Authoress' Notes: Well, hooray for me for finally getting off my ass and writing something. Anywho, I bet thousands of you guys out there probably got PM: TTYD for X-mas (if not before) and if you did, then you're in for a real treat! Like the plucky little plumber, Pikario will also journey to the outskirts of the Shroomish Kingdom, looking for Peach (AGAIN) with his friends (The Magnificent Seven, they'll call themselves later on) and then he'll do a lot of crap inbetween. Plus, there'll be some references from P&C: PSS in here, too. There's one when Chuigi gets a letter from the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom, lol. So, enough rambling, and on with the show! BTW, for all the idiots out there, college rule is a type of paper, lol.
College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
Prolouge: A Bastard's Welcome!
It was a beautiful day in the Shroomish Kingdom that we all sorta, kinda know. Everyone was having a kinda, sorta good day and... etc. Parakarry walked painfully slow toward Pikario & Chuigi's recently charred house, an explosive result of Chuigi's "Hey, let's commit arson on some random loser's house and then put it out with gasoline!"idea. The two somehow ended up trying that out in their own living room.
Shaking his head, Parakarry put the mail in. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" he bellowed. "MAIL CALL! MAIL CALL! COME OUT AND GET YOUR MAIL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GAY AND THINK I MEAN MALE, AS IN A GUY MALE, BECAUSE I DON'T!!!!"
Appearing at the door, Chuigi waved a shoe at the Squirtle. "Damn it, Parakarry, stop coming to our house, with all your crappy junk mail! WE DON'T WANT IT!"
He threw the shoe at the departing turtle's head, knocking him unconscious. Shrugging, he went out to get his mail, stepping on Parakarry's head on the way out and back in.
"Yo, Pikario! We got some mail! Get your ass out here so we conviently read it together!" Chuigi barked at his older brother.
Pikario stormed through the door. "What did I tell you about getting the mail?! There's a gun right over there! Always shoot the guy who delivers it so they'll stop coming here!"
"Shut up! I was tired..." Chuigi glared at Pikario, then went through their mail. "Lessee, junk, junk, bill, lawsuit, lawsuit, 'Greetings from Hoogivezahkrap--' that one's mine...!" Chuigi quickly put the note away, then continued. "junk, lawsuit, hate letter, bill, and a letter from Peach."
"Gimme that!" Pikario snatched the letter from Chuigi, who just sweatdropped. He began to read the message:
Dear Pikario & Chuigi, but more towards Pikario,
I got tired from being bored in the castle all day, so I decided to go on a vacation! But I decided to vacation here in the Shroomish Kingdom so that we don't have to go through that whole 'getting my voice stolen and stuff'! Yaysies for me! But, while in this freaky town, Ifound this freaky box from this freaky guy and when I opened it, guess what was inside! A FREAKY PAPER! I don't know what the hell it says, so I sent it in this letter to see if you can figure it out!
Toodles, Princess Peach of the Shroomish Kingdom!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pikario frowned up. "Damn it, Peach! Knowing her, it's probably another lawsuit she found by accident! Chuigi, quick, flush it down the toilet and closethe blinds! We're not home!"
Chuigi cocked his head at the paper Peach sent in the letter. "No, Pikario,I don't think this is a lawsuit... looks like a map or something." He turned to so Pikario could see it.
"Whaddya know, it IS a map!" Pikario looked at it upside down.
"Maybe we should, like, go, or something," Chuigi suggested.
Pikario smirked and walked out the door. "Maybe I should just go and you can stay here and watch the house!"
Chuigi stood at the door, watching Pikario step on Parakarry and walk out of sight. "Oh, yeah, Pikario! Like the freaking house is really going to do something! What's gonna do, fucking WALK AWAY?!"
As if on cue, the burnt house suddenly stood up on four wooden legs and promptly strolled away!
Chuigi stared blankly off into space. "..."
And so, HE WAS OFF! Yes, Pikario was off to the town where Peach had said she was currently staying so he could straighten her out about when and when not to send him stuff! He took a boat out to the town on the back of the map, but he slept the whole way there, because he didn't want anyone to know how to get there just in case he needed a spot to leave his cares (and brother) behind.
Upon arriving, the Shroomish driving the boat was faced with 2 problems: 1) How to wake Pikario up and 2) how to get him off the ship. Each one of those objectives alone was practically a murder sentence to him.
Reluctantly, he shook the Pikachu awake. "Um, sir..."
"No...not yet, Chuigi..." he mumbled. "We're not back in an hour..."
The Shroomish sweatdropped. "Excuse me?"
"WHA?!" Pikario sat straight up and grabbed the Shroomish. "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY COMPELL YOU TO WAKE ME?!?!?!"
"Sorry, sir, but the boat has docked, and..."
"Great." Putting the Shroomish down, he calmly walked off the ship and onto the pier. "Don't wait up for me; I'm not coming back."
The Shroomish sweatdropped. "But, sir... how will you get back home...?"
Pikario narrowed his eyes. "I repeat: DON'T. WAIT. UP. FOR. ME. I'M. NOT. COMING. BACK!"
"Ok, then," the Shroomish backed the boat up and left, somehow steering it backwards!
"Now, where the hell is Peach? She's never around when I need her..." Pikario pondered.
"Ahoy, laddie!" a random Voltorb with an eyepatch and a scarf around its head shouted.
Pikario scratched his head. "Are you supposed to be a pirate or a sailor?"
"..............?" the Voltorb obviously didn't know!
Rolling his eyes, Pikario asked the Voltorb an easier question. "Do know where we are?"
"Sure! We in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!" the ball replied.
"..................................No, I'm NOT to make a transition out of that," Pikario finally concluded.
"HEY, GET AWAY! OW, THAT HURT! NO, NOT THERE! ANYWHERE BUT THERE!!!!!!!!!"
Pikario turned toward the sound. "What the fuck was that?"
The Voltorb shrugged. "Ah, probably just some poor dame getting raped again. Y'know that's the 10th one today! A NEW RECORD!"
"Really? Cool!" Pikario bolted over to the mainland to catch all the action. The Voltorb was right; it was some poor female Pikachu getting harassed by a Metang and 2 Beldums, although the rape hadn't taken place yet.
"Listen!" the female demanded. "Leave me alone or I'll...I'll... I'll do something!!!"
The Metang laughed. "Bhuh huh huh huh! Ah, why am I laughing?! This isn't funny! This is bad! Gimme the damn map so I can really laugh over something!"
"I don't have the damn map!" the Pikachu retorted.
Watching the ordeal, Pikario found the Pikachu to be quite sexy-looking. She was nice and slender, an inch or two shorter than him. Her ears were pink-tipped and she had a long ponytail and multiple bangs around her head. She had a fluffy pink fur collar around her neck and a pink underbelly with the bottom of tail pink, instead of brown, like the 2 stripes on her back. Her eyes were blue and her arms were also dabbled in a wavy pink. Yes, very sexy indeed, but she was too smart for Pikario's tastes; he liked naive girls a bit better.
"Come on, woman! Just give me the map and we can all laugh... LIKE THIS!!!! Bhuh huh huh huh huh!!!" the Metang said.
"That's a dumb laugh anyway!" she said back.
Getting bored, Pikario stepped in. "Hey, um, can you hurry up and get this over with? I have things to do, you know!"
Seeing her chance, the female hid behind him. "Look, see! My boyfriend has come to help me!"
Pikario did a double take. "BOYFRIEND?!" He pushed the female away. "Sorry, I'm unavailable right now... wait until I get drunk then come see me!"
"Hey! You! Guy! You can't, you know, DO THAT! IT'S GO TIME!" the Metang shouted, jumping at Pikario!
ENTER BATTLE MODE! HEY, NO ONE'S IN THE AUDIENCE!
"Now, what?!" Pikario graoned.
"Just kill this guy! I don't care how! Shoot him, bite him, eat him, PEE ON HIM! DO SOMETHING!" the girl barked.
"Shut up, you! Who are you to tell me what to do, woman?!" Pikario barked back!
The other Pikachu was outraged! "WOMAN?! You DARE disrespect me?!"
"Hey, if you guys are done over there, I'd like to KILL YOU!" So, the Metang, ran... no FLEW over to flatten Pikario!
"If I had half a mind, I'd give you a piece of it!" Pikario threatened.
"That doesn't even make any sense!" the girl spat.
Pikario swung his fists around as a threat, not knowing he hit the charging Metang in the face, defeating him!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! WE NEED A FREAKING AUDIENCE!
"Well, that was easy..." Pikario mused.
The Metang rubbed his slightly injured nose thing. "Bhuh huh huh huhugh! Oh no! It's laughs to hurt, I mean hurts to laugh! That's really bad! So, um, you there! Guy! Your death time is now!"
Just then, a whole lot of Beldums appeared and surrounded the 2 Pikachus! There were hundereds, thousands, millions, BILLIONS! So many in fact, that some of them were even falling off the pier because it was so crowded!
"Ok, guys, now it's time to GIVE HIM THE FINISHMENT PUNISH! ...or something like that... I dunno, just kill him..." the floating Steel thing trailed off.
Boy, oh boy! Did the Beldums fly! It was, like, raining Iron Balls! Metal, Steel, Iron; IT WAS INSANE! THEY WERE EVERYWHERE! Of course, it didn't really matter much what it was, since everyone was running into each other and killing themselves.
"Holy crap! What a bunch of losers!" the girl Pikachu calmly walked out of the melee, unharmed, with Pikario following. The two went up the stairs and into town, but not before Pikario hit one of the many Beldums on the head just for kicks!
About an hour later, the assholes finally stopped mutilating each other and came to a complete stop!
"What the fuck?! Where are the rats?! Did they evaporate underneath our ruthless attacks, or what?!" the Metang wondered. "Johnson, did you see them?!?!"
"Well, yeah," a random Beldum responded, obviuosly Johnson. "they, like, escaped about an hour ago!"
"WHAT?! Why didn't you say something?!"
"....SO, I LIKE FREE-FOR-ALLS! SUE ME, WHY DON'T YA?!" Johnson explained.
"Well, crap! This IS NOT something to laugh at!" the Metang concluded!
So, there they were! IN town, or the middle of it, at least. It was actually called Da Middle of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard. The female Pikachu decided to introduce herself to Pikario!
"Ok, that was freaky, but um, yeah! The name's Pikella; one chuckle and I swear I'll kill you," she threatened.
"That's no way to talk to someone who accidentally saved your life!" Pikario kinda threatened back.
Pikella scoffed. "Whatever. Anyway, what's that thing?" she pointed to Pikario's map.
"Oh, this?" he asked, holding up the map. "Probably some junk my girlfreind sent me."
"Girlfriend? Aw..." Pikella whined. "I wanna be your girlfriend!"
Pikario sweatdropped. "Sorry, too late! Already caught myself a nice, big Raichu. She's a lot more appealing than you are, lady!"
Pikella glared at Pikario. "...Fine, then. But, lemme see that map."
"Here take it; IT'S JUNK!" Pikario tossed it at her.
Studying it carefully, Pikella realized something! "Wow, this is the map to The Very Old Door Thingy!"
"The Very Old Door Thingy?" Pikario snickered. "Did you make that up? Awesome name!"
"No! That's its real name! The people who made it were very unproductive." she explained.
Pikario crossed his arms. "Still, it's a pretty cool name. Better than something stupid like The Thousand-Year Door, or something."
Pikella gave the map back to Pikario. "That's besides the point. You have the map, so that means you're going to find the legendary treasure!"
"Yeah, the only legendary treasure I need is a nice long hour alone with Peach..."
Pikella frowned. "Wait... Peach? PRINCESS Peach?!"
"Duh." Pikario stuck his tongue out.
"Oh my gosh! You must be Pikario!" Pikella concluded.
"Once again, duh." Pikario stuck his tongue out again.
"Wow. Totally wow." Pikella smiled. "The great Pikario is gonna be my boyfriend!"
Pikario shook his head, smirking. "No, the great Pikario is NOT gonna be your boyfriend."
Pikella gritted her teeth, but faked a smile. "Yeah....sure thing.... heehee...anyway, I should probably follow you around from now on!"
"No way; you're just trying to stalk me. I don't need you!" Pikario claimed.
Pikella smiled. "Fine then, but you don't know your way around this side of the Shroomish Kingdom like I do! You'll end up getting lost and then you'll never find you're precious Princess!"
".....Fine, then," Pikario finally gave in. "But the second we find Peach, you're outta here!"
"Yay! I'm with Pikario!" Pikella bounced up and down.
Pikella Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His First New Partner! Yay!
Name: Pikella
Gender: Female
Pokemon: Pikachu
Attitude: Sassy/Bitchy
Ability: Tattling and Ratting Out Others
Met At: Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!
Pikella is very smart and sassy and kind of a bitch sometimes, but you'll get used to it! She know all of the Pokemon, places, things, items, etc., so you could say she just a little busybody or an eavesdropper! Other than telling on people, she can basically do things a normal Pikachu can do; Electrocute and shock things!
And That's All You Basically Know About Your Parnter!
"Hey, Master Mario!"
"That can only be Shroomsworth; one of the few idiots around here who doesn't know my name." Pikario sighed in annoyance.
Shroomsworth walked up, of course, looking slightly aggravated. "Mario, the Princess is gone, but I don't feel like keeping up with her ass, so you go and find her!" And with that, he checked in at the local hotel.
"Damn, you Shroomsworth for not keeping up with my woman!" Pikario growled.
Pikella smiled. "Maybe that's a good thing..."
"Shut up! You will help me find her! NOW!"
"Ok, ok, maybe I can ask Professor Franklyidunno where she is. He might've seen her." she mused. "By the way, he looks like this!"
"....." Pikario just looked at her.
"......" Pikella stared back.
".......I don't get it...."
Pikella sighed and walked off, "Just follow me..."
And the two walked off, passing 2 random Psyducks getting their asses kicked by a pair of Piantas. And they continued to walk entering Da East Side of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, running into a random Meowth Bandit, trying to steal coins, but Pikario socked him in the nose, so he wasn't much of a problem. Soon, they came to a house and Pikellaand Pikariowent in, seeing an old, withered Pikachu with glassesburied in thousands of books. Upon seeing Pikella, he perked up.
"Eh? Huh? Who?! WHAZZAT?! THEIVES! RUFFIANS!! SCONDRIELS!!!" he yelled, alarmed.
"Calm down, Prof., it's me, Pikella..."
"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND THAT OTHER GUY, TOO! THAT'S PIKARIO! I MAY BE OLD, BUT I AIN'T CRAZY, HEAR?!?!?!" the elder Pikachu exclaimed.
Pikella sweatdropped. "Sure..."
Pikario frowned. "Who's this loon?" he asked, pointing.
The Pikachu adjusted his glasses. "I'M PROF. FRANKLYIDUNNO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE PEACH IS, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE HERE FOR THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY, SO LET'S GO UNDER THE PIPES!!"
So, the dysfunctional little old Pikachu went outside, broke a fence and went down a pipe, Pikario and Pikella following in confusion. Once down, the pipes, 3 rouge Pikachus spotted Pikella and started hitting on her!
"I like the ya move it right thurr!" one of them shouted.
"Hey, baby! Hang with us and we'll show you our plungers!" the other one called.
"Yeah! Heh hee!" the nerdy one added. "And they're brand new! We just got them from Wal-Mart!"
Pikella simply took out her can of mace and sprayed them all, letting the group continue.
So, after getting lost about 1,357,489,574,389 times, the group found a black key! Then a black box! Then Pikario got cursed with the ability to fly! This scene would be preferably skipped, due to the incorrect usage of the word"cheese". Things got pretty ugly after that. And it would totally make this fic rated XXXXXXXXXXX and X so, um, it was censored and stuff. Anyway, they eventually got to The Very Old Door Thingy!
Pikella sighed. "Ah, it's so big and mysterious!"
"And stinky! And old!" Pikario added, holding his nose.
"SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YA!" Franklyidunno commanded. "FOLLOW ME!"
He walked over to the middle of the room and motioned for Pikario to follow, which he did. Pikario got onto the podium thing and it started to SHINE! And SPARKLE! And FLASH! And TWINKLE LIKE NEVER BEFORE!
WHOOSH!
SPARKLE!
GLITTER!
BLING-BLING!
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Afterwards, Pikella rubbed her head. "What the hell was that?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Franklyidunno responded.
Pikario looked at the map. "Looks like some freaky castle with a star in it!"
"The Diamond Crystal Star!" Pikella shouted.
"QUICK, TO THE BATCAVE!" Franklyidunno shouted.
DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! BATMAN!
Sorry, wrong reference...
Anyway, back at Franklyidunno's place, he explained some stuff to Pikario and Pikella about the evil and dark mysterious power that took that destroyed the town 1,000 years ago, blah, blah, blah, and the Crystal Stars, blah, blah, blah andabout how to fight andabout how to bake some ass-kicking graham crackers! Yum! After giving Pikario a special badge that made him more of an ass-kicker, they set off to the Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers again, looking for their new destination: PeachyKeenburg! After getting lost only about 186 times, Pikario and Pikella made it to a waterlogged part of the Sewers, a long tentacle sticking out of the water.
Pikella looked at the tentacle. "Eww... it looks all squishy. Why don't you hit it with your hammer, or something?"
"Oh, yeah!" Pikario whipped out his hammer, completely not remembering that he had it. He whacked the tentacle with it, causing it to pull back into the water... then a giant Blooper came out! AHHHHHHH!
"Bloopbloopblooooopbloop!" it rampaged.
"What'd it say?" Pikario whispered.
"Hell if I know," Pikella whispered back.
This made the Blooper madder. "BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"
ENTER BATTLE MODE! LOOK 3 SQUIRTLES IN THE FRONT ROW!
The Blooper hung up side down on the roof of the stage! "Bloopbloopbloopblooooooooooop!" it said!
"Eh..." Pikella got out a book. "'Name is Blooper, it's really a Tentacruel, had long tentacles, sprays you with ink, and makes a great dish of kalamari?' Isn't that octopus?"
"Doesn't matter!" So, Pikario used a Thunderbolt on the thing and killed it instantly! This made the crowd happy, even though someone thorugh a beer bottle on stage!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! 5 SQUIRTLES, 2 VICTREEBELS, 6 PIKACHUS, AND A CUBONE! SUPER!
Defeated, the Blooper somehow flew away, like all evil squids do when killed. Pikario and Pikella hopped across the strangely moving platforms in the water and progressed to the Warp Pipe! Thus, ends the Prologue of "College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!"
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Authoress's Notes: Wow, that was wicked and very long! I tried to make it a lot like the real "PM:TTYD", with a little bit of Pikario's humor thrown in, you know, like the F.Y.I. on your partner when you first meet him or her. And the "END OF CHAPTER" thing, even though this was really a Prologue. Like I've said a 1,000 times before, (Heh. 1,000) if you don't know who's who, go to Mario the Great Wobbuffet's profile and she'll tell you, K? K! Now, I'm going to go take a bath now, since I've kinda been meaning to for the past few days, lol. R&R! C ya! BTW, I only own the original Pokemon characters in this fic, like Pikella and not Goombella, and Prof. Frankyidunno, not Prof. Frankly.
