Chapter 4
Andy Brown sat at his kitchen table. He held his head in his hands as he thought. A pad of stationary, along with several wadded up sheets of paper were scattered in front of him on the table. It had been a week since he had delivered the news to Nina. He still didn't understand why she had reacted in the manner she had. He hoped he could confide in her about this new pressing issue. But instead, it had pushed them farther apart. He had no one he could talk to. Ephram refused to speak to him. Nina seemed to be upset at him. He still hadn't decided how to break the news to Delia.
He had decided he must write a letter to Linda. She would understand him and he felt he must let her know. He wrestled with the idea all week. He didn't want her to feel responsible. But she still had a right to know. But every attempt was at a loss. He had already gone through a half dozen pieces of his stationary.
He took another sheet from the pad and made the seventh attempt.
Dear Linda,
He lifted the ball point pen from the sheet. How could he tell Linda that she had given him the HIV virus. How could any human being inform another that they had given them the HIV virus? It was like holding someone responsible for your inevitable death.
Dear Linda,
His pen found its place on the sheet once more.
I have some unfortunate news.
He couldn't start the letter in such a way. He had to think of a more casual way to bring it up. Casual! This was anything but casual news. Andy fought with himself as he searched for the appropriate words to deliver the news.
We will both willingly admit that our relationship was more than just a simple friendship. And we both know that that relationship became physical. We took precautions to prevent the contraction of your disease, but our attempts, though noble, did not produce the wanted effect. I was tested over a week ago and received the results. I am HIV positive. I did not write this letter to frighten you. And I did not write this letter to blame you. I just thought it was your right to know. I don't expect any response or reaction from you. I just had to let you know.
Sincerely,
Andy
Andy ran his eyes back over the letter he had just written. Was this appropriate. Maybe it was a mistake to write this letter. What was he going to gain from writing this letter? But she had to know. She loved him. He loved her. He couldn't keep it from her.
But how would she respond? The question lingered in his mind. He didn't want to hurt her. But she had given him the disease. Shouldn't she be notified? But where would that get him? She already knew she had the disease. This would just give her more pain. The whole town had pushed her out of her home town. How could he tell her that he now had the disease that had single-handedly ruined both her and her own brother's medical practice in Everwood? Dr. Brown picked up the letter. Both hands grasped the top of the letter on either side. He went to tear the letter down the middle but stopped in mid air. Something told him he had to mail the letter. He had to do it. He was not sure why, but he had to do it. He folded the letter into three equal segments and put it into a spare envelop that sat beside him on the kitchen table. As he labeled the envelop with the appropriate address, he once more began to question his decision. He brought the envelop flap to his lips and he quickly licked the flap. As he ran his finger over the flap to seal it, he new there was no going back. It was sealed now and it must be sent. He quickly walked out of his front door and walked toward his mailbox. He must send it now, or he never would. As he returned to his front porch he saw Nina looking through her front window. Would she ever speak to him again?
