Chapter 2:

I'm pregnant with your child!

# I did NOT have a sexual relationship with that chicken!

Sometimes I go on muggle websites just to read the stories people write about me

I have a scab in the shape of Snape's nose! Wanna see?

# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Ever had that sudden urge to grow your hair really long, straighten it, die it black, wet it, and flip it over your head while acting like an evil girl from a muggle horror movie?

Why are you being so MEAN to me! bursts into tears

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but that bludger almost KILLED ME

Bertie Bot multi flavored beans really give me gass pains >. !

Kotex? Or Tampax? Choices…

(licks finger and touches hip) Szz!

Sometimes I wonder what me life would be like if me dad never shagged me mum…

And then the little piggy said: We we we all the way home! AND THEN IT GOT EATEN BY A HUGE CANNABALISTIC MONGOOSE! MUAHAHA

# That SLAYS me! (histerical laughter)

Draco, how do I admit this? I love you! Please except my offering of overly burnt malfoy-muffins! (faint smell of pollyjuice looming)

I can't find my hugging tree!

Oh #$!

Onlyyou can prevent forest fires!

My new job as a shrink hasn't fully materialized.

There are so many reasons why duct tape and mouths go together! And if you don't shut up I'll show you!

READ BETWEEN THE LINES!

I'm a bitch with an attitude!

Oh don't worry honey, I go both ways!

# I feel so sexy in my little sombrero!

Harry finds himself talking in third person aloud, andwonders about what caused this strange occurrence...maybe it had to do with that bowling ball connecting to his skull

Professor Snape, I have a very important and urgent question. Why do they call it 'shagging'? Does it have to do with Shaggy from the that old muggle cartoon or something?

Hey, what do you mean I have no sex life?

Stupid magic folk, always thinking they can make fun of poor muggles like me (sniff).

# Have you ever noticed that in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme, it never says Humpty's an egg?

# How many licks does it take the get the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know!

(zzzzz buz buz buz) (slap) Gotcha, you little booger!

# I am too being Sirius!

# Hey honey, does my butt look big in this dress?

Have you really ever heard a dog go: 'bow wow?' NO! I tell you, these children's books are LIARS! They are DECIEVERS! BURN THEM TO THE GROUND! BURN THEM ALL!

#My Goodies, My Goodies, My Goodies
Not my goodies!

That's all folks!