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LOVE
Chapter 13-Once Upon A
LOVE
Regardless of what Inuyasha had to say, I continued to...to...meet? Look at? Join up with?
Whatever, the point was, I wasn't seeing him. But I kept seeing him. See?
I didn't know quite why. Every time we were about to go our separate ways, one of us would suggest we meet again. We didn't exercise our creativity trying to think up nifty excuses; it was always something related to my health and how Sesshomaru should keep track of it.
And we never questioned the dates we set. The day, time, and place came out all in one breath and we agreed on it immediately. If there was a problem in one of our schedules, we wouldn't change the date, we'd simply move our previous engagements around.
Inuyasha was still nervous about it, and once or twice he might even tag along. Those days were particularly strange, and it was then when I noticed the progress Sesshomaru and I had made the most, because it contrasted so greatly with what I'd once thought "normal." See, we were actually getting rather comfortable around each other, but when Inuyasha was around...it was back to the same old routine.
I had to sit between them every time, glancing back and forth anxiously between the two. Like cats in a bag, though they rather reminded me more of dogs. You expected Sesshomaru to growl deeply once in a while, and Inuyasha to hiss in a very canine way.
I couldn't understand what they were fighting about. Well, Inuyasha, sure, but Sesshomaru really had nothing to prove. I blamed it on pride. Whether they admitted it or not, they both had profoundly huge egos.
...Meanwhile...
Practice was getting...easier, which surprised me. It was usually my habit to sink deeper and deeper into my depression before I actually rescued myself. Yet here, I didn't have to do a single thing.
One day as I was packing my stuff up after a rehearsal, I stopped right where I was and came upon the startling revelation that I'd recovered almost completely from the Hojo/Kikyo thing without much trouble at all. Sure, it still stung once in a while to see Kikyo cuddling into Hojo, but I was annoyed, really, not hurt.
Yukari, however, seemed to be a bit more worse off than I was. She seemed dispirited, discontent, and altogether distant. I did my best to cheer her up every so often; I took her to movies or clubs or restaurants and got her to laugh or got her to get drunk with me, etc., etc. But I never asked why she seemed so down, because I sensed she did her best to avoid the subject, whatever it was. And at the end of every outing, I knew I hadn't helped as much as I'd wanted to.
LOVE
I don't know how I did it, but I convinced Sesshomaru to go to the beach with me. It was a nice long drive, but I just got up the morning that he wanted to see me and said to myself, 'hey, the beach sounds fun.'
I timidly asked Inuyasha if he would like to come, seeing as we didn't often get to the beach in New York, but he gave me this hurt kind of look and turned my offer down. It was clear he was still very apprehensive about me being friends with his big brother.
Sesshomaru just sort of quietly growled his disapproval of the whole thing, but I managed to talk him into it, to my surprise. It was not too long ago that we'd had a talk about his 'sense of command,' and he was suddenly backing down at my suggestions.
I liked that.
The ride there was relatively silent; I got the feeling that Sesshomaru wasn't a big talker in the car, which was fine, because I wasn't either. I just watched the scenery go by, and sort of swept my finger along the window. It was very calm and serene.
It was a new thing for me, being so comfortable around Sesshomaru. For a while I'd been kind of nervous, but things got different in just a few days. I could talk to him pretty easily, I was used to his attitude, I had no problem at all being near him.
LOVE
"Take your shoes off."
He gave me hard look.
"Oh come on," I said gently, "It's really nice, haven't you ever felt the sand between your toes?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I did not enjoy it."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh please. You're just saying that to frustrate me, aren't you?"
His eyes narrowed. "No."
"Well fine then," I said, and began trouncing off toward the distant shoreline, "I'll just have an excellent time without you."
I could just barely hear his shoes shifting the sand aside as he followed me, and after about a minute I spun around, glaring fiercely. "Take them off."
Sesshomaru didn't respond, he merely gave me that look, and expected me to back down.
"Don't be so difficult! Just take your shoes off!"
Again, no answer.
"You obviously haven't been to the beach for about ten years. Honestly, sometimes you're such a child, Sesshomaru."
Silence.
"OKAY." Fed-up, and with a mighty war-cry, I ripped around as fast as I could and dove towards his feet. It was time to attack the shoes and take them off myself. Sesshomaru seemed baffled for a moment as I began wrenching at his footwear, and then did something I didn't anticipate.
Softly, he pried me off, stepped back, and took them off himself.
"Are you satisfied?"
I grinned broadly and stood up. "Very," I said as I brushed the sand off of my knees.
Then I turned around and began walking off again to the water. The weather channel said it was too cold to swim, so neither of us had brought a suit. We just planned to sit.
Once we'd reached the shore, we stood together, admiring the view of the sun over the ocean. It was a moment of silence for both of us, again, but we liked those moments. Time to watch the world go by a little.
After a while though, a subject came into my head and I decided to bring it up.
"I remember when I first met you," I said distantly. "Do you remember when you first met me?"
"Tell me about it," he replied.
I smiled sadly. "You don't remember, do you?"
"Tell me."
I leaned back, feeling somewhat disappointed, and stared up at the sky. "Well...I was with Inuyasha, of course. We were only there to see Rin," I told him, wanting to strike back a little, "We were just in her apartment, kind of planning to go out together, but it was hard, because she wasn't old enough to go everywhere, at the time."
I paused, remembering further, just to myself. It was only a second, but many thoughts came back to me.
It was just us, in her living room, half watching T.V., and half talking and deciding. Rin was next to me on the couch, and Inuyasha was in a big chair near us; guarding the remote like a dog would guard its territory.
"Movie?" Rin suggested.
I looked up from Oprah, "We go to movies a lot, you know."
"Yeah..." she said, tilting her dark brown head downwards, "But there's something I really want to see that's out."
"What?"
"Ringu."
"What?"
She smiled, "It's some horror movie from overseas. They're doing an American remake of it or something so somebody decided to throw it out to a few theaters. Really small ones."
"What's it about?" Inuyasha asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.
"Um...Horror? Wait, I think it's something about a...possessed...video...tape." Rin looked befuddled.
"Well how did you hear about it?" I asked.
She considered the question for a moment, then said, "I think I heard about it from... Oh yeah! From one of your friends, Sesshomaru!"
"Sesshomaru...?" I mumbled, and suddenly realized that her eyes were looking past me. I experienced the uncomfortable 'knowing' feeling that comes to you when you know someone's standing behind you, and turned around slowly.
When I first laid eyes on him, I jumped and let loose a small, frightened yelp. My only view was of the upper part of his legs, but once the initial shock of seeing someone who seemed to just magically appear wore off, I raised my eyes until they were level with his.
His face yielded a not-so scared reaction.
I remembered that I'd froze, instantly. I think he did too, because there was just a moment when we'd locked eyes and neither of us moved. He was looking at me, and even though his stare was level and kind of cold, I could see the surprise in his eyes, and something else, maybe admiration, and...as silly as it sounds, desire. Not like he wanted to throw me down and go wild or anything, but more like he just wanted to touch me. Again, not in a weird way, almost like he thought I wasn't real for a second.
Meanwhile, I was dumb-stuck. I'm not shy to admit that he has beautiful eyes. I said earlier that I don't really fall all over the place when he's around, not like other girls, but I have no problem saying he's a rather lovely male specimen. Sesshomaru has a wonderful color scheme going on; pale-ish complexion, the amber eyes, the long, silvery hair. It's nice.
"That's Sesshomaru," Inuyasha said from the chair. His burning eyes flicked over to his brother momentarily. "You know about Kagome?"
"No." His voice was nice too, if not a little blank. I detected a bit of loathing in it, and wondered if he was naturally bad-tempered or that was just for Inuyasha. I later found out it was a little bit of both.
"H-Hi," I mumbled. "I'm Inuyasha's friend. W-When did you...get here?"
"Oh he came in just now," Rin said, "Didn't you hear him?"
"No..."
"Yeah, he's the quiet-type. Aren't you, Sesshomaru?"
He looked passively over at Rin, "There isn't always a need to speak."
She nodded as if he hadn't just given her a coy insult. "True, true."
"How...do you guys know each oth-" I stopped suddenly and pointed at Sesshomaru, "You look like Inuyasha! I mean, you're different, but... Are you related?"
"Lamentably," Inuyasha said.
"Inuyasha!" I reprimanded.
"Of course," Sesshomaru growled, once again glaring at Inuyasha.
"We're brothers."
I stared at him, "Brothers? You have a brother? Why didn't I hear about this before?"
Inuyasha shrugged, "It wasn't worth mentioning."
I gawked at him, then turned back to Sesshomaru, feeling oddly hesitant. "I apologize for your rude relation." He didn't respond, just looked deeply at me, so I introduced myself a bit more formally. "It's nice to meet you."
He nodded, and I felt very small under his gaze.
"Continue." His voice woke me up from my memories with a start.
"Oh...." I said, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. "Okay, well... You snuck up on us. You snuck up on me,at least."
He half-smiled. "Did I frighten you?"
"Very much," then I laughed a little. "It was like you came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting you at all. Remember you ended up going to the movie with us? You're so protective of Rin."
There was confusion on his face for an instant, but it returned to normal very quickly. "I remember it."
"The movie?"
"Meeting you."
It was ridiculous, but I couldn't help but blush. "I see. Well you were pretty unforgettable yourself. I was tempted to ask you if you were a male model."
He gave me a rather quizzical, belittling look.
"Now don't look at me like that!" I exclaimed, "You're attractive and you know it."
"You are as well."
I blinked, and just looked over at him. He was staring down at me from his great height, and I saw a strange look in his eyes. He seemed apprehensive but yearning. I could tell he wanted to say something or do something, but either he couldn't decide if it was wise, or if it was acceptable, or who knows. I noticed that his face was a bit closer to mine, and thought maybe that I'd looked over at him just as he was about to do whatever he was hesitating about.
It was a long time we stayed like that, just standing; then I suddenly remembered his remark and summoned a reply. "Thanks, that's nice of you to say."
Sesshomaru then looked away quickly and stared at the water. "You're welcome."
Somehow I felt that I'd offended him, and smiled warmly attempting a fresh subject. So we stood on the beach, both with no shoes, letting the water lick our toes on the shore, and talked like nothing had happened, but something did, we just didn't know quite what, exactly.
LOVE
When the world falls down on your head, you feel it, and you know what's going on. You have enough sense to know when things are going badly, and you have enough sense to act on your feelings; whether you're calm, you're angry, you're violent, you're afraid, you absolutely know that this is really truly the end of your life. When the world falls down, you're a different person tomorrow, it's a fact.
I knew when the world fell down.
What I did not know, however, was when the world decided it would piece itself back together haphazardly and set me up for inevitable despair. I'm smart like that. But if you were in my position, would you have seen it coming either? True love wields powerful persuasion, that's all I have to say.
It was a hard practice. It really was. Kikyo pulled her last card out on me, and I just let loose.
"Why are you doing this?"
We were alone of course, locked away in a nice tight space to gouge each other's eyes out with grapefruit spoons. It was a lucky chance that we ended up alone too, because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Sure I wasn't all about Hojo anymore, but it still burned to know that she was just guiding him around. Hojo was a nice guy.
She hesitated, and then shot back, "You deserve it."
"What about him?! How can you just do this to Hojo?! You don't mean it, I know you don't."
See, we were the last ones out. All confrontations and dramatic events just happened to take place after practice, and it was just coincidence that I saw her snuggling with Hojo in the hall before they parted ways. She making for the west exit, and he walking straight ahead to the north.
Kikyo narrowed her eyes and smiled in a horrible way, "You should. I was really hoping you weren't that incompetent."
I just gaped. For whatever reason, it was just a deciding moment; and I decided that, so what if Hojo wasn't my love interest? He was still my friend, and he had a right to know.
"People like you aren't supposed to exist!" I hissed, and you have admit I was right. Evil people really aren't natural. You can't be that terrible.
"And yet I still do."
It happened like this: she turned, and caught sight of me gaping at her, my eyes straying to the retreating Hojo. I'd been in the shadows of the scene, and they were rather too preoccupied anyway to notice me. She flashed me the most stinging, conceited grin I'd ever seen in my life. I returned the blow with a look of revulsion, and stormed off in Hojo's direction with obvious intent.
But before I could get anywhere, a slender, firm hand snaked out of nowhere and clung almost painfully to my upper arm. Kikyo then spun me around, and dragged me away. I didn't protest, I wanted just as badly as she did at that moment to finally battle it out.
She threw me into an open practice room, much like the one I'd auditioned in, and shut the door gently. When she turned around to face me, who was furious, she folded her arms rather serenely and glared at me.
And the rest of that blink in time is history.
"Why do you do this?" I moaned desperately, "How can you use him against me?"
"Because I can, and because you deserve to be exposed to the consequences of pretending you're a worthy idol of admiration. You are nothing to be admired."
"Look who's talking!" I spat back at her, "The lowliest type of person in the world, who plays around with real people who have done nothing to her."
She looked slightly hesitant for a second. "Apparently you don't understand. You need to be educated about your place."
"I DON'T CARE. I don't, I don't, I don't," I was practically screaming then, "I get it, all right? I get it. I'm a terrible actress, I'm a terrible person, I stole everything away and I'm so selfish and greedy and stupid, OKAY!"
Kikyo only scowled more and remained darkly silent while I went on.
"HONESTLY, I've been taught my lesson, but if you think I'm going to back down because of your 'necessary' taunts, you've got another thing coming. That said, there's no reason for you to act abnormally horrible, even for you, by messing with Hojo when you don't mean a thing. He deserves better than that."
"Possibly..." she whispered in a sinister fashion, "But haven't you considered that he's happy with me?" She stressed the "me" part, so I'd get the point.
I swallowed apprehensively, "Yes."
"So if you care so deeply for him, why not leave him as he is? In love?"
"He's not in love," I bit out.
She seemed to be containing triumphant laughter as she spoke, "Yes he is. I would know."
"Oh," I hissed, "Of course you would," and then I performed my heroic move for the evening by running straight out the door and slamming it closed behind me, hot tears coursing down my face.
I wasn't lying to myself, I'd finally proved the fact that I was better than that, but when you see a friend being fooled with like that, and you know they're happy ignorant, the frustration is staggering.
I wanted to shake Kikyo and hit Kikyo and drive her face into the ground and roar into her ears how vile she was. I couldn't understand how I could suddenly become so violent, and that made things even worse. It was so disturbing, and so I cried to relieve the mounting tension.
Fearing going outside into a sea of judgmental New Yorkers, I ran to the commons area, where the cast usually loafed around and rehearsed lines when they weren't performing. It was just a nest of armchairs on carpet, with a small table and T.V. in the corner. When the carpet ended, the tiles started, and we had a little kitchenette area at our disposal.
The commons area was the first place that popped into my head, so I tore into it and threw myself toward an especially dark corner and onto the counter-top. There I stood, crying my fury out in the blackness of a room that's been cleaned up and shut down for the night already. It when on like that for a while, until I heard the door open a ways behind me, and saw light pouring in before my eyes from the illuminated hallway.
"Go away!" I sobbed, standing rigid and gripping the counter stiffly.
The person did not leave, but instead shut the door and I heard very slow, deliberate, advancing footsteps.
"LISTEN," I automatically assumed it had to be Kikyo, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? DO YOU WANT ME TO QUIT THIS? WOULD THAT MAKE YOU STOP? WHAT!"
"Kagome..."
Take a moment and imagine the impossible. Then apply it to reality. Multiply your reaction by about ten times, and you'd have what I felt when I turned around...
And came face to face with the man whose ring I'd dropped down a gutter just about four months ago.
"K-Kouga?"
LOVE
Oh. Cliffhanger! Yes, that was me. I did that. It's moments like these that I truly feel just how powerful I am.
