Chapter 3: Tests Are Evil

Beastfire: Hiya, peoples! Thanks so much for reading the first two chappies! So glad you like it so much!

(Ivy's POV)

We all come to the arcade and see Liam walking out. I hover in front of him.

"Hey, Liam," I say with a grin.

Liam looks me right in the eye.

"What is it you want?" he asks kinda nervously.

We all tell him what's going on.

"So, can ya? PLEASE? Don't MAKE me use the Bambi Eyes on ya!"

Of course, I use the eyes on him and he tries not to give in. Key word here: "tries". In actuality, it works on him. We all go to look for the next one. Nova suddenly looks over at a street corner and releases what I like to call the Hyper Fangirl Scream. There, on the corner, is Lugh. She runs over to him and his eyes widen in fear.

"Oh, (bleep)," he says, looking around desperately for someplace to run.

Too late. Nova tackles him and begins to hug him like there's no tomorrow. The rest of us watch in amusement. After explaining the situation to him, we ask him if he can join the team, not as if he has much of a choice considering Nova's unrelenting hug. The whole team now gets back to my room, a.k.a. HQ, and the guys all leave the room. I wonder where they're going…

A few hours pass, and a few figures in black robes enter the room, each one smaller than the last. The last one seems to be swimming in his robes, as he trips and begins swearing in Tserofese. I have no idea what Frus and the guys are up to, but I have my doubts…But I have to laugh about this.

"Frus," I laugh, "what are you guys doing?"

He throws the hood back and glares at me.

"How'd you know?" he asks.

"That robe's, like, a hundred times bigger than you."

"Oh."

He comes out of it, blushing.

Liam looks at all of us girls.

"Okay, ladies," he begins. "In light of the whole 'Mary Sue' situation, us guys have come up with a test, just to make sure you're not Mary Sue clones yourselves."

Lugh gives each of us a huge test booklet and a pencil.

"You have three hours to complete it, starting…now."

I open the booklet and read the first question. It's one involving math…wait…ALL of them involve math! This is gonna be a long three hours…Hmmm, if X2+4X-120, what are the factors? WHO CARES? I just go through and randomly fill in answers. This isn't so bad after all!

I give the guys my test and grab a beer. After the others finish, the guys look through the tests. When Malachite gets to mine, he shows Liam, Lugh, and Frus. The four of them begin giggling like little girls. I feel my temper rising.

"WHAT IS SO FUNNY?" I yell.

"Ivy," Frus says, trying unsuccessfully not to laugh. "Since when did two plus two equal five?"

"I've never been that good at math! So sue me!"

"Did we forget to mention part two of the exam?" asks Malachite.

"Part two?" we all ask together.

"Yeah. The physical exam."

There is a collective groan of annoyance. Jinmay goes first, then Senya, then Ichigo, then Shorty, then Jet, then Nova (after a lot of protesting and the use of a crowbar), and I'm last. When I go in for it, the guys are all in Gibson's lab. Apparently, the clones and the other girls' boyfriends have left. And I thought I had déjà vu before? I've been in this lab several times, usually instead of being sent to Med Bay.

"First things first," Liam begins, taking out a thermometer. "Turn around."

Uh-oh. I've heard this before, right before Gibson stuck that needle in my butt. This time, I do the smart thing and slap him across the face…ten consecutive times. As he rubs his face in pain, I hover up to him and look him straight in the eye.

"Try it. I dare ya," I growl, eyes glowing.

The guys back away slowly…except Frus. He's seen me mad at him before, and this is nothing compared to that time. Also, I think he likes me. Why don't I acknowledge this, you may ask? Well, there's also the matter of my reputation, other than my bad love life.

"Okay, so let's just assume her temperature's normal," he says.

Next comes blood pressure. That's a little high, but that's because I just slapped the crap outta Liam and haven't yet calmed down. So, next, we head to the training room and I go up against them in a competition. Four to one…I like these odds! Okay, not really, but I might be able to kick their butts…

AN HOUR LATER…

The fight ends with Liam and Lugh trying to separate their weapons from one another, since I had telekinetically fused them. My tail's currently healing from the newest fracture. Malachite's kinda dizzy, and Frus has a sore arm. Basically, the fight ends in a draw. Man, I love Saturdays…my healing power actually works.

"Okay," says Lugh. "I think we've established that you're not a Mary Sue. You made several mistakes in that fight-"

"I don't wanna hear about 'em!"

So, I pass, evidently. Cool… Now what?

Beastfire: That's it for this one. Next chapter, the team splits into three subgroups, and two stay behind. Please review!

Ivy: I have a feeling I'm gonna be left behind…

Beastfire: You'll see, now won't you?

Frus: Hey, Beastfire, I have a question…how do you keep a psycho fanfic writer in suspense?

Beastfire: I don't know. How?

Ivy: We'll tell ya later.

Beastfire: Yeah? Well, how do you torture a meerkat and a half-Ethyal?

Frus: Oh, I think I know where this is goin'…

Beastfire: You take some duct tape and stick it on their backs where they can't see it…after drugging them, of course.

Ivy and Frus: (look at each other's backs) So THAT'S what happened last night! (reach to pull the tape off each other's backs and they rip it off, pause, and scream in pain)

Beastfire: Heehee…I am so evil. Review…NOW…please?