HOORAY! I'm back! It took me a while to come up with what should go on in this chapter; the last two were written while on a jellybean high and now I'm all out of jellybeans. So I got the next best thing; old Easter bunnies. I found them nesting in the back of the pantry yesterday and decided to munch. For although it would be nice to have a little chocolate bunny family living in the pantry, I figure that if the bunnies get to do it, but I can't, then NOBODY can. Meh, so I'm a little greedy. I'm allowed to be; it's 9:30 on a Saturday morning.
Anyhoo, yay for reviewers! I lurve you all SO SO SO much! Y'all are super-chouette! (That means 'super cool' in French. Go tell people that. It's fun). So here are my responses to y'all:
You know where I sleep: first off, that's SUCH a sketchy name. Like, it's true and all, but still….weird…and you don't get to play drunken sailor with anyone. That's just me and Jane and Majubaleg and Grik. Worry not, we'll find you a drunken sailor to play with eventually.
Cantthinkofaname: Thankee, dahling! I've been playing around with the Sesshy-dances-to-man-i-feel-like-a-woman theme for a really long time now. I was just going to make a whole songfic based upon that idea, but I couldn't think of enough stuff to happen along with that, so I just stuck the idea in here. I'm glad you liked it!
Bazooie: You get an armful of yummy cookies for sending me the longest reviews! Enjoy! And I've always pictured Kaede as a drunk. I had to go onto an Inuyasha website in order to find out what her real name is; I've just always thought of her as "the ugly old drunk one". Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to kill off Miroku. I lurve him too much. And much as you wish he was in your backyard, he isn't. He's tied to the poles of my bed. Mwahahaha. And, hey, do you understand the chemistry homework? Because I've been staring at it for minutes on end and I have no idea what she's going on about with the hydrogen ions and such…
Queen izzy: Thanks! I love hearing that I was able to make people laugh really hard; it makes me happy :D
Kilikthemonk: Who is Kilik? Should I know him? Is he hot? And maybe I SHOULD make this a book…that'd be kinda cool…and don't worry, here is chapter 3!
Yahikoinuhanyou: Thankee! Here are some yummy cookies for you too!
Alrighty. That's all done now. I can't believe how many of y'all have names with all the words smushed together. It really bothers Microsoft Word…Ooh, I just got this sudden chill all over and now I'm covered in goosebumps. And I can't go put on my lovely warm sweatshirt because it still smells like Chattahoochee river water so I'll have to just wrap up in my Hello Kitty blankie. Sorry if this makes NO sense to any of y'all…Brrr….
Alright, here's my favorite song of the day: 'Learning How to Smile' by Everclear. I'm listening to it right now. I just lurve it soooooo much!
Okay, okay, here's the chapter. Chapter 3, by me, with the help of Everclear's lovely melodies and nummy voices.
When we left the story, the author (a/n: me) had a giant crick in her neck. Sango had once again misinterpreted someone, and had slapped Miroku, once again. Shippo was nervously munching chocolate, Inuyasha was trying to open a ramen packet, Kaede was mumbling 'Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum' to herself, Sesshy was putting on men's shirts and short skirts, and Rin and Jaken were unsuccessfully trying to tell some house-elves that they needed several vases and some water.
Unfortunately, the house-elves thought that Jaken was one of their own, and dragged him off into the bowels of Hogwarts (a/n: hahaha 'bowels' hahaha THE BUNNIES MADE ME DO IT). It was there that they stripped him, dunked him in sunflower oil, castrated him, and dressed him. Since he was a rookie, Jaken had to make do with a pot holder for clothes. With luck, he would move up to tea-towel status in a few years. Rin soon forgot Jaken because of her short-term memory loss, but that didn't matter too much because Jaken smelled really bad.
Rin never did get that vase she was looking for, sadly. The house-elves were getting clingy too, picking at the hem of her clothes and muttering "My precioussssss", so Rin kicked at them, yelled "You killed my father!" at them, and sprinted in the opposite direction with her bouquet. She ran for quite some time (a/n: mostly in circles), but eventually came to a door that read "Girl's Bathroom". "Water!" Rin yelped, bursting in the door. And that's how Rin met Moaning Myrtle. The End. (a/n: no, no, jk, jk)
"Ooh, where's my Harry?" Myrtle moaned, rising up out of the U-bend.
"Um, he sent you flowers?" Rin answered, throwing the bouquet at Myrtle and turning to run out the door. But one little thought popped into her head that made her turn back to Myrtle.
"You were in the Bridget Jones' Diary movies, weren't you? I'd recognize your voice anywhere!" Rin exclaimed. Rin was a huge Bridget Jones fan, although she always thought that Bridget should have tried to reform Hugh Grant instead of taking the easy way out with the guy who played Mr. Darcy in the 'Pride and Prejudice' movies.
"Uh, no, no, that wasn't me…" Myrtle said, blushing and hugging her bouquet and trying to look like she was telling the truth.
"Yes it was! It was you! You were Bridget's friend! I forget your name, but you were always there when Bridget was at the bar with her friends!" Rin said, jumping up and down in her excitement.
"Oh, okay, you got me," Myrtle said, "but I swear I never made out with Hugh Grant off-camera."
"OHMYGOD you did WHAT! I'm sooooo jealous of you!" Rin squealed, running up to Myrtle's stall. "What was it like? Is he really that gorgeous up close?"
And thence began one of the greatest, yet weirdest, friendships in history. Rin and Myrtle sat in the bathroom telling stories about Hugh Grant ("Believe me, he's an amazing kisser, but he's really arrogant") and Jaken ("Ewwwww!"), ignoring the fact that Rin was 8 and Myrtle had been dead for 50 years.
But over in the forest, trouble was brewing. Inuyasha finally got the ramen packet open, after much straining and biting and sweating and cussing. However, he soon became very protective of the contents and wouldn't share, forcing Kagome, Miroku, and Sango to divide some jerky strips between themselves. Shippo had finally bloated himself to sleep on the chocolate and lay near the fire, rolling about nervously in the fetal position and muttering. Eventually, stuffed with jerky, Kagome, Sango, and Miroku went to their respective sleeping bags and fell asleep. Kagome and Sango were each woken up several times in the night by someone trying to snuggle into their bags, but they each carried a beating stick and Miroku finally went back to his lonely cold sleeping bag. Inuyasha, of course, was up sleeping in a tree, curled around a branch like some creature that curls around tree branches.
Kagome was woken up the next morning by the rustling noises Sango made as she did the Macarena in her sleep. Unable to drift off again, since Sango was beginning to whisper "Heeeeeeeeey, Macarena" in her sleep, Kagome got up, looked for her normal clothes, saw that Miroku was cuddling her school skirt in his sleep, screamed a little on the inside, and dug around in her bag for some shorts. Once out of her jammies and into a t-shirt and flip-flops, she began digging around in her bag for some breakfast. Deciding that Gushers were as good a breakfast as any, she ripped open a pack and began nibbling. She then went over to stand next to Miroku to figure out how to get her skirt back from him. The last time he did this, he had a death grip on it and tore the waistband. She finally decided on tickling him so that his grip would loosen and she could snatch the skirt back with hopefully only minor damage to it. Kagome knelt down by Miroku's side and started tickling his neck with her fingertips. Twitch. 'Hmmm…' thought Kagome. She tried tickling under his arm. Twitch, but no cigar. She knew for a fact that Miroku was incredibly ticklish along his ribs and behind his knees, but to get there, she would have to unzip the sleeping bag, which would risk Miroku waking up and then she'd NEVER get the skirt back.
"Stupid height advantage," Kagome whispered to herself as she slowly began unzipping the sleeping bag. Twitch, but Kagome didn't notice. "GAH!" she yelped, as Miroku flipped over, pinning her underneath him.
"Hey, I missed you too, darling" he said before kissing her thoroughly (a/n: and then some, nudge nudge). Unable to squirm away, Kagome gave up on escaping and returned the kiss. She was just beginning to get all soft and melty as he ground his hips into her in the most delightful way, when they both heard a noise from the other side of the fire. Shippo had woken up and was staring wide-eyed at the two of them, slowly munching a chocolate bar.
"You'll corrupt him!" Kagome yelled, taking advantage of Miroku's distraction to wiggle away with her skirt.
"Me? You started it by crawling into my sleeping bag!" he retaliated, still half-asleep.
"I did NOT! I was just trying to get my skirt back!" she told him, chucking a rock at his head and barely missing.
"Kagome, can I have some Gushers?" Shippo asked. However, Kagome ignored Shippo in order to find another good throwing rock. Shippo took advantage of this to go rootle through Kagome's backpack. Not finding a rock, Kagome settled for leaping on him and beating him into compliance. Doubtless, this gave Miroku more pleasure than pain, but Kagome didn't notice till he was unconscious.
"Ack!" She shouted, leaping off him. She decided to wake up Sango who had, thankfully, slept through everything, what with being deaf and all that. While Sango was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Kagome picked Shippo out of her bag by the tail and dropped him by the fire to eat his Gushers. She then noticed that someone was missing. Where was Inuyasha?
"Inuyashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" she bellowed. Inuyasha tumbled out of his tree in a bundle of robes and hit the ground with a loud thump. Miroku woke up, looking dazed but happy, as Kagome headed over to Inuyasha's body. She poked it with a stick. She nudged it. He was still breathing, but that fall should have woken him up. He lay curled on the ground, snoring.
"Hey, Miroku, get over here" Kagome said worriedly. She knelt by Inuyasha's head and pushed his hair out of his eyes. She petted his ears. He purred and kept on snoring.
"Is it a spell?" Kagome asked, "I've never seen him like this before."
"No, it's not a spell, Kagome. He's probably just sleepy," Miroku said.
"But we need to wake him up so that we can go get my iPod back from Sesshy!" Kagome said. And so, the two of them set to trying to wake Inuyasha up. They poked and prodded, dumped water on his head, tickled his feet, to no avail. It wasn't till Shippo came over and sat on Inuyasha's chest and stared at Inuyasha that Inuyasha finally woke up.
"Wow, do you have magical mind powers, Shippo?" Miroku asked.
"No, I just used the power of annoyance," Shippo said smugly.
"Wha? Go 'way, I'm sleepy" Inuyasha muttered.
"NO!" Kagome and Miroku yelled, grabbing Inuyasha's robes and shaking him to keep him awake. However, Inuyasha's will was stronger than they had expected and he slipped back off to sleep.
"I know! Ramen!" Kagome said happily. She brewed a pot of ramen up and brought it to Inuyasha, waving the pot under his nose to wake him up.
"Mnunh," Inuyasha said, rolling away from the pot and snoring louder. Kagome and Miroku looked at each other helplessly over Inuyasha's body. This was bad.
Half an hour and one pot of ramen later, Sango had resumed dancing, Shippo was still eating Gushers, and Kagome was getting desperate.
"Well, the way I see it is that three things could have happened to him," Miroku said from where he lay on his back in the grass, licking the ramen spoon. "First off, this could be a spell that's just too strong for me to detect, which I doubt, because I'm just too cool for that. Secondly, he might be turning into a cat, which is evidenced in his excessive sleep habits and purring." Kagome rolled her eyes at the first suggestion and just gaped at the second one.
"Um, is it even possible for a dog demon to turn into a cat demon?" she asked.
"Well, anything's possible, Kagome. And, remember, he's not really a dog demon. He's only a hanyou. I know that full dog demons can't turn into other types, but I'm not sure about hanyous," Miroku mused, staring at the ramen spoon curiously. "But what an insult THAT would be for him to turn from dog to cat. It'd be like a hamster turning into a piece of hamster food…"
"Uh…yeah…now, what's the third thing that could have happened?" Kagome asked.
"Well, the third thing is that he could have this condition called 'hypersomnolence', in which the patient becomes excessively lethargic and sleeps most of the time. There is no cure but time. Fatalities are rare, but they do occur," Miroku told Kagome.
"Oh, so it's either a spell, he's turning into a cat, or he'll die in his sleep," Kagome repeated, ticking the points off on her fingers. She and Miroku turned to each other simultaneously.
"Let's hope to God it's the cat one," they said seriously.
Alrighty, I'm getting a little hungry now, so I think I'll end the chapter there for now. But I'll be back soon to finish up the rest of my ideas once I get me some lunch, okies? Yay!
