Sorry to everyone who waited for this chapter. Here it is! Dedicated to anyone who loves Ash, reviewed this story and liked it. This chapter is for ASH.
It's so dark here. I'm trapped. Trapped in my own body. Well, I've never felt like this before. The thing is, inside my head I'm wide-awake, but I just can't open my eyes. I can hear, I can think, I can even feel. But I can't cry – Goddess knows I've tried. I can't move either. I can't speak.
How long have I been here? Not long. It just feels so long because I keep falling asleep, but I don't always know how long for. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes hours.
Wait… There. There's the sun on my face. I've been here since yesterday afternoon – I know because I haven't felt the sun before. Unless the windows have been shut. Unless it was raining outside. But still – it feels like a lifetime since I was living. Of course, I'm still alive but this isn't living. This is sleeping.
I remember the crash. I remember seeing the other car coming at me. We were both going fast – I just wanted to get to Briar Creek as quick as I could. But then we hit. And my car swerved. Well, Quinn's car swerved. And then I was thrown free of the car. My eyes were open… then they were shut. Then I was mangled in amongst wooden pickets, lining the road.
SMASH. I'd never hurt so much before. Physically, at least. There was silence after that. No sound from the other car. It was as if the world had stopped. I tried to cling onto consciousness but I was fighting a losing battle. When I woke up I was here.
Here. Here you are, Ash – here in a hospital bed. Goddess knows what Quinn's going to say to you when he finds out you've wrecked his car. I sigh inwardly, fully aware that someone's just entered the room.
It's that stinking nurse again, I know it is! She's going to give me a check-up, say 'it's a shame such a good-looking young lad's been reduced to this' and kiss me on the forehead, just like she did last time. Before I'd come to Briar Creek I would have loved the attention, but now…
Here she comes. She's sitting down next to me. She's holding my hand. Wait a minute…something's wrong…I hear sniffles. Someone's crying. The nurse is crying? I think, amused. She's leaning over… a tear splashes onto my cheek.
Yuck! Get lost; I don't want you crying all over me – for Goddess' sake, you don't even know me! Her hand's tightening on mine. I wish I could move. I wish I could speak and tell her where to go. But something's seriously wrong with this picture.
She doesn't feel like the nurse. She doesn't smell like her either. She smells like… like evergreen woods and… and how the grass smells after it's been raining. Another tear drops onto my cheek but I don't take any notice.
Those gasps for breath… they sound familiar. It can't be, I tell myself, she doesn't even know you're in hospital. But I can't help but wish… even though wishes almost never come true.
"Ash… Ash, can you hear me?" she whispers in my ear, mouth wet where tears have run down her cheeks and onto her lips. Inside, I feel the shiver – I feel the fire burning inside of me, but nothing escapes. I'm trapped.
MARY-LYNNETTE! I try to call to her. I try to reach her with my mind. Her lips are on mine. She's kissing me. I can feel it; I can feel the happiness welling up inside of me.
Suddenly, she pulls away, screams and thumps the pillow next to me. I start in shock but my body doesn't move. "DAMN IT!" she cries. I want to hold her. I want to wake up; I want to hug her close to me. "Wake up, Ash! Wake up! Please! I promise I won't kick you anymore, and… and we won't fight. I'll even be a vampire for you if you wake up."
No, Mare. You know I don't want you to be a vampire. I feel as if my soul's peeling away from my body. Oh Goddess no! I'm falling asleep… I'm going to wake up and she'll be gone and I'll be alone again.
MARE! Mare, I'm still here! Hold on for me, Mare, I'll wake up – you'll see! But she can't hear me. No one can. Damn coma! Why did it have to happen to me? Why couldn't I walk away unharmed and the other driver –? I end the thought. I'm being selfish. I have a better chance of survival than any human.
But no one seems to understand. Vampires can die of comas just as easy. 1) I crashed into wood. And 2) The body doesn't affect a coma. I can be completely fit and still be blocked off inside my own head. My left arm's healing already. My black eye will be gone in about… well, in about an hour. It should've gone earlier but vampires heal quicker when they're awake.
And I'm not awake. Not really.
"I love you, Ash." Mary-Lynnette. Oh, Mare, I love you too. But you won't be here when I wake up. I'm falling asleep. I'm going… I'm –
&
" – but it's such a shame…" I wake up. And these are the first words I hear. The nurse. I wish I could reach out and search for Mare's hand. To see if she's still here.
Mary-Lynette? Mare, are you still here? There's breathing against my face. Warm. It smells like cranberry juice. "It shouldn't have happened." The girl above me says firmly.
You're still here, Mare. You're still with me. Wait for me, sweetheart. Believe in me and I can do this. I can.
I realise there are a lot of people in the room. I can practically feel it. A crowd of them. "If I'd have known… If I had known he'd crash the damn car I wouldn't have let him go. I'd have taken him down, but no. No, he had to get here as soon as he could. He just had to. And now look where he is. Now look at him… Look at-" Quinn. Quinn's here. Damn, he's mad about the car, too. I want to apologise… Wait. He's crying.
QUINN? WHAT? "Look at him. What if he doesn't wake up? It's all my… all my fault." He's gasping for breath. It's like he's drowning in his own tears. Quinn – why, I never knew you cared that much!
"It's no one's fault," says a calm voice, only just steady. I recognise it straight away. It's my big sister. Rowan. "He'll wake up, Quinn. You shouldn't talk like that. You're scaring Mary-Lynnette…"
"It's all right," Mare says tightly on my left. "I'm prepared for it."
"Prepared for what?" Jade says, voice high. I can imagine her clinging on to Mark. Oh, if only that were me and Mare…
"If he dies. I'll be fine." She lies. Her voice is unsteady – thick and slurred. I can hear her crying. And inside I'm crying because I know she's given up on me. Already. When she hasn't even given me a chance.
"DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!" someone screams. I don't recognise the voice at first. I've never heard her talk that way before. "Don't ever say that! You know you won't be okay! But that's beside the point. Ash'll wake up! Just you wait! I've never known anyone as determined as him! He'll pull through, he'll wake up, and he'll never let you go, Mare."
"Kestrel…" Rowan interrupts.
"NO! I've had it! You're all talking like he's going to die! But he's not! He's not! He'll wake up, good as knew and be as vain as ever." I can imagine Kestrel smiling to prove her point. Thanks, Kez. You still believe in me. But I'm not so sure. Her voice is wobbly. She sounds like she's trying to convince herself.
"I'm afraid that if he doesn't wake up by Friday, then there's nothing we can do." The nurse is saying. WHAT? Friday? Give me a chance! It must be, what? Wednesday today!
"Huh?" Mark cries, confused. Everyone's shuffling as if they're turning to look at the nurse.
"He's scheduled to be taken off life-support on Friday… surely you know? You're names are on the list for-"
"You're switching him off!" Mary-Lynnette screams. The chair she's sat in squeals as it's pushed backwards. Oh Goddess. I think she's launching on the nurse.
"But… But why?" Rowan cries, shocked. Yeah? I'm shocked too. They can't do that! People are in comas for years and can still wake up. I mean, take Kill Bill. Okay, I know that's not real but still. There are always wards to put people in.
"Because…
because it was his express wishes." My ass, were they my wishes!
Where the hell did they get that idea?
"Who told you that, BS?" Quinn roars, furious. God, I wish I could see the look on the nurse's face.
"You're father, of course."
If I was awake I would turn pale. But I can't. Inside I'm shivering, I'm turning numb. My dad… he's taking me off life-support? After all this time. After all the rubbish he spouts off about me being his only son, and how he treasures me and how I'm the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He doesn't love me. He can get rid of me as easy as that. I want to scream.
Silence. The room's been thrown into silence. Then suddenly: "It's all my fault," Mary-Lynnette whispers.
"Mare, don't say such things…"
"It IS! He read Ash's 'Get Well' card. That's why. He's doing his job. He's wiping out the soulmate principle."
You wrote me a card? That's so… sweet. And I hate that word. But I love, Mare. Which makes it about square. I wonder what it says…
A wave of cologne. Quinn's leaning over. He's picking up Mare's card. He's reading it out loud. I can hear the words and inside I'm beaming with happiness. On the outside, I'm still lying like a dead body.
"To Ash, my soulmate and boyfriend. I love you Ash and I hope you wake up soon. I know you were coming back, my shining knight, after slaying me a dragon! I miss you, Ash. Come back to me. Kisses. Love Mare or M-Lin the Cursed, if you prefer. Kisses."
"And he read that?" Mark sighs.
"Every word." Mary-Lynnette agrees. When I finally grasp hold of the situation and realise that what Mare put was bad (not good, even though I'm happy inside), I stop feeding the floaty feeling in my head and think about what my dad would do to us. All of us.
The nurse has left by now. I think she's gone to tell the doctor that the 'extermination's' off. I hope so. I really hope so. Mare's sat by my side again. She's squeezing my hand.
"Do you want to know something?" she asks, voice bitter. At first I think she's talking to me, but she isn't. Someone walks over and lets out a deep breath – maybe come to comfort her. I think it's Rowan. The person's moved over way too quietly to be anyone else.
"Mark, Jade, Quinn – you know what it's like to be soulmates. Right?"
I can imagine the other three nodding. Then I realise that Quinn didn't bring Rashel (his new soulmate) with him. I wonder where she is…
"I feel nothing." Mary-Lynette hisses. This attracts my attention. "Before… it was like he was there. He was bright, he was glowing. He was the one person in the world that was the liveliest and now he's nothing. I'm nothing.
"I lied, I won't be prepared when he dies. It'll never be the same." She's speaking slowly, letting her heart out. All I want to do is to kiss her. All I want is to wake up and tell her I'm fine and that I'll never leave her. But I can't. I just can't.
"When I kissed him – when he was awake – his mind was so colourful. But now he's just grey." She says the last word with a moan. I can imagine her waving a hand for emphasis, as if she feels responsible for the change. "And it's so… not-Ash. He's not here with us anymore. I don't think he'll make it."
It amazes me how calmly she's saying this. And then I realise – maybe I won't make it. Maybe they're right, maybe I'll die. I'll keep trying. Goddess knows I'll keep trying. And if I die on Friday… that's the way it goes.
Suddenly, Mary-Lynnette lets out such a sob that it makes me jump. Everyone's running over, bundling on her, hugging her, consoling her. Even Quinn. Even Quinn who, about six months ago, hated humans. Then they stop hugging her and I can feel their eyes on me.
A hand on my shoulder. Quinn. A hand on my wrist. Mark. A kiss on the forehead. Rowan. A squeeze of my hand. Jade. A shake around my waist, an attempt to wake me up. Kestrel. A kiss on the lips. Mare.
This is my real family. These are the people I'll try for. Besides, I owe Quinn as much. I need to wake up so he doesn't feel so bad about losing his car. I need to wake up to kiss Mary-Lynnette. I need to spend time with my sisters. I NEED MORE TIME! Friday isn't enough. Dad saw to that, perfectly.
