A/N: This chapter, along with the following one were the first two chapters I wrote of this fic. Random place to start, I know. Just thought I'd let you know that piece of random information. Thanks again for the reviews, they make me dance around in delight :)

He was singing again. What was the song? "God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs". Tonks growled at Sirius who grabbed her and spun her in circles around the kitchen table until she yelled out in protest.

"Riu, for God's sake! Get a grip." He grinned at the sound of his old pet name.

"Tis the season to be merry, cuz." He winked at Harry, who was sat in the comfy chair by the fire reading his new book: Practical Defensive Magic and its Use Against the Dark Arts, which Sirius and Remus had given him for Christmas. He grinned back at his Godfather, knowing that he was the happiest he had been in years.

"First Christmas with Harry, T. Gotta make it a memorable one."

"It'll be your last Christmas with Harry if you don't stop your droning! I'll make it a memorable one, I'll stick that holly up your nose," she warned, prompting a laugh from Harry and the others, and a hurtful look from Sirius. He sat down next to her on the kitchen bench, defeated.

"Fine," he grumbled, then looked shiftily to Harry and back at Tonks before planting a huge kiss on her cheek. She shrieked a laugh.

"Git!" she giggled, wiping her cheek.

Tonks broke out of her daydream. She was in that same kitchen, almost a year later. Harry was in his same chair. It was as if she had gone back in time. But Sirius wasn't there. So much had changed since then, and so much had been lost. No, she told herself, remember the good times. And she did. She smiled slightly to herself, humming "God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs" quietly as she passed Harry. He broke off his conversation with Ginny and Ron to look up at her.

"Remembering Sirius?" he asked and she nodded.

"Yes, I am," she admitted but her smile never faded. Harry smiled back.

Moody, Kingsley and Remus were gathered in deep conversation at the other side of the kitchen. Tonks wandered over to them.

"You guys look solemn, what's up?" Moody was about to speak when Kingsley interrupted.

"Tonks –" He nodded his head to the top of the stairs. Her eyes followed, frowning. There she saw her mother, Andromeda Tonks.

"Mamma? What are you doing here?" Her mother's cloak still bore traces of the snow that had begun falling lightly outside. Her mother looked pale and troubled.

"Can I have a word please, Dora." Tonks left the kitchen, following her mother into the drawing room. "Close the door please, dear." She did as she was told.

"Mamma, what's wrong? What are you doing here?" she repeated. Her mother took a deep breath and looked her daughter straight in the eyes.

"Nymphadora, your father and I have been discussing things and, under the current situation, we have decided to leave the country." Tonks began to interrupt but her mother continued, as if she had learnt it like a speech. " We are leaving for Canada, yes Canada, Dora," she repeated at her daughter's outburst. "Your father has Muggle relatives there, we'll be safe. And I am not leaving without you," she added firmly. Tonks didn't know what to say. There was silence between them for a long moment before Tonks found her voice again.

"When are you going?"

"Your father's in the car now. We will take you to your apartment to collect your things –"

"No, Mamma. I can't come with you! What about the Order, my job at Hogwarts?" Her mother sighed in exasperation; she had guessed that her daughter would have reacted like this.

"Dora, forget about that. This is life and death! A war is coming, and I want you as far away from it as possible. I've already lost Riu and I'm damned if I'm going to lose you too!" she finished in a sob. Tonks felt a world of guilt land upon her.

"Mamma, I'm sorry about Sirius, I really am. But I can't just run away now. What about Harry?"

"We'll take him with us," said Andromeda, desperately. Tonks threw her arms up in the air and turned away from her mother defiantly.

"Mother, do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? It is because of him that there is a war in the first place. He is the war! Now, Sirius gave his life to protect Harry and he has handed that task to me. I would be no relation of Sirius' if I ran away and left Harry now." Silence fell between them again and Andromeda shuddered a breath, realising that she would be leaving that evening without her only daughter.

"What's brought this on, Mother?" Tonks asked after a while. Andromeda shook her head, and then lowered her shoulders in quick defeat.

"I went to see Bellatrix." Tonks' head rose quickly at the name of her aunt, Sirius' killer. Her mother avoided her eyes and said no more; she didn't need to.

"Mamma, if you know where she is you have to tell me!" Tonks demanded.

"I can't, I'm too afraid," her mother admitted. "I can't lose you too, Dora."

Her mother's shoulders rose and fell as she sobbed quietly in front of her daughter. Tonks took her mother in her arms and rubbed her back gently.

"Please, I need to know." Her mother looked into her eyes and saw the desperation within her daughter. Reluctantly, she removed a small piece of folded parchment from her pocket. Andromeda had already written her sister's whereabouts down, and had been torn between throwing it away and giving it to her daughter. She shook as she handed over the parchment.

"We won't be able to contact you for some time now," she paused, "And you won't be able to reach us either." She stroked the side of her daughter's face lovingly before pulling her into an embrace. "Take care of yourself, Nymphadora," she whispered before letting go and turning for the door. Once there, she looked back with such empty eyes. Andromeda Tonks thought her daughter was already dead.

It took all the effort she could muster, but Tonks managed it heavily down the stairs. All conversations were hushed as they saw the look of anguish on her face. Ginny voiced their concern.

"Tonks, what's wrong?" She crossed over to her and placed a hand on the older woman's shoulder. Crumpling the parchment absentmindedly in her hand, she looked at Ginny, then over her shoulder to Harry and Ron.

"Guys, do you think you could give us a minute?" Ginny nodded straight away, heading for the stairs. She looked at her brother to follow. He got up off the floor.

"Come on, Harry." Harry's eyes locked with Tonks' and she flinched in shame. He rose from his seat and followed his friends up the stairs. As the door clicked shut behind them, Tonks let out a sigh and sat herself down next to Kingsley. Remus looked at Moody who finally chose to speak.

"What's happened?" he asked in his gruff voice. Tonks put her head in her hands and let out a shuddered breath.

"Nothing . . . and everything. My parents believe that something big is going down. They are leaving the country tonight. My mother tried to make me go too but I couldn't. She didn't tell me what to expect, but she's scared, really scared." Tonks felt sick at her own words and had to stop. There was silence in the kitchen between the three men and the troubled young woman. Remus noticed the piece of parchment in her hand.

"What's that?" When she didn't answer he asked again. She looked up at her friend but avoided his eyes. Keeping her voice low she said,

"Let's just say, if I ever want to visit my Aunt Bella I'll know where to look." This prompted all three men to start questioning her at once, Remus the loudest.

"Are you telling me that the whereabouts of Bellatrix Lestrange is on that piece of parchment!" Tonks couldn't open her mouth for fear that she would throw up on the kitchen table. She simply nodded. Remus went to take it off her but she moved away from him quickly and headed for the fire.

"What are you doing?" exclaimed Kingsley who looked about as alarmed as Remus did. Tonks swallowed hard, feeling the hot lick of flames under her knuckles.

"I begged for this, and now that I have it I don't think I want it," she admitted.

Lupin looked horrified. He moved towards her and grabbed her wrist with such strength that she winced in pain.

"Let go, Remus." He relaxed his grip but not entirely.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked. However, it was Moody that answered.

"Have you any idea how dangerous that piece of parchment would be in the hands of Harry? Destroy it Tonks," he said firmly. Lupin's eyes pleaded with her and her heart broke.

"Please Tonks, don't do this. Not to me."

"What different does it make, Remus?" she shouted in outburst, finally freeing her wrist from his grip. She was angry with him for making her feel this way. "What difference does it make? What would you do with the knowledge if you had it? Go after her? You'd get killed! Is that what Sirius would have wanted?"

"I don't know what he would have wanted!" he yelled back at her "If you destroy that information now, I will never forgive you. Ever." That was it for Tonks; that was the moment when her shields fell. She removed her hand from the fireplace, it was beginning to hurt anyway, and brought it to her side.

"Please," he whispered. She looked away from him, to the fire. Reluctantly she handed him the creased parchment. He didn't snatch it; he knew he had won. He paused before opening it.

"Have you read it?" A pause.

"No," she said to the fire. Remus read the writing slowly, then again, and again until he had memorised it. Then, as Moody had requested, he tossed it into the flames. Tonks gave a quiet sob. Lupin passed her without looking at her.

"I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, before leaving the kitchen for his room.