A/N: AAAAAAHH! Ok, I cave! I'm too weak so here you go. Damn you reviewers :P

Harry screamed as he saw Tonk's limp body fly through the air and hit the far wall of the barn. He was frozen to the spot, but his brain desperately tried to persuade his legs to move. He bolted at a pace, leaving Remus' side. As he passed Bellatrix's body, she grabbed his ankle with surprising strength and he stumbled.

"Get off me you bitch!" He scrambled up, kicking her wherever was nearest and continued to run to his friend's aide. He fell to his knees heavily and shook Tonks' shoulders roughly.

"Tonks? TONKS!" he screamed but her eyes remained closed. He looked over at Lupin who had begun to follow him and stopped as he had reached Lestrange. He was staring down at her with so much disgust and hatred. Bellatrix just gave him a weak laugh, blood spattering on her own pale cheeks.

"Remus! Help me!" Harry's frightened voice broke his stare. He gave one last glance of revulsion before heading for Harry. He was shaking and wiping his tears fiercely, while continuing to pull Tonks up off the floor by her shoulders. Remus put a hand on Harry'sarm to stop him.

"We have to go, Harry," he said firmly, though his voice shook as he saw his lifeless friend in front of him. Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I'm not leaving her," he exclaimed, "We can't leave her." He tried to carry the woman all by herself and failed. Remus tried to drag Harry up but he pushed his guardian away angrily.

"No, we have to save her. She's going to be ok," he said quickly to himself. Remus wished he could believe the boy. "Remus, come on!" Knowing that the only way Harry would leave was if Tonks' body went with them, he nodded and crouched down with the boy.

"Ok. Let's go."


She was in a white room, on a white bed looking, well . . . white. She was stood over her body, staring at it in confusion. Where was she? Who was she? She looked around; there was no door or window. She looked down at herself. Ok, this is weird . . . I really don't like my nose! She added as an afterthought.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius' voice boomed in Tonk's ear, making her jump.

"Bloody hell, Sirius! You scared the life out of me."

"Nice choice of words there, cuz," he said dryly, pushing himself up onto the end of Tonks' bed. My bed, she thought.

"Oh God, I'm dead aren't I! And here was me thinking about my nose!" she exclaimed, prompting a laugh from her cousin.

"Well that depends. You get the choice. Go back there, and face up to what you've done. Or stay here with me, we'll order in pizza or something," he smiled ruefully. "Seriously though, you could choose to be here with me, or you can wake up and put a smile back on my Godson's face. He's really worried about you, you know. Think you're becoming his favourite," he added with a twinge of jealousy. "What I do know is that you risked your life to save him, and for that I am so thankful to you, T-Bird, I really am." She looked at him to see tears falling down his cheeks. She looked back at her body, her natural dark hair flowing around her face. I look so peaceful; she thought to herself, this really is weird

"Won't you be lonely Riu?" she asked. He nodded, sniffing back his tears and wiping his face with his hand.

"Yeh, but you can't stay here. I know that, really." She turned to look at him face to face. He hadn't changed, not one bit. She hugged him so tightly, but it didn't hurt. They were grateful of the chance to say a final goodbye, in a way, even under the circumstances.

"I love you Riu," she whispered.

"I love you too, T-Bird," he whispered back, kissing the top of her head. They broke away, though for Tonks it was too soon.

"Tell Moony to stop being a miserable old git, would you? He's starting to piss me off," Sirius admitted. Tonks laughed and nodded.

"What about Harry?" she asked. Sirius paused for a moment.

"Tell him I think about him every day, and that he means so much to me that I can't say. Tell him I'm so proud of him." Sirius had to stop himself. Tonks nodded.

"You big softy," she grinned and he ruffled her hair.

"Thanks for the visit T-Bird, don't come back again anytime soon though," he added, and kissed her on the tear-stained cheek.


Tonks gave a groan.

"Sirius?"

"Nymphadora?" came a concerned voice.

"Remus?" she mumbled. Opening her eyes proved difficult, the light was so bright. She saw that she was in a white room, and for a moment she wondered whether she had woken up at all. This question was answered when Lupin's worried face came into view. He called a medic over, too loudly for Tonks' liking, and stepped back. They prodded and poked her until she told them to "bugger off". When Lupin came back into view, Harry joined him. Tonks tried to smile but failed, so she took his hand instead. She wanted to give them both their messages from Sirius before she forgot, but she could barely speak.

"Where am I?" she croaked. The two exchanged glances.

"St Mungo's," Remus replied simply. Again? She hoped this wasn't becoming a habit. The thought went through her mind that perhaps she had never left St Mungo's the last time she was in, and the past six months had been a dream. She shook her head, dismissing the silly idea.

"You two ok?" she asked. Harry laughed lightly

"Are we ok? We're fine. Worried about you but fine."

"What happened?" she asked. Harry looked at Remus, who attempted to smile.

"Why don't you rest now, hey? We'll talk more later." She put her hand on his wrist to stop him leaving.

"Please, Remus." But he shook his head.

"No, rest now."

Once out of the room, Harry turned to Remus quickly.

"What are we going to tell her?"

"The truth," Remus said simply, turning away from the boy.

"You think she can take the truth?" Harry asked.

"Well she's going to have to." His tone was sharper than he had intended and Harry looked to the floor. Lupin gave a sigh.

"Listen, let's just be grateful that she's ok. She's a very lucky girl. And she's strong, Harry, she's shown us that much. She'll cope. We have to be there for her, can you do that?" Harry nodded without hesitation.

Tonks woke from her light nap to see Harry watching her from the chair beside her bed. She offered him a weak smile and started to sit up slowly. He got up to help but she had already managed by herself.

"Did I fall asleep? I'm so tired."

"It's the potion," Harry said simply, taking her hand. "You're on a high dosage." Tonks looked around. She had been moved to a ward.

"Where's Remus?" she asked. Harry gave a smile.

"He's asleep out in the corridor. He's not slept in a while. I was gonna wake him up, but I can take care of you by myself."

"Yeah, I suppose the after-effects of the full moon are catching up on him." Seeing Harry's eyes flicker in confusion, she frowned. "What?" He hesitated.

"The full moon was over two weeks ago, Tonks. You've been unconscious for that long. You've even missed Christmas and New Year," he added ruefully. She gave a small groan.

"Oh no, that's gonna throw me for the rest of the year now. Hey, shouldn't you be back at school?" The boy shook his head.

"No, school starts next week. Ron and Ginny have already gone back and I'm going at the weekend." They sat in silence for a while. Tonks was taking in what Harry had just told her. She had lost over two weeks; something dire must have happened to her. After a pause, she voiced the question.

"Harry, what happened?" The boy looked uncomfortably towards the door, as if expecting Lupin to walk in at any moment. He gave a sigh and decided to answer with a question.

"What do you remember?"

Tonks thought about it. She closed her eyes, her face screwed up in concentration. She remembered having a fight with Remus, but she didn't know what about. Then she remembered walking through the snow. Everything else was a blur. She shook her head and looked at Harry.

"Nothing. Just a feeling." It was then that she noticed her clothes by the side of her bed. The bottoms of her jeans, once damp with snow, were mucky and stiff. Her coat lay on top of the pile. Harry followed her gaze, bracing himself as he saw the dry stain of blood on cuffs and up the sleeves.

"I was bleeding," Tonks mumbled quietly, pulling the coat off the table and into her lap. She stared down at it intently.

"No, Tonks," Harry said.

"Yes I was, look." She felt her body, trying to locate a place that hurt to the touch. She rolled up the sleeves of her hospital robes to search for wounds. There weren't any. They've probably been healed, she thought to herself.

"Tonks, you weren't bleeding," Harry spoke again.

"I was, Harry. Look at …" She paused at the sight of his anxious expression. She held the jacket out to him.

"That's not my blood, is it Harry? Is it!" she cried and he winced in discomfort. "Who's is it… why won't you tell me!" Harry lowered his head. Tonks gave a sigh of frustration and ran a hand over her pale face.

"What's going on?" Lupin's voice made them both look up. Harry rose from his seat and left the ward hurriedly. "Is he ok?"

"He's fine. I'm not! Tell me what's going on Remus." He spotted the bloodstained garment and sighed wearily.

"I was hoping we wouldn't have to do this until we got home."

"Well we are! I want to know what's going on. I'm in hospital, I have been for over two weeks, and I don't even know what's wrong with me –"

"You were hit by an Unforgivable curse," Remus cut in sharply. Tonks sat back in shock. Which one? she thought and was about to ask when Remus continued. "We thought you were dead." His voice was barely audible. He looked frail and tired, as if the grief of losing yet another friend had hit him before he had finished dealing with losing another. Tonks swallowed hard.

"Avada Kedavra," she whispered. "But who–" He cut her off with the shake of his head.

"Not here, Nyphadora."

"Whose blood is this, Remus?" Her dark eyes met his. He felt sick. Taking the seat by her bed, he held her hand. "Please Remus, I need to know."

"Bellatrix." That one word, quietly spoken, brought it flooding back to her. Her mother's departure, the parchment, how Remus had argued with her so fiercely, how she had set off alone to talk to Bellatrix. To talk to her. Tonks gave a gasp. She put her hands to her mouth, partially out of shock but also to stop herself being sick.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," she whispered to herself. "What have I done?" she choked through a sob. Remus sat quietly, stroking her hand. He knew he did not have to say anything else. Tonks rocked gently, bringing her knees to her chest.

"You were right," she muttered after a while. "I wish you hadn't told me."


Tonks was released from St Mungo's Hospital the next day. She had barely spoken a work since the revelation and this caused further concern from her two friends. Remus had spoken to Dumbledore, who had insisted that Tonks take time off. She agreed that a week would suffice but refused to leave her classes for longer than that, especially if Snape would be covering. Remus had then told her firmly that she was to stay at Grimmauld Place, and he would watch over her. Tonks had reluctantly agreed to this.

Once at Grimmauld Place, Tonks had sat herself in the chair by the fire in the kitchen, with a blanket over her curled up knees and a bottle of Firewhiskey in her hands. It was such a similar situation to when Tonks had left St Mungo's the previous summer, but this time she felt a great deal worse. The Order Members that flitted in and out of Headquarters rarely spoke to her for none of them knew the truth. Remus had told them that Tonks was suffering from a very bad case of the flu, and that she would be grateful to be left alone. Her constant drinking was causing suspicion, however. It was because of this that Remus decided to broach the subject. It was a Saturday afternoon Remus and Tonks were alone in the kitchen. Lupin sat at the table, watching his frail friend wash her hands in the kitchen sink (she had done that a lot since she had left hospital) and wishing he knew how to start the conversation.

"Nymphadora…" Ok probably not the best way to go, but it was a start. She turned to him and glared. "I think we need to talk." She shook her head and returned to her hand washing. He sighed and stood up abruptly. Marching over to her, he took her dripping hands from under the cold running water and held them desperately in his own.

"Would you stop! Please Nymphadora, you need help."

"What I need, Remus, is another drink." She snatched her hands away. He gave a growl of impatience and followed her back to the table.

"This isn't helping Dora. You shouldn't be drinking on your medication, full stop! And yet you've not been sober since you arrived back here. Are you trying to get yourself killed!" The hand she had been pouring her drink with slammed down on the table in frustration, causing the glass to smash and slit her skin. She winced and drew her hand away. Walking back over to the sink she turned on the tap and watched as her own blood mixed with the cold water and into the bottom of the basin. As Remus neared he saw that her hand was trembling.

"Let me take a look at that," he said quietly.

"I'm fine." Her comment had meant to come out firmly but she whimpered, knowing that she couldn't keep the charade up much longer. He took her hand again, looking for glass and finding none.

"Nymphadora –"

"Stop… please don't Remus. I can't."

"I'm worried about you. Harry's worried about you."

"Harry." She whispered his name then looked up to meet her friend's eyes. "Remus, what must he think of me?"

"He loves you, Nymphadora. Nothing you could say or do would make him feel any different." She shook her head and gave a sob.

"He should hate me. If he only knew how I was feeling he would! He loves me because I killed her; my Aunt Bella. If he knew the truth he…" She shook her head again and turned away from her friend.

"What Tonks? What are you feeling?"

"I never meant to kill her!" she shouted, taking him by surprise. "You probably think I did. You wanted to, so did Harry but not me! I … I only wanted to talk to her Remus. And now I'm as bad as she is!" Her confession left a stunned silence in the kitchen. Remus went to sit down but decided against it.

"Why couldn't you have stayed here? Why did you bring Harry! Harry, of all people! What were you thinking, Remus!" she shouted at him angrily. It hurt her so much to do so but she didn't care. Blaming him would feel so much better than blaming herself.

"I wasn't, ok? I wasn't thinking. I was worried about you!" he said in exasperation. "You could have been killed."

"He could have been!"

"You could have been killed!"

"He could have been killed!" she repeated her argument again. They stared at each other for some time, both trembling with anger. Remus cracked first. He sighed and looked to the floor, rubbing his hand across his forehead wearily.

"I'm so sorry Nymphadora. This is all my fault. If I could change things I would. And I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. But seeing you there on that barn floor… I thought you were dead…" he couldn't go on and Tonks' anger began to fade.

"Well I'm not, I'm ok."

"Only because Lestrange was too weak to finish you off," he pointed out bluntly.

"Maybe she just didn't have it in her. Maybe she didn't mean it." Remus gave her a disbelieving look and scoffed. Seeing the anguish in her face her sighed apologetically.

"I'm sorry, it's just … I hate her, I really do. If I had lost you I don't know what I would have done. I can't keep losing people that I love, Dora. It's killing me! It would have been my entire fault, and I can't cope with that. It's my fault that you are in this much pain and I am so sorry, Nymphadora, I really am. So if you want me to leave and never come back, then that's fine I will. Scream at me, slap me. Whatever you decided to do, I will deserve it."

However what she did next surprised him. She took his face in both of her cold, damp hands and kissed him quickly and softly. They broke apart, looking as stunned as each other. Tonks brought her hands to her face in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry. I really don't know where that came from. I'm sorry," she rambled. He shook his head and looked away, giving an uncomfortable cough.

"Don't worry about it," he mumbled.

"Really, Remus I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I've freaked you out haven't I? Oh God, I've freaked you out!" He looked up and his grey eyes met hers. They were unmorphed and full of such pain that it broke his heart.

"No," he whispered and then leant in and kissed her again, this time longer and deeper. She was surprised at first, then decided not to complain and returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him closer. He let out an involuntary groan and her insides tingled.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything." A cold voice broke them apart suddenly, whirling them both around to the stairs. Severus Snape stood there, a mixture of amusement and disgust on his face. Lupin turned away quickly, refusing to look at his old classmate. Tonks went to speak but found it very difficult. What's his name? Sss, Sev …

"Snape," she managed finally, "What do you want?" The man just looked at her.

"You know very well what I am here for, Tonks," he stated. She suddenly felt very stupid as she remembered the lesson plans she had left for him on the kitchen table. She snatched them up irritably and strode over to him.

"Here!" she pushed them into his outstretched hand. He eyed her closely and she hoped he wouldn't see her blushing.

"Are you drunk?" he asked. She swallowed hard and looked to the floor. "Explains a lot," he muttered, opening the piece of parchment. Does he have to read it here? Tonks thought in annoyance, and gave a glance at Remus who was still studying the sideboard intently. Snape looked at Tonks, smirking as he saw her eyes fall on Remus.

"Homework?"

"Er.." Work brain, work! "Yeah, collect it in their first lessons back. Don't bother marking any of it, I'll do it." Snape gave her a sure-you-can-manage-it look and then sneered.

"I meant do I set homework."

"Oh right. No don't bother." He stared at her. "I mean it, Snape. And don't you go bullying them either, especially the First Years. They are terrified of you."

"Fine," he muttered but she knew he didn't mean it. He folded the piece of parchment slowly, keeping his eyes on Lupin, then started back up the stairs.

"Well, have a good week." He smirked at his own comment and left the kitchen, leaving silence behind him. Tonks and Remus stood apart, uncomfortably. They made eye contact briefly, and then broke it as quickly as it was made. The sound of dragging feet made them both look up. It was Harry. Why couldn't he have interrupted us? Remus thought miserably. Why Snape? Hell, why did I have to kiss her at all!

"Was that Snape? What was he doing here? I was gonna put some food on, are you two hungry?" Harry frowned as he reached the bottom step. Neither adult spoke. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing," they said together. Tonks glanced at Remus and looked away before he glanced back.

"Are you two arguing again?"

"No," they answered in unison again.

"You two need your heads banging together." His words made Tonks smile. Remus cleared his throat.

"I'm off upstairs," he announced, then climbed the stairs without giving either of them a second glance. Tonks cringed and hid her face with her hands. Harry looked at her obliviously.

"So…macaroni cheese ok?"

A/N: There, happy now? You might have guessed I'm a fan of macaroni cheese as this is the second time Harry's mentioned it. Still have two assignments to do but you've squashed any motivation I had and I'm gonna go write the next chapter now. Like I said, damn you reviewers! Love yaz :D