I would just like to take a few seconds and say I do not own Gundam Wing at all.
I would also like to give a big thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter and the chapter after that, I really do think it's cool that you like the story so far, and I hope you all continue to review, so thanks.
NOW ONTO THESECOND CHAPTER...
Chapter 2
All that we see or seen;
Is but a dream within a dream
Edgar Allen Poa
With a muffled curse and sob Relena fell off her big comfortable, soaked through with sweat and tears bed, and landed painfully in a heap on the soft carpet.
Tearing frantically at the blankets in terror and desperation, the moment they were finally loosened enough Relena jumped up with none of the usual tiredness one shows from awakening from sleeping; and pelted for the bathroom door, which was thankfully close.
She stumbled into the bathroom only bothering to turn on the light. Fell in front of the toilet and preceded to puck all the contents of her stomach into the toilet.
Silent sobs of long lost pain and terror racked her body in hopeless tremors. For long minutes she sat there gasping and gagging in front of the toilet tremors mixing in with the silent sobs.
"Why is this happening now, I haven't dreamed about the past in at least eight years, I haven't dreamed about my past since I met Heero," thought Relena desperately.
Slowly she got up not bothering to flush the toilet still in utter complete shock. Stumbling she reached for the sink and thankfully caught it before she fell back to the floor in a boneless heap.
Then almost mechanically Relena reached for the faucets and tuned them on, putting them on as cold a they would go and then without thinking about it reached down cupped the icy water and splashed it over her face, hoping that the cold water might help calm her down a little.
Two more times she did this not really feeling the cold water or the wetness of her gown that was now plastered to her body by both sweat and water that had run down her face and into hershirt to mix with the fabric.
Then without turning off the water she stopped and leaned forward to look at her reflection.
What stared back at her was an expression and a face she hadn't seen in years?
Skin pale with a grayish tinge to it, dark circles under her eyes, lines etched into her forward from worry, stress and pain, lips compressed and thin with a bluish color to them, cheeks clearly defined and sunken, it was a look you would see only on someone much older and in a great deal of pain and though her appearance shocked her it was her eyes that really startled her. Her eyes that were usually a clear sparkling blue and filled with content, and happiness were now all but dead, there was no sparkle, no happiness or content only pain and a hint of something darker.
They were eyes of someone who had not only done terrible things, but had seen terrible things and lived to not only tell the tale but had come out a new person, a darker person, a haunted person.
It was a face she hadn't seen since she was a soldier, a face she hadn't seen in the mirror since the very first war between the colonies and the Earth.
As she was looking at her complexion in utter shock something caught her eye something out of place.
Looking down she saw red blood pouring out of the faucet with a cry and a gasp she backed away from the sink until she stumbled into the wall, her horrified eyes still on the blood that was pouring out of her sink, "Oh god, I'm going insane," she thought widely and with frightened silent sobs coming from her mouth she tour her eyes away from the grisly sight of her sink and looked with frightened eyes at the mirror again, and what stared back at her didn't help matters for what stared back at her was something only seen in nightmares, it was a face bloodied and twisted, filled with pain and cruelty; it was her face.
It was the face of a monster, a face of someone who had no soul with a sob Relena sank down onto the cold tiled floor, and curled up into a ball shivering and gasping for breath, "It's not true, it's not true, I'm not a monster I'm not," over and over again she repeated those words until they blended together, she repeated them so many times that she soon lost track of when one word stopped and another began.
Letting the cold seep into her body staring at nothing, eyes unseeing Relena didn't no how long she layed therebut somehow during the night she must have fallen asleep because all she remembered was that blackness came over her and that there was constant pain. Pain that had tormented her for the last ten years, on and on it went, never relenting never giving her a moments peace. It was moments like this that she prayed for the pain to stop, to go away, it was moments like this that she considered ending it all, of stopping the pain, she considered killing herself.
But every time she thought of ending her life she could never do it, she couldn't bear the pain her death would cause all those that she loved .
She couldn't do that to them they deserved far better than for her to kill herself and leave no explanation, no warning.
This was her problem, her memories were her own and no amount of self pity would fix this and killing herself was not an obtain not only because of her family but she had duties, she had built herself a new life, a life that didn't involve killing or fighting, a life she had fought very hard for, and in the end she had found what she had been looking for, what she had been searching for even during her days of being a soldier.
She found her past, a brother, friends, and a man that she loved desperately even if he didn't love her.
Heero Yuy the man she loved more then life itself.
The moment she had seen him she new he would drag her back into her past, would force her to leave the world she had worked so hard to build, she new he would be the one to help her along back into the endless fighting and bloodshed.
And he had just as she had predicted, from the moment he had washed ashore, he had done nothing but bring her further and further into the past she had worked so hard to leave to run from.
Because of him she had lost her adoptive father to an explosion an assassination attempt that had succeeded, because of him she became involved in the government, in politics a profession she had tried so hard to stay away from because it brought back terrible, painful memories of the past, not to mention in politics your past was brought up regulary something she couldn't afford for anyone to find out about.
Then to make matter's worse after meeting Heeronot only did she find out that not only was she related to a one Mr. Zech's Merquise a soldier and a enemy of Heero's but she also became a princess every girls dream except hers, for she didn't need the extra pressure or the constant worry that she would be found out, that her cover would be blown and that her past would come into light for all the world to no.
For none could no about her past, not just because she didn't want them to no but because they couldn't no, for she was part of a secret branch of the Earth's military, she was a test subject an experiment and if anyone found out about her pastrole in the goverment then not only would their life become forfeit but so would hers, Pagan would make sure of that; because not only was he her butler but he was also her handler, he had been with her since the beginning and when she said the beginning she meant the beginning.
Pagan was part of the same secret military Branch she had beenand had been taking care of her since she was a toddler. He was not only her nanny and butler but also her body-guard, her caretaker and if the need arised her executioner for it had been made abductly clear to her when she left the military service that if she were ever to tell anyone about the Gundam project or if anyone ever found out about her past and her association with the Earth's military then not only would she be killed but all those she loved or came into contact with would also have their life extinguished incase of any information they might have come into contact with about the original Gundam project.
It was apparent from the beginning that though she had been able to bury her past she would never be able to escape it, no matter how far or how long she ran there would always be someone looking over her shoulder watching her incase she let something slip, and the consequences of letting something slipped, were to great.
Not that she really cared about herself or what happened to her after all, what she had done in her short life had all but earned herself a place in hell for all eternity so what did it matter if she let a little something slip and wound up in hell a little sooner then expected it was no skin off her back.
At least that's what she thought in the beginning before she found people she cared about, that she loved and she would be damned if she let her loved ones die for her crimes, they deserved more than that and, so she kept silent because that was all she could do.
Then when she had found out that her brother had joined the enemy it had almost been more then she could bear she had been a thumb and a forefinger apart from calling upon her old contacts and asking them to round up the old gang and bring her Gundam, for she had wanted blood then lots and lots of it, but some how she managed to resist that impulse a feet to this day amazes her to no end.
She somehow maintained her calm the personality she was known for in both her military days and in her now new profession as being a politician; after all she had played her part so far very well in front of people, no one new who she was and no onesuspected a thing all they thought she was, was a naïve innocent little girl who wanted peace and who new nothing of suffering and war or of fighting for that matter and that's how she wanted to be portrayed an so with that thought in mind she had been able to not only keep the act going but has performed brilliantly. But still her brother's act of betrayal had hurt, it had hurt more then she wanted to a meant.
An then even before that she had, had the terrible shock of meeting Doctor J which had then only preceded to show she had made a terrible error in her last mission to kill all those who new about the original Gundam project, for it had been her final mission to find all the original five scientists who had originally come up with the idea for the Gundams and kill them.
She had tracked down all five of them and then had proceeded to split them up between her and her men. One for each man, their final orders were simple find the missing scientists, kill them and destroyall their research, then disappear.
It should have been a simple mission and it had been until she met Doctor J and realized that in her haste to escape her past she hadn't done a good enough job in destroying the research of the Gundam project for some how one of, if not all the five scientists had found away to pass on their research toanother to continue their work.
An all this had happened because she met Heero Yuy the moment she meant Heero it started a chain of events that not only brought her into close proximity with war and fighting but also brought about her new profession of being a politician and through the whole ordeal with Heero and his fellow Gundam pilots she had been able to keep the façade up even when it was just by the skin of her teeth, or when she thought she couldn't take it any more, or even when she grew closer to Heero.
She should have hated him for what he did, all the mess he caused her, and all the painful memories he brought back to the surface. She should have hated him for bringing her back into war and death the very things she had been running from but for some reason she couldn't no matter how hard she tried.
Maybe it was because from the moment she met him he reminded her of her self, only following orders, nothing more nothing less. Or maybe it had been his eyes his haunted, beautiful Prussian blue eyes that had not only been haunted but had been cold and hard, they were the eyes of someone who had seen many things. Those were the eyes that stared back at her each morning from the mirror before she put the mask on before she became the actress she had become quiet good at portraying.
And perhaps it was just him that touched her in some way, for she generally wanted to be near him, be around him. He was both ice and fire and she loved it, she loved matching wits with him toying with him. One moment letting him see who she really was and the next portraying the naïve girl he new her as. She loved throwing him off balance, loved testing her intelligence against his, talking, arguing about ideals and politics with him. She loved to surprise him, loved to just watch him. In fact she could spend eternity just being near him. She loved everything about him the way he moved, to the way he talked, to the way he acted.
She found him to be the most attractive man she had ever met, and also the most infuriating.
However she new nothing could come of the feelings she felt for him for, he could never no the real her, could never no the truth of what she really was. And he, well Heero was never one for showing feelings, his actions spoke louder then his words could ever accomplish, and she new he cared other wise he wouldn't protect her as he did.
He thought she didn't no when he came for a visit, he thought she didn't no when he came to her speeches or when he snuck into her room every once in awhile to check up on her, but she new, she wouldn't be what she was if she didn't. After all not knowing what was going on around you, if you weren't attuned to your surroundings at all times, could mean life or death for someone in her position for there was always that chance of someone getting past her body guards wanting revenge for some wrong she did to them either from her past life or her new one.
However she didn't care as long as she got to see him once in awhile, as long as she got to feel his presence or smell his cologne she was happy, just knowing he was there watching over her was enough for her to die happy.
Relena could have gone on and on reminiscing about her life and going through her memories but she became increasingly aware of a loud buzz sounding off somewhere, and with a angry start she realized that she was going to have to awaken for some how during the long nightmarish night she had some how fallen into a light daze and even though she fought it with all her might to stay asleep for she rather stay here where no pain could reach her and she could continue to think and day dream about Heero she new it was inevitable that she would awaken and though she struggled to stay in her dreams she finally lost the battle and awoke.
Awaking slowly almost as if coming out of a drug induced sleep Relena became aware of her surroundings. She was laying exactly where she had curled up in a ball a few hours earlier. Cold and shivering from the iciness in the room Relena gave her body a few moments to awaken and start functioning regularly and then haltingly almost mechanically Relena pushed herself up and stood up.
Limping her body still half asleep she made her way slowly to the sink which was still running cold water and not thankfully blood, then putting both her hands under the cold water she bent down and splashed water over her face.
The cold water hitting her face was exactly what she needed, for the moment the cold water hit her skin, her half asleep mind and body awoke fully ready to start the day.
Breathing deeply and steadily she calmed her previous night terror's and her pounding heart, as she did this she realized that the buzzing she had heard earlier and what in the end had awaken her was her alarm clock which meant that it was seven in the morning and she had to get ready for the meeting with the Prime minister of South-America to help sent up a new treaty of shipping goods between the colony L-3 and South-America a tenuous day to say the least for it was well none that the Prime Minister of South-America was hot-headed and quick to temper, no today would not be a good day.
With a sigh Relena slowly lifted her head and looked in the mirror almost afraid to look in case of what she saw and the image that stared back at her with water running down her face hadn't changed from last night the haunted almost tortured image with a hint of cruelty and coldness stared back at her almost mockingly.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then opened her eyes again but still the face looked back at her not wavering, not even a flicker of the mask she usually wore.
She was just too tired and in to much pain, she didn't have the strength or the will power to call upon that mask and wear it today; which left only one option make-up and lots of it.
With another sigh Relena once more splashed water over face reached for a towel, flushed the toilet, turned off the faucet and wiped her face dry.
Then with a deep breath and after squaring her shoulders, Relena for the last time took one last look in the mirror.
An again the face stared back at her not even flickering into the happy façade she was so used to seeing. With a humorless laugh and a cold smirk on her face that made her look positively evil she couldn't help but mutter as she turned away, " I lied I am truly a monster, nothing more, nothing less." An with that Relena walked out of the bathroom turning the light off as she went never once looking back, putting on a bright smile to once again fool the world but never herself, never herself.
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