A/N: I know I've kinda messed up the length of their Summer Holiday but heyho. What can you do?
For a June evening it was cool. Tonks, who had been shivering all day for some unknown reason, sat in front of the hearth watching the amber flames dance around. Sirius was there of course, with Remus, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody. They were in the middle of a causal conversation. Sirius would give out a bark of a laugh at regular intervals, causing Tonks to glance their way but not join in. The grin Sirius wore faded as he noticed his cousin staring into the fire.
"Is she ok?" he asked Kingsley, who shrugged slightly.
"She's been like that all day," he admitted. Moody on the other hand did not seem so worried.
"Even Tonks needs time to think every now and again, let her be." But Sirius wasn't so sure. He twisted in his seat so he was facing in her direction.
"This must be the longest amount of time you've kept quiet, T-Bird," he joked. No response. "T? ... Tonks!" Again, nothing. He sighed impatiently. "Nymphadora!" he exclaimed sharply, sounding so much like his cousin Andromeda that Tonks snapped her head towards him. She frowned, as if she had only just realised that the four men were in the room.
"What?" she breathed. Sirius, looking concerned, rose from his seat to crouch by her.
"Tonks, what's wrong?" he asked. She was looking at the fire again. Her cousin turned to his friends, who returned his look of concern and confusion.
"Where's Harry?" she asked suddenly, speaking louder this time. Her question took Sirius aback. He gave a nervous laugh.
"Harry? He's a school, Tonks. Right?" Feeling a jolt of panic in the pit of his stomach he turned to the men behind him for confirmation. All three nodded; as far as they knew, Harry Potter was safe at Hogwarts. This didn't seem to reassure Tonks. She gave a shudder. Sirius put an arm around her, drawing her close.
"Something bad is about to happen Sirius, I just know it."
"You don't know that, Tonks." This came from Kingsley.
"I just have a feeling, ok?" she said angrily.
"Well- trained Auror have whims all the time, it's part of the job!" Moody spoke up proudly, giving Tonks a 'that's my girl' smile. He seemed totally oblivious that she was terrified. Sirius gave her a kiss on the head.
"Don't worry, T-Bird. I'm sure Harry will be fine." She shook her head.
"No not Harry, you. I'm worried about you Riu." She paused. "Just promise me … promise me you won't leave the house." Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, bewildered. Kingsley and Moody exchanged meaningful looks, and Remus' face was set. Sirius laughed lightly to break the tension.
"Why would I leave the house?"
"I don't know," she cried, leaping up and making them all jump. Tonks had given herself head rush. She squeezed her eyes tightly together, like she did when she morphed, then opened them to stare straight into Sirius' eyes.
"Please…stay here." He nodded at her and enveloped her into a hug. She rested her head on his chest as he stroked her hair, while giving the other's questioning glances over the top of her head. They too looked completely baffled. He prised Tonks away from him.
"Don't worry T-Bird, I'm not going anywhere."
Tonks awoke with a start. The summer light was already beginning to fall through the thin curtains in her room at Grimmauld Place. She knew it was going to be a bad day already, purely for the fact that she had woken with a headache. Her temples throbbed as if she had spent the whole night frowning in her sleep. Tonks attempted to sit up but eventually gave in. She considered going back to sleep for a while but the noise of the Weasley children stampeding up and down the hallway, plus the sound of Harry's unusually loud voice caused her to get up. Pulling on a dressing gown, she made her way down into the kitchen. Before she could open her mouth to greet the many Weasleys and Remus, she was rounded on by Harry who looked rather put out about something.
"Why aren't you dressed yet?" he demanded in a rather shrill voice that resembled Hermione Granger. Tonks pulled a disgruntled face and passed him to sit down.
Today was Sunday 31st August and Sirius Black's memorial service at Hogwarts. Although it was being taken care of, Harry Potter had decided to take matters into his own hands. While his friends had been pleased about this at first (it being a positive way to deal with his grief) they were beginning to find it unbearable.
"Hermione's late," he pointed out bluntly to no one in particular. Ginny sighed loudly.
"She's meeting us at the train station. Relax Harry!"
Mrs Weasley tried to wrestle Harry's hair down flat but to no avail. She kept trying however, and Harry was beginning to look as if he wanted very much to bat her away with an impatient hand. Ron seemed to pick up on this and told his mum to leave Harry alone.
Tonks kept glancing over a Remus who had the Daily Prophet open in front of him but hadn't turned the page for some time. His eyes seemed tired and unfocussed. The mood was already turning sombre. Even the Weasley twins were eating their breakfasts in relative silence. Tonks turned her head to find Harry glaring at her, very close to her face. She leaned away from him quickly.
"Whoa!"
"Well?" he asked, impatiently. "Go get dressed!" Tonks paused reluctantly before replying.
"Harry the thing is," she lowered her tone of voice, hoping that Harry would take the hint and do the same. "The thing is Harry, that I'm not getting dressed because I'm not coming."
All eyes fell on her. Molly stopped washing up, Remus lowered his paper slightly, and even the twins stopped eating. Their eyes flicked from Tonks to Harry. Tonks thought he was going to yell at her but he responded in an overly calm voice.
"You are coming Tonks." She shook her head and this irritated him.
"Harry, please. Don't make this harder for me. I really don't want to go. You don't need me there. What's the point?" Silence fell as Harry thought up a response. He really did not want to say this in front of an audience but she left him no choice.
"The point is, Nymphadora, that I have spent the last month, both day and night, convincing myself that I should go today. I even doubt now that I can do it. And to be honest, one of the only things keeping me going is having people like you around me. People who are hurting as much as I am. People who need me as much as I need them. And now, on today of all days, you tell me you aren't coming to say goodbye to your cousin who you loved so much and who loved you so much in return all because you see no point … Well …to be honest … I think that really takes the piss, don't you?"
Harry sat down, shaking slightly. Although his voice had cracked slightly, he was proud of himself that he had said all he had to say without breaking down into sobs of tears. Tonks stood there in shock. When she didn't move to get dressed, Harry called over his shoulder.
"Maybe it's time you grew up and got over yourself, don't you think?" he said almost casually. He noticed both Molly and Remus go to say something but neither did. Maybe he had crossed a line, he didn't know. Maybe she even needed to hear it. He heard Tonks climb the stairs behind him and lowered his head, the guilt begin to fill him.
"Nice one!" Ginny hissed and followed Tonks upstairs. Ron cleared his throat uncomfortably. No one else dared to speak.
At 9 o'clock, Arthur Weasley arrived with Bill and Charlie, Moody, Kingsley and Mundungus Fletcher. Although Harry, Ron and Ginny were taking their school trunks with them, things seemed much more orderly than in recent years. For a start the twins were not joining them at school, and also Hermione wasn't there. It felt strange to be going back on the Hogwarts Express on a Sunday. Harry assumed that Platform 9 ¾ would be empty and that would be another contribution to the ease of their journey. A set back, however, was that they had to travel in their "Advanced Guard" formation, all the way into town. The children were placed in the middle of their group, the adults surrounding them. Harry was disappointed to note that Tonks had placed herself near the back, and hadn't looked his way once all morning. He kept turning his head as they walked, trying to catch her eye. He wanted to let her know he was sorry. Moody, who was walking directly behind Harry tapped him sharply on the head with his knuckles, forcing the boy to face forwards. Harry nudged Remus, who had chosen to walk next to him.
"Can you tell Tonks I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to upset her," he muttered quietly, feeling like he was passing notes in class under the precarious eye of Professor Moody. Remus smiled slightly and shook his head.
"I'm sure she knows. Anyway you can tell her yourself when we get on the train." He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder to try and relieve his concerned look.
They group arrived at Kings Cross Station just after 9:30. Moody split the group up; Tonks, Molly and Kingsley went with Fred and George, Bill and Charlie took charge of Ginny and Ron, and Moody, Arthur and Lupin brought up the rear with Harry in a group of his own. Once he had walked through the barrier to Platform 9 ¾, Harry took a deep breath in and let the familiar smell of the steam train comfort him. The train was smaller than usual; many carriages had been removed. Harry guessed that their journey would take less time. He had heard Mrs Weasley say that Dumbledore was expecting them by 1:30. Looking around he saw two people stood together beside the train. The elder of the two was Harry's Transfiguration teacher and Head of House, Professor McGonagall; the other was Harry and Ron's best friend Hermione Granger. She waved eagerly to Harry and he left Moody's side at a pace to greet her. They hugged tightly and broke apart. He was pleased to see that she looked healthier than she had at the end of term, after she had almost been killed at the Department of Mysteries.
"Harry, I've missed you so much!" she squeaked, pulling him into another hug and making him smile. "I'm so glad your ok."She looked around the platform.
"Oh, there's Tonks. I'd best go say hi. Talk to you in a bit." Harry watched her go, again feeling guilty at the sight of Tonks. He began to follow her but was then spun around and ushered onto the scarlet steam engine by Mrs Weasley.
"We can't hang about, Harry," she was saying. "Put your trunk in the carriage with Hermione's and find a seat."
Harry's stomach felt like lead as he remembered the reason they were all there. Nodding to Mrs Weasley, he followed Ron onto the train. The children took one carriage; the Order members took another, leaving a few spare. Harry struggled with Hedwig's cage, almost tripping over a loose Crookshanks. When the commotion of boarding the train had finished, and the train began to move, Harry was again filled with an uneasy feeling. Fred and George were talking to Ron about their relief of their mother not making them go back to Hogwarts to resit their 6th year.
"Not that I would really mind being in the same year as my younger bro," George was saying, he then lowered his voice "It's being in classes with Hermione, I don't think I could cope with that!" Ron grinned and gave him a you-are-so-right nod. Hermione was talking to Ginny.
"Tonks doesn't seem too happy this morning, does she? Still I suppose none of us are," Hermione mused. "What do you think's wrong with her?" Ginny scowled at Harry and replied.
"Maybe you should ask Harry that." Harry rose from his seat and slid the door to their compartment open, leaving Hermione puzzled and Ginny fuming.
Harry walked down the stunted train and came to the other occupied compartment. He gave a small knock and slid open the door. The faces of the Order members all turned to him as if he had just interrupted an important conversation. He faltered.
"Oh, sorry. I thought Tonks was in here." He began to shut the door when Kingsley spoke up.
"She's not in with you?" Harry shook his head.
"Maybe she's done a runner," Bill said lightly. "It's like being back at school all over again."
Harry noticed Remus looking out the window.
"Maybe you should go look for her Harry," he said quietly to the glass pane. He didn't see Harry nod his agreement, only heard the door slide to.
Harry found Tonks in an empty carriage towards the back of the train. She had her feet up on the seat and was hugging her knees to her body in comfort. She did not wear her usual jeans, but a pair of baggy black trousers and a tight black t-shirt with a thin grey fleece zipped up to her chest. She was unmorphed, and Harry had to admit that she was rather pretty. Her dark hair, which usually fell in waves around her neck, was straight and flicked around her pale face. Her eyes look away from the window and fell on him as he came to the door. Harry found his voice eventually.
"Can I come in?" She shrugged and glanced back out of the window. He took the seat opposite her and studied her intently for some time before speaking again.
"Look, about this morning –"
"Forget it, ok? You had every right to say what you did. Don't apologise."
"I feel awful. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought we were becoming friends," he added quietly. She gave a weak laugh and looked at him.
"We are friends Harry. Let's just forget about this morning, ok?"
She fell silent and Harry wrung his hands in his lap uncomfortably.
"I just didn't understand, I guess." He tried to explain. "I know how much Sirius meant to you. I didn't want you to regret not saying goodbye …" he trailed off as he noticed tears starting to fall down her cheeks. She shook her head.
"But I'm not ready to say goodbye, I can't! Not while I'm feeling like this…" she hesitated.
"Like what Tonks?" he asked quietly. She choked on a sob and rose from her seat in frustration.
"I hate him Harry, I really do! I loved him so much and now all I feel is anger towards him. I shouldn't but I do!" Harry opened his mouth to speak but she continued, letting her hot tears fall fiercely. "Why did he have to be so stupid? Why wouldn't he listen? I knew he was going to die. I told him the night before and he promised me he would stay indoors but he lied to me! He broke that promise! He had left me alone before and he's gone and done it again, only this time there's no coming back. Maybe it would have been better if he had stayed in Azkaban. That way you would never have known him and I wouldn't have had to have my heart broken for a second time. Well I hope your happy Riu," she cried to thin air, "I really do!" She fell to the floor in sobs. Harry stood over her, frozen to the spot. She hadn't meant to tell him any of that. Harry crouched down beside her and put his arms around her like Sirius had done by the hearth that night. She sobbed onto his chest.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm so sorry." He shushed her and rocked her slightly to comfort her. After awhile he managed to lift her slightly back into her seat. Feeling uncomfortable, he glanced to the door.
"Um… maybe I should go get Professor Lupin." She shook her head desperately.
"No. I don't want him to see me like this. He needs us to be strong today." Harry nodded and joined her on the seat.
"Ok then, I'll stay. I'll be strong for you."
The Hogwarts Express reached Hogsmeade at 1.30pm, just as the clouds were beginning to overcast the fading summer sun. Professor McGonagall led them to the carriages, which were once again being drawn by Thestrals. Harry felt Tonks hesitate next to him as she looked up to the castle.
"It's ok," he whispered, taking her hand and leading her to the nearest carriage. Remus saw them and smiled, following them in with Hermione and Ron. As the carriage neared the castle, Tonks gave a groan.
"Oh great, there she is."
"There who is?" Ron asked. Tonks grimaced.
"My mother," she told him as he craned his neck out of the window to see. The woman standing by the stone steps of Hogwarts was tall and dark. Her long hair swept about her in the wind with an air of impatience.
"I'm sure she's not that bad."
"Oh she is. She's a right head case," Tonks told them, screwing a finger into a temple. "Always has been. Mind you, with a daughter like me who could blame her," she laughed. "Just be careful what you say to her though. She doesn't agree with me being in the Order. She doesn't particularly like Dumbledore, oh and if she asks you if I've got a boyfriend then say yes." Hermione laughed and then stopped suddenly as she saw the sullen look on Tonks' face.
"I'm serious Minnie, she thinks I'm gonna die an old maid or something. When I was 21 she sent out invitations to my wedding telling my Muggle relatives that they were invited but we hadn't set a date yet."
"Who's 'we'?" Ron asked.
"That's what I would like to know!" Tonks said exasperatedly.
As the carriages slowed to a halt, the group seemed to take a collective deep breath. Harry climbed out first and helped Hermione down. Andromeda Tonks was crossing over to them.
"Wait for it," Tonks muttered as her feet reached the ground. "Hello, Mamma."
"Dora," her mother greeted her, hugging her then letting her go immediately. "To be honest I didn't expect you to come." She looked her daughter up and down. "Well at least you look reasonable." Her eyes shifted over her daughter's shoulder to where Lupin was stood with Ron.
"Hello Remus," she hugged him too. He look surprised and slightly nervous, like he was hugging a relative that he rarely saw at a family gathering. Andromeda looked at him sympathetically.
"How are you holding up?" she asked. He nodded feebly.
"I'm alright, thank you."
"Maybe he would be better," Tonks said loudly, "if people didn't ask him how he was all the time." Andromeda turned to her.
"Well I'm ok too, Dora, but thank you for asking. Dumbledore," she said his name with a tone of obvious dislike, "is waiting for you all around the other side of the castle." She took a long look at Harry who swallowed hard and looked at the floor.
"And you must be Harry." She offered her hand as he nodded. She leaned towards him and said to him quietly, "Am I allowed to ask you how you are?" He smiled politely and nodded.
"I'm ok, thanks."
As the group made its way around the grounds of Hogwarts, Harry began to feel more and more like he was in a dream. His limbs felt heavier with every step he took and his scar had begun to throb with a pain he didn't want to deal with. He could see Dumbledore up in the distance, shadowed by the obvious form of Hagrid. They were stood in the shelter of the tree that he, Ron and Hermione often sat under; the same tree Sirius, and his friends had sat under in Snape's memory, all those years ago. Harry had a huge desire to just stop in his tracks, and run as fast as he could in the other direction. However, he decided against it; for one reason he guessed someone would follow him and bring him back, and the other reason was that he simply didn't trust his legs to do the job properly. He glanced at Tonks who looked as if she too was considering a quick escape. He took her arm supportively. Around twenty wooden chairs had been brought out onto the grass, facing the tree. Harry took his seat reluctantly, as if it were some sort of sentence. He knew now that there was no running away. This was it. It was time to say goodbye.
