Three.

Walking in Circles

It's hard not to love Taylor.

She's goofy in the way that makes you want to kill her because she can still be sexy at the same time. But I had forgotten how much the girl makes me smile since we hadn't really spent quality time together in the last three months or so. It's funny how three months can seem like a lifetime when it really isn't in reality. I really needed this time with Taylor, time to remind me how much I love her and how much I really do need her.

She completes me in a way.

And it sounds kind of stupid to say out loud, which is why I don't, but it is really how I feel. It's like, she holds me up, holds me together and without her, I would probably be a mess. And though lately, I've been feeling more independent, I know that I still need her. When I was little it used to be her that made me toughen up; it was her that told me that criticism and heartbreak only makes you stronger in the end.

She's always been a lot stronger than me.

I would always cry to her about everything; about the lack of time our parents spent with us, or the girls who were picking on me at school because I didn't have any friends in my own grade. But she didn't let me cry, she made me stand tall, made me suck it up. It sounds like a weird thing to appreciate since most people resent that kind of treatment, but I needed it.

I was kind of melodramatic as a kid; still am, actually.

"Is this too slutty?" She asks, pulling something off the rack that makes my eyes widen in surprise. I probably shouldn't be surprised, knowing Taylor the way I do, but she never ceases to amaze me I suppose.

"Definitely," I say with a disgusted face.

She nods and pulls it over her arm. "Okay, I'm going to go try it on." She sticks her tongue out at me when I roll my eyes and then grabs my arm to pull me toward the dressing room, grabbing a few things on her way and throwing them at me. "And you're trying this on…" she stops my protest before I can even start "…don't even pull that, Hay. You're trying it on. End of story." She nods politely at the saleswoman and we walk into the dressing room.

"Why you insist on making me your slutty twin is beyond me," I groan as I look at her through the mirror. I take off my shirt and throw it to the side, pulling on one of Taylor's picks. I raise an eyebrow at myself in the mirror and then look at Taylor who has already put on her slutty number.

"Oh God, Haley…take that off…you look like a cow," she says and I throw the other shirt in her face as she laughs hysterically, obviously amused by her own teasing. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding…" she laughs, rolling her eyes "…you look hot little sis. No joke. "I would totally do you, but I'm not into girls…"

I furrow my brow in disgust. "But you're into incest?"

She laughs and then checks herself out in the mirror, pulling at her cleavage and shaking a little in front of the mirror. I roll my eyes at the site. "What do you think? Hot enough?"

I roll my eyes. "If you want to look like a tramp…"

She looks at me through the mirror. "Perfect."

"What's up, Tay? You're attire has been sluttier than usual lately." I give her a concerned sister look and she rolls her eyes, knowing that I mean business. I only give her that look when I know something is up with her.

Nathan used to say that we both share that look.

She sighs. "I don't know…"

"Tay?" I pry and she sits down on the stool, leaning back against the wall to the dressing room.

"I guess I've just…" she pauses and looks down, obviously not really wanting to share this with me "…I've just been trying to get Nathan's attention."

I furrow my brow. "What are you talking about, Taylor? Nathan's totally interested in you. He's crazy about you and you and I both know it." I have no idea why she's been trying to get Nathan's attention. From what I could tell, she had all of Nathan's attention. After their fight on Monday night and Nathan's sudden appearance in my room, everything had been normal. They forgave each other as expected and I avoided them when they were together as usual.

I avoided Nathan at all costs, though. After our talk in my room, he had been acting weird and so I had done the same, feeling myself become even more awkward in his presence. Things weren't getting remotely better, in fact, they were getting worse.

But at least Taylor and I were okay.

Speaking of Taylor; she looks up at me and gives me a crooked smile that I find to be insincere. "I know that you probably don't want to hear about my sex life, especially since it's with Nathan who you've known since forever…but we haven't slept together in weeks and now, when he touches me…it feels…it just feels awkward, you know? Forced, even."

I fall onto my knees so that our eyes are more level, though now I'm looking up at her. "Have you talked to him at all? Maybe there is some explanation. You know, Nathan. He just gets weird sometimes."

She looks away and then nods. It's another second or two before she turns back around, desperation in her eyes. "Would you talk to him for me, Haleybop?" I cringe at the childhood nickname and then sigh.

"Tay, you know that I would do anything for you…but Nathan and I…we're not really on good terms right now." I push off her knees and stand up, straightening up the mess we'd made in the dressing room. "We're sorta growing apart."

She stands up too. "Come on, Haley. Please do this for me. I promise I will do anything for you if you just talk to him. You know him, better than I do and he'll open up to you. He doesn't talk to me like he talks to you."

"Talked to me…" I counter "…we don't talk anymore, Tay. We're not like we used to be, we haven't been for a long time now."

She looks at me with pleading eyes. "Haley, I will never ask you for anything again."

I want so badly to do this for her. I know she would do it for me. But I can't talk to Nathan, especially about Taylor and their sex life. It's just not something that I am capable of doing. It's not something that I think I'll ever be capable of doing. It's my sister and my best friend who lately, I'm starting to think I may have more than friendly feelings for.

Wait, what?

My eyes widen in surprise and I can tell Taylor notices but she dismisses it. Now I know that I can't do this, not after the breakthrough I just had. I like Nathan? As in the boy who I grew up with Nathan?

As in my sister's boyfriend, Nathan?

"I can't Taylor," I say, all seriousness in my voice but pleading with her to forgive me for this one. "I just can't, okay?"

She scoffs as she changes back into her clothes, obviously pissed at me but trying to calm herself down. "I would do it for you, Haley," she says and I can hear the venom in her voice which terrifies me to no end. "I would do anything for you." She bites her lip and narrows her eyes. "I ask you for one thing…one measly thing…and you can't even do it." She closes her eyes and I can swear I see a tear drop. "You're supposed to have my back."

She reaches for the doorknob and begins to leave, mumbling something about how she's going to buy this and then meet me in the car. I gulp but do as I'm told. The entire car ride home is dead silent; she won't talk to me at all. When we reach our house, she drops me off and then screeches down the driveway, out of sight.

I watch her drive away, sighing.

Its eleven thirty and Taylor is still not home. I call her cell phone but no one picks up. Nathan's not over either which is weird because he's always over so I assume that she must be out with him, maybe trying to figure everything out on her own. I try his cell phone; no answer. Finally I try his house, but again, there's no answer.

Then I really start to worry.

Thankfully, my mom is at a "friend's" house over night and she didn't take the car so I get to use that. Mom had come home on Wednesday night and had spent Thursday night home but I guess she got sick of us so she said she was going to be gone all of Friday night and would be back Saturday afternoon. I think she's having an affair because I saw the man who picked her up and they looked a little more than friendly if you ask me.

Anyway, I use her car to drive to Nathan's house.

Nathan answers the door; yawning and I wonder why he's not out on a Friday night. "What are you doing here?" He asks, clearly surprised.

I look around. "I'm looking for Taylor. She's here, right?"

He frowns. "No. She's not. I thought you guys were hanging out all day and then going out tonight? What happened?"

I close my eyes. "We got in a fight and she bailed on me. I probably deserved it."

Thank God he doesn't ask what the fight was about because I'm a terrible liar and there is no way I'm going to admit to him that we were fighting about him. He just looks at me quizzically. "So then, she's not with you?"

I shake my head. "Sh!t." I pull the palm of my hand to my forehead but then jerk it away abruptly when my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. I look up at Nathan briefly as he stares at me blankly, and then look down at the cell phone in my hand.

Taylor

I immediately pull it to my ear and turn sideways so that I'm not looking directly at Nathan and I don't have to watch as he studies me. "Tay? Is that you?"

There are a series of loud screams in the background, but it's obvious that they are screams of joy. I can't hear exactly what music is playing, but I can feel the base vibrate against my ear as Taylor slurs into the phone. "Haleybop." She's obviously not mad anymore, but my bet is she can't even remember her own name, much less the fact that we got into a fight this afternoon.

"Tay, where are you?" I ask loudly. "I'm coming to get you."

"You're so uptight," she giggles into the phone and I sigh loudly, turning to Nathan and giving him an eye roll at Taylor's antics. "You should come hang out with me! There are plenty of fine male specimens…and I can only look, but you, my dear sister can touch!" She announces, giggling again.

I decide to play along. "Okay, Taylor. Where are you? I'll come." If I tell her I'm coming to get her, she'll just throw a fit but if she thinks I'm coming to hang out with her, she'll tell me. It took me a couple times of Taylor's drunkenness to clue me in, but finally, I know how to handle her.

"I don't know," she says and I can hear the pouting in her voice. "Let's see if this guy knows," she slurs. She pulls the phone a little away from her and yells out to someone, naturally getting distracted as she starts giggling drunkenly. Seconds later, I hear her voice again, though the music is still drowning it out. "Yeah, I dunno…" she says finally "…some guy's house…Tim, or Tom or Greg…I'm not really sure. See you soon."

She hangs up and I groan into the phone before turning to Nathan. "Well she wasn't much help, I'm going to go try and find her." I bite my lip and shrug. "I'll see you later."

I'm halfway to my car when I feel him run up behind me and grab my arm. "I'll take you," he says. "You won't be able to handle her alone."

I turn around and glare at him. "I am perfectly capable, Nathan. I've done this before."

He grabs my hand anyway and pulls me toward his car. "But you don't even know where she is. There are only two parties that I know about in town…I'll take you to each of them and we can try and find her."

I finally give in and get into his car in the passenger's seat, frowning still. He peals out of the driveway and we go in search of Taylor but he doesn't say a word for the first five minutes. I start to shift uncomfortably in my seat. "Look…Nathan," I begin, "I thought about what you said that night in my room. I know you don't think I'm being honest with you, but I am…okay? It has nothing to do with you…or Taylor." I pause to look at him but he doesn't respond so I think it best to continue. "It's just…next year, you and Taylor are off to college and I'm going to be stuck here in Tree Hill. I needed to make new friends so I won't be alone when you guys leave." It sounds reasonable, it sounds like a good enough reason to be befriending Brooke and Peyton but there's a hole to this explanation, it still isn't enough reason to push both Taylor and Nathan away.

I know immediately that Nathan will call me on it.

"And that's reason to stop talking to us?" He counters, just like I knew he would.

"I haven't stopped talking to you, Nathan." And it's true, I still talk to him. Maybe not like I used to, but it's not like I ignore him. "I'm here with you now, aren't I?"

He looks over at me and gives me a look. "I forced you to get in this car, Haley. You didn't want my help in finding Taylor, remember?"

I look down and fiddle with my hands. "I don't know what you want me to say," I whisper. "I told you the truth."

He scoffs and it causes me to look up abruptly at him. "There's something you're hiding, Haley. I know you well enough to know that. I don't know what the hell it is, but if you don't find the courage to be honest with me, or Taylor, soon…both of us are going to push you out of our lives; the same as you've been doing to us." He still won't look at me.

"Is that a threat?" I ask, my voice laughing in disbelief. "Are you threatening me?"

He closes his eyes for a second as we pull up to a red light and then looks over to me. "I don't want to do it, Haley. I still consider you the only best friend I've ever had. But if you're going to do this to me, I'm not going to stick around."

My eyes dart back and forth as I watch his intense stare bore into me. "Fine," I whisper, my brow raising a bit, challenging him. "Don't. It's not like you've been there for me so far in the last three months. Why not make it official?"

He narrows his eyes at me. The light is green but there's no one behind us so he doesn't make any attempt to go. "How could I have been there for you, Haley?" He asks icily. "You won't have a normal conversation with me. I don't know anything that's going on in your life besides the fact that your two faced friends don't care about you the way Taylor and I do."

I scoff and turn around to face forward in disbelief. "Oh, because you know them so well, don't you?" I ask, my town equally as icy as his. "You've talked to Brooke and Peyton zero times in your life, Nathan so don't lecture me about things you don't know sh!t about. They know me better than you ever will." I know this isn't true but my tone stays level and confident. There is no way I'm letting him know he's right. I love Brooke and Peyton, but they don't know my history like Taylor and Nathan do. It doesn't mean they don't care about me the same, they just don't know how I got the permanent scar on my thigh or that I'm ashamed of the weird birthmark I have near the small of my back.

Nathan rolls his eyes. "First of all, that's a lie and you and I both know that. But second of all…" he is interrupted by a honk from behind us and he looks in the rearview mirror to spot a black navigator honking like crazy at us. Nathan drives forward, lowering his voice as he looks straight ahead "…second of all, I was talking about Lucas."

I turn my head to face him but he's still not looking at me. "You don't know Lucas either," I scoff. "Jesus, Nathan…you're so judgmental."

He rolls his eyes and looks at me briefly before looking back at the road. "You don't Lucas' reputation like I do," he says.

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "Well, you don't know Lucas like I do."

He parks down the street of the house with tons of teenagers inside and millions of cups and trash scattered on the front lawn. "This conversation is useless," he sighs. "Do whatever the hell you want, Haley." I hate that tone of voice. "It's your life."

I gulp, but still manage to keep my voice steady. "You're right…it is."

He rolls his eyes and nods before opening his door and making his way up to the party. I take a few moments to collect myself before following suit and searching desperately for Taylor. She, as I had been expecting, is dancing on top of one of the tables and shaking her a ss like she had taught me to do when I was twelve. My mom had caught us dancing to some rap song in Taylor's room one day and Taylor had been grounded for teaching me such an appalling routine.

It was pretty entertaining actually.

But watching Taylor dance drunkenly is no entertainment, especially when there are tons of creepy guys ogling her as she does so. Nathan doesn't look alarmed at all. I find him at the keg, gulping down a drink and glaring in my direction. "A little help, please…" I shout over the music but he simply shrugs.

"You said you could take care of her all by yourself, remember? I was merely providing a ride." He smirks triumphantly and nods as two guys in letterman jackets pass him by and wink over at me.

I roll my eyes and grab his arm, pulling him toward Taylor. "This isn't funny, Nathan!" I scream. "Look at her; she's a f ucking wreck! She's doing this because of you, for Christ's sake!"

He pulls his arm out of my grasp and leers at me. "Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure that it's because of that little fight the two of you had earlier. Face it, Haleybop," he mocks Taylor's nickname for me, "she's this way because of you."

I scoff in his face. "Oh yea? Well, we were fighting about you!"

He takes a step back, obviously startled by my sudden confession. "What?"

I take a deep breath and sigh loudly, looking anywhere but at him. "The fight was about you, okay? She doesn't think you're interested in her anymore and she wanted me to talk to you but I said I wouldn't."

He studies me for a long moment and then looks up at Taylor, who is still oblivious to our presence. He sighs and then looks back at me. "This is so f ucking complicated," he mutters and then reaches into his pockets. "I'm going to pull the car around," he says. "Get her out front."

I open my mouth to protest, but he's already gone and he doesn't turn around when I call his name. I close my eyes for a second and count to ten, trying to calm myself before I try to calm Taylor. I open them again and look up but Taylor is already making her way over to me, giggling like mad and tripping as she does so. "Hay," she slurs, throwing her arms around me and almost causing me to topple over backwards. "You came! Let's get you a drink."

"No, Taylor," I say firmly. "We're taking you home."

She lowers her bottom lip and pouts. "I don't wanna."

I roll my eyes and pull her arm around my shoulder, leading her toward the door. Thankfully, she's really in no position to try to pull away so I'm able to get her outside. We wait on the sidewalk for Nathan to pull the car around but he's still not there.

"What are you waiting for?" Taylor asks, placing her palms on my cheeks and squishing them together. She studies my face. "You look sad." It's almost like listening to a child. I hate Taylor when she gets like this.

"We're waiting for Nathan," I tell her. "Your boyfriend?"

She shakes her head. "No. I don't want to talk to him!"

"Taylor," I sigh. "We have to get you home, okay?"

Nathan pulls up next to us and Taylor and I slide in the backseat. I lay her down so that her head is in my lap and immediately she falls asleep, snoring and all.

It's hard not to laugh.

Nathan catches my glance in the rear view mirror but then looks away. "I'm sorry I bailed."

I shrug. "It's no big deal," I whisper, stroking Taylor's hair and looking out the window.

I hear him sigh. "And I'm sorry I yelled at you."

I still don't look up. "Again, it's no big deal."

"It is a big deal, Haley. I don't want this for us." And there's that voice again. The voice he knows is something I can hardly resist.

But this time, I don't let it effect me. "We're going in circles, Nathan…you and I." I shake my head as I watch the houses pass by. "We're having the same conversation over and over again and I'm sick of it." My voice is exhausted, warn out from the constant fighting Nathan and I have been doing for the last week or so.

"Because you're not giving me answers, Haley…" he says calmly "…not real ones, anyway."

I can't give him answers, so I don't. I just sit there, completely silent and completely still as he drives my sister and me home. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to tell Nathan that the reason I can't be around him is because it hurts too much; because I can't stand to see him kiss my sister and hold my sister the way I want him to kiss and hold me.

I feel a single tear drop.

I do my best to wipe it away and hold back the rest of the tears that are begging to fall in fear that Nathan will see and call me on it. I look down at my sister and stroke her hair once more, bending down to kiss her forehead as she sleeps peacefully. None of this is her fault but I know that I had been blaming her. She can't help the way she feels about Nathan, it's just that I can't help the way I feel either. "I'm sorry," I whisper into her ear but she doesn't move an inch.

Nathan and I help her up to her bedroom and lay her down. Nathan tucks her in and kisses her on the forehead as I watch silently from the doorway. "You should treat her like that when she's awake," I whisper but it's not harsh at all, I'm just telling him peacefully.

"What?" He asks, but I know he heard me so I don't repeat myself.

"She loves you, Nathan. But she wants more from you and I don't think she thinks you're capable of giving it to her. She thinks you don't want her anymore." I give him a sad smile and turn to leave but he follows behind me and into my room.

"I don't know if I do."

I gulp and turn around. "What did you say?" I whisper, my eyes wide.

"I love her, Haley. I just…maybe this was all a mistake." He walks over to my bed and falls down onto it, staring up at the ceiling.

I follow him with my eyes but stand completely still. "You – you can't mean that…" I say, now overcome with panic "…no, Nathan…come on, it's Taylor. You've wanted this ever since you were a little kid." I move over toward him. "You're just confused."

He shakes his head. "I don't know what to do."

"Give it time," I tell him forcefully. "I mean, think this through…you'll regret it if you don't." I don't know why I'm pushing for this. Isn't this what I wanted? Taylor and Nathan to break up? I mean, that's what I thought I wanted. But now as he says it, I have this feeling of sadness wash over me and I can't help but feel bad for Taylor.

Besides, I would probably never see Nathan again.

He looks up at me. "We're better off as friends, Haley."

"No," I say quickly. "You're wrong…"

"You hear us fight," he sighs. "We're a disaster."

"Yeah, but…I also hear you have sex." I clasp my hand over my mouth as soon as the words come out and my eyes widen in surprise. Did I just say that out loud? But then I hear Nathan laugh and I find that it was worth embarrassing myself over.

Because I hadn't heard Nathan genuinely laugh in a really long time.