to learn to a.) be nicer about things, b.) only flame if you have the courage to sign, c.) shut your trap, and d.) all of the above. To be quite honest, I'd rather read about Inuyasha's homosexual escapades than read anything by someone so close-minded and rude as you. And just as an ending note, it doesn't make you cool to say things like that.
What she said.
Peenya Kowlada: Oh what a darling review! Yes, Kikyo is absent. I think the world had had enough of her when she died the first time. No need to revive such repetitive drama neh? She might make a brief cameo later if I need some random extra to fall off a building or something. And I know there was a lot of swearing in the first chapter...but hey, it's New York. Oh by the way, I'm glad you picked up on the jumping plot line. You know I was killing myself over that for a long time. I didn't know if it was going to fast, or going to slow, or getting too boring or too dramatic...It's nice to hear some positive input about that. Thanks again for the review!
Gwen: Hoo hoo ha ha, neat! Such excellent praise! I'm most flattered, thank you. I figured Inuyasha needed a change, and what better way to change him than by reversing his sexual preferences? HA!
koinu-no-ai: Oh...thank you. *a single tear rolls down her cheek* Your words are touching. If you can bring up such good points in a review I may just have to check out your story... ^ ^
Fate Bringer: I agree, no need to bite people's heads off for writing. Be nice in reviews, sheesh. But even so, they probably did mean all gay people. Because if he hates Inuyasha being gay, he probably hates everyone else being gay too. And someone brought up a good point to me that the whole Inuyasha series is based on the power of love and how blind it is; demons and humans and what not. There's even the gay character Jakotsu later on. So that person must just not be a true Inuyasha fan...pity. Thanks for the review!
Sesshyangel: I would assume New Yorkers do. To be honest, I've never even visited New York in my entire life, which is why you don't see many specific addresses in the story ^ ^. I've written this based on my frequent trips to Chicago. I have a sister going to college there, and I figure it's gotta be just as vile as New York so might as well work with it.
Tsuki Yume: I'll try to update fast...no promises though. Thanks for the review!
***
Chapter 6-Si Bête
***
For the next few days I was puttering around madly. As far as I knew, there was nothing I needed to bring to the audition except myself. But that automatically created a requirement that I with my exquisite fashion sense could not ignore. A new outfit. It had to be perfect, it just had to be.
Far back in my memory when I had first moved to New York I recalled feeling the driving need to become a contributing member of society despite the more-than-adequate financial support my parents were feeding me from across various locations. It was nothing compared to what Inuyasha was being backed with, but it was still something. A big something. At any rate, after being locked in a boarding school for a majority of my young-adult life I was delighted with the prospect of being able to support myself. Everyone else was doing it, I had to join the trend. And the moment I did would be a special one, with the essential outfit.
When I had secured a job interview at the office building I now dragged myself to on a semi-regular basis, I used the week leading up to the occasion to search for the right clothes. The entire week.
Now, however, I had Inuyasha. Inuyasha was a freak of nature. He could smell Christian Dior a mile away. And he turned his nose up at prices frequently because he knew exactly where he could find the same blouse at a dingy thrift store without the extra one-thousand dollars. Being a fashion major, he knew everything that was anything to do with clothes of any sort, shape, kind, or era. He truly devoted himself to his craft, and I had to admit that the creations he turned out while spending hours a day locked in the small sewing room of our apartment were quite nice.
The audition was always on my mind; every hour and second of the day. After the first-moment adrenalin rush had begun to subside, I paused to reconsider my sudden ecstacy. Why was I so excited? Why was I even auditioning in the first place? Did I really want to be an actor? Had I dreamed about it my entire life and just not realized it?
Immediately a reason snapped itself into place, but I ignored it. Certainly Hojo was a decent guy, hell he was a downright hometown bashful gentleman. You just wanted to pinch his cheeks. But honestly, I wasn't really doing this for him, was I? It would be insulting to my character, to go to such trouble for a guy...
Again.
Therein lied the fact that proved my reluctance to join the group for Hojo's sake was legit. Kouga still lurked in my heart like a taunting spirit. He was not about to abandon my soul anytime soon, it wasn't like I had suddenly become a happy, frolicking young woman again. I had been in love with Kouga. I was not, however, in love with Hojo.
It was my belief that I was going into this thing as a type of therapy. It was probably just what I needed to relax and forget the past. It was just what I needed to make it possible for me to really, finally move on.
***
"Inuyasha you ready?" I yanked my jeans up and buttoned them.
"Just a minute..." His voice echoed over to me from the other side of the apartment.
I bit my lip with excited glee. How stupid I had been to waste a week of my life away sniffling in bed just a few days ago...Especially when there were so many things I still had to do! My lip-biting was in vain, and I was soon giggling stupidly. When Inuyasha came in, he found me sprawled out on my bed wiping tears from my eyes.
"You're a freak," he commented innocently.
I laughed softly and slowly until I was totally calmed down again. "Ohhhhh...." My head went up and I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Ready to go?"
He nodded in response and I clapped my hands enthusiastically. "Great. Where first?"
Inuyasha blinked stupidly, then clicked back. "Oh. Um, BCBG."
"There?" I was astonished. We hadn't been to BCBG in a while. We hadn't been to BCBG for months. Time spent together had dwindled substantially when I got engaged to Kouga.
"Why not? It's got just what you need."
My voice went up a tone. "Really?" It was terribly expensive. And to my knowledge it didn't exactly offer the semi-business attire I would have preferred for the occasion of my audition.
"Sure. You love BCBG, and they just released their new summer collection.
"Yeah I do but, do you really think they'll have what I'm looking for? I mean, I really need them to understand that I'm serious about this." I fluffed my hair.
He rolled his eyes slowly and huffed. His hands on his hips, he sized me up with his eyes momentarily and then proceeded to snatch my wrist and drag me straight to my own closet. I sensed my own doom on the horizon felt a shudder of fear race through me.
The closet doors were thrown open. "Observe." He pointed at my neatly organized clothing and then when I shrugged in answer he proceed to dishevel all of my hard work. Cashmere sweaters and silk skirts were hurled over his shoulder without hesitation. Eventually he came to a stop and held a nice jean jacket embroidered with daisies timidly in front of him as if it were crawling with disease.
"What the hell is this?"
I twitched sharply at his tone. There was no stopping him when he decided to rifle through my wardrobe, but I drew the line when he sniffed at my clothes so coldly. Without even giving them a chance! Hey, I liked daisies! They're cute! "It happens to be a jacket your royal wise-ass."
"It's not a jacket, it's a monstrosity!"
"Hey!"
He continued. "And when you're not wearing something as ridiculous as this in public, you insist on prancing back and forth in lavender business suits! LAVENDER!" Inuyasha waved the hated jacket around frantically for emphasis.
"I like lavender!"
"Yeah well all shades of purple make you look like an eggplant."
"HEY!"
"I'm just a messenger of the truth Kagome." He tossed the jacket away and added, "When you look good it's because I have to spend an hour coyly advising you to wear this with this and that with that in a way that won't insult you too much."
"I think I'm fine. I wear all the best designers."
"In the wrong way."
"Shut up. I'm not changing for you." I folded my arms and spun away from him with my nose in the air like a child. We were both children.
As he continued to throw away various articles of clothing, he muttered softly, "Couldn't if you tried."
I turned back, my mouth agape. "What did you say?"
"You heard me," he spat. "I dare you to change."
I fumed. "Why should I?!"
"Because it's necessary!"
"I'm not going to!"
"You couldn't handle it!"
"Oh? Wanna bet?!"
"Sure!"
"Fine! Twenty dollars!"
"Fifty!"
"Deal!" I puffed up by a good margin and glared at him with all my might. Little bitch. If he hated that jacket so much he good shove it where the sun don't shine. Or if there wasn't enough room in there next to the giant stick he could stuff it in the source of never-ending space, his big fat mouth.
He got to his feet with the jacket in hand again. "First thing: You are going to get rid of this."
***
Up until that day, no one had actually told me I had a problem with fashion. I didn't even suspect. I just strutted around as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with my teal cashmere sweater/violet shirt-dress ensemble. I didn't find anything particularly repulsive about Inuyasha's taste either, which you would have suspected considering that he had just accused me of having horrendous taste. But I didn't. Yet the more I thought about it, I supposed that it was true; I never dressed like he did, and he allegedly had great taste. When I purchased fine designer clothing, whether the occasional real thing or a thrift shop product, and I did purchase them often, I didn't really put things together the way Inuyasha did.
After a while, having been exposed to these things, they started to bother me deeply, and I spent most of our grim ride on the subway in deep thought, delving into this trivial issue that interested no one but us. After much thinking, it dawned on me that I had been scammed, and I peered over at Inuyasha to see him smirking with a smug look on his face. I resisted the urge to hit him forcefully.
My anger seethed and boiled to its peak, but then gradually sank. At least I was getting fifty dollars out of it. Inuyasha had to have faith in this operation if he was willing to sacrifice a fifty for it. He was oddly stuck-up when it came to money. There was always the possibility that I would fail to complete the transition he had in mind, but I was not about to bow down to him, whatever it took. He obviously knew that...It made me wonder why he wanted so badly for me to switch myself around at this particular time. Perhaps it had something to do with Kouga; maybe he thought I should cleanse myself of the life I had had with him. I might really have to change after all, for my own emotional health; and if I had to change, I had to change. Might as well get some cash from it.
Even if it was just clothes, I was still apprehensive, no matter how hard I tried to conceal it. Never once had I stepped out of character enough to wear a really scantily revealing top, and I didn't favor tight jeans either, because one of my most uncomfortable and closest secrets was that I highly disliked going commando, and I had never in my life even tried on a thong. They gave me the creeps.
Besides, my wardrobe was part of me. I had spent my life in a religious girls school bedecked in a ridiculous uniform. The thing was an embarrassment: white shirt with green collar and a pleated green skirt that didn't allow you to bend down, plus a red ribbon holding it all together. And knee-socks. Please. Being a senior in that get-up was not one of my fondest memories.
But despite my hatred of the flimsy thing, it inspired a need to keep to the plain attire in me. Having grown up wearing and in the constant presence of the uniform, I found myself unable to escape it, even after I had moved to New York. It was like it was laughing at me. I kept to the dull stuff and couldn't bring myself to buy even the most amateur of flashy outfits.
This change was going to be even more of a change than I had previously thought. Imagine it had all started out with me wanting a new outfit for my audition. Sheesh, I would never go back to Inuyasha for fashion help again.
***
BCBG. Maxazria, BCBG. A prestigious fashion house, fairly expensive, Inuyasha was totally convinced that this was the place. He wouldn't listen to a word I said, and rolled his eyes when I told him it was too pricey. "Live a little..." He muttered.
"Every time you say that and I listen to you I get closer to death."
Again he rolled his eyes, and this time added an over-dramatic sigh for fun. I threw up my arms in disgust. The store was looming in front of us, tucked away neatly in a Nordstrom's. It wasn't that expensive, not compared to the other countless times I'd splurged, but I was still apprehensive nonetheless. I mean, reminding yourself that you could buy a shirt at BCBG for the same price from Eileen Fisher reduced the thrill of buying it.
"Come on sweetie," he grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the entrance. Why couldn't I have contracted a cold? Why did I accept his bet? Why hadn't the train stalled and why oh why hadn't there been a psycho killer riding with us to slow things down? "Come on," Inuyasha said again, a bit more sternly.
Biting my lip, I allowed myself to be pulled inside, where the bright lights immediately sparkled in my eyes. While I passed a hand over my vision for shade, I asked, "What now slick?"
"What now? Dear child I'm going to take you on the ride of a lifetime." He scuttled to a rack of fluffy summer dresses and pawed through them with expectant looks in my direction.
I groaned and dragged my feet to him. Upon reaching his side he promptly shoved a few things into my arms. "Wow, should I go to the changing rooms now? That was fast..."
His eyebrows went up, "I hope you have more energy than that, we're just getting started."
***
I loafed in a plush chair near a rack of belts-brooding silently. Inuyasha was like some sort of insect, an ant perhaps, gathering food for the colony. He scuttled around in a jittery manner; head bobbing up and down every so often from between rows of blazers and skirts. And amazingly, for such a willowy body, he could carry many times his own weight. Heaps of clothes were piled in his arms, and I could see the attendants from behind the counter flinching every time he sniffed and threw an expensive shirt onto his pile as if it were little more than a rag.
For about the umpteenth time, you'd have thought he'd have noticed the trend by now, a nervous store-keeper approached him tentatively. "May I help you sir?"
"What?" He observed her around the layers of clothing he held in his arms. "Oh...no, I'm fine thank you."
The girl hung around him anyway, reaching out anxiously whenever she saw the mountain tottering and making soft mewling sounds. Inuyasha's head was darting around. "Kagome? Hey! Where are you?"
I raised my hand where I sat, "Over here. Done yet?"
"I think so..." He made his way in the direction of my voice. "Did I miss anything?"
My eyes swished up and down the pile darkly. "No."
"Where's the stuff I told you to hold on to?" Inuyasha's voice was half-muffled as he tried to speak around the clothes.
Sighing, I gathered the few dresses I had been watching over for the past forty-five minutes. Being a weak, uninterested soul, I had quit after fifteen, and made myself comfortable in the depth of a chair positioned between the belts and the hats.
He inspected the dresses I held carefully, then his yellow eyes glistened in approval and his enthusiasm was renewed with even greater intensity than before. "Wonderful," he chirped, "Ready to try stuff on?"
I felt the blood seep out of my face coldly. "Try it...on? All of it?"
"Well of course! What did you think we were going to do for the next three hours? Window-shop?" He snorted. "Please."
Cursing, struggling to find a way out of the situation, my eyes strayed desperately to the clerks, but they were giving me evil eye venomously; accusing me of not stopping him when he had been in a mad rush through their store. I was stranded.
"But..." Anything. What would get me out of it? Anything. Please. "Work! I have to be at work!"
His golden eyes rolled upwards towards the ceiling. "You don't have to be at work for another four hours. That leaves plenty of time."
"No! You see, I um...No!"
"Don't try to escape now...I know where you live." Inuyasha allowed some of the clothes off the top of the hill to spill into my arms, and I groaned.
"Inuyaaaaaaashaaaaaaaa..."
"No whining!" He scolded. "To the dressing rooms! Scoot!"
"I'll unlock that for you." A young female clerk, the same one that had been sidling up to Inuyasha not so long ago with a pained expression, came forth with a key dangling in her hand. She brushed past us with the stalking grace of a cat. An evil cat. "I'm happy to help." She glared sternly at both of us with a mocking smile and giggled at me with a false laugh as she bent and unlocked the door to the nearest dressing room and gestured for me to enter.
"A ha ha ha..." My eyes were also narrowed. Bitch. Assisting in my doom. Bitch.
"Please, call if you need anything." She retreated again, losing none of her predatory elegance.
Bitch.
My gaze was trained on her as she returned to her post by the counter and began to chat with a co-worker. They were snickering and looking at us. The moment was interrupted, however, when I felt something hit me in the backside, and I knew immediately that Inuyasha was continuing to impatiently urge me to get into the room.
"Goooooooooo!"
"Hold it princess, I'm moving, I'm moving." Grumbling all the way, I moved into the changing room.
"Take these with you!"
I turned just in time to get a jumble of clothes thrown in my face. Shocked by the force, I stumbled backwards a bit and collided with the wall behind me in a loud thump. I couldn't suppress the wave of curses that spewed from my lips as I considered all the abuse my butt was taking. The laughter of the salesgirls rose in the background.
"Hurry up now!" Inuyasha smiled and waved as he began to shut the door. "I'd come in with you, but between you and your possible apparel I don't think there would be much room." With that delightful parting comment, he shut the door firmly and left me wallowing in a heap of expensive fabrics.
"Screw you," I hissed.
"Don't forget to show me everything."
"Shut up."
He sniggered from behind the door. Growling once more, I carefully pulled a silk dress away from the pile. It was a lovely, delicate, not to mention see-through thing. Flowers sprawled down from the top left corner of it to the bottom right. Beautiful flowers. The dress itself was beautiful. And probably expensive too.
Sighing again, stupidly, I stripped down in front of the mirror and carefully slid the flimsy material over my skin.
"Show me," Inuyasha barked.
Frowning as I learned an anatomy lesson about myself that I shouldn't have learned while "dressed," I responded, "Is there something I should be wearing under this?"
***
Fifteen billion shirts, dresses, jeans, and combinations of them later, I was nearing the end of the torture. Inuyasha had finally given in and joined me in the changing room. Technically, every piece of clothing had been fitted to my flesh. I was through with that. Now for the tricky business, Inuyasha had to scan through everything again, using his excellent memory to remember what had looked reasonable and what hadn't.
I sniffed haughtily and stood with my arms extended as he held a something to me.
Suddenly his face lit up. "I think we have a winner."
My expression immediately changed from painfully and desperately bored to astounded. I had been losing hope of seeing the world outside of the dressing room again. But could it be? Had he finally reached a conclusion?
"You serious?"
Still grinning, he stooped and collected a pair of tight fitting navy blue-denim pants and a few other garments, then rose again. "Here you are!"
I accepted the small bundle happily. "This...is so great..."
"Go, go!" He was jumping around excitedly in the confined space. "Try it on, try it on!"
Looking down at the carefully selected items, I remembered them all, but not particularly. They hadn't stood out in my mind as being anything fantastically stupendous. "You sure about this?"
"Well if you'd rather go through everything again..."
Not wasting anymore time with words I nearly tore off my clothing in my haste. First I squeezed into the pants. At first I thought I had grown several inches, but presently I realized that they were clam-diggers. The were dark denim with a lighter shade of the same fabric sewn around the bottom of the pant-legs. The pockets and zipper were announced with strips of white fabric.
"Top?" Inuyasha passed me something white. I turned it over in my hands for a moment, and then slipped it on. It was a spaghetti strapped shirt made of white linen. The fabric was course and rough, and should have been thick and heavy, but it was instead light and semi-transparent. My skin shone beneath it with a bright, youthful sort of glow. All in all, it was a nice enough summer outfit.
"This it?" I asked.
Smiling, Inuyasha produced one last item that I hadn't seen before or recalled trying on. "I found this while you were experimenting," He was still grinning impishly when he helped me shrug into it. "Don't know how I could have possibly missed anything, but I did." His curious behavior failed to irk me, as Inuyasha had a habit of acting weird at equally weird moments.
It was a jacket, a beige, sort of green jacket with tan lines of thread cris-crossing all over it form a checkerboard effect. It had three-quarter sleeves and fanned out a bit around my torso with a pink zipper. Very retro. Every bit of it fit me perfectly. I was not impressed.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Inuyasha primped the clothes dutifully; pinching the sleeves affectionately. I shuffled my feet in the stray clothes crowded on the floor. Then he slipped some shoes onto my feet that were white with high heels and resembled damaged spider-webs.
"Well?"
"Um...It's great." I was lying, and he knew it. As I stared down my reflection in the mirror I just couldn't see myself anywhere. Nothing was me. Sure I whore designer stuff, sure I swung for a form-fitting thing once in a while, but this thing that I was wearing now...It just wasn't me.
Inuyasha's face fell, and I prepared to face the music and the loss of a good fifty-dollars. "Is it really that bad?"
"No, no," I shushed, waving my hands. "It's just that...well..."
"It's not what you usually wear?" Never once did his tone become smarmy, never once did he make the slightest action to imply that he was going to rub my failure in as much as possible.
I hung my head and whispered, "I'm sorry..." His hands left my shoulders. "Guess you'll be wanting that fifty dollars now huh?"
"Don't worry about it." He was smiling again, but with far less enthusiasm than a few minutes ago. "I tried..."
Again I mumbled my apologies and gently eased out of the jacket. Next the top went over my head, then the pants. When I was back in my own clothes, I found a strange satisfaction and comfort that I hadn't been aware of for a long time. But with the gladness came a nagging regret.
I was ready to leave, but Inuyasha claimed he needed to buy some shirt or belt or whatever, so he stayed and politely turned down my offer to remain with him; telling me to go get us some lunch at the café directly across from the store. I obeyed and ordered us salads and tea, feeling for whatever reason that I needed to cleanse myself with healthy food.
Inuyasha came in with a white BCBG bag. A very big BCBG bag. Far too big for a belt or shirt, or even both. I leaned over the table as he sat down seemingly as far away from me as possible. "What's in there?" I asked.
His eyes flashed for a second and he stabbed a pepper roughly with his fork. "Just some things."
Inuyasha could act jolly, he could act like an idiot, he could act like a psycho or a jerk or anything but a bashful guy. Whenever he turned even the faintest shade or red or showed the smallest sign of uncertainty, you could be sure that something was up.
"Come on, what's in there?" I pressed.
He pressed back. "N-None of your business."
My curiosity raised to its peak, I once again pushed myself up from my chair to see down into the bag. He pushed it behind his seat with his foot, so I hopped up and ran over in an attempt to snatch it. But just as my hand came down for the handle, he slid it under the table and my fist closed empty on the air.
"No way." His fork resumed its quest through his greens without another word from him.
Pouting childishly, I dragged my feet back to my chair and flopped down on it with my arms folded. After watching him sourly for a few seconds and trailing his first bite with my eyes as it traveled to his mouth, I sprang up and dove under the table, sending the glassware trembling. People turned shyly to observe the mad woman who was crouching on all fours under a table.
Inuyasha dropped his silverware abruptly and swooped down after me, contributing to the scene we were making; but I swooped up again before he could catch me, this time with the bag in hand. "Ah-ha!" I cried triumphantly while simultaneously driving my hand into the BCBG clothing. He was still in hot pursuit, and once he had disentangled himself from the chair and table legs Inuyasha was blindly snatching at my hand, trying to stay it before it revealed his purchases.
My gleeful sniggering stopped suddenly when my eyes rested on the first thing I had pulled from the bag. The jacket was dangling from my fingertips, still half-wrapped in tissue paper. Inuyasha made an attempt to snatch his things back but I yanked them from his reach with my attention still glued on the jacket. My mouth hung open and I wordlessly set the jacket down after a while, sifting through the bag again. I was searching for the receipt, and on my way I saw the rest of the outfit, along with several of the summer dresses I had tried on also folded neatly inside. Eventually I drew out the slip of paper. His total had come to roughly $600.00.
"I'm not taking anything back!" He growled.
I stared at him. "Then what are you going to do with it?"
Inuyasha hesitated again. "I was going to give it to you..." He pulled back the bag and all its contents, taking the receipt from my grip. "When the time was right."
My confidence came back a little, and I started to reply smartly, "Then I'll take it ba-" I couldn't finish. Inuyasha had spent six-hundred dollars on me. Even for friends, even for wealthy friends, that was still saying something. That was saying a lot.
"Why do you want to change me?" I wasn't trying at all to be mean, and he understood that and handled my statement calmly.
"I'm not trying to change you...not that way. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think that you might like it if you gave it a real try." He stared me down with his piercing eyes. "I'm only trying to help you." His nails clicked on the table as he rolled his fingers in impatience and frustration; searching for the right words. "Just think of...think of it as experimentation...exploration. Okay?"
After much inner debate, and finding no other solution, I settled on a simple, well-worn phrase of mine, "Thank you."
***
The clothes felt strange in my hands. I sat on the bed, listening to the noises of the city outside. Work had been slow and repetitive. When I came home dragging my feet I took a shower and changed into my pajamas, intending to go to bed early.
Yet after several hours of staring up at the ceiling watching the blades of the fan swirl before my eyes I got up and brought the white bag out from its hiding place under my night stand. It was ridiculous, getting so worked up over a few outfits. All I ever did was overreact. And I had lost enough sleep already in the past week. There was absolutely no reason to pursue the trend with as trivial a matter as clothing.
But I did. It was easy to see that the outfits were symbolic. To me, it seemed that if I gave in and wore them, I would be warping my entire image. That could possibly mean disregarding Kouga. It could possibly mean scoring Hojo.
But did I really want Hojo? Would it really change me that much to wear something different? Would I never be able to go back to the way I was?
The matter was deep and complex, I couldn't go into it much farther than meeting the wave of questions that sprang up.
While I gazed down at the fine filmy material of one of the dresses, I decided to approach it from a different angle. Supposing they were really just clothes, what was the big deal? They weren't ugly clothes, they were actually quite pretty.
Just not on me.
It was almost surprising. A major turning point in the situation for me. I realized that half of my trouble with the stuff was that I found that it was not meant for me. Really, it belonged on a model! Not a drab, plain, silly, obedient girl like me... I felt...unworthy of it.
But there was no reason for me to feel unworthy of anything! I was fine just the way I was, if I wanted to wear some clothes, I wanted to wear some clothes, dammit.
Ten minutes later I was standing in front of the mirror in the stuffy summer darkness in a peony-cream, beautiful dress. It shimmered and caressed my skin all the way down my body. Lovely. I sighed and hurried out of it, folding it down and pressing it carefully to the bottom of the bag.
Next I eased into another dress, than another, and finally the pants and jacket outfit.
Change was good. Change was healthy. Change was just what I needed. And there was nothing wrong with me. I was a good person. I wasn't unworthy, that was stupid. I hadn't done anything that should make me feel unworthy. I hadn't done anything wrong.
Right?
***
The day of the audition swiftly approached and I spent the many hours in between quoting movie lines in front of my mirror like a nitwit. I had no experience, and the possibility that I would get in the group seemed very slim. Inuyasha searched for support and eventually came up with, "Well, you are very dramatic. That's good, right?"
Riba drilled me at work, and although it was supposed to be a secret, all the other ladies eventually found out about it and we performed horrific "skits" in the coffee room on breaks. I felt like a total idiot, and every time I stuttered or blushed and turned away (as I did frequently), I could practically feel my desire to become an actress slipping away.
When asked about my chances of success the women would politely change the subject. When Sango and Miroku found out about it they cheered me with obviously fake enthusiasm. As I sniffed at what poor actors they were the bitter phrase "it takes one to know one" rang about in my head.
Rin and Shippou of course beamed with enthusiasm every time I walked in the room. But those two could get excited about the shapes of clouds for heaven's sake. They hardly counted. But I figured at that point that I had to take all the support I could get, so I puffed up reluctantly whenever they announced that I would be the next Audrey Hepburn.
In other news, the clothes remained in the bag, which was tucked away discretely in my closet until the moment came to decide what I would wear to the audition.
Other than that, things were more or less a combination of up and down moments. Which was the way they usually were. Which was boring.
However, something mildly interesting did start happening over the next few days; though it was hardly unexpected. As in accordance with tradition, when Shippou started hanging around Rin more and more often, so did her older brother. Her eldest brother.
Sesshomaru's watchful eye was never far behind the young couple, and since Inuyasha and I enjoyed going places with them so much, well, I started to see a lot more of him. Every time I was in his company I felt strangely uncomfortable. You tend to get the feeling that he's not only watching his little sister when he's around, he's also watching you too. It's not a particularly intimidating gaze, or a judgmental gaze... Not if you avoid looking him directly in the eye...
Which is what I happened to do one day while Rin, Inuyasha, Shippou and I were all having lunch together.
Rin brought up again that I was going to be a wildly successful actor someday. "She has talent, I know it. Don't think I haven't noticed your talent Kagome!" She shook a finger at me as if she were a mother scolding a bad child. "Don't you think so Sesshomaru?"
The previously silent observer of our conversation had now been dragged into it. I blushed, for no reason at all. The table went quiet as everyone leaned forward a bit for an answer. Timidly, I raised my gaze to his, and froze like a deer in the headlights. To be honest, I hadn't actually expected him to be looking at me when I looked at him, but he was.
My heart beat accelerated, I held my breath.
There was something about the way his eyes rested on me so calmly, as I had never seen them before. Maybe it was just that I didn't really look at his eyes directly very often, but it seemed that...there was something lifted from them. They were calm and steady, beautiful. Not cold or reprimanding. Just perfect.
"Everyone has talent."
The statement stung; my emotions got the better of me in the frozen moment, and I turned away pretending that something outside had caught my attention. It felt like for just a second or two after I had looked away that his stare had still been fixed on me, but I had probably imagined it.
Rin shrugged. "Yes, but Kagome has really special talent."
Shippou put something in before Sesshomaru had a chance to counter Rin. If he had even wanted to.
***
My foot bobbed up and down where I sat rigidly on the bed. Up and down, tapping with a persistent beat. I looked over at my bedside clock. 4:00 a.m. After checking for details I had forgotten to ask about the first time, I had discovered that the auditions went on anytime between eight and three in the afternoon.
The noises of New York were dim. The lights were still down in the city. In an hour or two, the sun would rise on a city that was already awake. In fact, there were probably people already at work. I flopped backwards onto the mattress of my bed.
My restless body had been tossing around in the sheets for nearly forty-five minutes now. At this rate, when I turned up for my audition I would be nodding off before I had a chance to say my lines. I had to get some sleep.
There was already a sleep aid floating around in me somewhere, it would kick in eventually, but eventually wasn't coming soon enough. I switched on the T.V. and watched the fan spin. As a little girl the sound of people moving around and talking outside my room had made me feel safe and sleepy.
Someone was blaring back a story that had been playing on the news for days and days. I didn't listen, didn't know what it was...didn't care. In New York you could see the news live everyday. The stories that ended up on T.V. started in the streets. I wasn't interested in it anymore. The first months after boarding school had made it seem exciting and exotically dangerous, but not anymore.
The sounds of gun shots from live coverage of some story leaked into my ears and I screwed my eyes shut against the ringing sounds.
To my surprise, the darkness that now swarmed across my vision was oddly soothing. It was peaceful... I must have been more tired than I realized, because in moments I was dropping off, with the gun shots still blaring in my head.
I dreamed about running alone down a dark alley by myself. It was strange, I could see the shadowy buildings all around me, but there were no lights on. Even the street lamps were extinguished. In the distance, over my own ragged breathing, I could hear the distant sounds of the city; of people and cars and buses and trains moving and thriving in the night. But they were so far away, I couldn't reach them.
Then the buildings seemed to fall on top of me, and I fell. It was a wretched feeling of despair and loneliness, and shame. Like I had humiliated myself or let someone down. I was sure that I was going to die of crushing unhappiness, and with the city noises still hovering around me.
But all of a sudden, I felt something warm wrap itself all around me, and I sighed, realizing that up until that point I had been bitterly cold. I saw golden eyes dancing in front of me, and sighed in rapture. The city was all around again, and I was happy.
***
My eyes cracked open to the sound of cars zipping back and forth under my window, and country bird calls replaced by a chorus of horns. Sunlight was pouring through the blinds. I stretched my arms and legs dreamily and blinked in the potent light.
I bumped into something. Only mildly surprised, I rolled over and saw a pair of yellow eyes blinking away sleep in front of me. Inuyasha yawned and smiled.
"Hi," I said sleepily. "What're you doing here?"
He yawned again and rubbed his left eye slowly. "I heard you crying in your sleep."
"Crying? Not again." Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Cry. I was kind of a repetitive person.
"Yeah, don't feel bad about it." He scratched his head and turned onto his side.
I was about to return to sleep myself when I sat bolt upright. "TIME!" I screeched.
Inuyasha cried out in surprise and slipped off the bed. There was a loud thump as he hit the wood floor. I scuttled over to the ledge and peered down at him. He was rubbing his head sourly. "What the hell was that for?!"
"TIME!" I screamed again.
"Crazy bitch!" He growled.
I looked around wildly and then made a fantastic lunge for the night stand. I missed it completely and landed on Inuyasha, who was spitting and screaming obscenities as I was rolling off of him.
"Time, time, time!" My alarm clock was turned away slightly, and I grabbed at it furiously. 2:30. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
"WHAT?!" He shouted.
"I'm going to be late!" In my mad scramble to get up I landed my foot squarely on Inuyasha's gut and slammed into the closet. Throwing it open, I began ripping through my clothing. "What am I going to wear?!"
Still moaning and groaning in a pathetic heap on the floor, and clutching his stomach as well, Inuyasha was of no help whatsoever. Baby. I tore at my hair and practically screamed. After sifting through my blouses again I spun around and kicked him violently in the ribs. "GET UP AND HELP ME!" I was violent in the morning...afternoon...whenever I woke up.
"SHUT UP!" He resumed moaning.
"LISTEN BASTARD! I HAVE A HALF HOUR TO GET TO MY AUDITION!" I knelt down so that my face was level with his. "DO. NOT. RUIN. THIS. FOR. ME."
Inuyasha squirmed a bit more and then pointed into the closet at the BCBG bag. "Jacket," he wheezed, "clam diggers, white top. Find some white high heels." And then he continued to writhe.
I sat frozen for a moment. The outfit that was supposedly too good for me. My gaze strayed to the bag. "T-That outfit?"
"Yes!" More huffing and puffing. "What are you waiting for?!"
I swallowed once, and then without a second thought, I raced forward on my hands and knees and grabbed the bag and a pair of shoes. Then I tore into the bathroom. 24 minutes left.
***
I probably forgot somebody in the reviews. If that is true, SORRY! You can hate me all you want if I did. Recommendations next time. Too lazy. Zzzzzzz...
