Two days later I took a book with me and walked over to the lot to sit in the sunshine and read, it was late afternoon and the worst heat was gone. I was feeling much better then I had when I had gotten home from the Dingo two nights ago. I had been so sad, for myself, for Curly for getting into trouble with his brother and for making him see that his brother who he had looked up to all his life wasn't perfect, and I was even sad for Tim, because of that tiny bit of emotion in his eyes when he had seen me with Curly. But now I felt better, I felt that I could move on and just leave all that had to do with Tim behind me, he didn't mean anything to me. Nothing.
At least that was what I wanted to feel about him, but however much I tried I couldn't stop feeling that fluttering in my stomach whenever I heard his name or thought about him. But I felt better than before and every day that I didn't see him it became easier and easier not to think about him, not to feel anything.
I closed my eyes and let myself relax in the sunshine, leaning my head on my bundled up jacket, it felt good to have the sun caress my face and I let my thoughts wander back and forth between old memories from when I was a kid and events that had taken place just hours before. I carefully avoided thinking about anything that made me sad.
I laid like that until I felt something shadowing me and blocking the sunrays from gracing my face, when I opened my eyes all I could see was a tall, dark figure standing in front of me, but after shadowing my eyes with my hand I could see Tim standing in front of me. His face was blank, but his shoulders were slouching a bit more then usual.
"Darrel said you'd be here" he looked around him and then sat down in the grass, leaning his arms on his knees.
What does he want I thought, I felt my stomach do flip flops and all I could do was stare. With the sun coming from behind him his hair became a reddish black and the skin on his arms were golden brown, glimmering and glittering. He was so beautiful that I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"I just wanted to talk to you…" he said fixing his eyes on me, the look in his eyes was demanding and cold, his lips was in a thin line. I hadn't seen him look that serious ever, he was normally just cold and emotionless, now he was cold but there was something more behind that coldness, he looked like he needed something or maybe wanted something from me. I felt nervous at what he could possibly want to say to me. "…Curly told me you cried" he looked at me, his eyes softer then before, there was something that looked like care in his eyes. I felt pissed, that little son of a bitch had told me he wouldn't tell him and still he went straight to big brother and told him I was a sissy girl who cried over the evil hood who went behind her back. Mark and all the others had been right, all the Shepards were assholes.
I got on my feet and began to walk of when I felt a hand on my arm.
"Wait…" Tim said as he held on to my arm, his hand warm and strong "…just listen…ok?" his voice was irritated and impatient. I wiggled myself away from his grip and stood still waiting for him to continue. He sighed deeply and began.
"Darrel told me to stay away from you as you already know, I told him to go to hell…" he smirked evilly "…but you know he was right…" he sighed again and looked at me, his eyes were bluer than before "…you shouldn't be with me, you should be with someone who will treat you right…" What the fuck do you know about treating anybody right I thought, but then again he never promised me anything least of all to be faithful, he wasn't my boyfriend…
"Look Tim, it was just a fling, it didn't mean anything so you don't have to explain anything to me" he looked at me and he looked almost sad, his face looked so empty and his eyes were so blue. I felt a pang in my heart and I realized I had told him the worst thing I possibly could have told him. Now he would just walk away and never talk to me again, God I was stupid!
"Fine, then I won't" he said his eyes locked on mine and he nodded thoughtfully. His eyes grew angry and he glared at me, his lips forming a wicked smirk.
"But if it was nothing, why the fuck did you cry?" he asked his eyes challenging me with an angry glare. I sighed and decided to go for the truth.
"Whatever I felt doesn't matter since you never promised me anything, I didn't sleep with you to lure you into a relationship if that's what you think!" I was angry too now and the words just kept flowing. "I did it because I wanted to and I was well aware of the consequences, I knew you just wanted sex…" at that his eyes went soft and he looked away from me snorting silently "…I cried because of my feelings not because of yours or perhaps I should say your lack thereof"
"Look Nora…" he said his voice was a hard whisper, the same voice he had used at Angela to get her to leave him alone "...you don't know shit about me" He was really angry now, his eyes were flashing, staring straight through my skull. I felt myself shrink in front of him as he seemed to grow. I took a step backwards but was stopped by a tree. Tim took a step towards me and a hand shot out and gripped at my chin to raise my face to his. My eyes were closed and I felt tears starting to stream down my face slowly. I was scared of him, not that I thought he would hit me but he was intimidating and I was scared of myself, scared of my feelings towards him. He was dangerous and he definitely wasn't for me but still I wanted him, I wanted to hold him and smell him, but I couldn't have him.
I heard him swear under his breath as he stepped closer to me, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly.
"…so sorry, didn't mean to scare you…" he mumbled against my hair "…sorry about everything…"
My tears were running down my cheeks but I was concentrated on inhaling as much as I could of his scent, cigarettes and leather. I let my arms sneak around his waist and I leaned my head against his chest facing his neck, he was so warm and comfortable.
"You ok Nora?" he asked his voice soft and caring as he ran a hand through my hair.
"Yeah" I answered but I didn't move away I wanted to stay like that forever, just forget everything else and stay with him so close. I felt him take a deep breath and then he took a step away from me and locked his eyes on mine.
"Your eyes are so blue" I whispered not sure whether or not I had said it out loud, I was amazed by how much they shifted. He just shrugged.
"Want a smoke?" he asked and offered me a lighted cigarette. I took it.
He started to walk and I just followed him, we walked to my house in silence side by side. When we reached my gate we stopped and looked at each other. His eyes were still blue but dark, like velvet, shifting in black. His face was blank and he took a fast step towards me and kissed my lips softly then he turned around and walked of, not saying a word. I just stood there for awhile still feeling his soft lips on mine, wondering why he had done that.
Sorry for the long wait! I'm going to update this more often from now on, I promise! Anyway please review! Tack
