This is my first time posting here but I've posted it at other places too so if you recognize it that is probably why. Reviews are greatly appreciated but I know how busy life can be, if you don't have the time…you don't have the time. Just know that it helps me write better! Haha.

Z

One.

What Used To Be Easy, But Became Awkward.

Taylor James.

Beautiful, sexy and just when you think you can judge her for being all about her looks, she gets all down to earth on you and it's hard to hate her. At first glance, Taylor is someone who appears to be too beautiful for her own good, flaunting it in any way she possibly can, but when you talk to her, you know better. Because yes, she's thin with perfectly straight blonde hair and perfectly tanned skin but that doesn't take away from the person that she is; it doesn't take away from the kindness of her heart. Her only flaw is that she is a bit of a trouble maker. She likes to do things out of the ordinary that would drive any parent crazy and sometimes she can get pretty out of control. But despite all that, she's kind and the sister that I hate to love.

Nathan Scott.

He's got that charm about him, the charm that could coax his way into any girl's pants, satisfy her every need but still manage to convince her that one night was all they needed. And sometimes it's sick, usually it's sick, but then you see the pain in his eyes, or I do anyway, and you realize that it's somehow his way of coping with his screwed up life. He's got a beautiful heart when he lets his guard down and he has this way about him that makes a girl feel special instantaneously. He's intense, mysterious…and never, ever boring.

And then there's me, Haley James.

Taylor's sister, Nathan's best friend…whatever title you wish to label me. It usually doesn't involve my name at all because everyone knows me as anything but. I don't know how to describe myself; honestly I don't think you would want me to try. Taylor says I'm thoughtful, Nathan says I'm innocent…I don't think that I'm either of those things. But they seem to think that they know me pretty well. They probably know me the best but to be honest, that's nowhere near.

I find this incredibly discomforting.

Taylor is my older sister by a year, a senior in high school. And Nathan is the same…only having a few months on her. Since Taylor and I were so close in age, we always got along pretty well. Of course, we had our share of fights but it never overshadowed the good. She met Nathan when she was ten and naturally I became friends with him just because she was.

But Taylor never understood Nathan like I did, or that's what I kept telling myself. I realized later in life that she just wasn't willing to put up with his bullshit like I was. I let him walk all over me most of my life but Taylor would call him out when he was wrong. She had absolutely no problem with it whatsoever.

But then they started dating.

It was sometime at the end of their junior year and my sophomore year. We were sort of a threesome since elementary school but then Nathan supposedly confessed his love for her and they decided to take their relationship to the next level. I had always known that Nathan sort of had a crush on Taylor but I always used to pretend that I was just imagining it and pray to God that Nathan got over it in time.

Because Taylor and Nathan were surely going to be a disaster.

But I couldn't deny that night when Taylor came squealing into my room as she got home, telling me every detail about their perfect night together, that she was happy. And I tried to be happy for her; tried to support the two of them, but I knew that this was going to change things.

And it did as expected.

Towards the end of my sophomore year, I began to push the two of them away. I made new friends, friends in my grade. Because at the beginning Nathan and Taylor were always making out or exchanging annoying flirty banter and it got to the point where it took everything inside me not to gag. So slowly but surely, I stopped depending on the two of them.

Something I should have done a long time ago.

Brooke Davis is someone that is the total opposite of me. How I became friends with her I will never be able to tell you because we couldn't possibly be more different. But she's a lot like Taylor in the sense that behind her slutty, for lack of a better word, clothing and behavior, she has this amazing heart. She listened to me vent about how my best friends cared more about their newly found relationship than me and I cried on her shoulder on more than one occasion.

She made me dismiss stereotypes.

Peyton Sawyer is this amazing artist. I had always sort of been friendly with her before we actually became good friends but it wasn't until we sat down and had a real conversation that I realized how truly special this girl is. She's kind of moody but I am too and I've figured out when to push and when to back off. She's dealt with a lot and she's the strongest person I know.

Which is I why I envy her.

And then there's sweet old Lucas Roe. He's in Nathan's grade and I had met him at a couple of parties that I had been dragged to but we never really talked. I always thought he was kind of cute but I had been way to shy to say anything. Anyway, one day we collided and he sent my books flying everywhere. It was humiliating to say the least, but he seemed to find amusement in my fluster. I still think he's cute, drop dead gorgeous actually and we've become great friends…but I think Brooke likes him, so I backed off romantically immediately.

It's really not that big of a deal.

Both Taylor and Nathan kept trying to get me to hang out with them but I always had some lame excuse and when they found out that I had made a totally new set of friends, I could tell that they were a little hurt. But it couldn't stop me from pulling away from them. I just felt second best all the time and I wasn't willing to feel that way to them.

Three is definitely not company.

I still talk to them. Nathan will be driving Taylor and me to school everyday and of course he sleeps over when our parents are out of town but we haven't hung out just the three of us in a really long time. Taylor's my sister, so of course we talk all the time but Nathan and I haven't really shared a moment alone since the two of them started going out.

I hate to admit that I miss him.

It's barely seven in the morning when I hear my alarm clock. But the alarm clock is quickly overpowered by the cell phone that I had apparently left on my side table the night before. I pull the pillow over my head and hope that it will stop but it doesn't, so I groan and pull it to my ear, growling into the phone.

It's Brooke.

"I'm driving you to school today."

I yawn and reach over to turn off the alarm clock. "You don't have your license, Brooke. Remember, you failed the last three times you took the test? With good reason, too. You're worse than Pey." I pull myself out of bed and head to the bathroom that conjoins my room with my sister's.

"Well I guess the instructor thought I was cute because I passed, chica!" She exclaims into the phone and I pull it away from my ear for a second, still trying to adjust to the morning.

"You didn't tell me you were taking the test again, Brooke." I say, pulling out my toothbrush and toothpaste from the cabinet and beginning to brush my teeth.

"I didn't want to jinx it…" she says "…anyway, I passed and I'm coming to pick you up at seven thirty, got it?" I can hear her excited clapping on the other end and I roll my eyes to myself in the mirror, laughing lightly.

I spit out the remaining toothpaste in my mouth. "Sounds like a plan. Then I can avoid the married couple…" I sigh, my voice lowering to a whisper because Taylor is in the next room.

"Is that what you're calling them these days?" She laughs. "Sounds appropriate."

I sigh in response.

"Okay, well…be ready when I get there. And look hot for school, okay? When we get out of my brand new beamer, heads are going to roll."

I drop my toothbrush into the sink and look at myself in the mirror. "Beamer? You've got to be kidding me, Brooke. Your parents got you a beamer?"

She laughs. "See you at seven thirty."

When I hang up the phone, I place it next to the sink and pull out my case of makeup, applying a little bit of make up but not too much. I've never been the kind of girl who reinvents her face at six thirty in the morning.

I'm so not high maintenance.

"Hey."

I turn around to find Nathan having just walked in it. His lack of a shirt causes me to avert my eyes back over to the mirror but I can still see him so I look down and fidget with the zipper to my make up case. I don't want to think about him sharing a bed with my sister. "Hey. I didn't know you stayed here last night."

I hear him laugh lightly, but I know immediately that it's more of a bitter laugh than a real one. "My parents were fighting again. I snuck out the window."

I look over briefly and give him a tight smile. "I'm sorry." I hate that it's gotten this awkward between us. Conversation used to flow so easily with him but now it's a struggle to find the words to say.

He nods and moves in closer behind me, concentrating on his disheveled dark hair in the mirror as he runs his fingers through it. "Was that Brooke you were talking to?"

I clear my throat and look back at my own reflection. "Yeah, she's going to give me a ride to school this morning so you don't have to worry about it."

He takes his eyes off himself and looks at me through the mirror, visibly frowning. "I don't mind, you know. We barely hang out anymore so it gives me a chance to spend time with you."

"And Taylor…" I remind him but instantly regret it when I see the confusion in his eyes. "I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head and closing the zipper to my make up bag. "I'm going to go finish getting ready…" He just stares after me and I know without him having to say anything that he doesn't understand what's going on with me, or between us.

I close the door behind me and leave my hand on the doorknob for a second, exhaling. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath the entire time. Hanging out with Nathan used to be fun…easy. It used to be effortless but now it was awkward and hard to even look at him.

It makes me sad.

I get dressed and head downstairs to grab something to eat before Taylor and Nathan can come down. Unfortunately, they come down only minutes later and I am forced to eat with them.

"Hey, little sis…" Taylor smiles, hugging me from behind "…we missed you last night. We always used to hang out the night before school started but you were M.I.A. as of four in the afternoon. What time did you get home, anyway?"

I shrug and I don't mean for my voice to sound cold, but it does. "I don't know, late."

She nods, studying me with a puzzled expression. "Okay…we just missed you. That's all."

I give her a tight smile and pull some orange juice out of the refrigerator, pouring some into a glass and sitting down at the table. Nathan smiles at me when I sit down across from him but I look down at my plate and begin to eat.

There is a honk from outside.

"That's my ride," I announce, barely having touched my breakfast. "I'll see you guys at school." I say, hugging Taylor goodbye and nodding in Nathan's direction.

Taylor gives me a quizzical glance. "I thought we were driving you to school."

I shake my head. "Change of plans."

She furrows her brow and puts her hands on her hips, looking briefly at Nathan and then back at me again. I know what's about to come out so I close my eyes. "Are you avoiding me, Haley?"

I pivot back around and clear my throat. "Not at all. Brooke just offered to give me a ride. Besides, I figure this way to two can be alone together."

"We can be alone whenever we want, Haley." Taylor says. "We want to hang out with you."

I look over at Nathan who is staring at me carefully and then back to Taylor. "I have to go, Tay," I say as sweetly as possible. "I'll see you at school."

When I get in the car, I try my best to squeal with Brooke but it proves to be difficult as the frown keeps tugging at my lips. "What's wrong, princess?" She asks. And it surprises me that after only three months, this girl knows me pretty damn well

I sigh. "I don't even know anymore."

I remember when I used to rule the school with Nathan and Taylor; when everyone used to envy the fact that the two of them had taken me under their wing. No one understood how Nathan could be so cold to everyone else, but be so nice and protective of some inadequate girl who was a year younger than him. Of course, there was Taylor…but pretty much everyone bowed down to her anyway so it was no surprise that Nathan did the same.

They just couldn't rap their heads around my relationship with him.

But now, as they start their senior year, I'm nowhere near them. I don't even exit the car with them and walk down the hallways, confident that my sister and best friend have my back. Instead, I watch as heads roll at their entrance, wondering how a couple could be so perfect.

But the two of them are far from perfect and I know it.

I hear them fighting all the time about nothing. Taylor always does something to annoy Nathan and when he pulls back into his shell, she lashes out. I always knew not to push it when he did stuff like that but Taylor doesn't have that kind of patience. They never pulled this kind of stuff as friends, but of course they never had make up sex as friends either I suppose.

They're good together, but only half of the time.

"How are you dealing?" I hear from behind me and I only pry my eyes off the happy couple for a second to greet her. "I know this is hard for you."

I give Peyton a thankful smile and clutch the strap to my shoulder bag tighter. "It's weird," I admit, looking back at Nathan and Taylor. Nathan catches my glance and gives me a concerned look but I avert my eyes immediately and look directly at Peyton. "But it's a new year…and I'm happy to share it with you and Brooke." I force a funny smile. "Speaking of our third angel, where is Natalie?"

Peyton mocks hurt. "How come she gets to be Natalie? I'm the blonde one! Besides…I look like Cameron Diaz, right?" She strikes a ridiculous pose.

I pretend to be apprehensive. "Um…no. Besides, you should be happy…Natalie is the ditzy one, remember?"

"Uh oh. You better hope Brooke doesn't find out you called her ditzy." Peyton warns, a smile tugging at her lips.

"I am ditzy," says a familiar voice and we turn around to find a smiling Brooke with a raised eyebrow. She links arms with the two of us and drags us down the hallway. "It's a good thing I'm pretty, right?"

Peyton and I crack up.

I avoid Taylor and Nathan and school for the rest of the day and it's actually harder than I thought it would be. But since Brooke had double free at the end of the day and Peyton's car was in the shop, I had to go home with the happy couple and I had been dreading it since the moment I found out.

"Where's Taylor?" I ask, approaching him awkwardly. It's easier to be around Nathan when Taylor is there because then I can focus on her. I used to crave my alone time with him but it somehow turned into a burden sometime in the last few months.

"She has some meeting with the principle or something," he says. "She's gonna take the late bus home later." He cracks a smile. "Just us, then."

I smile sheepishly. "I think I'll wait for her, then. Go ahead without me." Being with Nathan and Taylor is hard enough, being alone with him is not something I can handle. I turn to walk away. "See you later."

"No, Haley. Wait…" he calls out before running towards me and placing his hand on my shoulder. "Please stop doing this."

"Doing what?" I say tiredly, turning around and placing my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt.

"This. You can't even look at me. Will you just talk to me?" He says pleadingly. I know that tone of voice. It's the tone of voice that made me drop everything to let him vent to me about his dad and the same tone of voice that got me to ditch my date so he had a place to crash. He always came to me, never Taylor, because he knew that I would drop everything for him.

But I am done living that life.

"I'm sorry, Nathan…" I sigh, giving him a sad smile before averting my eyes "…you just don't understand."

"Make me understand!" He pleads with real desperation in his voice. "Come on, we could always read each other…but you've been a closed book ever since Taylor and I started dating." He pauses. "I miss you." He sticks his hands in his pockets but moves closer so that our faces are only inches apart. "Don't you miss me?"

"Of course I miss you. I just…I want to be my own person and I'll always have to live in you and Taylor's shadow if I don't find a life without you." I guess that's part of the reason so I'm not exactly lying. But it's a half truth, and I know it.

"So you can't even hang out with me?" He says, his stare becoming more intense by the second. "What about what I want, Haley?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper and then turn to walk away.

He stops me again but this time his voice is cold. "Fine, you don't have to hang out with me but I'm taking you home. Your sister would kill me if she knew I let you walk." He starts to walk away, expecting me to follow.

I don't.

He turns around when he realizes this and makes his way toward me. "Come on, Haley," he says tiredly.

"I'm not a baby, Nathan." I say through gritted teeth, still making no attempt to move toward him.

"I never said so," he counters and I roll my eyes in response.

"Oh, like you haven't implied I was for my entire life…" I scoff, my voice now considerably louder. There is no way I'm letting him get away with it anymore. "…always protecting me like I was your goddamn little sister or something. I can take care of myself, Nathan."

"What are you talking about?" He asks, genuinely confused and I don't know why I expected otherwise.

"Forget it," I growl, pushing past him and making my way to his car. He's not going to let it go so it's easier to just give in.

He stands stunned in the parking lot before finally sighing and getting into the driver's seat. I turn to look out the window and ignore him for a good five minutes.

My cell phone rings.

"Hello?" I answer, glancing over at Nathan quickly as I pull the phone to my ear.

"Hey beautiful."

I laugh. "Hey Lucas." I look over at Nathan and he takes his eyes off the road for a second to look back. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm just calling to see if you want to hang out tonight." He says and I crack a smile.

"Of course. Mom doesn't get home until Wednesday so I'm all in the clear."

"What about daddy dearest?"

"Who knows?" I sigh. "France, probably. Anyway, I so need to get out of my house tonight. Thank God you called."

"Of course. Do you wanna hang out at my house? My parents are gone until eleven."

"That sounds suggestive." I laugh, glancing at Nathan who remains focused on the road. "Pick me up at six."

I hang up and Nathan glances over. "You and Lucas are pretty tight." He turns onto my street sharply. "That's cool." I grab the dashboard and blow the hair out of my face.

I take a deep breath and shrug. "He makes me smile."

"I used to be able to do the same," he says, smiling sadly. "Remember? Taylor always found my various voices obnoxious. But you never smiled more."

"I remember," I whisper.

When we reach the driveway, I step out and don't bother to wait for him. He always knows what to say to shake me up. He's always known, ever since I was a little girl. And that, I suppose, is why he had so much hold over me. Because he knows me, he knows how to tweak me.

"I'm gonna go," Nathan says, standing on the porch behind me. "I mean, you don't seem like you want me anywhere near you."

I sigh. "If you want to stay, then stay."

He steps closer. "But you won't talk to me."

I close my eyes, but he can't see because he's behind me. "I'm talking to you now."

"Whatever," he sighs, stepping off the porch. "I feel like I'm talking to a wall, Haley."

"That's your prerogative."

He laughs bitterly. "This is going nowhere. I'm gonna go."

I don't do anything to stop him.

If you were to ask why I'm pushing Nathan away, I wouldn't have an answer. Not a real one anyway. Because though I say it's because of Taylor, I know that's only an easy way out.

There's so much more to it.