Authoress' Notes: Well, here's Chapter 3 for ya, one of my favorite chapters in the game. I'd like to thank Neutron Mario Fan for thinking up such an awesome name for Glitzville! I was originally going to call it "Bling-Blingsville", but I'll work that joke into the plot somewhere later.
College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
Chapter 3: Of Glitz, Shits, and Glory!
After finding out about Pikella's condition, everybody went to Flurrie's house to figure out what to do about it! ...Like it really mattered what they'd do about it in the first place...
Pikario paced the floor. "I knew it! It was a scheme all along!"
"It wasn't a scheme, Pikario! It just...happened!" Pikella sighed, sitting on a couch.
"Well, you two did share a bed..." Squirt added, nervously.
"EXACTLY!" Pikario pointed out! "It must've happened while I was under... Horny Hypnosis!"
DUN DUNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Flurrie sweatdropped. "Come again?"
"Horny Hypnosis!" Pikario repeated! "It's a disorder I have where sometimes, when I don't have sex for a long time, I get horny in my sleep..."
Squirt hid behind Flurrie. "You see? What scary people I know!"
"Pikario, I have to admit, that's a bit... harsh..." Flurrie huffed.
"What do you know? Are you still a virgin?" Pikario spat.
Flurrie was outraged! "That is none of your business!"
"Well, Pikario," Pikella swooned! "this means we're really lovers now!"
Pikario lowered his ears. "Haven't you ever heard of single mothers?"
Pikella got mad! "WHAT?"
Tra la la la la! Everybody went back to the Very Old Door Thingy, did the shiny stuff and shit, then went back to Franklyidunno's place for directions!
Franklyidunno slammed a book down on his desk! "Ah ha! The next Star is in Glitzville Shitsville, a freaking flying town! It's called that because a lotta snooty people place bets on fighters to win shit, but they never do! And DEAR GOD, Pikella! You have gotten FAT!"
Pikella rolled her eyes. "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!"
"You little bitch!" Frannyidunno threw a book at the wall! "You're not even out of college yet! Who do you think you are, going off and having kids?"
Pikella sweatdropped. "If they're Pikario's, I'll be fine... and rich! Pikario's a SuperStar!"
"I'm leaving the country..." Pikario said, quietly.
"That's what they all say! Anyway, go talk to Don Pianta, cause he's got the shit!" Frannyidunno threw them out!
Then, Chuigi appeared! "Yo, Bro! I am so one step closer to getting laid!"
Pikario looked away. "Fuck off, Chuigi..."
Chuigi bounced around! "Dude! I went to the Wutevah Volcano and did some shit, found a Blooper and threw him at some giant statue! I got a Compass Piece Thingy from it!"
"That's just so nice for you..." Pikario replied, sarcastiscally.
"Shaddup, Chuigi!" Blooey interrupted. "You know that I did all of the hard work! All you did was get drunk and fall into the lava!"
"I DIDN'T FALL INTO THE LAVA!" Chuigi rampaged!
Blooey sighed! "Then explain why your ass is toasted..."
Chuigi sweatdropped, but he didn't turn around! "Well, you fell in, too!"
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU MISSED WHEN YOU THREW ME AT THAT DAMN STATUE!" Blooey shouted, squirting Chuigi with a Water Gun.
"Let's get outta here," Pikario whispered to his group, as they ran away!
So, everybody went to "Da West Side", with Pikario feeling especially excited! On the way there, he even knocked some random Shroomish out of the way because she said he stepped on her contact lens, even though he probably didn't! Then, he went to buy some shit at the local sotre, cause he was hungry, but he somehow ended up in Don Pianta's office! Sweet!
Tony stomped the ground! "HALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLT!"
Vinny slapped him! "SHUT UP! We're only 'spose ta do sumtin' when da Boss sayz so!"
Don Pianta sat up! "So, uh... wut iz da likes of youse doin' down here on Da West Side? Dis be muh turf, bitches!"
"Well, we need a passport to... um, Glitzville Shitsville?" Squirt wondered!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the evil ducky/pineapple thingy said! "Ise only do dese kinda tings fo' old friends... AND ROBOT CHICKEN! BWAHAHAHA!
Pikella scratched her head. "Well, this is going nowhere fast..."
"Hey, you!" Don Pianta pointed at Pikella, talking to Pikario. "Youse got a loaded dame! And youse da daddy?"
Pikario shook his head quickly. "What the hell? Of course I'm no..."
Don Pianta rubbed his chin. "Youse got kids on da way, sose I'll spare youse! Maybe... we can woik dis ting out?"
"...yeeeah..." Pikario shifted his eyes around the room. "Yep, she's loaded, all right!"
"I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with me..." Pikella sneered.
Pikario pushed her out of the way! "Oh, nevermind her! You know how stupid women get sometimes!"
Pikella was pissed to the max, but she didn't do anything!
"Well, den! Ise needs you ta look fo' muh girl, Francesca! I tink she ran off wit' Frankie, muh best bodyguard, and he could be rapin' her!"
Squirt rolled his eyes. "Where have I heard that before...?"
So, off they went... AGAIN! They searched high and low and FINALLY, after all their efforts, Pikario and friends found two Piantas down at the docks! Whoo-dee-damn-doo! AGAIN!
Francesca pouted. "Damn it! Where the hell is the boat? Daddy will be so pissd if we don't get the hell outta here, Frankie!"
Frankie shrugged. "But my little buttermilk buttered biscuit, with melted cheese an' honey, with a little dash of pepporoni an' some of dose lil' shrimp tingnies an' some freshly baked fries on da side, topped off with a nice, juicy chocolate melted shake, with one of dem cherries at da top, do youse tink we should be doin' dis?"
Francesca sweatdropped. "Yes..."
"Okay then, my soft, yummy piece of sweet pizza, with extra cheese an' sauce, an' sushi along wit' it, not ta mention da strawberry yogurt an' da big, ripe watermeleon, full of da juices dat flow from my heart into yours!" Frankie said.
Just then, Pikario appeared! "Hey lady, he's totally gonna cheat on you..."
Francesca got mad! "Hey, did Daddy send you to come and get us?"
"Yeah," Pikario answered, getting slapped into the ocean!
"DON'T YOU DARE TELL DADDY, OR I'LL RIP YOUR PENIS OFF!" Francesca warned, threatening to slap Pikario's ass again!
"Holy shit! This woman's serious!" Pikario freaked, climbing out! "RUN AWAY!"
Well, that was a big waste of time! Anyway, somehow or another everybody ended up back at Don Pianta's place!
"Did youse find muh girl?" Don asked!
Pikario hid behind the table! "Yeah, and she's trying to leave with that other guy, but she said she'll rip my penis off! And I'm not done with it!"
"Oh, such madness," Flurrie sighed.
Just then, Francesca stormed in with Frankie! "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"
"Damn it all to hell, Francesca! Youse in big trouble!" the Don said!
"Daddy! Take me!" Francesca begged!
"No, Boss! Take me!" Frankie also begged!
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!"
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!"
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!" Don silenced everyone in da room! "Francesca, Frankie, do wutever da hell youse want! I don't care anymore! Mr. Pikachu guy, here's ya damn ticket! Tony, Vinny, stop picking your noses! NOW EVERYONE GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"
So, that settled it! Francesca and Frankie ran off to somewhere, Pikario and company took the blimp to Glitzville Shitsville, and Tony and Vinny decided to buy some tissues so they would stop picking their noses! YAY! PROGRESSION!
Everyone eventually ended up at Glitzville Shitville! Yay for them in completing their strange and confusing task!
"Yikes!" Pikario squinted, getting off the blimp. "Damn, why the hell is it so bright up here?"
"Maybe because the sun is, like, 2 feet away," Pikella suggested!
"This place is way too close to the ozone layer! My shell is gonna burn!" Squirt whined!
Just then, Pikario noticed something! "Quick! Let's get inside that big building so the sun won't kill us!"
So, everyone ran inside the big building, only to see that it was a fighting arena of some sort!
"Kickass! Finally, the Star is in a place where Ican have some FUN!" Pikario rejoiced!
Squirt trembled. "Fighting is scary..."
"And dirty..." Flurrie groaned.
"And boring..." Pikella yawned.
"And kickass!" Pikario added, running into the stadium!
And boy, oh, boy! It was HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! There were, like, a billion Pokémon all over the place! And it was loud! And big! And... um, there were stripper Pikachus walking around the stage! It was like the freaking WWF, or something!
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE WE ARE, FOLKS!" A Totodile refree on stage shouted! "Rawk Hawk is gonna totally pwn this loser's ass!"
All of a sudden, a Blaziken kicked an unfortunate Squirtle in the nuts, sending him to the floor with a crash!
The poor Squirtle groaned! "Gah! My balls..."
"See? Told ya!" the Totodile spat! "Rawk Hawk, how's it feel to totally pwn a loser's ass 3,298,439,403 times on a row?"
Rawk Hawk grabbed the microphone! "IT'S GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! RAWK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! This bitch shouldn't have messed wit' da RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! Next time he comes back, I'll personally rip BOTH his balls off!"
The Totodile bounced up and down! "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHEEEEEE! What a threat! Well, here's the fucking Champion's Belt!"
So, Rawk Hawk got the fucking Champion's Belt, but Pikella noticed something!
"Wait a minute! On the Belt! That's the Gold Crystal Star that's supposed to be here!" she pointed out.
Pikario obviously wasn't listening, as he was shouting for Rawk Hawk to rip someone's balls off!
Pulling Pikario away, Pikella joined everyone else outside! "Pikario! We need to fight for that Belt!"
"Hell no! I want to watch that guy rip balls off, not lose mine!" Pikario barked!
"He looks big and scary..." Squirt whimpered.
"Pikario, you guys have to fight for that Belt, or we won't ever find Peach!" Pikella nagged.
Pikario noticed something. "Wait a minute... Why aren't you fighting?"
"BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT, DUMBASS!" Pikella bellowed!
So, Pikario snuck into the back to try and talk to someone so he could register to fight and bust some heads! He soon came upon the Totodile refree's room! And there was a Breloom lady in there, too!
Seeing Pikario, the Totodile sat up in his chair! "So, wut's up son? What'cha doin' here?"
"I wanna sign up and bust some heads... and asses!" Pikario answered!
The Totodile bounced on his desk! "Finally! A real fighter with real spunk! Jolene, you asshole! Don't just stand there; do something!"
"Like what, Sir?" the Breloom sighed.
"SIGN HIM UP, YOU BITCH! If you're not going to be a prostitute, then you'd better be good at something or I'll kick your ass but good!" he warned!
Flurrie sweatdropped. "Even the refree is mean..."
"That's right, I'm mean! By the way, the name's Grubba; call me by anything else, and I'll shove a dried turd down your pants!" the little Totodile threatened!
"So, now what?" Pikario wondered.
"Well, first you need a name," Grubba explained.
"Pikario," the hero plainy said!
Grubba shook his head. "Nah, too out-there. What about...uh... Gonzales!"
"What about Crotch Killer?" Pikario joked.
"THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SON!" Grubba danced!
Squirt shrugged. "And now?"
Grubba smiled. "Aw, this part's easy, son! Just go follow Jolene the Idiot over there and kick some ass!"
Jolene sighed and walked out the door. "Follow me..."
So, Jolene told everybody the rules and lead them to the Rookie's Locker Room, then she went on about how she used to be a prostitute, but quit because she found a little something she liked to call "Common Sense"!
After she left, Pikario went to the thingy to sign up with! Grubba came on the screen!
"Hey, Crotch Killer! You're gonna fight some stupid Goombas!" he ordered, before leaving!
"This is so exciting!" Pikario thought outloud!
"Exciting? Listen up, G money! I'm King K, the big dawg 'round here. 'Sup, my main man?" He gave Pikario some skin!
"Sweet, man. Is this place the shit?"
KK smiled. "It's that and a bag 'a chips!"
"Kickin'," Pikario smirked.
Pikella layed down. "Well, I'm staying here until you guys win, or something."
"Look, the guard!" Flurrie pointed out, as the guard came in to get Pikario!
"Yo, Crotch Killer! Ass-kicking time!" he ordered!
"That's you, stupid!" KK snorted.
So, Pikario, Flurrie, and Squirt went on to the stage to fight the stupid Goombas! There were lotsa people, like before, and the strippers were still prancing about, holding up signs like, "Orange Juice: The Silent Killer!"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEERE WE ARE AGAIN!" Grubba shouted! "We have a newcomer here today, so please welcome... THE CROTCH KILLERRRRRRRRRR!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"GO, MAN, GO! GO, MAN, GO! GO, MAN, GO!"
Squirt shivered. "Wow... cheers for us?"
"That's cause we pwn this place!" Pikario responded!
"And over here, we have the stupid Goombas, who could get beaten by a hairbrush," Grubba mumbled.
The Goomba Bros. were outraged! "Hey! We deserve better than that!"
"Yeah, right," Pikario scoffed, somehow throwing Flurrie at the Goombas! Her fat ass killed them!
"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! THE GREAT CROTCH KILLER WINS BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS!" Grubba announced!
Ah, you guys know the deal: Pikario kept kicking ass and fighting until...
"Sup, man?" KK greeted Pikario, eating a hot dog!
Squirt sniffed it! "Hmm, smells good. Where'd you get it?"
"Outside," KK took a bite. "Man, that bitch has got some kickin' hot dogs!"
"Well, I'm getting hungry..." Squirt mumbled.
"Well, let's get some, dammit!" Pikario sped out the door with Squirt!
Flurrie pouted. "Oh, such vile food! Right, Pikella?"
"When I'm sleeping, I don't talk..." Pikella grumbled from underneath the covers!
Meanwhile! Outside, Pikario and Squirt were deciding on what the hell to get!
"Let there be hot dogs!" Squirt demanded!
"I want some pork rinds!" Pikario shouted!
Mr. Hoggle sighed. "For the last time, I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING PORK RINDS!"
Pikario got mad! "Oh, shit!"
Just then, an egg popped out of nowhere! And it was like, bouncing and shit!
"Your egg is running away..." Pikario bluntly pointed out!
Mr. Hoggle turned around and freaked out! "Oh, shit!"
And so, IT BEGAN! Mr. Hoggle, Pikario, and Squirt began chasing that damn egg all over Glitzville Shitsville! They chased it through the shop, through the juice bar (which Pikario got wasted in!), then finally, the damn thing went to sleep on top of Mr. Hoggle's stand! What the hell?
"Damn it..." Mr. Hoggle grunted, leaving. "You guys can have it; probably possesed, anyways..."
"Great!" Pikario declared, climbing on top of the stand! Squirt climbed up, too and they started fighting over the egg!
"Damn it, Squirt! I'm hungry! And when I get hungry, bad things happen!" Pikario growled!
"But I want this egg! You wanted pork rinds!" Squirt whined!
Pikario dropped the egg! "Well, I changed my mind!"
The egg got up!
Pikario frowned. "What the hell?"
The egg bounced up and down! It obviously wanted to be with Pikario for some stange reason!
Squirt got down on the ground. "Oh, nevermind. I'll just have a salad!"
Pikario grabbed the egg and walked back to the locker room. "After I clean this bastard off, it's lunch time!"
Due to the fact that Flurrie thought cholesterol was evil and Pikella kept proclaiming "That poor egg's a living thing, too!", Pikario never got to eat it! Hooray! Instead, he, Flurrie, and Squirt continued busting heads and shit! They were almost to the 10th Rank and after that... well... uh, something good happened! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Pikario got on stage, raring to go! Flurrie was calm, but Squirt was terrified, like normal!
Grubba started up the audience! "WELL, THE GREAT CROTCH KILLER IS BACK, FOLKS! After this match, he'll be even stronger in the next rank! So, C.K., what do you say to your opponents, the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373?"
Pikario grabbed the mike. "I say, go back to hell where you came from, bitches! YEAH!"
The crowd was ecstatic! "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Then, the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373 came out! OH NOOOOOOO!
Grubba gave the older one the mike. "You heard what C.K. said, now what do you say?"
"Suck our armored asses! We'll wipe the floor with your... um..."
"Asses?" Pikario sweatdropped.
"...YEAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The crowd was surprised! "GASP!"
Grubba smiled. "WOW! What a comeback! NOW, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLE!"
ENTER BATTLE MODE! Oh no, it's the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373!
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Try and kill us!" the elder barked!
"Fine, then!" Pikario replied.
What took place after that was strange, confusing, and just not right! So, let's just say Pikario and friends ended up losing... BADLY, I might add!
Pikario flopped down on the bed. "Damn it! We lost!"
Squirt started crying! "It wasn't my fault!"
Flurrie sighed. "Oh, dear..."
Pikella sat up on the couch. "Hey, that egg thing hatched," she pointed out.
Pikario turned around. "What?"
And lo and behold, there was a small, itsy-bitsy baby Yoshi at the other end of the room! He had on diapers and a cute little tuft of spiky hair on his head! Cute!
Pikario frowned. "Pikella, is this some kind of twisted joke? You rigged this!"
"No, I didn't!" Pikella got up and slowly waddled over to Pikario, annoyed.
"The dame's right! My mum an' pop musta abandoned me, or sumthin'..." theYoshi said, with a cute accent!
Flurrie smiled. "What a darling little Yoshi!"
Squirt took some pills, in a state of shock! "Don't touch me...!"
The Yoshi glared at Pikario. "So, what do you bitches want?"
"For starters, we would like it very much if you didn't use such nasty words!" Flurrie lectured.
Pikario silenced her! "Aw, come on! Let him say what he wants!"
The Yoshi smiled. "Yeah, bitch!"
Pikario playfully shoved the Yoshi! "You got the gift, man! And if you want to be the master, you need to hang with the master!"
"Oh, boy..." Pikella rolled her eyes.
"Also," Pikario continued! "you need a name. Normally, Yoshies kinda piss me off because they're always so damn nice all the time, but you're one of the few exceptions!"
"Ah, well... I don't have a name..." the young dinosaur shrugged.
"Then I shall give you one!" Pikario announced!
"What about Jeremiah Franklin III?" Flurrie suggested!
"Or... Steve?" Squirt shrugged.
Pikella ran into the bathroom to throw up for a certain reason!
"Crusher!" Pikario stated! "That's your name! It just hit me, like... that!"
"Hmm... I like it!" the Yoshi announced! Crusher said his name over and over again to himself!
Crusher Became a Part of Pikario's Party! He's His Fourth New Member! Yay!
Name: Crusher
Pokémon: Charmander
Attitude: Bold/Tough
Ability: Throwing Eggs and Providing Faster Modes of Transportation!
Met At: Glitzville Shitsville
W00t! All right! We got us a Yoshi! AND we can name him! "Crusher" can do all kinds of stuff like normal Yoshies can, like... eat people! And... throw eggs at them and walk really fast while carrying Pikario's fat ass! AND HE FLUTTER JUMPS! He's rough and tough and just the cutest little thing ever! Lookie at hie wittle diapers! Why, one day, he could very well grow up to be a big, strong Charizard!
And That's Basically All You Need to Know About Your Partner!
Pikario signed up for the next match! "All right, we're gonna get those Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373!"
Crusher smiled! "Yeah!"
Blah, blah, blah! You know what happened! Crusher ate the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373 and he never spit them back up! OH, MY GOD! Anyway, PIkario moved up to the Novice's Locker Room, which was a lot nicer than the other bitchy room! Upon entering, Pikario got an E-mail from someone called "X"!
Crusher looked at the mail. "'U R DEd MeEt if u DuNt DropP OWt nOWWWWWW!' What the hell?"
"Probably just a typo or something," Pikario shrugged.
MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Pikario and friends, with their new Yoshi, they busted heads with his TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGUE! Then they all sat down and had a light lunch... OF OZONE LAYER DOOM! Then, everyone just kept fighting until...
"Look!" Crusher said! "Another E-Mail! It says to go to the bar and get a present!"
So, they went to the juice bar and got wasted! Oh, and the Super Hammer, too! Then, Pikario got a mail to go to the Rookie Locker Room and do something! So, he went there!
Crusher looked around! "Well?"
"Let's dent up that strange giant frowning block thing over there!" Pikario said!
"It's watching me..." Squirt shook!
So, Pikario broke the block and found a Dubious Paper! Well, actually, it was full of porn and ways of cooking bacon with your shirt off, but Nonetheless! Then, Jolene came in and took the Paper, but not before kicking Pikario's ass in a quick fight! She just went for the balls! Good strategy!
Blah, blah blah, again! More fighting and shit! My, what a violent Chapter! Anyway, Pikario soon came back to the Novice Locker Room to find that someone left him cake! Yay! Pikario took a slice! All his wounds were healed! Hooray! All his friends got some, too! But Pikella didn't want any, cause she was sick from being pregnant! Oh, well! Her loss! Now, back to fighting!
Pikario stood victourious over his last opponent! "Yeah! Who pwns you? I own joo! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Grubba waved to the audience! "Well, that's it folks! Now it's time to..."
"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD UP!" Someone barked!
"WAIT A MINUTE!" the crowd sang as a joke!
Bowser angrilly stomped in! "That's not funny!"
Flurrie went wide-eyed! "Who on Earth is that?"
"Damn you, Bowser! You're more annoying than herpes!" Pikario growled!
"Shut up!" Kammy turned Squirt into a toaster for no apparent reason!
Bowser stomped around! "I'm gonna knock you out!"
"Mama said knock YOU out!" Pikario taunted! The crowd could indentify!
ENTER BATTLE MODE! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
"Okay, I'm gonna kill ya and then... GO OUT AND HAVE A LIGHT LUNCH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bowser plotted evilly!
"You bastard!" Pikario kicked Bowser in the shins!
"OW! Damn you!" Bowser bit Pikario! Now he's pissed!
"All right! That's it!" Pikario used Thunderbolt! It's Super Effective! Bowser's dead! An X-Naut threw a can on-stage at Crusher!
"Hey!" Crusher got mad and threw an egg at the X-Naut! W00t!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! CRUSHER CAN LAY EGGS?
"Damn you, Pikario!" Bowser grunted! "I'll get you one day... AND YOUR LITTLE TOASTER, TOO! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
And with that, he ran off laughing!
Back in the Novice Locker Room, Pkario found out that his next message from "X" was to go the Storage Room, so he did!
Squirt sighed. "I'm getting tired of running around like this..."
Pikario slapped him! "Shut up! The faster we do this shit, the sooner I'll find Peach!"
After a while of walking around and stuff, Pikario eventually ended up in the basement! And there were 4 holes all lined up in a row that linked to Grubba's room!
Flurrie swetdropped. "How strange..."
Crusher looked through a hole. "That X person might've done this, but come look! Grubba's talking to Jolene!"
So, everyone took a peek through the holes!
Grubba sat in his chair and glared at Jolene! "Y'know, Jolene... things have been getting mighty weird around here... I THINK SOMEONE'S ONTO ME AND MY GOLD CRYSTAL STAR!"
Jolene said nothing!
Grubba sweatdropped. "Pretend you didn't just hear me say that!"
Jolene began to leave. "Okay?"
Crusher jumped up! "Ah ha! So, it was all him, all along!"
"That bitch is keeping me from glorious sex!" Pikario growled!
"Eh?" Grubba looked up! "Who the hell's up there?"
Crusher looked around in a panic! "Oh, shit! Now what?"
At time, Squirt decided to let one rip! His fart was so loud, that it convinced Grubba to make an assumption!
"Ah, just the vents farting again! No biggie!" Then, he left!
Pikario slapped Squirt! "Damn, you didn't have to do THAT!"
Squirt blushed. "Sorry, I couldn't help it..."
Well, after that, everyone went on about more fighting and stuff, then when Pikario signed up for the next match, Jolene brought in another cake!
Squirt ran over and took it! "Yum! Look, guys! Another cake!"
"Not so fast!" Pikella walked over and took the cake, enraging Pikario!
"Hey, what's the deal? That's ours! You said you didn't want any!" he barked at her!
"Well, I changed my mind!" Pikella sneered, eating the cake whole, then going back to sleep on the bed!
"WHY, YOU..." Pikario started, but everyone else just dragged him to stage, were he beat the Freakin' Chain Chomp Country in one blow!
When Pikario came back into the room, he saw that it was covered in vomit!
Squirt frowned. "What happened here?"
Then, Teh Koopinator-In-Your-Ass ran up! "It's that crazy Pikachu lady! She got sick and started blowing clunks all over the place after you left!"
Pikario sweatdropped. "I wondered what could've made her sick..."
"Maybe it was that cake she took from us..." Crusher pondered!
Pikario's eyes widened! "Really, now? Well, then, way to take one for the team, Pikella!"
Anyway, after all that mess was cleaned up, Pikario signed up for the next match! He went to the little screen thingy to register for, like, the 8,439,478,249,372 time, but this time, a Croconaw came up!
"Hey, C.K.!" the Croconaw called in a familar voice!
Crusher looked at the screen! "Hey, I think that's Grubba! He must've gotten a face-lift!"
Grubba sweatdropped. "No, actually, I evolved! I guess watching all the fights got me excited!"
"Well, congrats to you!" Flurrie sand happily!
"Shut up!" Pikario growled!
"Your next match is against Rawk Hawk! Sweet, huh?" Grubba grinned! "So, get ready, C.K!"
The screen went BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
"Finally!" Pikario sighed, waking up to Pikella! "Now, get up! We might need some help with this guy! I'm not losing my balls to a chicken... or to anyone else, either!"
"Eh..." Pikella grumbled, getting up. "How could you feed me a poison cake? That goes directly to the baby, you know!"
Pikario blew her off. "Shut up and stop being a bitch!"
Pikella narrowed her eyes. "Just you wait, Pikario..."
The guard came in! "Yo, C.K! Ass-kicking time!"
And so, everybody followed the guard, but then, Flurrie noticed something!
"Wait, darling," she called to the guard. "Aren't we going the wrong way? The ring's over there, precious!"
"Yeah, well, this time, your going this way!" the guard mumbled, pushing them into another dingy room!
Pikella frowned! "EWWWWWWWW! This place stinks!"
"Or, that might've been me..." Squirt blushed!
Back in the ring, everyone was having a fit beacuse Pikario hadn't shown up! Pokémon were actually starting to take over the ring becasue they were so angry! Food, trash, Pokémon, and strippers were everywhere!
Grubba kicked a Growlithe off the stage! "Please, folks! The great C.K. will be here! Just wait!"
"Shit!" Rawk Hawk growled, knocking out a random Meowth! "They're everywhere! This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKING!"
Back in the Dingy Locker Room...
Pikario paced the floor! "I bet that damn son-of-a-turkey did this!"
"I knew something was amiss," Flurrie sighed.
Squirt came out of the bathroom! "Wow! What a refreshment! I feel better now!"
Pikella covered hir nose, but Pikario got an idea!
"Hey, we can flush down the toilet to get outta here!" he suggested, getting a lot of dirty looks!
Crusher made a face. "You're kidding, right?"
Pikario got in the toilet! "I'll try anything for sex!"
And with that, he flushed himself down the drains, with everyone else following reluctantly!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Everyone ended up in the Novice Locker Room! Seeing two Pikachus, a Charmander, a Jynx, AND a Squirtle step out and just leave the room made everyone sweatdrop!
"Dude," Teh Koopinator-In-Your-Ass whispered to Da Poke-Ya Faces, "what the hell was that?"
Da Poke-Ya Faces looked at one another.
"We'd like to say that it was something called 'a fivesome'..." one answered!
Back at the ring, Pikario stepped in, stopping all the chaos!
"Look! It's C.K.! THANK GOD!" Grubba sighed, as everyone went back to their seats and started cheering!
Rawk Hawk brushed himself off and sweatdropped. "Well, I could'vekilledthe crowd, if I wanted to..."
ENTER BATTLE MODE! IT'S TIME TO RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!
"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rawk Hawk shouted! "It's go time! I'll rip your balls off first, Crotch!"
Pikario hid behind Flurrie! "NO, I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED THEM!"
Pikella use Tattle! "That Rawk Hawk and he has 40HP, bleh. He's a big, stupid Blaziken guy who likes to rip out other guys' balls...ewwwwwwwww..."
Squirt used his Power Shell and made Rawk Hawk trip and fall!
"Ow!" Rawk Hawk rubbed his beak! "Damn it, Crotch! You're in for it now!"
Rawk Hawk used Sky Uppercut! It knocked Squirt over on his shell!
"Help!" Squirt called from the floor! "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Crusher kicked Squirt into the audience! "What a wuss! If you're gonna be like that, then get outta the way!"
Rawk Hawk charged for Crusher, but Crusher threw an egg at him!
"AHHHHHHHHHH, MY RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKING EYES!" Rawk Hawk cried, running around!
"Wuss!" Crusher spat! "My EGG OF DOOM will surley kill you!"
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!" Rawk Hawk roared, stomping the ground making the ceiling come down!
"Hey, you can't do that! I'm so telling Nintendo on you!" Pikario shouted!
Rawk Hawk started bouncing on the ceiling! "WHATEVER, CROTCH! NOW IS WHEN YOU DIE!"
A whole bunch of shit started falling from the stage! Too bad most ofthe stuffhit the Pokémon in the in crowd, either killing them or making them run away!
The big, stupid Blaziken jumped off the ceiling and sweatdropped at the half-dead crowd. "Oops..."
"Now's our chance!" Pikario picked up Crusher and threw him at Rawk Hawk!
Crusher used Ground Pound! Critical Hit!
"GAH!" Rawk Hawk died! ...Sorta...
EXIT BATTLE MODE! WOW! THAT RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKED!
Rawk Hawk fell on the ground! "AW, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! I'm defeated! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Grubba corrected him! "C.K. wins! W00t! W00t! W00t!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
"I'M THE WINNER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Pikario laughed evilly!
Now, Pikario was the Champion and he got the Champ's Belt, which was pretty much useless! Damn! But he did get a really cool room! Yay!
"Congrats, Mr. Champion." Jolene sighed, giving him 73847397 coins and leaving! "Now, if you'll excuse me..."
"Dude! Look at this room! IT'S HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! There's enough beds for all of us, massaging tables, every Nintendo game and console, 16 DVD players, 12 computers, a 9,048 inch wide-screen TV, 7 jacuzzis, 10 pimped up cars, all these cool original pictures of us, and there's PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Crusher bounced up and down!
"Sweet!" Pikario ran over to the nearest massaging table and got worked on by a random Raichu prostitute!
"Hmmm..." Pikella thought outloud. "This is strange..."
"Oh, shut up, Pikella and relax for once!" Pikario demanded!
For no apparent reason, Crusher climbed up onto the bed and ended up in the vents! Pikario followed him up there!
"Dude, what are you doing up here? Squirt's playing 'Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door!'" Pikario informed the young Yoshi!
"Shhh... look..." Crusher pointed through the vents that lead to Grubba's room!
Grubba looked at something in his desk. "Mwahahahaha! With this, I can rule the world!"
Crusher frowned. "With what?"
Grubba answered his question by holding up a bottle full of steroids! Steroids would help him take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Pikario scoffed. "Big deal..."
"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd! That Gold Crystal Star will help, too!" Grubba finished!
Pikario got mad! "HEY!"
He and Crusher busted through the vent and scared Grubba!
"HEY! C.K.! WHAT THE...!" Grubba freaked out!
"Don't play dumb with me! You have the Gold Crystal Star!" Pikario accused!
"Well, shit, I'm out!" Grubba freaked out again and left!
Pikario chased after him! "DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"
After getting everybodyelse in the other room off their asses, they all gave chase until they found Grubba in the arena, with some freaky-looking machine... AND THE GOLD CRYSTAL STAR!
"NOW, C.K.!" Grubba turned on the device! "MEET YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!
COMBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST!
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
CHICKEN WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGS!
Grubba turned into an insane, crazy, hyped-up-on-steroids, Feraligatr!
"Oh, shit..." Pikario mumbled.
ENTER BATTLE MODE! OH, SHIT! PIKARIO IS SO SCREWED!
"MWAHAHAHAHA! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHO GRUBBA WILL PWN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!" Macho Grubba shouted, in all his huge, loud glory!
Pikella got out her Tattle Log! "That's Macho Grubba, AKA, Grubba. I can't believe he evolved twice in one day! That's, like, almost impossible! Anyway, he's on steroids and stuff, so try to hit him where the sun don't shine!"
Pikario smirked evilly. "That's just great! Now I can really live up to my name!"
Macho Grubba was confused! "Huh? What'd she say?"
Pikario grabbed his Hammer and charged straight for Macho Grubba's stuff! "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO STOP ME FROM LOVIN' MY WOMAN!"
"Wait! WHAT?" Macho Grubba was still confused!
Pikario slammed his Hammer into Macho Grubba's crotch so hard, that he actually killed him in one hit!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! HEY, THAT WAS EASY!
Grubba turned back into a Croconaw! Yay! Pikario won, then Jolene came in for some reason!
"You bitch!" She kicked Grubba's head! "Where's Prince Mush, my brother? He came to fight here, and he didn't come home, so where is he?"
"Gah... uhgh... He's... hack! ...dead, you bitch... hahahahaheeheehee... oh, my balls..." Grubba groaned!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!" Jolene howled!
Then the Gold Crystal Star went POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF! and Mush appeared!
"Woah," he mumbled! "What the heck happened?"
"...Mush?" Jolene asked!
"Jolene?" Mush looked at her! "You look so nerdy with glasses on! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Jolene slapped him in the head with her tail, knocking him out, but she was still happy!
Pikario sweatdropped. "So, we can have the Star, right?"
"Sure," Jolene kicked Grubba un the head again! "and I'm taking over the Shitz Pit, Grubba!"
"Fine...bitch... heheeeeeeeeeeeeeee... ow...damn..." Grubba moaned!
"Bleh," Pikario walked over to the Star!
TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Gold Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 4! He Can Use the Attack "Power Lift"! YAY!
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And so, after beating Rawk Hawk, becoming the Champ, and a whole lot of other shit, Pikario got the Gold Crystal Star! Yes, yay for him! No one knows where Peach is, though, and that made Pikario mad! Oh, well! They'll find her soon... OR NOT! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Peach's Event!
Peach sat around in her room, bored as usual! Just then, the doors of TEC's room opened! Yay! A random adventure where you'll have to dress up as somebody!
"Hi, TEC!" Peach greeted! "Wut'cha doin'?"
"Plotting world domination of Pluto... and maybe Mercury! It annoys with its name!" TEC laughed!
Peach smiled! "Kay!"
"Hey Peach! I need more info on something that's not important, so you go ask Grodius for a condom, please!" TEC asked nicley!
Peach skipped off happily! "Okay! Yay!"
So, Peach went upstairs! An X-Naut saw her and waved! Another gave her a cookie! Then, yet another came up and asked for a kiss! Peach gave him one and all his friends beat him up cause they were jealous! Peach walked to Grodius' room...or whatever the hell he calls it!
"Hey, Grodius, do you have a condom, please?" Peach asked!
"Eh?" Grodius was too busy playing his GBA, so he didn't turn around to face Peach! He figured she was just a horny X-Naut! "Yeah, sure. Here ya go. Just clean up when you're done." He threw her a condom and she skipped off!
"Thank you!" Peach sang, going back to TEC, who was quite pleased!
"SWEET! You got one!" TEC took the condom, then shooed Peach out!
"Night, TEC!" Peach called, as she was thrown out the door!
"Night, Peach!" TEC called back, looking at the condom. "Hee hee hee hee..."
Bowser's Event!
Bowser somehow ended up in the Great Tree Thingy!
"My lord! I think the Emerald Crystal Star is here!" Kammy waved her wand!
"Shut up, Kammy!" Bowser roared, kicking a bush! This caused some Punies to run out!
Bowser frowned. "What the hell?"
"Those, my lord, are Punies!" Kammy informed Bowser!
"Yeah, and I'm the evil, creepy old lady. Boo blah," the Elder stepped up.
"I bet this hag knows where the Crystal Star is!" Kammy pointed out!
"IT'S CALLED THE EMERALD CRYSTAL STAR, DAMN IT!" the Elder grew huge and shouted! "Besides, some Pikachu guy came and took it!"
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!" Bowser stomped the ground! "I'll get Pikario one day! I swear it!
Chituni gasped! "Ooh! He said he swears!"
Authoress' Notes: Sorry it took me so long to get this Chapter up. My computer's been down. Ah, well! Hope you like this Chapter and I'll try and play Yoshi's Island this weekend and updete it with "Stage 1-2: Look Out Below!" and some other shit. Lol.
