Chapter Five:

"Their sending her WHERE!" I stood up, smashing my hands down on the table angrily after Professor Dincht explained that Adora was being sent to Dollet on a mission.

"She's only a third year! Far from ready for a mission of that magnitude!" I did not doubt my friends abilities, but I knew how responsible her partner was and that combined with her spontaneous attitude..

"At the LEAST he could have chosen someone more level headed then Professor Kinneas. Professor Trepe would have done a wonderful job! Hell even Professor Tilmitt shows more responsibility then that womanizer." Professor Dincht watched me with raised eyebrows. We had been eating lunch, hot dogs and potato chips with soda, in his room, going over the files pertaining to Timber and the resistance when he told me what was happening. He shrugged.

"I'm not sure I agree with it myself, but, even the reckless things Squall does, tend to be the best choice." I shot him a glare with a heavy sigh.

"Sending a naïve girl with a womanizer into a high risk for violence city to track down extremely volatile soldiers who would sooner shoot a SeeD then negotiate with them. Yes I consider that the wisest choice…NOT!" Groaning I plopped back down into my seat a took a small sip of my drink. Professor Dincht gazed steadily at me before speaking.

"You should calm down Nevar, Irvine might be a womanizer, and an irresponsible moron, but he wont let anything happen to Adora, you can put faith in that."

"And what did it take for him to rescue his friends from an oversized prison that was way too overrated. A female clawing him into submission. The man is a pathetic excuse for a hero." Professor Dincht could only shrug in response, he knew that I would have something to counter anything he said.

"Well I don't suggest trying to talk Squall out of it. He's not particularly fond of Adora at this moment." At that I smiled, chuckling.

"After that hit, he'll be lucky to have kids." He laughed and we returned in silence to our food. I had to return my focus to the mission at hand, we would be leaving in two days and I needed to be prepared. Lifting one of at least ten files from the desk and began reading.

Outside the training center I twirled my finger idly in the bowl of broth I held in my hand. Earlier I had noticed I had a cold coming on and I figured I had better nick it in the bud before I got worse. Fortunately I had no classes for the day and so I was waiting patiently to meet with Professor Almasy for some more training before I left for my mission. My mind dwelled idly on Professor Dincht and our conversation during lunch. I had woken up late, and so, ambled to his dorm clothed in blue silk pajama pants and a tight red spaghetti strap tank top, my hair pulled into a sloppy bun on the back of my head. When he had opened the door he laughed warmly, commenting on how I looked like I had just barely escaped the death grip of my bed. Punching his bare shoulder I stuck out my tongue.

"You don't look any better yourself boss." Had been my chuckled response. He had looked especially cute that morning, wearing only his standard blue shorts and a pair of socks. His hair was still a complete mess and he was lacking a shirt. It's funny, the fact that my favorite instructor is the same age as me, actually two months younger.

I was startled out of my thought when Professor Almasy tapped my shoulder.

"Ready?" I smiled up at him.

"Always, oh and, sorry about punching you earlier…you weren't helping my stress level much." He almost laughed, rubbing the side of his face.

"If you hadn't of punched me, I'm almost certain someone else would have." As we headed into the training center I gulped down my broth and dumped the Styrofoam bowl into a nearby garbage bin. What did he mean, someone else would have? Who did he make mad this time? As if reading my mind he spoke.

"Squall is rather mad, at both me and Adora. I kept speaking up in her defense last night and today. He doesn't like being contradicted much." I chuckled, shrugging and unsheathing my sword.

"He's like that, isn't he?" A smirk lighted on Professor Almasy's face before he charged at me, gunblade angled slightly behind him. The battle ensued….

Half an hour later we stood apart, gunblades still at the ready, even as tired as we were. We each were sweating furiously, my vision was blurred, showing my exhaustion. All the same, I refused to back down. With labored breathing I dug my foot deep into the dirt, waiting for him to make the first move. I watched him mimic me. So, it was going to be a stand down. Fine then.

"FIRA!" The blast of flame shot from my open palm towards him. I saw his blade go up, blocking the blow, at least partially. He stumbled backwards a few feet and grunted, rushing me. I parried his blows rapidly, no longer able to see anything, and having to rely solely on the sound of his blade whirring through the air. We both danced in the art of the fight, stumbling frequently, fighting for our breath. Suddenly I tripped, falling with a yelp. I heard his blade crash down on mine and I knew he was above me. Shoving one foot up I felt it catch his stomach and I shoved as hard as I could manage, sending him flying into a tree…I think.

I lay there. I figured I had won, but, by now I didn't care, I was tired as anything. The sound of Professor Almasy scuffling in the foliage kept my attention and he neared me.

"Excellent job Nevar, how are you doing?"

"I think Monet controls this world now…everything is blurry." He laughed.

"I share your pain." With that we both stood, helping each other out of the training center.

In my room I bowed my head against the wall with a sigh. I still wasn't good enough. I took me forty five minutes to beat the professor in battle. That was too slow, battles between armies were won faster then that. I heard my door open and then close.

"Nevar?" Headmaster Leonhart. I frowned, not moving.

"Whaddya want Headmaster?" The side of my bed sunk slightly, my indication that Headmaster Leonhart had seated himself beside me.

"I heard you had a big fight with Seifer."

"I trained with him if that's what your inquiring about. I had no classes today, so we met up in the training center after you decided to send my best friend to Dollet with a moron as company." I didn't bother taking the bitterness out of my voice, he needed to know he was in the wrong on this. He sighed.

"Irvine is not a moron."

"HA! Right, ok, so he's got a brain, but when it comes to pressure moments he isn't the bravest baby of the bunch. Besides, he's totally irresponsible. But whatever, you're the almighty Headmaster, do what you must." I growled as I spoke. The headmaster sighed and shook his head.

"…Whatever…" we both said at the same time and I laughed.

"Nope, you haven't changed, your still a bull headed teenager." I'm sure that earned me one of those trademark glares but he didn't speak for a long time.

"Make sure your ready for your trip to Timber, the dates been moved up to tomorrow." Silence followed only to be shortly killed by the sound of his soft footsteps.

Look into the darkness and there you shall find your other self, waiting ever so patiently to be released,
There in the darkness is a truth that chooses not to be revealed until you ask it to show, what most men call evil's ugly head,
They only call it evil because they fear it, they do not understand it, and never will they until they learn to accept their own inner being, their own darkness, and their own sin...
Sin is only the true form; of what man is...why fear it?
Anon
When there is deepness, a void inside, there is still a small part of you that will try to climb out of the abyss and back into the light by any means necessary. But what if that void, is the very essence of which you are a part of? What then?
Is the little imaginary you scrambling to run away from its own self, there for denying your own existence and sending you to a point of mental non-existence, in which, you are a mold that can be fitted to anything…yet…you still have your spine, your basic being, that has a hard time choosing what exactly you want to mold to.
Do you simply drive yourself insane, hearing your own mind droning in its complexities and contradictions about existence in and of itself?
Or is it, a subconscious matter, something only dwelled upon in the regions of the mind of which we pay rare attention to?
Are our dreams, actually what reality is meant to be….and that is why this dark, empty void exists, because we simply deny simple things by a sinful nature that comes naturally…?
What about those who feel…that without the void…they would be nothing…could not be happy without that little depth of pain, of remorse for something long forgotten?

So many complexities, that seem so insignificant…what if, that which we deem insignificant, was that which carried all the answers we had ever dreamed of…

Then again, what if everything is insignificant, and we are merely a dream and nothing else?

I stared down at one of the pages of my English book…I thought I signed up for English, not Philosophy. Slowly I got to work on the assignments for the next two days. An essay on the excerpt I had just read, and that one on who my hero was and why.

Whoopee….