Author Note: Sorry it took me so long. I had to reload the entire story again. I am leaving across the country but I will put more chapters in before I go.


Samantha knew when she broke up with Martin, things it would be horrific. But she had no idea what the aftermath would be like. As she walked through the doors of the FBI's head quarters she wondered what would happen.

She had no clue what the atmosphere would be like. How could she work around him? How could she look into Martin eyes? How could she feel no regret?

The elevator's doors opened. She had no choice but to go to work. She couldn't hide from her problems. She couldn't hide from Martin for the rest of her life. So she walked out of the doors and into the hallways with a deep breath.

"Hey Samantha," called a familiar voice. Samantha loathed that it could have been Martin. But if it was Martin, she had no choice but to face him.

"Hey..." She turned around surprised to find out that it was not Martin. It wasn't Martin at all. It was the person she feared even more than Martin. "Hi…. Jack," Samantha said awkwardly. Jack stood in front of her with an impulsive look.

"You okay?" Jack said innocently. He had every right to be innocent. The affair between Samantha and him ended a long time ago. And he had no clue what went on between Martin and her.

But Samantha still wanted to hit him because of how she felt. She didn't want him to be part of her problems. She didn't want him to be this problem! She wouldn't allow him to part of it.

Samantha stumbled over her words, "YYYYeah. Yeah…. Yes. I'm… I'm…just fine."

"You sure," Jack said alarmed.

Samantha knew that there was now way that she would be alright. She has just broke Martin's poor heart. Probably the way Jack would want it to be.

"Just one of those nights," Samantha didn't want to tell him about anything. She never planed to tell him anything about her personal life. Never have, never would. It wasn't any of his business.

"Okay…You sure?" Jack had an odd feeling deep inside of him. Something was wrong with Samantha. But he couldn't put his finger on it. He wanted to help.

However, Samantha felt as if he insisted that he needed to be apart of this problem. There was no way he could be involved with it, "Yeah I'm fine." She started to walk away. This was her problem.

"Well take it easy today. We're just finishing up the paperwork. The easy part of this job," Jack bellowed as she left.

What did he meant by that? What did he meant by 'the easy part'? Samantha realized that she was unreasonable. Samantha turned her head.

"Okay. I better go then," said Jack.

"Okay," Samantha put a wry smile on so Jack would leave without any suspicion. But the fake smile didn't help Jack feel any better. Jack knew that there was something wrong with her.

Samantha just walked through the doors and she already had a stressful tirade with Jack. She knew this would be a long day.

Samantha was reading a case file when she came out of the hallway. Then all of a sudden she saw Martin working at his desk. He looked up to find Samantha staring at him. Samantha ambiguously gazes into his eyes. There she found all the anger he was holding. She bent her head down looking at the ground. She felt the same pain he felt, which made her feel guiltier.

After there quick moment together Martin continued to finish up his paperwork. He didn't want to deal with her. It innocuously hurt him way too much to even think about it.


Later on in the morning, Samantha had a difficult time doing her simple paperwork. Her mind was somewhere else. Why did she break up with Martin? He made her felt like she was worth something. He had loved her so much that words couldn't describe it. Yet up to last night, he had never said the phrase I love you. But she was happy. She was happier than she had been in a long time.

A voice came into her mind.


"What's your favorite color?" asked Martin's voice. Martin and Samantha were lying on her couch in her apartment. Samantha had an obsessive smile on her face. She was covered with Martin. He was holding her in his infallible arms.

"Blue."

"Why blue?" He rubbed his figures through her long lacey hair.

"Mmm." Samantha looked at him exquisitely and she kissed him. Then she said, "It's the color of your eyes."

Martin kissed her back passionately.

Samantha rested her head on his chest, "What's yours?"

Martin looked down for a second, "I would have to say, green."

"Green? What's so special about the color green?" asked Samantha.

Martin began to elaborate, "When I was just a kid, my Uncle Pace was drafted into the war. Uhh. The Vietnam War."

"Who's brother? Mom's or dad's?"

"My father's brother. Anyway, like my dad, Uncle Pace was a hard ass. To be quite honest I didn't really like him. And I know he didn't like me. He was despicable and offensive."

"If I didn't know any better, I say you're talking about you," snickered Samantha.

Martin gave her a subtle look, "But the day he left for the war I couldn't have been any prouder. There he was bold as ever. He was wearing his green army uniform. He looked down and gave me a look. Not a cruel look but a look that… I don't know… it was like he was symbolizing that he wasn't going to the war because he had to, but because it was something he needed to do."

Samantha grabbed him tighter.

"He died three month later." Martin said sorrowfully.

"You know… He does sound a lot like you. Strong and wise."

"My dad still has his army uniform." Martin hugged her. Samantha felt warm when he held her tight her. She was so happy that he was guarding her.


"Sam." A voice said. Samantha discovered Martin stood behind her. She just gaped at him speechless. Martin hated how she looked at him. He knew it would be awkward between both of them. But he didn't want any acknowledgement of his pain.

"Samantha," He said in a professionally voice.

"Yeah," Samantha finally spoke.

"Do you have the copy of the file, the one with phone records?"

"Umm… yeah I think so." Samantha rumbled threw her piles of papers.

Martin started to get impatient, "If you can't find it right now I doubt you can find it later." His voice was calm nonetheless you could still hear his annoyance.

"No. Damn it. I just had it out. It should be here."

"You know, you can't just say something that's unreasonable." Martin complained deliberately.

Sam was provoked. She knew what he just meant, was not intended for the stupid file.

"I'll just come back later and get it." Martin left frustrated.

"No Marty." She got up and gazed at him remorsefully.

When Martin stared at her with awe his heart ached pessimistically. But he looked at her and asked himself if they could ever start over again? Could he forgive her? Or could they even have a simple conversation? But he recognized that it was an implausible notion.

"Forget it," Martin abandoned her.

She sat down ready to cry but she wouldn't. She did not want to make a scene. She put her hands over head sad and aggravated. As she placed her elbow on her desk she accidentally tipped over her coffee cup. The coffee tainted her paperwork.

"Damn it!" She cursed angrily.

She thought to herself, "Could I do this? Could I be around Martin and focus on my work? Or I am too distracted by him?" The true question was 'was she distracted by the truth?' What was the truth?


Later that day around noon, Martin found himself in the break room. He ate his lunch in seclusion. He isolated himself from the team. He wanted to be away from Samantha. Right now Samantha made him too gloomy.

For the first time in a long time Martin found something he cared for. He found someone he cared more than his job. And when Samantha broke up with him, it kind of felt like 'his ecstasy' was taken away.

Martin had capricious feelings. He missed Samantha so much. For the first time in a long time he felt like he did something right. He yearned for her smile, her voice, and her beauty. He mostly yearned for her.

He didn't know why he felt like this. In his point of view he acted devotedly heartbroken. But then he comprehended the situation even more. What about Samantha? In her perspective, he was probably a big jerk. He acted selfish. But could you blame him? He just lost the woman he adored. All he wanted to do was show her that she made a huge mistake when she broke up with him.

All he wanted to do was make her happy. Five month ago they just started a fling. When they started the fling it was just about sneaking around, nothing serious. But before she broke up with him, they had something you could call a solid relationship.


Martin's mind dissipated to a snowy white night. The sky was pitch black. But glowing stars accentuated the night sky. And magnificent white snowflakes fell from the sky.

In front of Martin was a beautiful blonde woman with a great smile.

"So." Samantha said, "Two minutes to New Years."

"Two thousand Five!" Martin declared. Martin picked up Samantha and spent her around. And as he placed her back on the ground he put his face up to hers, "A new year with you."

Samantha gloated as she smiled. "What's your New Year's Revelation?" Samantha asked.

"Honestly?" He asked. He turned around and hugged her from behind.

"Honestly." Samantha responded.

"I have no idea. Never believed in those superstitions, fair tales, or the profound optimism?" He had a grin on his face.

"Well it's not suppose to be profound optimism. It is suppose to be your expectation of what you want for the year." Samantha sat down on the bench in the park and brought Martin down too in a midst of a kiss.

"Well that's just it. Your revelation ends up being a last minute capricious whim and you have absolutely no apathy to make it true. For example…. a two hundred pound woman says she wants to lose thirty five pounds. But truthfully she gains on thirty five pounds." Martin kissed her on the cheek and put his arm around her.

Samantha said, "Well that's just it. You know that your "capricious whim" won't come true… But it would be fun just to think…. It would be fun to think about what you want for this year. That woman who wanted to lose the weight just admitted that she wanted to adjust her life."

Martin looked at his watch, "Well I got ninety seconds to think of my 'wish'."

Samantha looked at him, "I'll tell you what I want while you think."

Martin looked at her and they shared an intimate look. She leaned her head on his chest, "I wish I was always this happy. I wish that you would always keep me happy." She said.

Martin looked at her and realized that she really meant it. And then he said, "I wish I will achieve at making you happy."

In the background you see a clock that has reached midnight. Twelve loud dings rung which symbolize it was midnight. They both felt that this was a once in a lifetime moment. Martin leaned in and they shared a romantic kiss.


The flashback was shrewdly over. Martin put his sandwich down. He couldn't eat at a time like this. He had resentment on his sleeves. He resented that Samantha wasn't with him anymore.


Later around in the day, Samantha sat at her desk staring at the window. She knew that she had to do her work. But she couldn't do it. It was a fallible task.

At his desk Danny said, "So I was thinking after we finish the paperwork we should go out and get some drinks. All ready invited Viv and Jack. I asked Martin but he decided to be a party pooper and go home."

"Sure." Samantha wasn't really listening. She was kind in the zone. She didn't hear what he had asked.

"But I doubt that we'll get all this junk done anytime soon." Danny said.

"Uh huh." Samantha said like a zombie.

Danny noticed that she wasn't listening. So Danny ironically tested her, "I mean I feel like my life is spent here in the office. You know twenty-four seven. I don't have time to have a life. And I'm sure you don't have a life too."

"Right." And like Danny suspected she had no clue what he just said.

"Hey you okay? You seem preoccupied." Danny asked.

"What do you mean?" Samantha disregarded his observation.

"You usually got your head up high and you are very opinionated. Today you're… kind of quiet."

Samantha didn't say anything. She just sat at her desk and pretended like she had no clue what he meant. "Just kind of "preoccupied" I guess." Samantha mocked.

"Why?" Danny asked concerned.

Samantha turned around, "No reason for you to worry."

Danny said, "Well if Samantha Spade doesn't smile, I really don't have anything to look forward to."

Samantha had paradoxical look which made her smirk.

Danny smirked too, "There's that smile. I'm sure whatever is bothering you, it isn't that bad. I mean that fake smile of yours is a sure sign of civilization." Danny got up and left.

Samantha sat there for a half an hour after Danny left. She was just sitting and staring. What was she doing to herself? She knew that she lied to herself. She knew that she lied to Martin. Why did she break up Martin? Inside of her gut she felt so guilty. She vacillated what to do.

As she thought she glanced up and saw that Martin was leaving. He didn't even have the curiosity to be valiant to look at her. Then she realized what she had to do. She knew that sometimes the best choice didn't always make the best sense.

She quickly grabbed her bag and headed out.

"Good night." Sam said to Vivian.

Vivian bolted from the blue to answer her, "Good night." She cleared her throat and turned around as Sam passed by her. "Hey, Sam?"

Sam turned around, "Yeah?" Samantha walked toward Vivian.

"You sure you don't want to grab a drink with us." Vivian asked.

She stared for a second and then she knew exactly what to say, "No. I have something important to do."

"Okay." Vivian said.


For Samantha there was a thin line between expectation and trust. She couldn't trust anyone whose expectation wasn't worthy. Jack was a good example of that. He was a handsome, strong, smart man. Even though Samantha never admitted it, she expected that he would leave his wife and kids for her. It was silly but that was her paradox. But Jack wasn't the man who could be trusted to do that.

She found her self waiting in front of Martin's Fitzgerald door. She anxiously walked back and forth. She had a great expectation for him. And to be quite honest she didn't know if she could trust Martin. But was she willing to risk it.

All of a sudden Martin came up to his door shocked to see that she was there.

"Hey." Samantha said nervously.

Martin was still in shock, "What are you doing here?"

Samantha was intimated by his attitude, "Umm. I really need to talk to you."

Martin truly wanted to talk to her, but it wasn't the time, "Look I appreciate you stopping by and all but… uh this is an intense time for me. And I don't know if I am ready. I'm not ready to be around you. Sam, it hurts to be around you." Samantha was skeptical when she heard that.

Martin didn't want to hurt Sam, but he wanted her to know the truth. He brushed her hair over her ear and said, "When I see you, even from across the room, it reminds me of hundreds of memories. It's like I'm frozen in this place that I couldn't bear to be in. I care about you so much. Ever since we got involved, maybe even before that, everything's always came back to you. And I mean that. No matter what is happening between us I still care about you. Even the thought of you is very comforting, but... I couldn't go back. It just hurts too much."

Sam was really hurt by what he just said. There was a fine line between trust and her expectation and Martin flirted with it.

"I think you should go home." He headed for his door.

Sam turned around and watched him walk away. And at that moment she knew that she could either let him walk forever away or she could stop him.

She stared at him for a moment to think of a choice. Then she thought to herself, she was willing to take a chance. "Martin I'm a week late."

His head glanced toward her; at first he had no idea what she was talking about but then…, "Samantha, I'm so sorry…. I had no idea."

She sniffed, "Its ok. I'm fine. I just thought… I just thought you should know."

"No. You're not okay. You're… Did you confirm that you're pregnant?" He panicky asked.

She turned around and tried to get away, "You know what this was a mistake. I knew I shouldn't had come here." She headed down the hall toward the door.

But Martin ran after her and gently grabbed her arm. "Sam, I know that things seem confusing and frightening, but you have to find the courage to take the test, and that way, you could consider your options." She stared and then Sam just hugged him.