A/N: Have borrowed Evanescence's My Immortal. Tis a fab song, makes me cry loads but I love it. Anyhoo, must get on …

"This is so ironic, you know." Sirius said with a grin. It was late March and he was sat in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place opposite his cousin Nymphadora who, in all irony, was trying to build a house out of Exploding Snap cards. He had to admit she was doing reasonably well. The tongue she had protruded in concentration extended and moved in the direction of her cousin, though she did not dare take her eyes off her task. Sirius helped himself to the pile of cards between them and began his own tower. Remus Lupin looked up from the papers he was engrossed in over the other side of the kitchen.

"Nice to see you two finally doing something constructive," he commented dryly then ducked as Sirius sent an Exploding card in his direction. He chuckled and went back to his reading.

"Remember when we used to do this when we were younger?" Tonks asked after a while. She saw Sirius nod out of the corner of her magenta eyes.

"Oh yes, how could I forget? Kept you amused for hours. Remember when I tried to teach you to play chess? You got all stressed because you didn't understand and threw the pieces at me." He laughed at the memory. "I was around your house a lot that summer."

"Best summer ever, having you there, Riu." Tonks admitted. "Was the summer before …" she trailed off. Remus looked up again. Sirius gave a nervous laugh.

"Azkaban, you can say it T-Bird." The kitchen went silent for a while after that, save for the odd card exploding with a snap.

"I missed you," Tonks said quietly to the table. Sirius' hand paused over his tower and he lowered it slowly. Taking his cousin's hand, he squeezed it affectionately saying,

"And I missed you too, T."

"It makes me think a lot," ("Careful!") "about if I never see you again." Sirius began to interrupt but she continued. "It's happened before, it could happen again Riu, we both know that." Their eyes met, and he nodded reluctantly. Remus cleared his throat loudly, reminding them of how quietly they had been talking.

"If…if your caught, or if … if you die Riu –"

"Tonks!"

"I'm serious, Sirius. If you die … what do you want to happen?" He looked at her, considering her question.

"Moony for Minister!" he announced. Tonks slapped his hand causing her card tower to wobble threateningly.

"Tell me, please."

"Ok, ok. Burn the house. Now I'm the one being serious," he added as she sighed loudly. "I've put the house in Andie's name on my will but your mum's already made it clear that she doesn't want it. Harry's too young to inherit. I want the order to have it still, until Harry's old enough, and then he can do with it what he wants. For now, your mum suggested I put the house in your name, hope that's ok," he said casually. She frowned at him, and then nodded dismissively.

"Anything else?"

"Tonks, I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Well don't blame me when you're looking up, wishing things were different."

He scowled at her, sighing in resignation.

"Fine, well the most important thing is Harry, you know that. If anything good comes out of this conversation, it'll be your promise that you will look after Harry for me. Promise me that, Dora." He seemed almost desperate. She nodded quickly.

"Of course, of course. You have my word. Black's honour." They both laughed at her comment. Sirius glanced over at his friend.

"Look after Moony too, he can be a miserable git at times but he means so much to me." Sirius fell silent and Tonks knew that he was thinking of his Marauding years, so far behind him. He broke out of his daydream to find Tonks staring at him, with her morphed eyes, her hair in a navy blue plait down her back. She was still beautiful to him, whatever she looked like. "And look after yourself T-bird. You're a damn good Auror, I know you'll get through this war, and I'll be with you. That I promise you, ok? No more 'what-ifs'. Just take everything as it comes. Life is like a house of cards really." Tonks rolled her eyes. "Sure, the building of it is important, you may think it's so stable that it will never come down. But life's not like that Dora, and it's the rebuilding of a life that shows real courage. Picking up the pieces and trying again as best you can. That's what it's all about." He looked up expecting to see her sceptic face, and to be told to stop talking rubbish. Instead, she looked sad and afraid. He attempted to reassure her with a smile. "Wow, I even moved myself then. Listen, I'm not going anywhere, literally. You're stuck with me." He grinned at her and she returned it. As she continued her activity she heard Sirius whispering under his breath.

"Burn the house! Burn the house! Burn the …"

"Sirius! I'm not going to burn the house!" she giggled.

"Fine!" he exclaimed sulkily, and he let out a deliberate breath, which knocked down the house of cards with a bang. She squealed and thumped his arm. Sirius laughed loudly, even Remus joined in.

"Git," she muttered, and began to start again.

Tonks woke with a start. Had she been daydreaming? One look out of the window told her it was nighttime and she guessed that she most probably had fallen asleep. The grogginess she felt made up her mind on this. Tonks couldn't decided what she hated most about sleep; the nightmares of that dreaded Department of Mysteries, or the memories of her murdered cousin that flitted in and out of her dreams uncontrollably. She didn't want to remember the good times, or the bad times at that. She just wanted to forget. Feeling stiff she tried to wriggle around in the confined space of her driver's seat. She glanced over at Remus who was watching her with a mixture of concern and mild amusement. She groaned and rubbed her eyes with one hand.

"Wish you had woken me," she muttered with a hint of embarrassment.

"Don't be silly, you look shattered."

"What time is it?" Remus barely made out through her yawn.

"Late. Or early, depending on which way you look at it." The pair were parked on Magnolia Crescent, Little Whinging in Tonks' silver Fiat Punta. Remus had expected something a little more 'old banger' when imagining Tonks' car. He had been sceptical about travelling in any vehicle Nymphadora Tonks may happen to own; especially one she would be in control of. He was more than relieved to find all doors firmly attached and seatbelts in the car. Though it was the middle of summer, the evening was cool. Tonks put on her jacket clumsily, hitting Remus in the face and catching the horn with her elbow. She smiled at him apologetically as he rubbed his nose. They sat in silence for a long while, as they had on their journey to Little Whinging. Both knew that empty words for conversation's sake were just pointless. Neither had wanted to speak of how they were feeling, and neither had asked, until now.

"Are you ok?" Remus turned to her. She looked surprised that he had asked and attempted a smile, which he saw through straight away. "Why are you still on your medication?" Tonks cringed internally, wishing Molly had kept her mouth shut.

"I'm not. Well, I am but I'll be off it soon. Just took a little longer to heal than they thought I would that's all," she said stiffly. "Still hurts to morph though, I mean more than usual. It's a right bitch, looking like this. Like …" she trailed off. Like what? Like a Black? Like her…Bellatrix. She shook her head. Not now, Dora. Remus got the impression he'd said the wrong thing so he changed the subject.

"So, did you speak to Dumbledore? Are you taking the position?" She didn't reply for a while. Then she looked at him with a mixture of fear and anticipation. She nodded and they said no more about it.

"I didn't want to come here," she admitted out of nowhere then regretted doing so until he nodded.

"Me neither."

"I don't think I can handle it. Harry needs people to be strong around him and I don't think I can do that, not right now."

"Me neither," Remus muttered again.

"Tell you what, I'll put on a brave face if you will. We can be strong together. I'll help you, you help me, and we both help Harry. Deal?" He took a moment to look at the young woman beside him, her natural appearance, the honesty in her words, her broken heart. He couldn't say no.

"Deal," he said quietly, feeling as if he had just signed his life away.

"Great. Well it's getting near six; we should wander over to Privet Drive. Don't want to piss the Dursleys off anymore than we have to." She took a deep breath and winced as she morphed her hair colour from very dark brown to a very dark red. She left it the same length. She gave a small squeak of pain and opened her eyes. They were now light green. Like Lily's, Remus thought then chided himself. Don't even go there, not tonight.

"Why did you do that?" He tried to keep the demanding tone from his voice but he was annoyed that she had done that to herself. She gave him a shrug without looking at him.

"It's a security thing," she offered by way of explanation. She reached for her door handle and he did the same. As they approached Privet Drive they stopped. Lights were on at Number 4.

"I can't believe it's been a year since we were doing this last," Remus muttered to himself rather than Tonks. "So much has happened since then." Tonks took his arm.

"And so much more will happen this year, I don't doubt. We'll get through this Remus." He looked at her, his eyes stinging.

"I hope you're right Nymphadora."

Harry Potter lay on his bed, fully clothed, glasses on, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't remember if he had slept, it didn't feel like it. The early summer light fell through his bedroom window. Another day for him to go through the motions. He glanced at the digital alarm clock on his bedside table. It glowed 5:50am. A small tap on the door finally moved him from his motionless state. He opened the door slightly to see Aunt Petunia's thin face in the dim hall light. She, too, was dressed.

"Are you ready to go?" she hissed in a whisper. Harry simply nodded. Opening the door further, he turned to collect his broom, owl cage and trunk. He was surprised when his aunt held out her hand to offer help. Harry offered her the cage or broom, knowing she would take the cage.

"Quietly now, don't wake your uncle." Harry shifted his trunk as gently as he could down the stairs, meeting Aunt Petunia in the hallway at the bottom. She seemed nervous. She hadn't told her husband, Vernon, that Harry was leaving for school so soon and Harry thought that Uncle Vernon would see it as the nicest thing his wife had ever done for him. They stood in silence. Petunia was staring at Harry but he noticed that it wasn't her usual glare. It hadn't been all summer. He guessed that either she was fearful of the warnings the Order members had given her family the previous month, or that she knew more than Harry thought she did. He had seen an owl flying by the house on occasion and suspected Dumbledore had been keeping tabs. Harry's mind turned to his collectors. He guessed it would probably be Mr Weasley, or maybe Mad-Eye Moody. Last year Dumbledore had sent a large group to escort him. It shocked him that it was now only two members. Perhaps they had more important things to worry about. A light knock came at the door. Harry and Petunia looked at each other, the woman nodding her head to the door. He opened it slowly, his aunt peering over his shoulder. Greeting him were the two people he had least expected.

"Hello, Harry," the wizard said quietly. The witch said nothing. "Ready to go?" He nodded, taking the owl cage off his aunt and giving it to the witch. The wizard took the broom.

"Look after yourself," mumbled Aunt Petunia with as much affection as she could muster. She placed a hand on his shoulder, making him turn. She offered him a slight smile and he gave one back, feeling slightly confused. The door closed behind them, filling Harry with that familiar warm feeling in his stomach when he knew he wouldn't be returning to Privet Drive for a year. He followed Lupin and Tonks, dragging his trunk noisily behind him. The morning was already beginning to brighten. Harry stopped as Tonks opened the boot to a car. He glanced over to the bushes further up the street remembering the first time he had seen Sirius, in his dog form, three years ago. He heard Lupin and Tonks getting in the car and did the same. The doors banged shut and they sat there, the three of them, in silence. Eventually, Tonks turned to him.

"Hi, welcome to the Tonks-mobile, please keep all limbs inside the vehicle at all times and fasten your safety belt." Harry saw Remus nod eagerly, and he did as he was told. "Right," Tonks continued, "let's get going." She started the engine and they were off.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked as they pulled out of Magnolia Crescent. "Grimmauld Place?" Remus answered this, shaking his head.

"Eventually, yes. We have to make sure we aren't followed first so we are making a detour to Nymphadora's apartment. We'll be at Grimmauld Place by this evening, don't worry." Harry was worrying; he didn't want to go to Grimmauld Place. He swallowed hard and nodded to Lupin, who turned back around in his seat. Harry didn't travel by car often, and the experiences were not exactly pleasant; sitting in the back seat behind Uncle Vernon's stubbly, trunk-like neck, squashed by the obese Dudley who took up the remaining two back seats. Harry was relieved when Tonks reached for the radio button to fill the silence.

"Dora," Remus muttered. She just looked at him, mouthing the lyrics to the song that played causing him to sigh and look out the window. Any attempts he then made to turn it down were greeted with a slap on the hand. Harry was happy to sit quietly in the back, listening to Tonks singing along. She seemed to know the words to every song. After Tonks had been driving for three hours solid, they pulled in for a break. She was tired and needed some fresh air, so she offered to fetch some drinks from the service station, leaving Harry and Remus to sit uncomfortably by the car.

"So," Remus began, "how have you been?" the elder asked. Harry shrugged.

"You know," was all he said. Remus thought that he probably did know. "Tonks looks awful," Harry stated, causing Remus to give a short laugh.

"Yes she does, but don't you mention that to her. She knows. She's putting on quite an act, as I don't doubt we are either."

The trio moved on, down motorway after motorway. The humid weather was replaced by heavy rain, which was made worse by the immense traffic jam they were caught in.

"Must be an accident," Tonks guessed. "Or road works, more likely. Man, I hate this country." Their car crawled slowly for the next hour, causing Tonks to huff every other minute. Harry was in the middle of telling them about the 'incident' with Draco Malfoy and his cronies on the train home the month before, when a beeping interrupted him.

"What's that?" Remus asked, frowning. Harry listened too.

"Isn't that your phone Tonks?"

"Yeah, it's in my bag. Pass us it." Reluctantly, for Harry had always been told that it was rude to go through a woman's handbag, he found the phone and passed it to Tonks. She looked at the screen for the caller, then back at Harry.

"I don't condone using phones while driving, just thought I'd point that out now. Don't do it … and don't do drugs either," she added as an afterthought before answering the persistent ring. "Now then, poodle, what's up? I'm not at home. Oh no, sweetheart what's wrong?" Harry saw Remus look at him in his mirror, and gave him a sceptical look. He took this chance to turn the radio down. Tonks continued. "Aw, you're not crying are you? Good. Don't get mad; get even. Break his broom or something, I don't know. Are you still coming over? No that's fine sweetie. Listen, Minnie I gotta go, I'm driving. Yeah, yeah I know. Harry's here now, do you want to talk to him?" This made Harry frown. "Oh ok, I'll tell him you said hi anyway." Tonks gave a laugh. "Yeah, you too. Smile, eh? I'll see you soon. Love yaz." She hung up. "That was Hermione. Krum broke it off with her. Git." Harry was surprised that Hermione had been in contact with Tonks all summer. It made him a little angry that she hadn't called him, but he hadn't really wanted to speak to anyone anyway so he could hardly complain. The day got darker as the weather got worse. Tonks tried to drown out the sound of her squeaking window wipers with the radio, much to Lupin's annoyance. A melancholic song began to play. Harry recognised it, but couldn't say he knew it. He guessed Tonks did, however, as she whispered, "Oh no," as soon as the piano began. She reached to turn it off, but changed her mind and took a deep breath.

I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears,
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave,
Coz your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone.

Silent tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she hoped that neither of her friends had noticed. She managed to carry on driving until the bridge of the song broke her down into sobs.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

Tonks pulled over into a lay-by, without question from her passengers and cried for the remainder of the song. When it had finished, Remus turned the radio off. No one said anything for a while.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her head resting on the steering wheel. "I shouldn't have done that. It's that song, gets me every time. It was a test and I failed miserably. You didn't need to see that, I'm sorry." Harry thought she was talking to him, until he saw her head turn to Remus next to her. He stroked her hair soothingly.

"Don't be silly, you daft cow," he said, causing her to laugh through a sob. Harry had no idea what had just happened, and kept quiet. He knew that dealing with his own grief was one thing, but coping with someone else's was going to be a lot harder than he had feared. He just hoped that this heavy depression that hung between he and his friends was lifted soon because, in all honesty, he didn't think he could cope much longer.

A/N: Please review. You've got this far, consider it a warm-down. Would make me smile, you know you want to.