Professor Snape woke up slowly the next morning. He sat up and looked around the room. Nobody was there! Crap, he was going to be late his first day of class. He sat upright, flung his legs over the bed, and tried to walk, but instead fell flat on his face.

"Damn it!" he shouted after he hit the ground. He pulled himself off the floor and realized his legs had been bound together. "Granger!" he said out loud with a fierce look on his face.

He made his way into the bathroom and picked up some shaving cream. He slathered it onto his face, then carefully moved his razor across the contours of his chin. His face felt very warm for some reason. That was odd. He glanced up into the mirror. His facial hair was growing at rapid speed. He suddenly found himself with a bubblegum pink beard that would rival Dumbledore's. Hermione must have switched his real shaving cream for this hexed stuff. "That damned Granger! I don't have time for this," he said, throwing his razor down onto the countertop.

He ran back out into his room and threw on his clothes before any more accidents could happen. After he dressed, he ran hastily out the door and into the hallway.

"There's nobody out here. I must be late already," said Snape as he picked up speed on his way to Transfiguration. He braced himself and pulled open the door.

McGonagall was hard at work at her desk. She spoke without even looking up, "You are late, Severus. Five points from Gryffindor." She turned to him, "Good Lord! What happened to you?"

"Nice beard, Sevvy!" said Hermione. The class exploded with laughter.

Severus gave her a scathing look and walked to the back of the room to get a seat. As he walked, people started saying very weird things.

"Oh my gosh! Did you see that?" said a voice behind him.

"Woooo, check that out!" called another

Finally Severus had enough. He whirled around and faced the class. "What the deuce are you all gaping about?"

"I've seen nicer robes on a Weasley!" said Draco Malfoy.

"And nicer underwear too," added Crabbe.

"How do you know anything about Weasley's underpants?" demanded Draco.

"Uhhhh..... we were.... uhh....." said Crabbe.

Draco started tearing up. "I thought we had something. But you threw it all away on Weasley. How could you?!?!?!"

"What a touching moment," said Snape sarcastically. "Now will someone tell me what the devil is going on?"

McGonagall heard all the commotion and looked up. "Ahhhh!!! My poor virgin eyes!" she exclaimed.

"You're a virgin, McGonagall?" said Pansy Parkinson. "Haha, sucks to be you."

McGonagall's face grew red, "That's not what I meant, Miss Parkinson. Five points from Slytherin. And Severus, please come here. Oh, and cover your backside on the way."

Snape slid his hands to the back of his robe and a shocked expression came over his face. Somebody had cut a big hole in the back of his robe! His entire backside was completely exposed.

"I see London, I see France, I see Snapey's underpants!" sang Hermione, tauntingly.

"That's enough, Miss Granger," said McGonagall. "Now Severus, I'd like for you to explain what this is all about."

Professor Snape lowered his voice. "It was her," he said, motioning to Hermione. "She's turned off my alarm, tampered with my shaving creme, and cut this whole in the back of my robe!" He gave Hermione an ice-cold glare.

Hermione just looked at him mockingly and mouthed, "Snip, snip!"

"Severus," said Professor McGonagall. "I find it hard to believe Miss Granger would do all this. She's one of the brightest students in class and she has never lead me to believe she would do anything so vindictive and mean. She had yet to break the rules."

"What about all those times she went running around with Potter?" said Snape.

"Err... you know what I mean, Severus," McGonagall continued. "You are excused to go back to your dorm room and change, but make it quick."

Professor Snape left the classroom feeling very embarrassed. Embarrassed and vengeful. Hermione was going to get it, get it OLD SCHOOL!!!