A Dinner of Snails

As if on cue, the doorbell rang loudly. Uncle Midas quickly scuttled into the nearest bathroom to wipe his face clean as Edmund Gadfly and his latest wife walked in to the house dressed in an Armani suit. He was a short fat man with a large mole placed on his head; actually after staring at it for a few seconds James realized that it was simply an extremely ugly toupee.. He had a massive necklace studded with dozens of shining diamonds. He wore several ruby-studded rings and even his cufflinks were encrusted with jewels. He wore a kitschy pink double collared shirt with an atrocious yellow tie. That and he wore a beautiful wife. A thin blond buxom babe hung around his arms like another article of clothing. She had a well-proportioned body and a perfectly flawless face.

"This is my wife Cynthia," he said in a thin nasal and extremely annoying voice, "We met just weeks ago."

Aunt Ursula seemed to disapprove of him greatly but the fact he was filthy rich made him somewhat more acceptable to her.

"Good to see you," said Uncle Midas in a chummy obsequious fashion patting Mr. Gadfly's back; it didn't suit him at all.

"How's the family been," asked Mr. Gadfly with a similar tone of voice.

"Oh Hector and Aphrodite are just wonderful," said Uncle Midas proudly.

His wife Cynthia stood behind him like a wallflower. Apparently she had been given the same instructions as James. Shut up and look pretty.

The butler in the most opulent dining room in the house seated them each. There were three dining rooms total in the mansion. One the family reserved for guests. The other, almost as opulent, one was reserved for the family. The last dining room, best described as a pigsty, was reserved for the servants. Although the Goldman's normally let James sit with them for dinner; he always wished he could eat alone away from their prying eyes.

An enormous crystal chandelier hung over the table rocking gently even though there was no wind. A few bottles of what appeared to be expensive champagne sat on the dark mahogany table corked just waiting to be drunk by someone. The floor was made of white marble tile so soft that it almost felt like ivory.

James tried his hardest to sit as far away from everyone s possible but considering the fact that almost everyone their hated him, it was kind of hard to avoid sitting next to anyone of them. Instead, he chose to try to pretend to be invisible. If he was quiet enough they might not even mention him. But the fact that Mr. Gadfly specially wanted to talk to James gave James a terrible feeling that they would notice him sooner or later.

The first hour or so after appetizers were served was incredibly boring for everyone involved. But at least it was safe and non-violent. Uncle Midas and Mr. Gadfly hammered out the details of their deal. They pounded fists and shouted at each other for hour after hour. Mr. Gadfly's nasal voice slowly got more and more annoying and at one point his toupee actually fell off of his head. That was about as exciting as the negotiations stage of dinner got. Mr. Gadfly had this annoying habit spitting an insane amount every time he spoke. Small puddles had already materialized beside his chair so fast that Aunt Ursula thought there was a leak in the roof.

Hector was playing with the fork they had given him and was busy flinging pieces of cheese at James using his fork as a catapult. Aunt Ursula didn't seem to notice even though she was sitting right next to James to keep his from 'misbehaving' and had cheese sprayed all over her as well. Princess was sitting on her chair looking as perfect as possible while she secretly slipped more food to Hector to throw at James. Although the two were polar opposites as far as personality was concerned, they were always united in their efforts to make James as miserable as possible.

"Sit up straight," whispered Aunt Ursula harshly into James's ear, "you're being rude."

At the same time, Hector threw a large a fistful of ice cubes into James's face. Instead of hitting James, they all fell straight into his Aunt's face. She looked like she wanted to scream at her two kids but that would involve protecting James against the twins and that was morally unacceptable to her.

The two competing businessmen ignored the scuffles taking place at the table as the shout fest between the two reached a new high.

A finely liveried servant walked into the room, one six full time servants kept to pamper everyone in the house except James; they had been given specific orders to treat James like rubbish and one of them had even been fired for giving James candy.

"The first course, Escargot de Bourgogne, is about to be served," announced the servant carrying a large platter in his hands.

"Well then," said Uncle Midas, "Let's put our business dealings aside for a moment and have bit of a chat."

"Oh yes," said Mr. Gadfly, "Did you here about the new tax laws they are proposing. It'll run us straight into the ground. We've got families to feed."

At that moment, the servant came in and served each person large portions of food, (everyone but James that is)

"The food is most excellent, thank you very much for the hard work you put into this," said Mr. Gadfly.

"Yes, I do love Escargot de Bourgogne," said Uncle Midas proudly, "It's French."

"I don't like French people," blurted Hector boorishly, "They eat snails and frog legs. This food looks like Snails."

"Here is the second course," announced the servant placing another dish at the center of the table.

"So what's this," asked Cynthia trying to get into the conversation.

James could have sworn he heard, "be seen not heard," whispered into her ears.

"Drinks please," demanded Mr. Gadfly loudly even though the servant was sitting right behind him.

"Oh there is one thing I'd really like to tell you," said Mr. Gadfly, "Especially you James."

"What!" said James in surprise.

"Hey," shouted Hector as the servant passed by him, "Am I eating some stupid snails from the dirt?"

"I can assure these snails have been thoroughly washed," said the servant politely. Hector then threw his plate onto the floor smashing it into tiny bits of china on the floor.

"I don't eat any snails," he said angrily spitting in the servant's face.

"That's my boy," said Uncle Midas proudly, "If you don't get what you want, demand better. It's the secret of a true businessman."

Hector beamed proudly; no one wanted to touch the snails anymore.

"As I was saying," said Mr. Gadfly clearing his throat loudly; he didn't like not being the center of attention, "I've found out something very interesting about the boy-"

"Anything that hooligan did has nothing to do with our upbringing," said Uncle Midas before Mr. Gadfly could finish his statement, "We haven't coddled him or anything like that. We've made it clear if he steps out of bounds he will be clearly punished."

"Trust me," said Mr. Gadfly, "This is something you could never have controlled."

"Well what is it?" asked Uncle Midas eagerly leaning forwards as if he was eagerly listening to some exciting football game on the radio.

"You know how the boy is strange. There's a reason for it that only I can tell you of." said Mr. Gadfly lapping up all of the attention. James was sitting at the edge of his seat and was so absorbed on every word coming out of Mr. Gadfly's mouth that drool was spilling out of his mouth. He knew nothing about his family, not even his parent's names. He always imagined them to be brave and heroic, at the very least a thousand times better than the Goldman's. Sometimes when he was feeling really depressed he would think about his mother and father. Try to imagine that they were smiling at him from somewhere up in heaven.

Even Hector, whose attention span compared unfavorably to grasshoppers, was paying rapt attention. Mr. Gadfly was enjoying this all greatly, strumming his hair unnecessarily as if he was sweating there. He didn't even have real hair for crying out loud. Just tell me your information, James almost screamed out loud. He cleared his throat self importantly, "I was talking to Vernom Dursely the other day. I don't know if you know him or not. Owns a drill company. He's a rather splendid chap," he said, waiting for a round of applause. Seeing that none was coming, he continued, "Well, I was telling him about how James and his shenanigans. Why in blazes would that crazed idiot try to light Professor Nickel's wig on fire. I know it was the world's atrocious and everything but still."

It was a freak accident James wanted to scream. And you have the world's most atrocious wig. Uncle Midas coughed loudly; he wanted to get to know why James was so 'terrible'.

"Yes as I was saying," said Mr. Gadfly in his nasal voice pompously, "He told me about his father Harry. Poor Vernom was forced to bring Harry up like you've had to."

"Poor chap," said Aunt Ursula, "You have no idea how much James harasses Hector and Aphrodite."

Princess put an obsequious pouting gesture on her face when everyone turned to look at her but started sniggering again when no one was watching. Hector didn't even bother to stop sniggering at all.

"The children have been terrorized for so long by that horrible boor," said Aunt Ursula looking at James with pure venom in her eyes. James shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He felt like slipping under the table but decided against it. Hector would probably see it as a perfect opportunity to give James a good kick.

"I can only imagine," said Mr. Gadfly pityingly, "how terrible it is to take care of a boy whose father was sent to St. Brutus's Center for Incurably Criminal Boys. I fear James may too be on that same path."

James felt like he was punched hard in the gut. His dad couldn't have been a hooligan. That just couldn't be right he had to be lying he had to be, James told himself over and over again. Time seemed to hold still for a second, but then Mr. Gadfly started talking again.

"Oh apparently having kids and dying early seems to be a family trait with them," said Mr. Gadfly.

"They were probably too irresponsible to take care of a kid so they went, got drunk and killed themselves." said Uncle Midas laughing out loud heartily.

"They're all like mesquites," said Aunt Ursula, "they make us pay for their parasitic vermin with our blood and money."

"I've got a joke," said Uncle Midas, "What do you call a useful Potter," He anxiously looked around the room waiting for someone to ask, what.

"A dead Potter," he said laughing uproariously. Soon, the rest of the room was laughing at him. Pointing their fingers at him like he was some animal in the zoo.

Normally, all James felt towards his family was fear, but now, for the first time, he felt angry. He wanted them to stop. He wanted them to stop making fun of him and his family NOW, but he didn't have the courage to speak up.

Instead, he kept repeating in his head, "you're lying. My parents were not crazy. They loved. Shut up," James was wishing for something, anything to make them stop. Anything!

James wanted to scream, but only tears poured out of his eyes instead. And then he heard a scream. It hadn't come from his mouth but strangely from Aphrodite's.

"Oh my god," she yelped, falling off of her chair. The snail on her plate had started creeping towards her. Soon, everyone noticed the tiny snails coming alive.

Hector was screaming shrilly like a little girl as the snails crept towards him. This presented James an excellent opportunity to exit and he took full advantage of it, escaping through the door while no one was watching.

He bounded up the staircase, almost getting his foot stuck in the rickety stair on the way to the attic. Without a moments thought, he slammed the door shut locking everyone out.