REVISED AND EDITED:April 5th/05

Revised and edited edited: June 27th/o5

Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, but Tamora Pierce.

A/N: Wow, thank you guys so much for reviewing, it really made me feel great:D Can anyone tell me when Yuki arrived at the palace, and when Cleon kissed Kel for the first time? It would be a big help, so either email me or leave your email, because I really need your help! Alot of people voted on a J/K fic, but I think it will start out K/N, and slowly move into J/K... Thanks again for reviewing, I hope you find this chapter alright. Kel is ooc, but please keep in mind, it is crucial to the point, and totally necessary. I'll try and update this week, but school starts tomorrow so don't expect anything out before Friday. I have the next chapter, and if anyone wants to BETA it would help so much:):):) I'm out though, so please R&R! Justa reminder, won't let me edit, so there might be a few mistakes.

Emotionless

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Gavin Degraw, I don't Wanna Be

Kel followed the rhythm of the dance, thrusting her glaive in and out, twisting, and swerving to the left. Her mind was occupied though, and she kept her eyes closed as beads of sweat gleamed on her face, light brown hair tied back in a loose horsetail.

She thought of what she'd been through as Raoul's squire and in a year and a half, she would face her ordeal, like so many of her year mates. Shed seen everything, experienced so much, and yet, she felt incomplete, as though she'd left a part of herself behind when she come to the palace.

Pushing these thoughts away, she dwelled upon friends. Neal, who was always amused in some way or other was her best friend, who'd been through everything with her since she'd arrived at the palace.

She smiled as she thought about him, he would be arriving any day now, and she couldn't wait to see him. It had been so long since she'd had someone to make her laugh, and she truly missed him.

Then there was Cleon, with his head of bright red hair. She was sure though, that she didn't feel the same way as she did a year ago, so much had happened to her, and she wanted to be his friend, no more than that.

Of course there was Merric, Owen, Faleron, and the rest of her year mates, but Joren would also be there. Her sworn enemy from day one, the same person that swore he would make her life a misery if she continued her training.

She thought back to the time where shed first saw Joren, at least acknowledged that he was a real person. It had been when his knight master, Sir Paxton of Nond and his squire had come to aid the Own to help prepare Joren for what he'd experience as a knight. It was right after the dreams had come, a stormy night when they'd been helping to repair and clean up the damage left by bandit's, in a village north of Corus.

Flashback

Kel shivered, a small tremor running up her spine as she thought of all the children, babies, mother, fathers, and grandparents that had been buried today. So many people, their eyes lifeless, there lips blue, hair soaked from the downpour.

Sighing, she escaped the warm folds of her bedroll, putting on her warmest pair of breeches, a thick shirt, and leather boots. Nobody would be up at this hour, she was sure, at least nobody with half a mind and she grinned at the thought of that. Mithros, Neal was rubbing off on her.

A light mist had settled over the many tents, soft moonlight bathing the world in light. The rain fell gently down on her, and her worries seemed to disappear looking out at the land.

How could a village that was filled with despair be so beautiful in the course of a few hours? It was like she was in a whole different world, a world without fighting, a world without death, a world so unlike the one she lived in.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite lump, the single savior of Tortall, coming back from rescuing some poor innocent man from spending a night alone." He drawled out sarcastically. "Returning from someone's bedroll tonight, hmm? Was it that idiot you have for a knight master, or maybe it was that Masbolle, the one you spent the whole trip flirting with? Really Mindelan, I never thought of you to be that kind of girl who makes everything so public!" He feigned shock and surprise as he stared at her, willing for her to take his bait.

Kel turned around hearing the voice, the air gone from her lungs as she saw who had approached. Joren stood there, glowing in the ethereal light, his wet blond hair tousled hanging in his pale eyes. His chest was bare, water gleaming on his well muscled stomach. He wore nothing but a pair of silk breeches, and leather boots much the same as hers.

"I know you want some lump, you may be a lady squire, but you're the same as all of the court ladies. Obviously you share something in common with them, I notice you can't keep your eyes off me," he sneered at her, his voice filled with amusement.

Kel snapped out of her reverie, hating herself for staring. Her mask fell, and a blush rose to her face, causing him to chuckle unruly, even as she glared at him. "How dare you accuse me of sleeping with Dom or Raoul? I have my dignity, unlike you of course. Don't think I haven't heard the rumors about you, you're willing to jump anything wearing a skirt," she remarked, but immediately regretting what she said. Joren was doing this to her on purpose, just to get her angry because that's what he'd played at ever since she'd arrived at the palace, making her life a living hell.

He stepped closer, grabbing her shoulder roughly causing pain to course through her body, but before she could react he whispered in that insanely cold voice. "You think your so bright Mindelan. You think you know everything about me, but you have no fucking idea. You don't know what its like to be pushed from the minute you were born to be the best." His eyes were furious, turning dark from anger that pulsed through his veins.

She didn't move as his eyes locked upon hers, making her feel his anger as he held her in a death grip. The heat radiating from their bodies made her forget about the rain that was falling atop their heads.

He brought himself closer to her, not releasing his hold on her arm, as he lightly trailed his lips along her face, whispering into her ear, "You have no idea Keladry, so don't ever make assumptions about me, because you know nothing, absolutely nothing. Maybe..." He didn't finish the sentence, as he walked into the distance, the mist to thick for her to see his form walk away.

She gently touched her cheek, feeling nothing but the rain. Every nerve in her body was on fire from his touch, but the rain was slowly cooling her down from that strange encounter.

For the first time since meeting her, he'd used her name. His soft slur of her name had made it feel untouchable and precious, like a rare gemstone or a sword dating back from ancient times.

Kel walked back to her tent, wondering why she felt so warm in the cold presence of dawn.

End of Flashback

Hanging her glaive on the rack, she wiped the sweat of her face with the back of her hand, which only moments ago, had felt like the cold October rain.

Keladry, Keladry, Keladry... his voice tickled her cheek, a hand stroking her shoulder.

Raoul shook her hard by the shoulders, bringing her back to Earth.

"My lord, I'm sorry! I didn't hear you," Kel smiled as her knight master's eyes danced and he chuckled.

"I don't see how you couldn't hear me Kel, I was banging for five minutes, and was afraid the whole palace could hear me."

"What can I help you with My Lord?"

"I need you to deliver a message for me, and when you get back Kel, get some rest, we'll be back out before you know it, and I need you at your best for some upcoming problems."

"My lord, I'm fine, if not just a bit tired. Now, is this one to Sir Myles or Sir Gareth?"

"Neither, it's for Sir Paxton, he's coming back today from visiting his estate, and it's urgent that he gets it as soon as possible. I believe his squire is here though, preparing for his ordeal. I would take it myself, but Jonathan's given me a pile of work to catch up on, so the rest of the day is yours Kel." Raoul smiled at his squire before handing over an envelope sealed with his crest, and closing the door.

Kel stood there, turning the letter over in her hands, hoping that maybe she hadn't heard correctly.

A/N: Cookies for everyone who review :):):D:D