A/N: Alright, here's a little feedback; I know that Jak kissed Ashelin in the third game, but nevertheless, I'm pairing him and Keira up. That's because I prefer Ashelin with Torn. Don't ask me why, that's just how it works. Anyway, the first half sorta takes place in the future, and then when the kids use the time-portal thingy, it'll take place during Jak 2. Prepare yourself for insanity, hormonally-charged women, and other forms of violence. Thanks, and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I only own the kids. Naughty Dog owns everything else. Lucky bastards. . .
Meet The Parents
Chapter 1: Jak Becomes A Daddy
The sun rose above Haven City, signaling the start of a new day. Soon the streets would be filled with busy shoppers, sellers, and others who just walked around for the heck of it. And of course, added to this array, were the ever watchful members of the Krimzon Guard—who were, mind you, no longer unjust and tyrannical, but were now fair and. . . non-tyrannical.
That was basically how everyday in Haven City started out. But that day was slightly different. Because on THAT day, the child of Jak, the hero of Haven City and the rest of the world, was going to be born.
Everyone—the parents and the friends—anxiously awaited the arrival. The birth itself was taking place in a certain blind seer's tent (yes, friends, Onin is still alive). Jak paced nervously around the tent, glancing every once in a while to the curtain which shielded his wife and Onin from view.
Pecker, Onin's translator, sat beside Jak's best friend Daxter, and would translate something for Onin every five minutes.
"Onin says that you should sit down before you ware a hole in the floor," the monkey-parrot said to the green-blonde elf. Jak made an impatient gesture with his hands, and kept on pacing.
Over in the corner, Jak's, uh, "war-buddy" Torn sat with his wife, Ashelin, who held their son in her arms. Their son had been born not too long ago, right there in Onin's tent. Torn knew what Jak was going through, but her made no move to comfort him, despite the dirty looks Ashelin was constantly sending him.
You see, Torn knew that Jak didn't WANT to be comforted. He just wanted to be left alone.
A sharp pain in his forearm made Torn's head snap to his left to look at his wife. "Say something to him so he won't worry so much," Ashelin hissed. Torn crossed his arms and 'hmphed.' His wife rolled her eyes.
A soft coo came from the little bundle in Ashelin's arms. A small fat hand waved in the air. Torn let his emotionless facade slip a bit and allowed a small smile to grace his normally cold features. He reached over and gently wagged his finger. The hand made a few unsuccessful swipes before it finally managed to grab Torn's finger.
Ashelin smiled affectionately as Torn chuckled softly. That was one of those rare moments where you would ever see Mr. Stick-up-his-ass (as Daxter put it so often) show any type of loving emotion.
So, a few hours went by. . . the sun rose higher. . . the temperature went up. . . things were bought and sold. . . and the labor continued.
Poor Jak. Perhaps Torn miscalculated when he thought that the soon-to-be father didn't want to be comforted. . .
By early noon, Jak's nerves were shot, and he was just a hair's width away from completely snapping. He was no longer pacing; instead, he sat in a chair beside Torn, hunched over with his finger's weaved through his hair.
Ashelin continued giving her husband dark looks as he sat there, arms crossed, with an arrogant look on his face.
Daxter had been sitting there quietly beside Tess with his hands folded in his lap, pondering whether or not he should calm his friend down. With the way Jak was right now, Dark Jak seemed to be itching to come out and rip everyone's head off.
Now, Daxter cared for his friend—not in the lovey-dovey way, but in a brotherly way. He grew up with the guy, for crying out loud! He hated to see him suffering like that. But Daxter also valued his life. After all, he was going to be a father soon himself—yep, that's right, Tess was pregnant. And because of that, the orange ottsel wasn't ready to die because he was going to be a daddy. He and Tess hadn't told anyone yet, but they planned to after Jak's kid was born.
Speaking of which. . .
"Onin says to push!" Pecker suddenly shouted, causing everyone in the room to jump. Jak's head snapped up as he realized what was about to happen.
Within seconds, pain filled screams pierced through the tent, causing all the occupants to wince. "Onin says to push! Push like you've never pushed before!" Pecker roared.
Needless to say, the next 4 hours were very tense for everyone. Between Keira's screams, Pecker shouting orders, and the renewed nervous pacing on Jak's behalf, everyone was on the edge.
And then, FINALLY, the screams of a pained awaiting mother were replaced by the squalling of a newborn baby.
Everyone immediately looked at Pecker, expecting Onin to be 'saying' something. "Well?" Jak asked, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He had never been so scared in his entire life. . . Well, except for maybe when Keira had been 7 months pregnant and had chased him around with a butcher knife because he said that she was in a bitchy mood.
Pecker, who was relieved that it was over, decided to be coy. He just sat there, his head cocked to the side as if he were listening, nodding every once in a while, saying things like "Really?" and "You don't say?"
Unfortunately, Jak wasn't in the mood for coyness or playing games. He grabbed the monkey-parrot around the neck and gave him a very painful squeeze.
"Too tight! A little too tight!" Pecker wheezed.
"What—the—hell—is—she—saying?" the green-blonde growled through clenched teeth.
"Onin—gasp—Onin says—wheeze—Onin says it's a girl!" the monkey-parrot gasped out.
Jak, Daxter, Tess, Ashelin, and even Torn's mouths dropped down to the floor in surprise.
That was definetly unexpected. . .
—Flashback—
About. . . 4 months earlier, a 6-month pregnant and hormonally-charged Keira stood beside a rather weary and worn out looking Jak in front of the blind seer and her trusty translator.
"So, you say you want to know what gender the baby will be?" the monkey-parrot asked (or rather, announced). The soon-to-be parents nodded. Pecker closed his eyes and made himself look like he was concentrating deeply.
"Hm. . ." he began as Onin waved her arms around, sending blue sparks from her fingertips. "Onin says the child will have a good heart , and will willingly help others. It will have much courage, and will fight bravely and perilously. Though the child will have many accomplishments and victories, the child will make many mistakes, and will be a little too trusting, as well as naïve.
"Onin says that the child will get into much trouble, thanks to it's mysterious ways, but will always find a way to get out of it." And then Pecker fell silent, and Onin stopped her arm waving.
Jak and Keira stared at the two for about a moment, before Keira finally asked, "So. . . that's it?"
Pecker, who had had his. . . er, wings folded across his chest and his head bowed, looked up in surprise. But his surprise quickly turned into annoyance. "Yes! I stopped talking stupid! That means Onin is finished talking! Now be off! You're cutting into my siesta time—"
Unfortunately for Pecker, he would never get to finish his "siesta time" because he was unaware of the #1 rule; DO NOT PISS KEIRA OFF WHEN SHE'S PREGNANT.
Pecker was cut off by Keira's iron fist grasping him around his neck and lifting him high in the air (Jak cowered in the background).
"THAT'S IT?" the mechanic roared, her eyes alight with the madness only a pregnant and hormonally charged woman could possess. "THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA TELL US? THAT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY PAL, BUT YOU NEVER TOLD US WHETHER THE KID WAS A BOY OR GIRL!"
"O-onin didn't say," Pecker gasped, his face slowly turning an interesting shade of blue. This didn't help to cool Keira down.
"WELL YOU BETTER MAKE HER SAY, DAMMIT! I AM NOT ABOUT TO LEAVE THIS MUDHOLE YOU CALL A TENT WITHOUT KNOWING WHETHER OR NOT IT'S A BOY OR GIRL!" Keira roared.
"Oy! H-help me out here!" Pecker gasped to Onin. "Tell this crazy woman what her brat's gonna be—"
Yep, Pecker definetly wasn't aware of the #1 rule.
"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BABY A BRAT, YOU FLEABAG!" Keira roared as she grasped the monkey-parrot's neck tighter. Pecker choked, cowering. Onin seemed to laugh at her translator's condition; her shoulders shook as she pointed at him with her head thrown back.
"Um, honey?" Jak spoke up timidly from his hiding place in the corner, feeling a bit sorry for the seer's translator. "You know, from what it sounds like, I think the baby is going to be a boy. Perhaps Onin just thought that we'd be able to figure that out—?"
Keira suddenly dropped Pecker as her eyes rapidly filled with tears. "Are you saying I'm stupid?" she whispered heart-brokenly to her husband. Jak's eyes widened. "No, no, no!" he said quickly. "I don't think you're stupid at all! I think you're wonderful, and smart, and very beautiful—"
But he was cut off by Keira's wails.
"So now you think I'm ugly!" she sobbed, dropping to her knees beside a gasping Pecker.
"No, of course not!" Jak cried as he ran to his nerve-shot wife.
"Jak," Pecker wheezed, raising one wing weakly to point up into the air. "I must say, that I deeply admire you, for having to put up with a psycho-bitch like that and still managing to survive."
Pecker never does learn, does he?
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"
Oh dear. . .
—End of Flashback—
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, 'IT'S A GIRL?'" came the enraged roar of Keira. "WE HAD A ROOM PLANNED OUT AND EVERYTHING! YOU SAID IT WAS A BOY! YOU SAID!"
Pecker timidly corrected the maddened mechanic. "Not quite, for you see Onin never said what gender the baby would be. She never did. You two just assumed."
The monkey-parrot cowered as Keira continued her rant.
"SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC!" came the screech. "IT SURE SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS GONNA BE A BOY! AND WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL US IN THE FIRST PLACE? I MEAN, SHE TOLD ASHELIN AND TORN WHAT THEIR BABY WOULD BE, FOR MAR'S SAKE!"
"Onin says for you to shut up and rest," Pecker called out timidly.
During the little scream-fest, the new-born baby's wails had grown louder, which made Torn's son wake up from his nap and start wailing, which made the other adults come to their senses.
Ashelin frantically tried to calm her son down while shooting daggers at Pecker, who was being strangled by Torn. Daxter laughed at Pecker openly, pointing his finger at the monkey-parrot as he leaned against his wife for support. And Jak. . . Well, Jak timidly approached the curtain.
Though Onin could not see, she could sense. She looked up at Jak and smiled, then raised her arms up, offering the noisy, wriggling bundle to him.
Hesitantly, Jak took the bundle from the old seer. He pulled the blanket away from where he supposed the face was, and stared down at the wrinkled, pink, squalling baby. A tuft of green-hair—the same color Jak's hair used to be before it went blonde—jutted out from the baby's skull. Jak stared, for he realized he was holding life that he created in his hands—er, arms.
An hour later, Keira held her baby possessively in her arms, glaring murderously at anyone who dared to approach her. Jak sat beside Samos, who looked about as tired and worn out as Jak felt. Ashelin and Torn had managed to quiet their son, so they sat next to a ragged Pecker. And then the two ottsels shared a chair across from Jak. The whole tent was perfectly silent. Daxter was getting a bit restless, so he decided that he might as well make his announcement. He stood.
"Ahem, everyone?" he called out hesitantly. "Jak, Ashelin, Greenie, Keira, Sig, Tattooed Wonder? I have an announcement to make." He and Tess exchanged looks as everyone's gaze dropped onto them. Daxter swallowed.
"What, rat?" Torn growled. He had a migraine, so he wasn't in the mood for any of the rodent's wise cracks.
"Well. . . Ah. . . I'm not sure how to say this. . ." the orange ottsel mumbled.
"What is it, Dax?" Jak asked. Daxter took a deep breath and went for it.
"Well. . . We were gonna wait till later, but this silence is driving me nuts," he laughed nervously, then swallowed. "Tess is. . . Tess. . ."
Said ottsel wife decided to help. "I'm pregnant!"
Relieved, Daxter nodded vigorously. "That's right! I'm gonna be a daddy!"
For about 5 seconds, there was a shocked silence. Then Jak jumped up and congratulated his friend. "Alright Dax!" he laughed.
Ashelin smiled. "Congratulations," she said.
"Oh no. . ." Torn moaned, burying his face in his hands.
"You've got to be kidding me. . ." Samos mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Oy ve. . ." said Pecker.
"That's great!" Keira squealed, suddenly very happy. "It'll just be like old times! Our children can play together just like you and Jak did! Only my little girl isn't going to go out on any dangerous adventures, no sir, she's gonna stay right here and be a mechanic—"
And she was off, planning, leaving poor Jak to feel slightly disappointed, not to mention rather nervous about the prospects of raising a daughter. Suddenly he realized something—girls attracted boys. Boys with raging hormones.
He swallowed.
His daughter would grow up to be a girl! Which meant that she would attract boys! And she'd be vulnerable! She'd make bad mistakes!
He suddenly found it difficult to breathe.
His daughter could start hanging out with the wrong people! She'd get bad habits—drinking, smoking—Oh no! HIS DAUGHTER WAS GOING TO BECOME A DRUGGIE!
Jak found that he had to sit down when all this dawned onto him.
About. . . 2 weeks later, Jak stood in the Naughty Ottsel with Keira, Daxter, Tess, Ashelin, Pecker, Onin, Sig, Sig's new wife along with his 2-month old twin sons, Samos, and Brutter, celebrating the birth of his daughter and the oncoming birth of Daxter's kid.
"And now for one last toast," Samos announced, raising his glass. "To Daxter and Tess's child—may it never be as annoying or nerve-racking as it's father." Laughing, everyone raised their glasses and drank.
"Laugh while you can, Big Green," Daxter slurred, slightly tipsy. "But I guarantee you, my kid'll be there to bug you for the rest of your withering days! As payback for making me clean your hut all those times!"
Again, everyone laughed.
Jak looked down to the gurgling bundle in his arms and smiled at his daughter, who they had named Kisa. A fat hand waved up at him. "Jak, I need your help over here," Keira called. "Could you leave Kisa in the pin with Kelvin?"
Jak stood and reluctantly placed his daughter in the little ring-like thing beside Torn's son. Then he went off to help his wife with whatever she needed help with, leaving Kisa and Kelvin to stare at each other. After helping Keira with whatever she needed help with, he sat beside her with his arm draped across her shoulder. The adults drank, they joked, they reminisced. And then they fell into a comfortable silence, content with watching the two babies.
The two babes in question were STILL staring at each other. Then, finally, Kisa waved her little rattle to the red-haired, blue-eyed baby before her. Kelvin waved his rattle to Kisa.
"Aawwwwww," everyone went.
THEN—
BONK!
As it turned out, both babies had simultaneously lifted their rattles and crashed them onto the others head.
They stared at each other for about five seconds before they began to wail at the top of their little lungs. The mothers jumped up and ran to their children, then frantically they tried to calm them down.
"I think that's a good sign, folks!" Sig shouted happily over the baby's wails.
He didn't know how right he was. . .
Before I continue with the story, I must explain something. After Daxter's son was born, things in Haven City went bad. Because Errol—who was STILL alive, how he managed that, I'll never know—came back, no longer a robot, but back to his normal elven self. And the worst part was that he had new powers, so he was able to beat the Krimzon Guards down.
And as for Jak, Torn, and all the others (except for Sig and his kids), they disappeared. No one knew where they went. But wherever they were, they left their children; Kelvin, Kisa, and Aron (Daxter's son).
However, the ever-loyal Sig took in the three as his "niece" and "nephews."
He raised them the best he could, taught them everything they knew—unfortunately, Onin's predictions came true. Kisa had one hell of an adventurous spirit. And it got her into some serious trouble. Same goes for Kelvin and Aron, and the twins.And that is actually how our story begins. . .
Ok, I think I'll leave it at that. I'm sorry if it was kinda crappy, but I wrote it at 3:00 in the morning. That's what I get for eating all that chocolate. . . And also, in the story, I'm gonna try to focus on the kids and Jak, Daxter, Torn, etc. in equal amounts. The ONLY romance that will be in the story is Jak/Keira, Torn/Ashelin, and Daxter/Tess. But there may not be a lot. And if I'm feeling REALLY spontaneous, I'll probably do a little Torn/Jak. Well, don't just sit there! Read and review! Ideas appreciated.
