Chapter 3: Getting Worse

Their party was coming to an end. Sara found herself staring at Grissom. Taking in his face, remembering every feature. She didn't want to have to let him go. He was such a big part of her life.

"So what are you planning on doing without us?" Catherine asked.

"Well I want to teach. Entomology. Big surprise." He said with a chuckle.

"We know how you love bugs." Nick said.

There was a pause.

"You can't leave us." Sara said without realizing that she'd said anything. "How can you sit there and still want to leave? We need you to be here! You're going to miss us. You'll leave and go on and then in a few days you'll want to be here with us. I know it." She started crying hateful tears. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. She was furious with him.

Grissom rushed to her and sort of hugged her.

"I'm sorry. But I want to do this. I've gotten a job offer and everything. I'm not moving at all. You'll still see me."

She pulled away from him and just stared at him. No, no. You'll never see me, she thought. I work nights, you'll be working days. We'll never run into each other. This is goodbye. And I hate it.

She stood up, looking around at everyone. They felt the same way she did. But they wouldn't say it. They had to respect his decision. She ran. Out of the room, out of the building. She couldn't breath. She didn't know where to go. They followed.

"Sara! Come back!" Nick yelled. "Don't leave!" He was the first to reach her. "Sara. It'll be ok. I promise. You still have us. Gris is going to be ok. I'm sure he'll visit or something. Come here." He pulled her into a hug. She weakly tried to fight but she couldn't. Nick rubbed her hair and calmed her. Catherine was also crying. She rubbed Sara's back. Warrick put an arm around Catherine. Greg looked at Grissom and smiled. But it wasn't a funny moment.

They were saying their final goodbye's. They hugged Grissom. Catherine, Warrick, Sara, Nick, and Greg (Brass and Doc Robbins left just before Sara's break down) stood on the side walk, watching Grissom walk to his car. It was one of, if not the hardest thing they ever had to do.

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Sara walked in her house and immediately went to her fridge for a beer. She didn't want to have to feel the way she did. It wasn't fair.

She cut herself more. Deeper now. But this didn't make her feel better.

Maybe if I... She dismissed that thought. But it crept back into her mind. If I slit my wrists then I might feel better. Someone might actually realize that I'm in trouble here and help me. I can't help myself.

Her hands were shaking. The razor was bloody still. She held it close to her left wrist.

Just do it.

And she did. A clean slice. 2 hesitation marks. It stung.

A knock at the door. It came again but more forcefully. Finally it burst open. She could see it. Nick was standing in the doorway. Sara quickly slit her right wrist. But she was sure that she'd hear her whimpering.

"Sara!" he shouted. He was moving closer. "Sara!" He reached the bathroom. "Sara! What did you do?" He grabbed her in his arms like a baby. He looked around for a towel. She dropped the razor.

"Nick."