" Leaving It All Behind "

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, except for the long list of the one's that you have never heard of before and there are to many, so I won't list them. Laziness I know.

. Hey there, I know I told you that the last chapter was the last one I would write, but I couldn't leave it at that could I? No, of course not! It will sum up a lot so I hope you like it. I won't have anything to say at the bottom, so please review. .

Rin was still unconscious when they had reached the second day of traveling back to the castle. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha both decided that the best thing to do would be to walk the rest of the way. Flying was what Sesshomaru was used to, that and his dog form but he had used so much strength getting to her that he didn't think it wise to make haste again.

They had made camp on the second night of their traveling and Rin had been placed next to the bottom of a tree behind Sesshomaru. The Lord was sitting across from the warm fire with his brother on the other side.

Inuyasha had not witnessed compassion from his older half-brother the whole time he carried Rin and now he looked back at her from starring at the flames and made sure she was all right. Inuyasha hadn't noticed compassion from his half-brother since they had left the palace and he had told her he was 'sorry'. He never said sorry to anyone, but yet he had said it to something he despised the most: a human.

Inuyasha noticed Rin shiver and he looked at Sesshomaru to see if he would do anything. As usual he didn't.

" Why don't you give her more to wear than your haiori. It's getting pretty cold out here ya know."

" No."

Inuyasha looked astonished. She was supposed to be his mate and this is how he treated her?

" Why not? She clearly cold."

" Good."

" What!"

Sesshomaru knew the ways behind his actions, but he needn't share them if he didn't want to. Let him believe what his small mind did, he knew what he was doing and that was good enough.

" She's cold and you won't even hold her for warmth or place her near the fire? You are more cold hearted than I thought. She isn't strong, she's just afraid of you, no wonder she's so willing to do anything you ask!"

That sentence and every word that came from his brother's mouth angered Sesshomaru, but what had paced in his mind the most was the word fear.

Inuyasha felt a hand across his throat and laughed.

" She is and will never be afraid of me. She has better skills than you, who has only been in one epic battle and that being the one with Naraku. You Inuyasha had to have help to fight against a demon army. She and I level the playing field with our presence on the battlefield. You dare to tell me that she is afraid and weak when she was with child and decided to throw herself in front of a sword meant for me! Never speak of her with such ill!"

He dropped Inuyasha back down onto the ground and crossed his arms to his chest and again looked into the fire. Inuyasha cursed his brother under his breath but also crossed his arms. He had struck a serious cord with his brother's heart and wanted to know more.

" So, she took a blade for you, hugh?"

Sesshomaru said nothing, but he did nod his head.

" And you are telling me that she thinks she's your equal?"

" Yes."

" She's wishing."

Inuyasha heard a deep growl from his brother's throat and decided to stop talking. They sat there for a while not saying a word and Inuyasha watched, as Sesshomaru seemed to be in deep thought. What he was thinking Inuyasha had no idea about the thought as a whole, but he knew it was about Rin.

" So, why won't you cover her up? It's getting colder."

" She is strong and I seek for the lack of warmth to wake her naturally."

Inuyasha gave no reply. He did however see Rin shiver and wanted to help her, but she then began to stir and as her body moved against the grass. She made enough noise for Inuyasha to hear, but Sesshomaru just sat with his back towards her. Then, she opened her eyes.

As Rin came to her vision took sometime to clear, but it soon came into focus and she remembered everything that had happened before her world went black. She remembered the cold and then moments later a warmth of some kind. She looked past the blades of grass that clouded her vision and saw Inuyasha starring at her and then a back was what she concentrated on. It was Sesshomaru, but he wasn't doing anything. She knew he had heard her awaken.

Of course he didn't want to look at her, but she had awoken to his smell and noticed that she had been wearing his haiori. He wouldn't want her after what had happened and why should he? She was disgusting and shameful. She had hoped that he would take her back, but knew that soiled goods were something no one wanted.

Inuyasha looked at her and noticed she still held the same chocolate eyes that Kagome did. Then he noticed that Sesshomaru wasn't trying to comfort her, she looked distressed and scared, but yet he did nothing.

Rin felt gross and unwanted at that moment so she decided to take a bath in the warm waters from the cold air that brushed her body and let a chill hit her bones. She sat up and looked around; a forest. She loved the smell of Pine and dirt, it smelled so much like Sesshomaru. She stood up, but her legs had given out from ill use and she tried again. It took her a while to get her bearings and she soon did.

Rin began to walk off to find a stream but was stopped by a familiar deep voice.

" Where are you going?"

He didn't even look away from the fire to see that she was stepping away.

" To a stream to wash."

" There is one to your left a few yards from here."

" Thank you."

Inuyasha looked over at her and took something from his pocket.

" Here, Kagome wanted me to use it, but you can. It's organic soap, it's got flowers in it."

Rin bent down and took the bar from him, but not before she gave him a frontal view of her breasts. She smiled a weak smile and walked off toward the stream.

" Inuyasha, you have a mate do you not?"

" Yeah."

" You best keep your eyes on your own mates instead of another or you will soon be looking at the back of your eyelids."

" I wasn't lookin'."

Sesshomaru gave no reply, but he felt the need to protect her from every other male's wondering gazes.

Rin stepped into the water and untied the sash that closed the haori, that was way to big for her, to open her body to the luke warm waters and the sleeves fell from her arms as she stepped deeper into the water. It laid on the surface of the water and she turned to place it on the bank when she noticed that it had her blood all over it.

" His clothes."

Rin splashed over and grabbed the soap that she had been given from Inuyasha and began to scrub it clean.

" He doesn't want my disgusting blood on this beautiful cloth."

Rin felt disgusting and wanted to clean herself, but her instincts of younger years took over and she soon scrubbed the blood away and placed it on a low hanging tree branch to dry. She then proceeded to clean herself and scrubbed until her skin was red. She touched the spot where the Lord had taken Sesshomaru's mark from her.

Rin felt worthless and of no value whatsoever to Sesshomaru when she got out of the water and even though she was cold, she would be strong. She didn't care if he hated her now, she wanted to be strong for herself. She noticed that his haiori was still a little bit wet, so she held it upon her forearm and walked into camp.

Inuyasha was the first to catch her gaze. She had her head bowed as soon as she looked at him and he began to blush. She had walked into camp nude and she didn't care. Kagome would never do something like that, but yet it wasn't Kagome and Sesshomaru had a point and he cleared his throat to get his brother's attention and then turned his back.

Rin had known Inuyasha was embarrassed to look at her, but she waited for Sesshomaru to notice her and he did. She didn't care about her current position and only saught to give back to him what he owned. He was still taller than her evens when he sat, she stood beside him and his head was level with the lower half of her stomach.

He soon felt a presence standing over him and he never expected to see what he witnessed. He looked over to see a vision of her legs and then he looked up to see that Rin was standing in front of him nude.

" Rin, what are you doing?"

She said nothing to him, but she did reply as to hold out her arm and gave him his haiori, or at least tried to.

Her head and eyes were downcast as if she were still ashamed, as if it were her fault. It wasn't so why did she think it was? He had no clue, but he would find out later that on was good enough. Sesshomaru knew that she needed a day or two to hopefully recognize the full extent as to what had unfolded in the days past, so he would hold his questions until she decided to tell him.

" Rin."

She heard his low voice and knew that what had been spoken was a command for her to look at him she didn't want to let him see her cry or even look at her ugly face, but she needed to see him. True, she was afraid, but she decided to look at him.

When he saw her stomach the lines on her pelvis still were not gone and the cuts were healing as well. A nice job Tensseiga had done in reviving her. She still bore the physical signs, but the mental was fresh.

" I washed your haiori. There isn't a stain on it anymore."

She was still holding it in front of him expecting him to take it and tell her to leave. For some reason, his brother hearing him did not matter, it had been a long time since he had felt her soft skin against his own and he wanted to know if she was real.

Rin hadn't expected what was to come next, but with Sesshomaru she was the only one who could guess what he was about to do. Even though sometimes she was wrong, and this was one of them. She felt his arms snake around her legs and then they rested on the small of her back. She felt a small push and then skin to skin touch on her stomach.

He had to know and so he found out. He just wanted to touch her, but it turned into more of a longing to be near her and so he pressed his cheek to her stomach and held her there. Even though he was no where near her heart, he could hear it racing inside of her. But, he soon felt her hand stroke his hair as if she was reassuring him of her presence.

She had no idea why she was doing it, but she did. She felt herself running her fingers through his soft silver hair and loving the feel of it as well. And she felt his fingers rub circles onto her back as he spoke.

" I missed you."

Knowing Inuyasha was listening made no difference to both of them, but the words hit her heart like a stone. He missed her the same way she had missed him and it brought tears to her eyes.

Inuyasha heard his brother confess something no one else probably heard except for Rin. Many emotions were being shown from Sesshomaru when the conversation was about her, or she was around. It was amazing to what the heart of a human woman could do to melt some of the ice on the blackest of hearts.

Rin soon realized what she was doing and released his arms from around her and hit the ground with her palms clutching the grass and her knees slamming themselves into the ground. She felt her tears flow down her cheeks.

" I'm disgusting!"

He starred openly at her in amazement as he still sat there, shocked at what had just happened. One minute she was fine, but now she was emptying her heart.

" What?"

" I'm a disgusting whore! No one wants something that is spoiled. No one! So, why would you, the proud Lord of the Western Lands want anything as lowly as I? I am damaged goods that no one will want. If you want me to leave you, it's what I will do. If you want me dead, then please end me quickly."

Inuyasha snapped to attention at the notion of death, he had know his brother to cut down anything he thought to be lower than him. Now, Rin was lowering herself, which wasn't wise.

Kill her? What on Earth was wrong with her? She felt that he would want her.

" Rin."

She looked up at him as he stepped over to her and bent down to her eye level. He gripped her chin firmly in his grasp.

" You want me to end you life!"

" It's what you want."

" You seem to think you know what I want?"

She jerked her chin from his grasp and whispered softly.

" Nobody will want me anymore."

She was crazy, at least that was what Inuyasha was thinking as he heard it play out inside of his mind. Openly letting yourself into the wrath of Sesshomaru was crazy.

She was crying again and this angered him more than her prospect of wanting to be killed. He held her chin in his hand again and when she tried to get away he held her, even if it hurt her, he wanted her to listen.

" Rin do you love me?"

She looked into his eyes and saw no emotion, just like when she was little.

" You don't want me."

" That is not what I asked! Do you love me?"

Silence befell both of then and he felt tears hitting his fingers.

" Yes."

" And do you want to be with me forever. As well as be mine again?"

" Yes."

He then let go of her chin and he whispered into her ear so that the only thing Inuyasha heard was the crackling of the fire.

" Listen to me again Rin. I missed you."

She hated crying, but it wouldn't stop as she fell against his chest and cried. He wasn't expecting it, but she pushed him onto his back and he hit the ground with force.

" Rin, it's cold you should be covered up, now get up so I can give you my yukata."

" No."

" Rin."

" Ug ugh. I'm warm enough where I am. Please don't make me move."

Tears fell against his chest and she laid there until she cried herself to sleep.

When Inuyasha heard her heart beat level off; which meant she was asleep he turned around to see her still nude and lying on top of his brother who had his arms wrapped around her protectively. So many firsts for what he saw in one day and as many as he could handle. He saw that Sesshomaru was lightly sleeping as well, but knew he had to still be somewhat awake. So Inuyasha fell asleep to the breathing of a girl who made him dream of his own love for Kagome and thankful that nothing this drastic had and would never happen to her.

The next day went by smoothly enough, but not for Rin. She awoke to find that she had been moved onto the ground in the middle of the night yesterday, she didn't like it, but he had told her he would lay next to her the whole night and she used his yukata for warmth.

She walked behind Sesshomaru the whole distance of the day and never complained. She never looked up at him and kept her eyes on the ground. When he would ask her a question she would either nod her head or say 'no'. He hated for her to feel she was inadequate, but he would order her to stop, but she wouldn't.

The whole days journey was conducted in silence and he longed to hear her laugh and see her smile, but she just wouldn't do. Even if he asked she would give him nothing. They had passed by several fields of flowers, but she neither looked at them nor even picked one, as she was so found of doing.

Inuyasha felt bad for her. He had always remembered her as being happy and smiling, but now she seemed defeated and unsure of herself. She said nothing, which was unlike her. He remembered when she was younger and running around and smiling. Now she did nothing of the few times he saw her, but she was always happy being around Sesshomaru.

On this night it was thundering and the lightening streaked across the sky as the rain pelted down. There was no cave in sight, so they took cover in a large group of closely nit trees. They provided shelter adequate enough to keep out most of the drops that plagued the grass everywhere else, but the night soon caught up with them.

Inuyasha had tried to start a fire, but it wouldn't work. He tried sticks and rocks to spark a fire, but nothing seemed to help the water clogged pieces of wood and soft wet grass that the fire was to be built on.

Their eyes worked in the darkest of nights, put his poor Rin could only see when the lightening flashed. She had never been afraid of storms in her life except now she was to lay next to him, with her back also against the tree. They had always had the lite of the moon to guide their nighttime actions, or at least soft candle light, but the clouds blocked the moon's rays.

She heard the second burst of lightening enough to light her vision in which to see where Sesshomaru was positioned and leapt for his arms.

Poor Rin, Inuyasha noticed that she was shivering to death and she was cold. She was wearing Sesshomaru's yukata, but the haiori had no time to dry before the rain set in that day and so he wore nothing, except his pants, of course, which didn't seem to affect him at all.

He didn't feel anything until a wash of air came over him and then Rin came in contact with his body.

It had happened on a night like this, when the Lord of the South raped her. The shadows that lit up the trees in the flashes of light taunted her with thoughts of what he had done. She was so scared and with every flash that cracked it's way through the sky the shadows came closer. Rin thought they would go away, but when they almost touched her as the thunder made itself known again she had leapt into his arms.

Her arms hit his chest and her stomach to his, but he felt her knee him in the groin and for the first time he couldn't breath and began to cough.

" Rin."

She felt what she had done and Inuyasha felt sorry for him, but he did laugh out loud.

" I'm sorry, so sorry. Please I'll help."

" No!"

She was about to touch something he didn't want and he grabbed her hand and held it at bay. She heard his breathing soon ease and she began to cry.

" Rin."

" I'm sorry I was just scared."

" Rin I am going to need those if you wish to have another child."

He had said it to mean a joke but it hurt her because she rarely heard them from him. She started to cry into her hands and small sobs lifted to the air. She couldn't see anything, the memories of her rape came to haunt her and she had hurt her Lord. She felt him put his arms around her and she was put against his chest like she had wanted to in the first place.

Inuyasha could see his brother's actions and was again astonished. His brother was consoling someone.

" Rin."

She spread herself out over him and cried all of what she had been keeping inside.

" He was coming for me. I was just wanting to feel you touch my hand to know that I was safe. You wouldn't. He was coming for me!"

" Who?"

" Lord Mikano."

This statement enraged Sesshomaru to no extent the bastard even haunted her in the night. She felt him place his hand on the back of her head as she cried.

" What did he do to you Rin."

It wasn't a question, but she answered it and that made him proud.

" I tried to fight, I promise you, I tried, but he wouldn't stop!"

She was frantic for her breaths. He felt sorry for her. Rin couldn't see anything and she was scared, she felt the Lord of the South was after her, and she hated hurting him in anyway, which she had just done. She felt confused and alone.

" I tried to fight, but he wouldn't stop! He put me in a dungeon and everyday he would beat me to try and get me to say whether or not you had Tensseiga. I didn't say anything. Nothing. So, he persisted until he felt he had to go further. One night..."

She caught her breath in her throat and he waited for her to continue his mind was trying to follow her, but his heart wanted to revive the fool and kill him again and again for what he had done.

" One night... he..he.. he dragged me down the hall and took me to his room."

Inuyasha was hearing all of this and seeing her gasps for air and his brother rubbing her back to try and calm her down, which if she didn't do soon she would faint.

" He tried to make me like it, but I didn't. I closed myself to him but he punched me in the stomach and I didn't mean to, but my legs wouldn't hold together. He took the mark from my neck and every time I tried to get away he would beat me down and put me back onto the bed, when finally he had what he wanted. He took me from you. It was like this on that night, he made me his. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She was apologizing for something she had no control over. But yet, she was still trying to explain her actions to him. Rin didn't need to but for some reason she felt that she did.

" Rin, it isn't your fault."

" Yes! I should have went inside when I was supposed to and I should have just stayed away from picking pretty flowers that reminded me of you. They were white with gold around the edges, at least some of them were and I wanted to put some in a vase for our room, but I had to pick the stupid things. I'm such an idiot! I hate myself."

" Rin."

" I'm so stupid, ignorant, and weak."

" Rin!"

He hated that word to come or be used against her. She had used it against herself in defense of him and she thought it to be true. He hadn't meant to yell, but she wasn't weak by any means if she could give birth to a demon without dying then she was by no means weak.

She sat there shocked. He had yelled at her and she deserved it.

He had to calm himself before he spoke again.

" Rin, do not call yourself weak, do you understand?"

He had lifted her off of him and starred into her eyes. She felt anger rise in them and it was confirmed when the lightening allowed her to look within them and she felt his anger wash over her.

" Do you understand Rin?"

" Yes."

Her tears had cleared and she felt a little bit better.

" So, you don't think that I am weak?"

" Of course not."

" Why? I am human. In your eyes we are all weak."

He hated having his brother a few feat away and listening to and hanging on every word, but he would listen even if Sesshomaru had whispered. Emotions were never his strong point and they never would be, but he swallowed his pride to make her feel better. Since when did he sacrifice his own feelings for another? She would always make him feel inadequate and even though it would be sad to admit: she would always best him in the theory of emotions.

" You have always been the exception to my dislike of humans Rin."

Inuyasha wondered what he said to her when they were alone, but this was as far as he wanted to hear. But for some reason seeing his brother falter in matters of emotions made him feel proud that at least he could make Kagome feel better any time.

" Then why did he take me away from you?"

" Because Rin, no matter how hard you believe it to be untrue, a demon will always best you in matters of strength."

" Then why am I your equal?"

Straight from the horses mouth, if Inuyasha remembered Kagome saying one day. He had heard Sesshomaru say that she felt that way, but from her? She should never try to act as anyone's equal and certainly not Seshsomaru's. She was crazy.

" Rin, you are not my equal."

" Okay, okay almost."

For the first time that day what he longed for the most happened, she smiled and laughed.

Inuyasha smiled to himself as well. The girl certainly knew that Sesshomaru would never hurt her, except for the incident to save her back at the palace. Sesshomaru looked happy as well for her to at least be some what happy.

" Rin, go to sleep."

" But why did he..."

" He wished for you to break down and tell him what he needed to know and he made you believe that I wouldn't come, so he resorted to being a coward with beating and raping you."

She didn't say anything to that statement and fell against his chest as the nightmares fell from her thoughts as she drifted to her much needed state of rest. She was sleeping next to him tonight and not on him.

Inuyasha looked over to see Sesshomaru starring at him and smiled.

" What?"

" Nothing."

" What is it?"

" I just can't believe she thinks of you as her equal."

" She fights better than the demons in my army."

Inuyasha made one of his famous 'fehs' and looked away. This struck emotion in Sesshomaru again.

" You believe she is weak. Do I have to seek your throat again as before Inuyasha?"

" No."

" Then why do you scoff at her?"

" Because she is the only one that shakes your emotions."

" So."

" So, so she has been the only person to make you seem as if you have a heart!"

" Don't yell."

" See what I mean."

Inuyasha locked eyes with Sesshomaru and then Inuyasha looked away. Sesshomaru noticed that Rin was beginning to stir and wanted to kill his brother, but luckily for Inuyasha's sake she only wiggled and fell asleep again.

" She is a highly skilled warrior in my army. She is well adverse in matters of diplomacy and warfare. She can read and write in Japanese as well as speak Chinese, Latin and Turkish. She has become more than just a possession, she has become a companion to me."

Inuyasha felt the need to push his brother's confessions of the heart further.

" Yeah, but do you love her?"

Sesshomaru glared at him and gave no answer for a moment.

" Matters of the heart do not concern the likes of you."

" Whatever."

They both stayed on guard the whole night and neither one of them could sleep, except in the late hours of the night Inuyasha drifted off.

Inuyasha awoke the next morning to the sounds of clanking steel. He opened his eyes and noticed that the sound was coming from the deeper parts of the forest. After he had calmed Rin down and she had fallen asleep soundly to be moved he lowered her back from his arm and down onto the ground and kicked Inuyasha awake so that he could watch her.

Sesshomaru had smelled the scent of a human and went after him to find that he was a man of trade. He carried a sword in the pack he carried and Sesshomaru decided that it would be good enough for Rin to let out her anger and aggression on before they were home. And it was decent enough so he bought it for her.

Inuyasha got up and walked over to where the sounds were coming from and looked through the trees to see the two of them locked in a battle of who could beat the other.

They stood away from one another and Rin was heaving up and down.

" Rin, we are only half way done and you are already growing tired."

" They fed me, but I didn't want to eat it. It tasted bad and they only gave me enough to barely live off of."

He hadn't noticed how small she was until he had gotten a good look at her as she then glided over his head. Her legs where some what smaller than he had remembered and her legs weren't as much muscle as previously thought as well. She looked healthy, but she was already getting tired.

" Tensseiga heals the outside Rin, not the whole body."

" I know."

She was behind him he knew, but he still looked ahead as he spoke, but the breeze shifted to expose his brother.

" Inuyasha."

Damn he was found out, so he stepped out from behind the trees.

" Took ya' a while. I suppose you were more concentrated on the opponent."

" You wished to see what she is made of, correct Inuyasha?"

Rin couldn't believe what was happening between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, that was becoming a bet and a spectacle. She hated contests.

" So what."

" Then you shall. Your woman is a miko and uses sacred arrows, but she does not do close combat. Every ime you are in a battle you tell her to leave, correct?"

" Yeah, so she will be safe."

" She wouldn't need to run and you wouldn't have to worry about her if she could protect herself."

Inuyasha took that as a challenge and started to growl openly, and Sesshomaru knew that the challenge was taken.

What were they thinking making her some kind of performer for their tastes! Sesshomaru would get it later.

" Rin, show him."

He turned around to see her dumbfounded.

" Show him what?"

" Try and kill me."

" What?"

Inuyasha had heard that before, and had no idea that they sparred as a part of Rin's training.

" No."

" Rin. I know in training you do no such thing to try and kill me, but now I ask it of you. Try and kill me."

She was hesitant and just looked at him.

" See Sesshomaru she won't even go after you."

" That's only because she hates to hurt people she loves."

Rin made that statement because they had acted as if she wasn't there and they both looked over at her.

" Rin, show him what you have learned from me. I ask of you to try and kill me. Mean it."

" I can't hurt you physically."

" Why not?"

" Because I don't like killing people or demons alike. Even you I cannot harm."

" I know you don't Rin."

" Then why do I fight in wars?"

" For the same reason you love me. Because you like being beside me and protecting the lands that I own."

" But you are not my enemy."

She could be difficult sometimes, but now wasn't the time that he needed it. He walked up and touched her stomach and whispered into her ear.

" Rin try to kill me. I want to prove to Inuyasha that you are not weak by any means."

" Did he say that and why do you need a half-demons approval?"

" I don't know, I just have not intention of proving him to be right. You love me correct?"

" Yes."

" Then do this for me. I know your tired."

" Very tired."

She looked at him and he showed a glint of a smile in his eyes but kept a straight face.

" Do this, and you can sleep wherever you wish tonight."

He only let her sleep next to him if he approved of it when they were anywhere near, in or even around public areas. But in their bedroom was the only place she could hold him and chase after his arms in the middle of the night.

" As you wish."

And he immediately removed his hand from her abdomen, which was still fit like the rest of her. She ran to the opposite end of the forest and she looked at him.

" No practicing Rin."

She just shook her head and Inuyasha watched as she began to run forward.

Sesshomaru knew this was coming and that she was just testing whether or not he really meant that she was to try and kill him. Then, their swords locked with one another.

" I'm serious Rin you aren't trying. Let your anger go. You have kept it in the entire time we have traveled. Let go."