I lied about the completion. I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go of this series. I decided that ending it at four chapters was unlucky, so this is the fifth and final chapter (some homage to Shakespeare for the five-act plays!). I ran out of different ways to drink coffee in fluffy settings, so this is a blooper reel, which I had a lot of fun writing. If you don't like blooper fics, skip ahead if you want to the quasi-epilogue at the end. Beware of crude humor (strange how it gets raunchier and more booze-happy towards the end…) and overall corny jokes the author dreamed up under the influence of sub-par gas station coffee she had to settle for.
Act I
"Oh…" she faltered, making a move to stand.
"Ah, just a second Sakura. You have a bit of froth on your—"
Syaoran paused as he read over the next few lines of the script in his hand and slowly purpled. "It says here I have to… to…" he spluttered. Sakura snatched the script from him as she flipped a few pages, reading on. Her face soon matched his as the script crumpled in her hand.
"Where's the damn author?" she whispered tersely.
"Ne, Sakura-chama," the poor self-proclaimed author/director smiled nervously.
"Change this. Now," she emphasized as she waved around the remnants of the script.
"B-b-but it's fan service!" she cried as she slinked out of her seat quickly and dashed for the back entrance, Sakura and Syaoran hot on her heels. "Eek!"
"Ne… Sakura?"
"Hai?" she smiled softly as she snuggled closer against his shirt, inhaling the warmth of his body.
Syaoran frowned. "You're getting my shirt wet too. Get off," he grunted as he shoved her away and tried to wipe the water off his new Armani shirt.
"Cut and costume change!" the exasperated director cried.
Act 2
BANG BANG BANG
There was a furious pounding at his door. Sakura merely flopped away, rolling off the bed…
There was a dull thud as Sakura landed on the hardwood floors with a yelp. "Damn it, Syaoran, you're supposed to catch me!" (A/N: (in my own blooper reel -.-;;) Cue "Catch You, Catch Me" theme music)
Syaoran snored in response.
After Syaoran was violently slapped awake by an extremely furious Sakura, the same scene was re-shot…
Sakura merely flopped away from his grasp, and would have rolled off the bed had he not caught her and pulled her to safety. He chuckled, and after making sure Sakura was securely in the center of the bed, reluctantly pulled himself away from her and…
There was a dull thud as Syaoran tripped over the blankets on the ground and smacked his forehead against the floor. "Medic," he groaned weakly.
"Cut!" the director almost sobbed with frustration.
When he opened the door, the future leader of the Li clan, Master of a household of over 12,000 servants, CEO of several multimillion dollar companies, and sole heir to the Li clan fortune, had never been so frightened of a girl a full twelve inches shorter than him dressed in white pajamas printed with purple dancing…
Syaoran screamed in horror before his cue, running madly away from Tomoyo and ducking under the bed. The author blinked. "What's going on?"
Upon closer inspection, it was discovered that Eriol had modified Tomoyo's costume so that instead of the purple dancing cows on her pajamas, there were…
"California raisins," Syaoran mumbled incoherently as he rocked back and forth, clutching his sweaty palms in tight fists over his knees. "Dancing… California raisins… so… horrible," he sobbed weakly.
"W-we didn't do anything Tomoyo! I swear… I was just helping her study and she fell asleep, so—" Syaoran pleaded.
"So you took advantage of a sleeping girl and groped her in bed!"
"God, are you kidding me? She was all over me like cheese on a nacho," Syaoran grinned proudly.
There was a brief pause before Syaoran blinked. "Oh wait, were we filming?"
Sakura screamed as she flew at him, fully intending to gouge his eyes out before Tomoyo and Touya wrenched her off of him and attacked him themselves.
"Cut! Hey, you! Stop it! I paid millions to borrow his face!" the author/director wailed. "Oh God, this is never going to be finished…"
"Syao-puu… did you know that whenever I call you that, it gets me really…" She whispered the rest softly against his ear.
The microphone near them picked up everything, fortunately, and magnified her voice as it blared over the speakers.
"It gets me really hungry for some California raisins, with their sunglasses, thin black dancing legs and all," she cackled evilly against Syaoran's ear as he scrunched his eyes shut and tried very, very hard not to cry.
Act 3
"I got it! I got it!" Sakura squealed as she exploded out of the doorway and jumped onto a massive lump of green covers on the bed. It gave a soft moan as Sakura straddled it and bounced happily…
The director blinked as she read over the script again. "Cut! Not the time to be getting aroused, Syao-puu," she growled.
"Aww," Syaoran pouted as his head peeked out from under the covers.
Syaoran's eyes widened. "Good god, I didn't think there was a position higher than glorified dishwasher!"
"Jade Leaf Slice!" Sakura uttered tersely as the heel of her new white Prada sandals he bought her…
… completely missed.
"Aaah!" Sakura screamed as Syaoran ducked out of the way. Her foot couldn't stop in time, slamming into the cart of cakes that was strolling through the restaurant.
"Syaoran!" screeched the director as she launched a box of raisins at him, instantly taming him.
"Oh God, not the raisins! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It was instinct to duck, I'm sorry!" he sobbed.
Giving up with the unruly mess, Syaoran leaned over to the passenger seat and grabbed the bouquet of flowers that Sakura had deigned customary he give every time he picked her up…
"Ah-choo!" The bouquet flew into the air as he promptly sneezed into his handkerchief. "Damn allergies…" he sniffed.
"Cu—oh forget it, you guys know the drill," the director grumbled as she sucked down her 8th cup of coffee that day.
Sakura was bowing slightly in front of a balding middle-aged man in a dark gray suit, whose round face was almost purpling with rage.
"Whaddya mean you can't make a part-soy, part-skim double shot of espresso extra flavor shot caramel latte?" he screamed. "Where am I going to get my daily caffeine from?"
Asianktn stuck her tongue slightly between her teeth as she scribbled something down furiously in her notepad. "Must… try… part-soy, part-skim… double…shot…" she mumbled to herself as her pen flew across the paper to write the rest of the order. "Latte," she grinned with satisfaction as she dotted the last i. "All right, you delinquents, cut!" she barked back at the set.
Act 4
Amid raucous cheering and the thumping beat of the DJ's music playing in the background of the Velvet Sky nightclub, a spray of colorful curled ribbons flew into the air as the noisemakers crackled, signifying the party was under way. Yamazaki grinned as he took the microphone, tapping on it lightly.
Both the actors on the set and the crew grimaced as there was a mega-blast of feedback.
"Dammit Yamazaki!" Chiharu screeched as she clapped her hands over her ears.
"Ow, and cut!" the director said grimly.
"Four years… and we're still together. And…" she paused, chuckling softly. "Some of us have become even more intimate with each other." There was an evil glint of mischief in the sweet and innocent eyes the gang had known all their lives. The response among the couples was automatic; all were blushing fiercely. Rika turned away from Yoshiyuki Terada shyly; Eriol …
The cameraman fainted dead away, spurting a huge nosebleed when the scene focused on Eriol and Tomoyo.
"Eriol!" the director said sharply. "Behave!"
Tomoyo reluctantly pulled away from Eriol's embrace and slid off his lap, fixing her blouse in the booth. Eriol's expression was rather dazed as he waved stupidly at the camera.
"Hi, mom," he grinned foolishly.
The response among the couples was automatic; all were blushing fiercely. Rika turned away from Yoshiyuki Terada shyly; Eriol smiled as his hand squeezed tighter around Tomoyo's palm, their pale fingers interlaced under the table. Touya…
For the second time that day, the cameraman fainted, and could not be revived. The director salivated as she watched the scene for a few moments before yelling "Ok, cut!" and whispering to her personal assistant at her side "Print that to a separate videotape, and label it 'Touya and Yukito's B-rated movie'. I want it in my trailer by yesterday."
Sakura smiled as the mocha martini was set down before her on a napkin, eagerly leaning over for it until someone tapped her shoulder.
"Hello, sexy. Mind if I buy you a drink?" Sakura tilted her head back as she looked up at a tall figure in a light grey suit and black shirt that was partially unbuttoned.
She grinned at him. "Sure, you're sexier than Syaoran. What's your name?" she smiled as she leaned closer to him.
"Sakura!" Syaoran gasped from offstage. He marched to them, bearing a bundle of swaddling cloth in his arms. "What about our son?" he sobbed as he thrust it at her.
"Wrong soap opera, you git," Sakura hissed. She knocked the pile of blankets out of his hands, and the plastic Susie-So-Real doll instantly began to wail electronically as it hit the floor.
"Cut, cut, and cut," the director grumbled as she massaged her temples.
"Haaaah!" Syaoran growled back as his final kick landed against the swinging bag.
There was silence as the bag merely rocked back and forth from the rope.
"Damn, that hurt," Syaoran grimaced as he collapsed to the floor, clutching his foot.
Sakura took a few breaths, and was suddenly aware that the rain had stopped falling on her. Her eyes fluttered open to see the scarlet umbrella that suddenly appeared over her head, and to the young woman holding it.
"Woah, I can see up your nose, Kaho, and it's not pretty," Sakura frowned.
"Cut!"
Sakura glanced around at the collection of gold and brass instruments lining the wall.
"Are they all used for magic?" she asked as she gestured to the curiosities around the room.
"Most," Kaho smiled as she sat down near her on the couch with a cup of tea in her hand as well. "Others are things I bought with the full intent to use them on the various guys I met in life. Like that scary looking katana there? Eriol. Those oversized hammers? Touya."
"Cut! Stick to the script, Kaho."
"But it's true," she pouted dejectedly.
"I'll spend the rest of my life apologizing, I promise. Please… just give me another chance." Syaoran sounded sincere.
"Okay."
"Wait, just hear me out. I—wait, what did you say?"
Sakura smiled as she stepped closer to him and swung her arms around his neck. She rose up on her tiptoes and tapped a small kiss against his lips. "I said… okay. I forgive you."
Syaoran peered at her. "And…? What do you say?" he prodded.
She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Aw come on Sakura, you know you were wrong too. I was nice enough to apologize first—"
"Bullcrap, Syaoran! I did nothing wrong and you know it. I don't need to say sorry to scum like you—"
"Scum? Scum! Is that what you think of me? Scum?"
"So what if it is?" she retorted.
"Oh, let me tell you what I think of you, you—"
"Um… guys?" the director waved her hands wildly. "Focus, you guys weren't even really fighting."
There was a pregnant pause.
"Oh," they said together.
"…I'm sorry, Sakura," Syaoran said finally.
"I forgive you," she smiled.
"… and what do you say Sakura?"
"Shut the fuck up Syaoran," she growled as she threw her hands up in exasperation, stalking away from him.
"Excuse me? You were definitely wrong as well that time, Sakura," he yelled as he chased after her.
The director threw her script in the garbage in defeat. "I give up! Find yourself another author, I don't care anymore! I'll be in my trailer, and I don't want anyone to bother me," she said before slamming her door shut. There was quiet for a while, until the muffled voices of Touya and Yukito were heard coming from the trailer.
"Oh, To-ya," Yukito's voice giggled.
Outside the trailer, Touya's eyes widened. "She taped it?"
Act 5
Sakura and Syaoran were in the process of making up and making out on the couch of the large room in which the after-filming bash was held. Tomoyo ditched her V8 to fill her dance card, taking turns with Kaho as they spun under Eriol's hand, swing music blaring in the background. Naoko took over as videographer, giggling as Chiharu, Yamazaki, Riika, and Yoshiyuki Terada goofed off in front of the camera, drunkenly performing a can-can dance. And the director? Well…
"Remember, if you guys refuse, you don't get paid," asianktn cackled as she put a lime in her mouth. Behind her, a few fangirls (and a few fanboys!) peeked out of the ever-growing line that wound through the room, each person packed closely to the one in front as they awaited their turn.
"To-ya, I'm scared," Yukito whimpered as he lay next to Touya, both men shirtless with a splash of tequila filled in the well of their navels.
"So am I," he said through clenched teeth, reaching for Yukito's hand.
"Oh God!" Yukito squealed as he shut his eyes, feeling someone's tongue lap at the bit of salt and tequila along his abs. A pair of male screams echoed into the night…
:MISSING SCENE: (or possibly taken out due to graphic content, cough cough)
The camera went out of focus slightly and back in as someone leaned over the lens, fiddling with the buttons.
"Ah, much better," the director smiled satisfactorily as she sat back in her chair, her grey t-shirt messy with tequila stains. Behind her, the unconscious and rope-bound bodies of Touya and Yukito were visible, still topless, although their chests were covered in lipstick of various shades. "Ahem, I'd just like to thank everyone for their support, for their reviews, and for trusting me with many of their favorite bishounen," she grinned, sheepishly pushing her fists between her knees as she blushed. "I hope you enjoyed the true ending to the Coffee series, because I—" she paused, glancing back at the pair beginning to stir behind her. "Because I'm going to keep enjoying it," she quickly said as she bounded over to them after a quick wave at the camera. "Thanks for watching / reading!"
The camera blinked off as she pressed a button on the remote, but not before Touya and Yukito screamed again.
