I was convinced I had ruined my mother life, although I could never understand why. I couldn't understand a lot of things when I was that young. I couldn't understand why my father hated us, and why Aelice always shook her head sadly at my mother, saying she should have figured that this would happen. And I couldn't understand why, the last time Aelice ever came to visit, she took my brother, Padraig, and they never came to see us again.

I asked why. I knew it was something I did. I begged for forgiveness, because I wanted my older brother back. Mam said that I would understand when I was older. I grew up three times, and asked three times, and every time I was given the same answer. And so I decided that maybe I should try to find out on my own.

One night, not long after they took Padraig away, my mother woke me up. She had her carpet bag with her, and she was pushing things into it. She was wrapped up in her red wool cloak, and she pulled me out of bed and wrapped me in the large quilt that the bed I used to share with my brother. She led me down the stairs and out into the cold, winter night.

People stared at us as we hurried down the road, for my Mam's hair was tossled, and by the dim light of the streetlamp, it looked like she had a bruise on her face. I was still dressed for bed, with no shoes on my feet. We finally stopped a little outside of town. I wondered what we were waiting for, as I stared down the road. Snow fell gently into my Mam's dark hair.

When I next woke up, we were in a bus, and moving down the country road, to where I did not know. It was bright out, although it was still snowing. The bus stopped many times, but we still not get out. Finally we got out, in a small town. We walked down the cobbled road, down into the lanes. And finally, after a long time, we came to a dirty building. Mam gave a man some money, and we walked into the building.

"Well, Remus," she said. "what do you think?"

"I want to go home," I said.

After a minute, she looked down at me, and I could see she was sad.

"I know, Remus," she said. "but we can't. This is where we live now. And Remus," she stopped to make sure I was listening before continuing. "when people ask who you are, what do you say?"

"I'm Remus Connolly," I said. What else would I say?

"No. Not anymore. You tell them that you are Remus Lupin. Just like I was Madeleine Lupin before I married your father, we're Madeleine and Remus Lupin now."

I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why Mam should want to call herself by her old name again, and why we couldn't go home. All that my five year old mind could seem to comprehend was that it was my fault, it had to be my fault, although I knew not why.


Notes: Okay. So I said this would be longer. I lied . But I wanted to start the next chapter at a certain part. Maybe I'll make it easier on myself an squish the first and second chapters together.