Disclaimer

I still don't own the Futurama characters. I'm just a dork who likes manipulating them in my twisted little puppet show. This story's pretty much just for fun; so don't take it so seriously. ;)

Chapter 2: The Nasty Young Man

The hazy flesh coloured sky of Sean Codion was beginning to take a more bronzed colour on. Leela looked up into the sun for a second, and put her arms around herself uncomfortably as Fry and Thomas casually walked together down the sidewalk.

They could not look anywhere without seeing something obscene, be it a monument of something phallic or clearly visible adult merchandise displayed in many of the store windows. The signs and neon lights buzzed overhead, despite that there was still a couple of hours of daylight left.

"Can we just find somewhere to eat quick?" Leela asked, looking around warily.

"For a nearly naked chick, she sure is uptight." Thomas muttered to Fry, and Fry gave him a knowing nod.

"Well for your information, I'm not nearly naked like this all the time." Leela indignantly commented. "At home, I'm hardly ever nearly naked!"

"Well you should have left your modesty on the ship." Thomas commented back. "Why did you come here if you're so conservative? Your friend here doesn't seem to mind things here."

"Once you learn to mentally block out the pinching, it isn't so bad." Fry said, and then someone from in the bushes pinches him, making Fry yelp.

"So where do you guys want to eat?" Thomas asked. "We've got a lot of different places here, like Fishy Joes, or the Foodomat, or Soylent Emporium."

"I don't feel like Soylent today. How about the Foodomat?" Leela suggested.

The three of them went into the Foodomat and found themselves a seat. They watched the food appear out of the conveyer belt and continue to make its way around the room. There were some other people eating in the restaurant as well, such as another human and a robot that seemed to be having a romantic dinner together, A gang of floating multicoloured molecules, and two Yoshies.

A waitress happily served the three of them water when Fry, Leela and Thomas took their seats. Fry eagerly went to drink his water, but Thomas stopped him.

"Eh, I wouldn't drink that if I were you." Thomas warned, giving Fry a grin.

"Why not?" Fry whined. "I drink the water at home no matter how much my friends scream at me to stop."

"Our water supply is spiked with Viagra so if you drink it, you'll be 'on display' for the next couple of hours." Thomas commented flatly, and then glanced down at Fry's package for a moment. "And, well, with that thing are you REALLY so bold?"

"I think I'll wait for some Slurm." Fry muttered.

"I assume that's not spiked with sex drugs." Leela commented with annoyance.

"Not any more than it usually is." Thomas shrugged.

Fry took a hamburger platter off of the conveyer belt and dumped ketchup all over the fries. His happy mouth watered in anticipation as he took a fry and ate it. "Well I'll be the guinea pig! If I become hornier than a democratic president then we can assume the food's not good."

To everyone's relief, Fry remained modest and Leela took a bowl of garden salad from the conveyer belt. Thomas took a snack platter from the conveyer belt and all three began to eat their food. Thomas watched Fry and Leela as they continued to eat their food, and he became piqued with curiosity. Though he met many other humans, he hasn't dealt with people like Fry and Leela in quite some time.

Thomas picked up interesting signals coming from both of them. Though Fry wasn't outwardly saying it at this time, Thomas could tell that he fancied Leela. His silent observation focused on the purple haired Cyclops girl and came to the conclusion that if she was interested in Fry too, she must have been showing it to him in a way he couldn't see.

"So what do you guys do anyway?" Thomas asked.

"We're a delivery ship." Leela replied as she finished off her salad. She took some exotic looking dish from the conveyer belt and began to pick at it with her fork. "People hire us to take packages from one planet to another."

"We go on lots of awesome adventures too!" Fry grinned as he pigged out on his hamburger. "We go to far off places, and meet millions of exotic people, creatures, and weird and often horrible monsters that sometimes masquerade in their appearance as humans to fool others."

"Oh really!" Thomas looked up at Fry in interest, and a grin spread across his face. "It sounds like you guys have a pretty sweet job."

"The pay sucks, and there's always a pretty good chance we could die." Leela replied flatly. "But yeah, I guess you could say it has some good points."

"And you guys must go to a lot of different planets too, don't you?" Thomas asked eagerly to the two of them. Fry and Leela exchanged glances and nodded to him frankly. Thomas' interested grin grew wider. "That sounds like fun!"

"What about you?" Fry asked cordially. "How's your work?"

"Well, I can get access to anything I want in the way of adult entertainment." Thomas shrugged. "Lady Jaxxxmine's a real peach, and she's done so much for me...but you know, there's only so much to do here."

They continued exchanging obligatory small talk and paid for their food. The rest of the city tour went by smoothly, with Thomas enthusiastically showing them many different landmarks and stores and many other things that Fry and Leela weren't looking for.

"We've been running around the city for almost two hours." Leela sighed in annoyance. "My ass is sore from the pinching, and my feet are sore from kicking THEIR asses."

"Relax. We're at a fuelling station." Thomas announced. "We can just tow some fuel to your ship and you'll be out of here in no time."

They entered the fuelling station and women in skimpy clothing greeted the three. Thomas waved them off as they approached, "None for us right now, we're only here for star ship fuel."

A robot that looked like it was designed for heavy lifting turned to greet them. "Welcome gents, what can I do ya for?"

"None of that for us right now, we're only here for star ship fuel." Thomas grinned. "These dudes have run out of fuel while on a delivery or something."

"Our ship runs on dark matter; we only need an orb the size of a thumbnail to get back home." Leela added. "Do you have any?"

"We wouldn't be a fuelling station if we didn't." The Lifterbot replied. He lifted off of the ground and flew to the back room. The bot opened the lock on the safe and flew inside, opening a case. The case opened to reveal a cat litter tray with two small black orbs inside it. With great strength the Lifterbot hoisted one out of the box and he placed it inside of his body cavity. He floated back to the three. "I found a good one. Where's the ship?"

"Madam Jaxxxmine's." Leela replied.

"So you fellas were making a delivery for him?" The Lifterbot asked.

"Him?" Fry asked, his eyes growing wide.

Meanwhile back at Madam Jaxxxmine's store, the soft mood music could be playing, though to a human it sounded like shrieking phone modem noises. Bender and Jaxxxmine were relaxing together in a hot tub filled with boiling crude oil.

"Lady Jaxxxmine, you sure know how to party." Bender said softly as they giggled.

"The best is yet to come, my sexily built spaceship captain." Jaxxximine cooed. "I got a little secret that I'd like to share with you in the bedroom!"

"Bender likes secrets." Bender grinned.

They both got up from the bubbling crude tub and made their way to Jaxximine's bedroom. She pulled the beads aside to reveal a cramped closet space that they both entered. They both giggled and buzzed about in the space, and she opened herself up to him. Bender gasped and screamed.

The four pulled into the parking lot of Jaxxxmine's place and stepped out of the hover car to hear Bender's scream. Thomas burst out laughing and shook his head in amusement as Fry and Leela ran into the store with worry. Inside the main merchandise room, Bender was wearing only a towel around his chassis as he ran up to them frantically. "We gotta get outta here now! Leela, you were totally right about this planet."

"What happened?" Leela asked as she and Fry gave a knowing grin.

"Let's just say that 'her' design don't match 'her' blueprints." Bender muttered.

Back outside of the building, the Lifterbot and Thomas were waiting. Thomas turned to the Lifterbot and grinned hopefully at him. "Say, I got a proposition for you, Lifterbot!"

They continued talking and the Lifterbot nodded to him. They both went out of sight and when Fry, Leela and Bender came back out they noticed only the Lifterbot there.

"Where's Thomas?" Leela asked.

"He ran off." The Lifterbot replied with a convincing shrug, and then approached the loading platform of the ship. "I don't got all day, let's get this new Dark Matter into the chamber."

Amy cheerily greeted the crew as they entered the ship's bridge. "Are we finally getting out of here?" Amy asked hopefully.

"Yup." Fry nodded. "The Lifterbot said he was going to reload the Dark Matter for us. No need to worry at all."

"Good." Amy nodded and them pointed behind her. There are several nasty looking peeping toms plastered to the ship's front window. "Those guys were beginning to give me the creeps a little."

Inside the engine room, Bender was accosting the Lifterbot while he was getting ready to do his job. Bender warned the Lifterbot about Jaxxxmine, and he simply shrugged in response, telling bender that even he's been there at some point. As Bender made his exit, the Lifterbot looked around warily. He lifted his head off of his shoulders and a large moth flew out of his head, and landed out of sight.

The Lifterbot took the Dark Matter out of his body cavity and placed it into the engine. He closed the hatch and floated out of the room, "Your ship should be good to go. See ya's."

The Lifterbot left them alone and Leela turned the engine on. The fuel gauge rose to the half full mark and she checked the other systems. "It looks like everything's good to go."

"You know, this place wasn't so bad." Fry said with a grin.

"Yes it was!" Bender and Leela and Amy shouted angrily at him.

The ship's vibration caused the nasty men plastered to the window to fall down to the ground below. The ship rose high into the air and up into the bronze coloured atmosphere, and before long they were back in space.

Fry was walking down a hallway when he noticed the strangest thing. Someone who was wearing a red jacket, a white shirt and blue jeans entered a cargo room. Nervously Fry followed this person and entered the room after him. The figure turned to meet Fry and Fry gasped.

Fry was looking at himself, an exact copy of himself. Fry looked around nervously and the other Fry grinned at him, and then giggled. Fry looked at the copy in annoyance and asked, "Do I really laugh like that?"

"I don't know." The other Fry grinned. "Laugh for me and let's find out."

"What the hell are you?" Fry asked angrily and then he became terrified. "Oh god! You're gonna kill me and then take my place, aren't you? I gotta warn you, I'll scream really loud and Bender knows what my terror scream sounds like!"

"Relax, Skippy." The other Fry replied, and then he whanged the original over the head with a blackjack. "I'm not gonna kill you, but I don't want you getting in the way while I have my fun though. So sorry."

The Fake Fry took the original and locked him in a crate with air holes. He stuffed Fry's form uncomfortably in that small box and then shoved the box among several others. He giggled and left the room to make his way back to the bridge.

"Howdy, y'all!" The Fake Fry greeted. "Word up from the streets!"

"Word." Bender replied unenthusiastically as he lit up a cigar.

Amy and Leela exchanged confused glances, as the Fake Fry sat down at what he assumed was his control terminal. A highly amused grin spread across his face, as he looked at all the flashing buttons on his terminal. "Fashizzle my nizzle! These controls are whack, man!"

"Are you okay, Fry?" Amy asked. "Did you fall out of your hammock and get another head injury?"

"As long as there are no follow-up questions, yes." The Fake Fry replied flatly. "So where are we going now?"

"Um. Earth?" Bender replied as he continued smoking his cigar. The Fake Fry grinned widely and came right up to him, seemingly very interested. Bender looked at him strangely "What?"

"What you're doing looks so cool! I want some!" The Fake Fry grinned.

"Get your own cigar, skin tube!" Bender replied indignantly.

"Skin tube?" The Fake Fry gaped defensively. "I am NOT a skin tube! I have skin, organs, and a skeletal and nervous system just like the two chicks behind me! I am definitely 100 human, with a fully functional human body!"

"Yeah, and that's you're biggest problem." Bender replied flatly.

"Fry, can you quit screwing around and get back to your post?" Leela asked.

"Okey dokey!" The Fake Fry nodded and returned to his workstation. The control lights blinked and made sounds as the Fake Fry continued to press them. As the buttons lit up he pressed them, and as the Fake Fry's finger went down to press a large button, suddenly Leela grabbed his hand.

"We need that to live." Leela grinned to the Fake Fry in annoyance.

The Fake Fry grinned and rolled his eyes. "Oh riiight, I forgot about that one."

Leela pressed some buttons on her command station and started to make her way out of the bridge. "I'm going to go check on some things. I'll be back in ten." She stopped beside Bender, narrowing her eye at the Fake Fry. "Make sure he doesn't touch anything."

"Can do." Bender nodded. "I'll make sure he doesn't touch anything in the vicinity of where I'm sitting."

As Leela walked down the hallway, she heard faint noises to the left of her. She turned and opened the door to a cargo room, hearing the noises get louder. As she neared a corner, she identified the noise as snoring. The snoring came from a crate with air holes, and she unlocked it to see what it was.

The box collapsed to reveal Fry waking up. He looked around sleepily and saw Leela looking down at him. "Hi Leela! The crate's quite comfy once you get used to the horribly cramped and painful position."

"How long were you in there?" Leela asked nervously.

"I don't know, about fifteen minutes after I regained consciousness I fell asleep." Fry replied. "I remember running into someone who looked just like me in here."

"What?" Leela shouted. "Someone who looks exactly like you is on the bridge right now!"

"Yeah, that would be the dude." Fry nodded.

"We gotta warn the others!" Leela said nervously. "We've got some sort of stowaway!"