Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All characters owned by Dick Wolf and NBC, excepting original characters, but I don't care to own them. No money was made by me on this work.

A/N This story is taking place sometime in season six, just prior to the episode where Casey gets beat up.

Casey relaxed in her apartment. Another day, another rapist behind bars, another dollar. She began to think about her financial situation. Her college loans were all paid off and she had just started a CD in addition to her savings and checking accounts. Living in the city where she didn't need a car had its advantages and disadvantages.

She thought about her family. Her father had fallen ill in Vietnam and had returned unable to have children. He had not become a eunuch, however, just sterile, and soon after his return to civilian life, he married his fiancee and not long after that, he and his wife had adopted Casey.

She hadn't thought much about her birth parents. She supposed she would like to have a medical history to see if they had any hereditary diseases, and would not object to meeting them if either one ever tried to contact her. But in reality, she would just as soon not think much about them. Not because she hated or resented them, but just because she didn't want to spend a lot of time wondering about people she would likely as not never meet. She figured that there was too great a chance that finding them would lead to hurt feelings, and so she was content to let the issue go.

However, meeting Amelia Chase had shaken her. She supposed that had she found out about having a twin sister before she had met Ms. Chase, she wouldn't have bothered to try to track her down. But knowing that Ms. Chase existed but being uncertain of their biological relationship, if any - well, that was a horse of a different color. She supposed that if she ever saw someone she thought was one of her birth parents, she would become a lot more concerned with finding out whether or not hey were. It was easy to let go of someone you never knew. But wondering whether someone you did know had a relationship - again, horses and colors seemed to come into play.

Casey sipped some hot tea as she sat on her chair and began watching television.

Back at the precinct:

"So, what you want to bet that Cragen is gay or bisexual and is getting it on with Huang?" asked one of the various people in the office to Olivia.

"No, I never saw any evidence of that. Why the Hell is that any of your business, anyway?"

"Well, we're starting a betting pool."

Olivia walked away as quickly as she could.

She found Elliot at his desk. "So, what are we investigating tomorrow?"

Elliot shook his head. "Let's see. The Guffman rape case, the McKenny molestation case, the Farmer rape case. We also have about a dozen solved cases to do paperwork on. Nothing that needs to be moved up to today. I think I can call in on time tonight for a change."

"Great!" Olivia was tired of working three and four hours past her shift. "I think I'll see Casey, see how she is doing."

"Damn."

"What is it?"

"Just saw it on the internet. First grand jury for Sebastian Ballentine will be called tomorrow. There are reports that he may need to be moved to a different facility to protect him from other inmates during the trial."

"I thought he was already separated."

"Yeah, but people can always get you if you're in prison with them. They'll find a way. Too bad they don't just release the SOB into the genera prison population."

Olivia nodded. She hated to admit it, but the thought had occurred to her.

A little later, Casey hear a knocking at her door. "Can I come in?" It was Olivia.

"Sure. Just give me a second." Casey put on her slippers and trudged to the door in her long, flowing bathrobe. She opened the door and let Olivia in. "What's in the bag?"

"Chinese food. I've got enough for two. Figures you'd like a break after a hard day of work."

"I haven't talked to her again. Not since the first time I went to the prison. So don't think you can grill me for more information."

"No, Casey, I just thought you might sympathize with me on my... family situation, and that maybe we could build a friendship on that. You don't know how difficult it has been with Jeffries, and then Cabot, leaving. I'm the only female detective left on the squad, and to be honest, sometimes it gets a little lonely there among all that sea of testosterone."

"Hmm..." Casey had occasionally been in situations where everyone else was male. "I guess I understand. Come in. If you'd like, we can watch... well, whatever's on TV. Or, I could get something out of my collection of porno tapes."

"Huh? Wh- what?" Olivia was floored.

"I'm kidding, Liv. Chill out."

They wound up watching i Sense and Sensibility /i .

"Liv?" asked Casey when it was all over. "You said that at times you fantsized about killing people who'd wronged you. What were you thinking about?"

Years ago------

"Hi, Jonathan."

"Hi, Liv." She was in college, talking to her boyfriend.

"So good news. My period came today. So it turns out I'm not pregnant after all."

"Listen, Liv, that's what I needed to talk to you about. You forgot to take a pill. I... I can't deal with that. I'm afraid I don't know where this is going."

"Don't blame me! You're the one who was too cheap to buy a new condom. I can't believe that you used one that had been in your wallet for three years. You should have told me how old it was. I would've paid for it."

"Listen, Liv, I was being nice, but let's be honest. Worrying about birth control is the woman's job. If men got pregnant, then we would be the ones nature intended to think about such things. If you hadn't forgotten to take your pill, the condom wouldn't have mattered. I'm trying to say that I can't deal with your irresponsibility anymore."

Olivia looked at Jonathan, floored. "What are you saying? I'm the one who bailed you out of jail!"

"I'm saying that I am leaving you." He got up and walked out of the room.

Olivia rushed after him, catching him at the top of the stairs of the dorm.

"Wait. Wait. You can't - you can't do this -"

"Sorry, Liv."

Olivia reached out for a second, then stopped suddenly and ran back to her room.

Present------

"His name was Jonathan Arden. I nearly pushed him down the stairs. I would have, too, but I was afraid of getting caught. If I thought I could've gotten away with it, I'd have killed him."

Casey looked at Olivia. "We all think like that, at times. What matters is not why you didn't, but that you didn't. If we thought we wouldn't get caught, most of us would have probably killed someone at some time or other. If that weren't a human tendency, we wouldn't be so scared of giving people dictatorial powers."

Olivia nodded. "I suppose. But I always wonder if that was my father. If he was somewhere inside me telling me to kill the bastard. Throw him down the stairs."

Casey sighed. "What do you want me to say, Benson? Perhaps it was the part of your father that is in you. Who knows? But in the end, you stopped him. For whatever reason, you stopped him. You are a better person than he was."

"Maybe. Or maybe I just got lucky." She remembered a similar conversation she had had with George Huang.

"Or maybe you don't give yourself enough credit." Casey sipped her tea. "Liv, I don't know how to say this, but - I have plans for tomorrow and it's getting late..."

"Oh, okay. I still have to do an errand or two before I go home anyway. G'night."

"Good night."

Meanwhile, in the prison...

"Okay, Clara. You understand? Tomorrow we make our move."

"Yes, Ms. Lewis."

"In return, I'll make certain you get unfettered access to coke A/N if I'm not being clear, she's not talking about Coca-Cola here for the next two months. For free."

"Why do you want her dead?"

"Let's just say that it's business."

Ms. Lewis was forty, but she already looked like she was sixty. Among the white inmates, she was sort of like the boss. The black inmates and the Hispanic ones tended to have their own bosses, which suited her just fine. Racial tension and hatred in the prison was always useful as a way to force everyone to pick sides. This "us-against-them" mentality helped to empower those such as herself, who could promise protection to those prisoners who were too weak or frightened to defend themselves. Addictions were also helpful.

Clara nodded. "Okay." She was in her twenties and blonde. She had the hollowed-out expression of a junky. "I'll do anything. Just make certain I get my fix!"

"Of course."

Ms. Lewis smiled. She was getting out.