The Hat Trick

A tall, slightly pudgy wizard stood before them eager to usher them in. He had chubby, very friendly face that James doubted ever was cross.

"lo Neville," greet Hagrid, "Yeh'll take the firs' years, righ'."

"I'll take them from here, Hagrid," said the wizard amicably.

"So you're our newest additions," said the wizard turning to the students, "Welcome to Hogwarts. I'm Professor Longbottom and I'll be leading you to you're sorting."

Nervous whispers spread through the room at the mention of the word sorting. Incredible rumors spread like wild fire ranging from fighting a troll to taking a written. The girl that was sitting next to him sagely suggested all they had to do was put on a cap; but that seemed a rather silly way to do things.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," announced Professor Longbottom, "You'll be sorted soon enough. It's quite painless," said Professor seeing to groans on the faces of the first year crowd. He idly twiddled his thumb waiting for the room to fill up.

"As you might know sorting will choose which house you will belong to. The four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Ravenclaw. Although you will be seeing people from other houses on a regular basis in class, you will be eating, sleeping, taking classes and spending almost all of your free time with your housemates. In addition to spending time with your housemates, you can also win and lose points for your house. Points reward good behavior while bad behavior will result in a loss of points. At the end, the house with the greatest number of points will be rewarded with the house cup, which is quite an honor. Well to the sorting now. Good luck to all of you, all the houses are quite excellent so don't feel down if you don't end up where you want to go. Freshen up a bit while I get everything ready."

James noticed Marvin trying to clean his face desperately but he still looked kind of dirty. James tried patting his hair down a little bit, but it was useless as ever. Unfortunately, his unruly hair had a nasty dislike for its owner.

"I hope this doesn't hurt," moaned Luke beside him.

No one was talking much except for that silent girl James had noticed on the boat. She was muttering all 856 types of herbs that could be found in Wales in alphabetical order. That was really unnerving.

There was a crack and a cross-legged little man with dark wicked eyes, clutching an enormous bag of marshmallows that was twice as big as his own body, materialized in front of them. Several girls shrieked loudly, as the ghost cackled evilly.

"Oooooh," he cackled, "Wee, little Firsties. What fun!" chucking marshmallows (they were real and not ghost marshmallows) at the lot of first years.

James grinned from ear to ear, grabbing as many marshmallows as he could and stuffing them into his mouth. The Goldman's never let him eat marshmallows. They were soft and gooey on the inside, as though they had been magically roasted to perfection.

Suddenly, the apparition stopped its toss in mid throw as another ghost glided through the walls.

James gasped with everyone around him, as a pearly white, somewhat transparent ghost glided into the room.

"Come on Peeves or I'll call the bloody Baron on you." ordered the ghost calmly. Peeves popped out of the room making loud farting noises.

The rather fat ghost who was wearing ruffs and tights called, "Oh ignore him. He's just a spoilsport. You're all here for sorting I suppose. I'm the Fat Friar, and I'm Hufflepuffs' ghost. Hope we get to see a lot of future Hufflepuffs. "

Professor Longbottom entered the room just as the Fat Friar glided out. James pinched himself to make sure this wasn't a really long really unreal dream.

"Everyone follow me," announced Professor Longbottom. James felt as if he was going to explode from nervousness as he walked through the enormous doors to the Great Hall.

Somehow, the Great Hall took his mind away from his nervousness momentarily. Never had James seen such a strange yet splendid place. The room was lit by thousands of candles floating in midair like still fireflies. The table was laid with gold cups and goblets the glittered in the dim ambience. Professor Longbottom led the first years to the table where the Professors sat and lined them facing the students with the teachers behind them. Hundreds of faces stared at them looking like pales orbs through the flickering candlelight. Here and their James saw ghosts who shown like misty silver. Above the skies glistened in the pitch-black night sky.

"Its bewitched to be like that," whispered the genius girl who was previously reciting all 857 types of herbs commonly found in Wales.

Still, to James it looked like the great hall simply opened to the heavens. But he was already in heaven.

James watched as Professor Longbottom placed ancient, patched hat onto the table. James doubted Aunt Ursula would ever permit anything with so many layers of grime. But what did a dirty hat have to do with sorting? Perhaps he was supposed to pull a bunny rabbit out of it, but that would be far too obvious.

James stared at the hat, noticing everyone else was staring at it too. For a few seconds, there was total silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a moth- and the hat began to sing:

(Make up sorting song later.)

The entire school burst into raucous applause as the sorting hat finished its annual song.

Every first year breathed an enormous sigh of relief knowing he or she wouldn't have to take a test or wrestle a troll of be in any pain. All James had to do was go up, put on a hat and wait for it to make a decision.

But James's wobbly smile quickly disappeared when he thought about exactly which house he would get into. He wasn't exactly smart or courageous or anything. The only thing he knew about any of these houses was that Slytherin was slimy, whatever that meant. If only they had a house for the extremely confused, now that would be perfect.

Felix, who was twitching feverishly couple spots to the right of him in line, looked like he was suffering a severe anxiety attack. The annoying genius girl next to him was equally nervous. The tenseness was spreading everywhere like a nasty cold and James wasn't immune.

"Sit on the stool once I call your name," called Professor Longbottom informally, "Aaron, Emily" shouted Professor Longbottom. A short bony girl with long brown hair nervously stepped forwards. She put on the hat, which fell over beneath her eyes, and sat down. After a few moments the hat shouted out, "RAVENCLAW."

A corner of the great hall exploded with applause as Emily Aaron proudly walked to that table.

"Abraham, Collin."

"GRYFINDOR" shouted the hat after a few moments. There was an even larger roar of applause from the Gryffindor section. Mary Weasley and her friends were catcalling and Nearly Headless Nick did a quick summersault in the air.

Ballston, Barry," called out Professor Longbottom as a pug face boy strutted to the hat.

"SLYTHERIN," called hat out. James noticed all the Slytherins' seemed to be rather nasty looking people.

"Bellatrix, Felix," called Professor Longbottom. Felix slowly walked to the hat, staring at it as if it were made of kryptonite.

The hat sat on Felix's head for a long time. A waterfall of sweat was pouring down his face when the hat finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR"

There was a moment of eerie still before the Gryffindors gave him a roaring ovation.

The list went down as about an equal number of people were chosen for each house. Luke was in Gryffindor too. He seemed quite happy with being a Gryffindor.James had bit his nails all the way to the skin when he heard his own name called. He wished he could put the hat on in private, doing it in front of everyone made him a bit queasy. Well, James knew one thing. "not Slytherin"

"Potter, James." called Professor Longbottom.

James walked to hat almost quivering. Whispers broke out in the crowd like a bee's buzz.

"It can't be the James Potter."

"I could have sworn he was dead."

James was looking at the back of a hat when it started speaking to him. He was whispering not Slytherin in his mind as he gripped the edge of his stool.

"Hmm…" mused the hat, "Very difficult. You could do great things in Slytherin."

James started screaming not Slytherin in his mind as loud as he could.

"Well if you insist," replied the hat, "A good head. Plenty of courage. Might as well be,"

"GRYFINDOR"

He heard the last word echo throughout the hall. James walked to the Gryffindor table feeling quite relieved. Not only was he not in Slytherin, he was also with Felix and Luke, the only two friends he had ever had. James noticed he was getting the loudest cheer yet.

"Good to see you," called out a burly older student, "The names Mike, Mike Pena. I'm prefect and captain of the Quidditch team." giving him a hug addressing him as if they were best friends.

"Hey squirt," called out Mary who was camped comfortably between two boys, "great to see you in Gryffindor.", before she and her friends began singing, "POTTERS A GRYFFINDOR"

James sat beside Felix and Luke all three of them grinning from ear to ear. There were several other new Gryffindor first years. A tall pale brunette girl named Christie Grawls, an Indian girl named Neesha incomprehensible last name and Gwen Trouble and that Melvin Friend who had lost his frog. (Gwen was the really smart annoying girl James thought and hoped would be going to Ravenclaw.)

A tall thin Professor with a long white beard walked to a podium. With a quick flick, a long golden ribbon shot out of his wand spelling "Welcome to Hogwarts" in enormous letters to everyone.

"I would like to give a few solemn words." called out the Professor in a magically amplified voice, "I am Professor Lupin, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Rumor has it that many years ago I was a twitchy first year squirt. I deny all accusations."

Everyone clapped loudly as he sat back down but James had distinct feeling that the head was slightly loony and he could have sworn Professor Lupin gave him a wink.

James's mouth fell open as he saw the gold plates in front of him piled with mounds of the most scrumptious food. Despite the regular dinners, parties and feasts held at the Goldman's, James rarely got to eat anything more appetizing than Brussels sprouts.

James was taking a bite of some rather wonderful jello when he felt his legs turn into just that: Jello. His legs were shaking uncontrollably and James felt his body slip under the table. James saw a hand poke through to him and used it to pull himself back onto his seat.

"What was that about?" asked James.

A tall thin, swarthy boy answered, "Well, the edible Jelly legs certainly seem to work. I'm sure Fred and George'll be quite happy."

"We're testing pranks out for the joke shop," whispered a second shorter and lighter boy into his ears.

Mary Weasley, who was also there, explained, "Me, Mary Weasley, Peter Lampon (the first one) and Phil Lampon (the second one) have been testing some goods for my Uncles. Just to make sure everything works and is safe. Here's three knuts for your trouble."

James gladly pocketed the money entirely confused. Strangely, Peter and Phil didn't look at all like brothers.

"Can't you three stay out of trouble," moaned Mike, the Prefect and Quidditch Captain, "We had a chance to win the House Cup this year before you tied Professor Crabbe to those ruddy firecrackers and sent him flying over the lake."

"It was an honest mistake," answered Phil, "And Crabbe's a big fat wart anyways."

"He's a big fat wart that can take 600 points away from Gryffindor at a time." countered Mike, "And can suspend my number one chaser and beater for the house cup match. We got creamed 690 to 40 because of you." Mike looked like he was going to explode or perhaps make the three miscreants explode.

James felt as if his body was plunged into a bucket of ice cold water, (perhaps another practical joke) as he felt something whitish clear and rather wispy pass through him.

"Nearly Headless Nick," cried out Peter and Phil.

"Sir, Nicholas de Mimsy-Portpington" said the ghost sounding a little bit miffed.

"Show it to them," called Mary.

"Show what?" said Sir Nicholas the whatever blankly.

"How you can be nearly headless," blurted Luke.

He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulders as if it were on a hinge.

"Sir Lance de Prancer was quite bad with the axe. The idiot couldn't even do a proper beheading" said Nearly Headless Nick floating away.

"Eat while you can…" were Nearly Headless Nick's rather strange last words.

James dutifully obeyed and grabbed a treacle tart and continued valiantly on his most noble (and enjoyable) quest to gain ten pounds in one day.

Most of the first years were chatting about their families and where they'd come from. James didn't really feel like paying attention and felt himself nodding off. His face nearly fell into a pie he was eating when he heard Melvin shout out, "My Toad. My Toad's gone missing."

"Has any one seen my toad," cried Melvin despondently, as he dove under the table knocking a goblet of Pumpkin juice into James's lap.

"There it is," cried Luke spotting the frog bouncing its way to the Slytherin table.

"Oh wonderful," groaned Felix, "Wolfgang will probably try to turn it into a nail clippings or some other miserable thing."

The trio muscled there way through the tables, but Wolfgang had found the animal first.

Wolfgang stood up clenching the toad tightly and drew out his wand.

"Another little froggie," he cackled nastily, "I wonder what I should do to him. Or will Felix stop me."

"Shut up and give him back," uttered James angrily, Felix was standing back trying to keep himself out of the fight.

"I gave you a choice in the train Potter," drawled Wolfgang venomously, "I've seen you've made your choice. Well it's time I teach you a little mann-,"

"I believe magic is not allowed in the great hall," interrupted a towering, bull dog like man with a cold voice, "Still, this is you are new so I'll let you go."

"Hand me the frog," he continued, "It's a rather fine specimen. I could use it one of my potions. Skin it and throw its eyeballs into a cauldron and I could make a fine regurgitating potion."

"Its my pet," called a short of breath Melvin who had just caught up to them.

"You'd better keep a good watch of it," warned the Professor handing Melvin his pet, "or he just might find his way into my cauldron."

"The guy seems a little nasty," muttered Luke, as they were walking back to the Gryffindor table.

"Meet mean old Professor Crabbe," muttered Mary as they took their seats.

"You know him?" asked Luke.

"We play craps with him every at teatime," answered Phil sardonically.

"You're best staying away from him," started Mary
"- he tried to put the three of us in permanent detention," interjected Pete.

Suddenly, the Great Hall went silent as the Headmaster cleared his throat to make and announcement, "I'm quite sorry to interrupt the festivities but there are a few start-of-term announcements I would like to make. As always, first years are not allowed to bring any brooms to school. Second, anyone wishing for a slow and rather painful death may visit the Forbidden Forest at any time. For the rest of you, I would advise you against it. Also, all of Weasley's Wizarding Wheeze's products are banned from the premises permanently. And now, for the most important event of the night it is time to sing the Hogwarts Song" Professor Lupin took out his wand and swished it like a conductors baton.

And the School bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts

Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald

Or Young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn till our brains all rot."

Although Lupin swished his wand quite like an expert concerto, the school couldn't quite sing in sync. Mary Phil and Peter finished last, a good minute after the rest of the class since they were singing to the tune of a mind numbingly slow funeral march.

"Time to sleep," called out Professor Lupin wiping his eyes and clapping loudly. Mike lead the chattering first years up the marble stair case and up through the towers. The Gryffindor First years followed him, tiredly. James thought his legs were almost as weak as they were when he had the jelly-legs curse on him. There seemed to be no end to the stairs, branching out in every direction.

James noticed a blood smattered specter glide through the walls, carrying a lantern in his hands and calling, "Peeves, I'm going to give you your second death" loudly.

At the end of the corridor, there was a fat woman wearing silly pink silk dress.

"Password," she asked, hiccupping and otherwise acting rather inebriated.

"Gargantuan Fracas," said Mike, and the portrait swung open.

Through the large whole in the wall, James could see quite comfortable looking armchairs and the embers of a burnt out fire.

Mike led the girls to one dormitory and the boys to another. Turns out there were another set of spiral staircases for James to trudge up since they were obviously at the top of one of the towers.

Four rather inviting four-poster beds lay in the dorms with all of their baggage arranged on the side. Everyone quickly put on his pajamas and fell into the beds. No one really talked much and everyone was trying to sleep of the wonderful feast. Whoever cooked the food did a really good job.

"The foods amazing," said Luke but fell asleep before James had a chance to respond. Soon, James also found himself tumbling into wonderful sleep.