Captain Douglas Falcon was not a particularly romantic man by nature. As handsome as he was, he was still uncomfortable talking to women in a reasonable and polite manner. That was why he was currently rhythmically banging his head against the wall on the opposite side of the hall-way from Samus's door. 'What to say...what to say...' he asked himself, before stopping as coloured bubbles appeared in front of his eyes. "Whew..."

He looked up, suddenly, at the sound of breaking glass. Slowly, carefully, using his skills as a bounty hunter to their peak, he walked down the hallway. He could hear muffled voices, and leaning carefully forward, he listened.

"Now to find the girl!"

"Which girl?"

"The red-head, fool...the one the Prince wants."

"Oh...sorry, must have slept through the briefing."

"Look...I'll explain it one more time. Now come here, and listen..." Falcon winced at the sound of someone having their ear pulled, "there is a girl. Named Roi. The Prince and King want her. We get her, and it's smooth sailing, high wages, and all the loot we want!"

"Oh."

"Yes. Now, come on!"

Falcon heard them start to run around the corridor. With an easy movement, he extended his arm...there...

He winced as the men slammed their foreheads into him. His limb didn't even move. It must have been like running into a brick wall. He stepped out from around the bend, and looked down on the two dozed kidnappers "Gentlemen, a word with you..."


Bowser looked up as the phone rang. With a grunt, he clawed the entire machine off the wall, and cradled it in his arm, bending his head towards the speaker, "Evil2Evil Enterprises, Vice President of Mushroom Operations Bowser Koopa speaking. How can I help you?"

"Evil2Ev...never mind, I don't want to know. This is Falcon...is Ganondorf there?"

Bowser looked around. Ganondorf was staring listlessly at his new torture machine, and muttering nasty things about "that inconsiderate elf- boy who killed himself;...never even got a chance to try out my new torture machine..."

Bowser nodded, and turned back to the phone. "Yes, President Ganondorf Dragmire is here...I'll transfer him to you..." he turned from the phone, and shouted, "Ganon, Falcon is on the phone for you..."

Ganondorf stood up, and stared at the machine in Bowser's hands. The warlord rolled his eyes, and took the machine into his own hands. "Hello, Falcon...this is President Ganondorf Dragmire of Evil2Evil enterprises. How can we help you?"

"Look, I'm going to regret this...but what the hell is Evil2Evil Enterprises?"

"Exactly."

"Sorry?"

"Hell is Evil2Evil Enterprises."

"..."

"Well, a subsidiary of Hell, at any..."

"Ganon, please...I don't want to know any more. You still have that torture machine?"

"Yeah..." Ganon sniffed.

"Oh, you aren't going to..."

The Dark Lord of Evil, Gerudo King, Keeper of the Triforce of Power, and All-Around Bad Guy known to the world as Ganondorf (Ganon) Dragmire, started to cry. "I never even got to try it on him... what will I do now? Where will I go? Who will I torment?"

"Geez...you don't know awful until you've heard a villain cry...look, you can try it on these two, okay?"