A/N: This chapter is mainly dialogue, but it's a conversation that I think you guys have been waiting for :)
Remus knocked tentatively on the door, and then stood staring at it in reluctance. What was he going to say? Hello there, just heard the news, congrats? He swallowed hard and realised his knock hadn't been answered. Frowning slightly, Remus knocked once more. Again there was no reply, though the man swore he heard movement from behind the door. Hesitantly, he reached for the doorknob and opened the door ajar.
"Nymphadora?" he called quietly. A muffled voice came as a reply, and Remus opened the door fully to see Tonks curled up on her bed, a soggy tissue held tightly in one hand. She gave a shudder of a sob and brought the tissue back up to her face. Remus closed the door immediately and went over to her. His own thoughts left his mind, as concern for his friend filled him. He perched on the edge of the wooden bed and brushed Tonks' naturally dark fringe out from her damp eyes to look into them.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked. Tonks simply sobbed a response into her pillow. Remus didn't hear a word of it, but comforted her nonetheless, gently prising her up to rest her against himself. He stroked her back softly and shushed her as she gulped for air.
"Kingsley came over…" she managed to mutter into his chest after a while. "With Scrimgeour, the Head of Auror." Remus nodded, indicating that he knew who he was. "Wanted to talk to me about Bellatrix." She said her aunt's name weakly, as if the very sound of it made her want to break down once more. "He just kept questioning me, and not just about her, about Sirius too. I didn't know what to say and I kept getting more and more agitated. I could tell Kingsley was trying to help me out but I froze. What could I say?" she asked, rhetorically. Tonks gave a shudder of a breath and continued. "So I lied. When he asked me if I was there that morning; I lied. When he asked me if I'd seen the knife before; I lied –"
"What else could you have done?" Remus cut in. "Told Scrimgeour the truth? You'd be in Azkaban right now!"
"Maybe."
"No, not maybe Nymphadora," he insisted firmly. "You did the right thing." Tonks pushed away from his chest to look at him.
"The right thing? Remus, I killed someone! That's not the right thing! Then I blatantly lied about it, that's not the right thing!" she shouted at him. Remus opened his mouth to retaliate but she silenced him with a raised hand. "Whether she deserved it or not, that's not the issue here. The fact is that I've done a terrible thing, and to make the guilt even worse, I've gotten away with it. And I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life…I'm not sure I can do that, Remus." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and rested her elbows on her knees, cupping her head in her hands. Remus sat up too.
"Do you think you could have spent the rest of your life in Azkaban?" he asked her quietly and saw her dark head shake in response.
"No," she said to the floor, "it's just…I'm torn between wanting to be punished and feeling incredibly grateful that I've not been." She gave a dry, ironic laugh. "To think, Sirius was wrongfully imprisoned and here I am getting away with the same crime!" The connection to her cousin sent her into further emotion turmoil. She let out a growl of frustration and thumped her mattress with angry fists.
"What am I doing?" she groaned. "I have to go to Scrimgeour. I have to find him, I have to tell him!" She rose from the bed hurriedly, looking around for her trainers and a jacket. Remus began to panic.
"What exactly are you going to tell him?"
"The truth," Tonks admitted, pulling on her shoes as she stood and wobbling as she struggled to do so. "A lifetime in Azkaban must be easier to live than a lifetime of unpunished guilt." She found a jacket and wrenched it on.
"Stop! Nymphadora, wait! Please!" Remus pleaded as he followed her to the door. She opened it and stood in the doorway.
"I can't Remus. This has gone on long enough. It's time to face the consequences." As she turned to leave, Remus knew that it was now or never.
"And what about the baby?" he called desperately, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to him slowly, blinking in surprise. That's detention for you Potter!
"Wh…what?"
"Harry told me you were pregnant," Remus mumbled feebly. There was a long gap of silence before Remus added casually, "Are you pregnant, Tonks?"
"No."
"No?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Remus, please!" Tonks hissed in irritation.
"Sorry," he mumbled. Tonks paused briefly.
"I was gonna tell you Remus, I swear. I was just afraid of how you'd react so I kept quiet."
"But you told Harry!" he exclaimed in annoyance.
"Yeah I told Harry," Tonks admitted awkwardly. "And Hermione too, but they are the only two people that know, honest."
"Hermione! Hermione knew? I've been living with her for over a month and she never told me." Remus was more than annoyed at this newfound information.
"I think she's got other things on her mind Remus, don't you?" Tonks pointed out. Remus nodded absently. "Plus I did tell her to keep quiet and, unlike Harry, she can keep a secret."
"I don't believe this," Remus groaned weakly. "I had hoped Harry was winding me up." His words hurt and infuriated Tonks.
"It's not as if I did this on purpose you know!" she hissed. "I've not had a say in this either! And I've had to deal with this for the past 3 months! You've been completely oblivious to all of this, think yourself lucky."
"Oh yes, I'm so lucky that you kept this small matter from me," he said sarcastically. "Thanks a lot Tonks, that was so thoughtful of you." He looked angry and she knew he was. She felt like a schoolgirl who had been caught misbehaving at school and scolded by her favouriteteacher. But this wasn't her teacher this was Remus, and she wasn't his student she was his best friend.
"I meant to tell you…I really wanted to but I couldn't. I didn't know how," she said to her shoes.
"But you told Harry," he cried. "You told Hermione. It didn't occur to you that I might need to know? That I might have wanted to know?"
"No," Tonks muttered simply.
"No," he echoed. "Of all the things to happen…I even thought Harry had a crush on you," Remus said wearily. Tonks gave a laugh. She couldn't help it, with all the stress and nervous tension, it was either that or cry.
"Oh he probably does," she replied lightly.
Eventually she closed the door and took a seat back down on her bed. Remus joined her though he wasn't sure why. The couple sat for a long time, avoiding each other's gaze.
"You're mad at me aren't you?" she asked after a while.
"No, I'm not mad at you. I just wished you'd told me sooner, that's all." He seemed disappointed and Tonks felt a sudden surge of guilt, as if she had really let him down.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. He let her words hang between them before speaking again.
"So where does this leave us?" Remus asked suddenly. Tonks gave an internal cringe, wishing she had had the sense to ask first.
"I don't know," she whispered. "Oh, this is such a mess." She lay backwards on her bed. Remus joined her, propping his head up with his hand. "I dunno, I don't want things to change between us. You're my best friend and I'd just gotten comfortable with this whole 'Will and Grace' 'When Harry Met Sally' dependent vibe we had going on."
"Huh?" Remus was once again confused by the vibrant young woman. She shook her head dismissively.
"Never mind. The thing is…Remus…I'm not sure if I love you." Tonks let her words linger and hoped that she hadn't hurt him too much. She was rather surprised to find Remus nodding his agreement.
"Glad to hear it because I feel the same," he admitted. Tonks was stunned.
"You do?"
"Of course. Don't get me wrong Nymphadora; I care about you a great deal. You are my life. I'm just not sure how I feel about you…in that way…and I'd rather not make myself love you just because you're carrying my child." It was the first time either of them had said it aloud, but it didn't seem strange. It felt right.
"That's fair enough," Tonks mumbled. She swung her legs slightly against the side of her bed in a rather childlike manner. Remus watched her for a moment.
"Dora…"
"Yes?"
"Never mind."
"Go on." Remus took a deep breath before asking his question.
"Do…do you wish it were Charlie's and not mine?" The leg-swinging stopped, and Tonks lay very still.
"I can't believe you just asked me that," she said quietly. Her tone was not angry, rather indignant. Remus wished he hadn't asked.
"I'm sorry, I take it back."
"Can't take it back," Tonks shook her head. "It's already 'out there' now."
"And you still haven't answered," Remus pointed out. Tonks gave a growl.
"What do you want me to say Remus?" she huffed. "Yes, I wish it were Charlie's? It's not that simple and you know it. Maybe it would be easier for us if it were Charlie's but it's not so there's no point thinking on it," she said firmly. Remus felt he had been put in his place, and decided to let it go.
"Would this be an ideal opportunity to say that I think you should move in to Grimmauld Place?" he spoke up. Tonks gave him a quizzical look.
"You're asking me to move in with you?"
"Oh come on Nymphadora, I'd hardly put it like that. It's your house! And you spend most of your free time there anyway. I just thought it would make sense that's all." Tonks nodded in agreement.
"You're right, maybe I will move in." She sat up quickly, giving herself head rush, and gave a nervous laugh.
"I'm scared, Remus."
"I'm terrified," the man admitted.
"We'll be ok though, won't we?" He nodded to her without hesitation and she believed him. "Great, then let's have a baby."
"Yeah, let's have a baby," Remus breathed.
"Still terrified?"
"You bet!" Tonks gave a bark of a laugh, which reminded Remus so much of Sirius. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek. "I should get going, sweetheart. I've lost Harry…I should find him before it gets dark," he joked. Tonks gave a pout of disappointment but nodded.
"Ok, when you find him kick his ass for me."
"I'll do my best," Remus assured her, rising from the bed. "I'll see you in a couple of nights at the next meeting."
"Right. If you see Kingsley before then, send him over for some serious words!" Remus laughed and nodded. He headed for the door and looked back at his friend who remained perched on the edge of her bed.
"Take care of yourself, Dora. If you need anything, anything at all, then just let me know." She grinned.
"Right, so when I need someone to hold my hair back while I puke at 3am, then I'll give you a shout, ok?"
"…Or Harry, whatever," he said quickly and she laughed. "By the way, if that child is born with red hair you are in serious trouble!" She stuck her tongue out and threw her pillow at him, missing by a great deal. "Goodbye, Nymphadora."
"Goodbye, Remus."
As he closed the door behind him, Tonks felt more comfortable with her pregnancy than she ever had been and wished she had told Remus sooner. She lay back down on her bed and gave a sigh. Maybe things were going to be alright after all.
A/N: And maybe not…we'll see how evil I'm feeling, hee hee hee.
