Authoress' Notes: Hiyah. I'm bored, so here Chapter 4 for y'all. BTW, I was caught up on whether the people in Twilight Town should be Spoink, Swinub, Grumpig, or Piloswine, so I looked up info on their species to decide. Swinub was the closest match, since it's the Pig Pokémon. Piloswine is the Swine Pokémon, Grumpig is the Manipulate Pokémon, and Spoink is the Bounce Pokémon. Just in case someone asks in the reviews.


College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!

Chapter 4: For the Motherfucking Swinub the Motherfucking Bell Tolls!


The gang, Jolene, Mush, Mr. Hoggle, and a whole bunch of other Pokémon who had nothing to do with the last Chapter are all standing around in Glitzville Shitsville, saying their goodbyes! Uh huh...

Jolene fixed her glasses. "Well, Pikario, I must say good bye for now. I hope we meet again one day."

Pikario rolled his eyes. "It ain't likely, sister..."

Pikella got onto the blimp, riding on Crusher's back! "Hey, Pikario! Look! Crusher's a great mode of transportation for my condition!"

Crusher sturggled under Pikella's growing weight. "Ouch, damn..."

Pikario got pissed. "HEY! GET THE HELL OFF OF HIM BEFORE I THROW YOU OFF, WOMAN!"

Jolene sweatdropped. "Ok..."

Squirt sighed and Flurrie looked on as if she didn't care!

"Hey, Crotch Killer!" Rawk Hawk stepped up to Pikario. "The next time I see you, YOU WILL DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Pikario flipped him off! "Whatever!"


WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! We get to fly the blimp again! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... Okay, shut up! They got back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard and ran into Chuigi!

"Yo, bro!" the Pichu called out, making Pikario pissed!

"What, now? In case you haven't noticed, Peach isn't around! And when she's not around, I tend to get to pretty horny!" Pikario growled!

"Shut the fuck up and let me tell the goddamn story!" Chuigi spat! "I went to WhowritesthiscrapVillage and I got to dress up as a lady! Neat, huh?"

Pikario sweatdropped. "What? That you're gay?"

Chuigi got mad. "I'M NOT GAY, DAMN IT! I'M DOING IT FOR SEX!"

Pikario smirked. "With a guy."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chuigi bounced around!

Jerry looked around in fear, then pointed at Pikella! "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

Pikella frowned. "I'm a Pikachu, you idiot!"

Jerry rolled around in circles! "A DEMON! A DEMON! SHE'LL EAT ME!"

Chuigi slapped Jerry! "Shut up! I haven't gotten to the best part yet!"

While Chuigi was yelling at Jerry, the gang decided to sneak off once again! WITH LIGHTNING SPEED! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


So, everybody went to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers, got lost about 473,847,895 times, got lost again... and again, then they found the Very Old Door Thingy! Hooray! After doing a lot of stuff with their brand new Gold Crystal Star that shouldn't be mentioned here, they went back to Franklyidunno's place for COOKIES AND TEA! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Franklyidunno sipped his tea and looked at Pikario's map! Realizing what it said, he spit out his tea all over Pikella! "HOLY SHIT!"

"Just great," Pikella grumbled.

Franklyidunno threw a hot dog at her! "SHUT UP, PIKELLA! I have an amazing plan to take over the world and you can't stop me, no matter how hard you try!"

Crusher got annoyed! "Dude, you're supposed to tell us about the next Star and shit."

Franklyidunno was outraged! "I'M GETTING TO THAT! It's in Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town and it's called the Ruby Crystal Star!"

Pikario shrugged. "So, how the hell do we get there?"

Franklyidunno slammed a book down on his desk! "How the hell should I know? Why do you think my name's 'FranklyIDUNNO'? Get outta here!"

So, Franklyidunno threw them out on their asses! HAHA!


Annoyed and irritated, Pikario decide to mug some unfortunate Pokémon behind Franklyidunno's pad so he could get revenge!

Pikario ran up to a random Umbreon he found in the alley. "GIMME YOU WALLET AND NO ONE GETS HURT!"

"Pokémon get hurt every day; a cruel world it is. When will the killing end?" he sighed.

Pikario slapped him! "Shut up!"

"Yes," he sighed again. "I, Darkly, shall silence myself, for it is too bright to venture outside and let the sun's beam of hatred shine against my onyx fur. How will I ever get back to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town, the place of eternal darkness?"

Squirt perked up. "Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town? You know where it is?"

Darkly sighed. "Of course, for that is where..."

"Shut up and tell us how to get there! I'm horny and I've a girl waiting for me to save her!" Pikario barked.

"You have to have something that has your name on it..." Darkly responded.

Pikario frowned. "Well, that's retarded."

"Well, I have my name on my diapers," Crusher informed everyone. "I wrote it on there so I'd see it every single time I go to the bathroom!"

"Uh...?"


After that strange turn of events, everybody went to the Sewers AGAIN, got lost, AGAIN, then found the pipe leading to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town! Goodie poo for them, so let's go eat pie.

The very second they got there, Flurrie noticed something! "Oh my! Look at the sky! It's so... pink!"

"Maybe that's why they call this place Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town," Squirt mused.

Pikario got mad! "WHO THE FUCK CARES?"

"Hey, look! Visitors!" Some random Umbreon called, coming over to Pikario!

"What?"

"LEAVE! Leave now, before it's too LATE!" the Umbreon spoke!

"What? No, I need something here!" Pikario informed him!

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Crusher looked up. "Huh?"

"Sounds like the hour bell," Squirt mused.

"Idiot! Notice this place is called Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town?" Pikario growled.

The Umbreon ran around in circles! "IT'S THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

POOFISHINGNESS! HE TURNED INTO A SWINUB! WHAT THE HELL?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Flurrie was freaked out!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Squirt was freaked out!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pikella was freaked out!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Crusher was freaked out!

"Mmm, bacon!" Pikario was hungry!

"Swinub Swinub Swinub!" the Swinub remarked!

"Oh, well! There goes another one!" an Absol with a busted scythe walked up!

"Who's that?" Crusher asked.

"I am Dour! The mayor! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok... um, yeah. Now our fair town is going to the pigs!"

"Eh?" Pikella was confused!

"Come to my house so we'll be safe... OR NOT! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"


Inside Dour's house of unsafingness...

"Now, anyway! There's, like, this monster guy who, like, is ringing this bell thing that, like, turns Pokémon into Swinub and stuff! And that's really bad!" Dour said!

"Then let's go stop him!" Crusher said!

"OK!"

So, everybody went off the other end of Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town to leave and go... somewhere... and do something to get the Ruby Crystal Star! HOORAY! Eh, go sit down, chumps! Anyway, then they, like, ran into this Umbreon guy who was guarding the gate leading out of town!

"Halt!" he said, seeing Pikario and friends!

"Halt, my ass!" Pikario retorted. "Let us through! I've got something important to do in the woods!"

"Unless it's masturbating, or something, I can't let you go to Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Trail unless the mayor says so!"

Pikario's eye twitched! "WE JUST SPOKE TO THE GODDAMN MAYOR! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL?"

And after Pikario's rampage, the gang turned right back around to go back to Dour's house, but was stopped when Pikario felt like stealing from some poor fool to, once again, get revenge because he was mad. Yep, someone has really got some issues to work out...

Pikario busted into Eve's house! "GIMME YOUR MONEY, OR ELSE YOUR EEVEES GET IT!"

"Oh, please, kind sir! Won't you give and my young children some food? My husband was turned into a Swinub and god knows where he is now, but he's not here, so we are broke and can't buy any food!" Eve explained.

"Mommy, I'm hungry!" one Eevee whined.

"I want food!" said another!

"I want Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga! ...and some chicken would be nice, too..." the smart-ass added.

Pikario shrugged. "So?"

Pikella took out a sandwich! "Here! Sorry, it's all I have..."

Eve was overjoyed! "Oh, thank you so much! Now my babies can eat and won't starve to death!"

Pikella glared at Pikario, who sneered back!

"WHAT? Does she not see all the Swinubs running around outside?" he argued!

"Take this as a sign of my gratitude!" Eve gave Pikario and all his friends a Nintendo DS! WHOA! THAT'S HELLA TIGHT! TOTALLY!

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

POOFISHINGNESS! EVE TURNED INTO A SWINUB! OH NO!

Squirt went mad! "OH NO! WE COULD BE NEXT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Crusher slapped him! "Pull yourself together, man!"

Everybody left Eve's house, with the Eevees wondering whether thay should eat their mom or Pikella's sandwich, only to hear the bell ring AGAIN!

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

PLOT THICKNESS! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!


Well, after that was... um, "Taken care of", Pikario and company continued on back to Dour's house! And they got there! Yay! But then...

"Holy shit..." Pikario grumbled.

Crusher made a face. "You have got to be kiddin' me..."

It seemed that Dour had turned into a Swinub, due to the last bell ringing! Oh no! That's very bad!

Pikella looked at Pikario. "Now what?"

Pikario took out a .38 and cocked it. "Now... it's personal..."

Pikaella freaked out! "What the hell? Pikario, don't do THAT!"

Without another word, Pikario ran out of the house and dashed back to the gatekeeper, ready to kill him (or anyone) over glorious sex with glorious Peach! But then...

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Pikario didn't care about the fucking bell, so he kept running until, everyone else caught up with him, with Pikella angry and annoyed!

"Pikario, If you shot ANYONE, I'll..."

"Dude, the guy's a Swinub..." Crusher pointed at the gatekeeper Swinub guy.

Pikario smiled. "Good! No wasting bullets then!"


And now, they were on Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Trail! But Crusher had to use the bathroom, so he went to a randomly placed shack! And found a Black Key!

Seeing this, Pikario ran like mad! "NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!"

Due to the fact that Pikario somehow found another key somewhere in the woods and his quest was slightly halted because he was too fat to squeeze under a fallen tree and it was too big to climb over, it all resulted in the gang somehow ending up in the storage room of the shop back in Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!

Pikario glared at the Black Box! "You son of a..."

The Box moved around! "Come on! Lemme out! I have... A NINTENDO DS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Flurrie held hers up. "We already have those, darling!"

Just because he could, Squirt unlocked the Black Box, earning a nice kick in the balls from Pikario!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS! NOW YOU CAN ROLL UP, LIKE THOSE EVIL FRUIT ROLL-UPS FROM TV! SUFFER, MY WEAKLINGS, SUFFERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Then, he... did something and disappeared!

Squirt looked around! "This guy is the pits! Where are the Nintendo DSs?"

Pikario slapped him!


Okay, now that Pikario can do the rolling up thingy, he can get to wherever the hell he was going, so he did! ...And they also got to some place that was strangely called Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! Neat, huh? After blowing up the front gate and getting in, Pikario surveyed the scene!

"Where the hell's that damned Star?" he complained!

Crusher leaned against a random statue of Luigi in a dress in the middle of the room! "Well, I'm stumped..."

Then, POOF! A small Boo appeared!

"Hey! Will you guys hurt me?" he asked.

Pikario hit him over the head with his gun! "YES!"

"OWWIE!" the Boo disappeared, then came back with all of his friends!

Crusher sweatdropped! "Damn!"

"Just for that, I'm getting my friends to move the staircases in the other room so you can't get upstairs! BWAHAHAHA!"

And they did just that! The Boos moved the staircases all around, putting them in the air, underground, or in the deep, dark recesses of the Authoress' mind! No one knows how, why, when, or what, but Pikario somehow managed to find a key and get upstairs! Then, when they got to the room upstairs, Pikella noticed a Gastly sitting in a chair! He had an awful sense of fashion, because he wore a 'Happy New Year's' hat and a blue necktie! What the fuck?

"Hey! What's going on? Why aren't you guys Swinubs?" he asked, irritated!

"Because I'm here to kick your ass for stealing my bitch!" Pikario retorted!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait... huh? What the hell? I didn't steal your dame!" the Gastly was confused!

"Don't change the subject!" Pikario roared, charging into battle!

ENTER BATTLE MODE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON, BUT IT'S GREAT!

Pikella used Tattle! "Let's see! This guy is...huh? Hey, it says here that he has no name!"

Pikario shook his head. "Then that book must be retarded, or something!"

"Ha ha! No, it's true! I have no name, so I only go by "!#&?"! HAHAHAHA!" !#&? said!

Flurrie frowned. "That's impossible!"

"Yeah, dude! You can't be called "!#&?"! You can't even pronounce it!" Crusher added!

Pikario was pissed at "!#&?", so he started things off by using Thunderbolt!

"Ouch!" !#&? said, taking 12 damage!

Flurrie used Icy Wind!

"Ouch!" !#&? took 3 damage!

Crusher used Flamethrower!

"Ouch!" !#&? took 7 damage!

Squirt used Withdraw!

"Meh..." !#&? sweatdropped!

Pikella just sat around because she was too pregnant to do anything!

"Okay, that's it! You guys wanna play rough? Then I shall play rough!" !#&? said, pissed!

"Shut up!" Pikario demanded, using another Thunderbolt!

!#&? then took out... A SCANNER! LIKE THE ONES YOU FIND AT WAL-MART! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pikario cocked an eyebrow. "What the hell?"

!#&? laughed madly! "NOW MEET YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"What's he gonna do? Label us to death?" Crusher joked!

"Or price us too high?" Squirt joked.

Pikario glared at Squirt, then kicked him in the back of the head for making such a lame comment!

"No! Watch this!" !#&? said, waving the scanner around like crazy, scanning Pikario!

Then, POOF! !#&? turned into Pikario! ...or, at least a shadowy version of him!

"That's it?" Pikario asked, pissed off!

!#&? sweatdropped. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA... Yeah, man, that's it. But I look like you now, so I can also use your attacks now!"

!#&? used Thunderbolt on Pikario! It's not very effective...

Pikella sweatdropped. "Um, I think it would really help if you didn't use Electric attacks on Electric Pokémon..."

!#&? kicked the ground! "Shit!"

"What the hell? That sucked on ice!" Pikario spat, knocking out !#&? with his Hammer!

EXIT BATTLE MODE! PIKARIO PWNED ASS AND HE PWNED IT WELL!

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... CRAP!" !#&? groaned, falling on the ground, also dropping the Ruby Crystal Star!

"Look, it's the Ruby Crystal Star!" Pikella remarked.

"Yeah, yeah!" Pikario said, grabbing it!

TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Ruby Crystal Star! YAY!

1234567123456712345671234567EnD oF ChApTEr!1234567123456712345671234567


Well, that was short-lived! Oh, well! Pikario finally got his hands on the Ruby Crystal Star and is now one step closer to saving Peach from the evil, but still very cute X-Nauts! After defeating "!#&?", his journey is already half over! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... POO!


Pikario stood victorious over !#&? and laughed all crazily!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Pikario laughed!

"Hey, man... you can stop now..." Crusher reminded "Pikario"!

"Oh... yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Well, let's go, my friends and leave this freak here!" "Pikario" said strangely!

So, "Pikario" and the others left with the Ruby Crystal Star! About 2 weeks later, "!#&?" finally woke up and realised what happened!

"!#&?", who was really Pikario looked around. "Whoa... damn, I hate these kind of hangovers... What the... HEY! Man, did I pass out or what? Wait... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Pikario also noticed that he was very shadowy and dark and stuff! It seemed that his body had been stolen! And the Ruby Crystal Star and his friends! But Pikario mostly only cared for the Ruby Crystal Star, for it was the only thing that could get Peach back! So, completely pissed and annoyed, he made his way back to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!


Meanwhile, back in the Town of 6:47pm!

"MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! Yes, the time has come! We shall really kill him this time!" Beldam laughed crazily!

"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Marilyn said, very unsmartly!

"Hmmm hmm hmmm hmmm..." Vivian giggled! "Yes, we shall, Sis!"

Beldam slapped her! "Shut up! Get out our Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb so we can kill Pikario!"

"...huh?" Vivian was confused!

"...Vivian..." Beldam growled.

"Huh?"

"Where's our Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb?" Beldam gritted her teeth!

"...But I don't have it! Really! Sis, you have it!"

Beldam slapped her again! "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Now we can't kill Pikario! THAT'S JUST FUCKING GREAT!"

"But..." Vivian started crying! "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"No buts! You find that thing, or else! Come, Marilyn! Let us go do something fun so that Vivian can wallow in her own self pity and shit! MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"

"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Marilyn agreed!

Then, they, like, disappeared into the ground and stuff! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

A tear fell from Vivian's unseen eyes! "That's mean, Sis..."


Meanwhile, Pikario stomped back to Town, pissed at !#&? for taking his body like that! The nerve! Then, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! !#&? jumped through the background, ripping it up like the paper it was!

Pikario got mad! "Hey, man! Don't do that shit! Crap like that costs us money, something that I don't like to pay!"

"SILENCE! I AM MARIO AND I CAN MAKE YOU SUCK ME! NOW, FIGHT!" !#&? roared!

Pikario left the scene! "I'm out, man..."

!#&? was mad! "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... DAMN!"


Meanwhile, once again! Vivian looked around for the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb that was very lost!

"Oh no... I'll never find it now... Beldam will kill me..." she sighed.

Then Pikario just happened to walk by! Vivian saw him and asked him for help!

"Oh, please, Mr. Shadowy Guy Who Looks Like a Pikachu, But Probably Isn't! Help me find something that my sister lost! Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?" she pleaded.

"FEH!" Pikario spat, stomping off again!

He then promptly tripped over the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb that was somewhere in the bushes! Yay! Vivian's ass is saved!

"Oh, my! The Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb!" Vivian was happy!

But then she found out that the damn thing was broken... Well, if that ain't the shit...

"Oh, dear! It's broken!" Vivian freaked out!

"Once again...FEH!" Pikario spat again!

"...well, then... That's that! Beldam's not going to punish me this time, because I quit!" Vivian decided!

"Uh huh..." Pikario mumbled.

"Anyway, thanks for finding it for me! But you look troubled! What's wrong with you?" Vivian asked.

"Oh, I DON'T KNOW! Maybe because I'm horny, my girlfriend got stolen, I can't find the thing the get her back, all my friends are brainwashed, and to top it all off, my identity was stolen!" Pikario vented angrily!

"Aw, I'm so sorry! Maybe I can help you out! You helped me!" Vivian suggested.

"Whatever... it's better than nothing..." Pikario sighed.

Vivian Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His Fifth New Partner! Yay!

Name: Vivian

Gender: Female

Pokémon: Misdreavus

Attitude: Modest/Cute!

Ability: Hiding Pikario by pulling him into the shadows with her! AWESOME!

Met At: Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!

Vivian... is... so... CUTE! She's the Authoress' favorite partner (next to Goombella/Pikella)! She can hide in the shadows and take Pikario and his other friends with her! Yay! She can also use her Will-O-Wisp attack to set Pokémon on fire! And who doesn't like setting helpless Pokémon ablaze? Huh? HUH? HUUUUUUUUUH? Evil staff members of the P.T.A.! That's who! Suck it, bitch! Vivian is also cursed with the fact that she was born as a boy AND a girl, causing controversy and shit between Japan and the USA! And who doesn't like controversy between those two? MADNESS! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Parnter!

Vivian gave Pikario a kiss! "Hmm hmm hmmmm!"

Pikario was outraged! "WHAT THE HELL? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DOING STUFF LIKE THAT OUT HERE IN THE OPEN?"

"Well, it's just a sign of love, that's all!" Vivian begged to differ!

"Well, don't do it anymore! Only my girlfriend can do that to me... in certain spots..." Pikario mumbled outloud.

Vivian blushed. "Okay, then..."

"Well, now what the hell are we supposed to do?" Pikario asked.

"Well, I kinda sorta have an idea! I can use my special powers to spy on those Murkrow over there and see what they know!" Vivian said.

Pikario made a face. "And how the hell can a bunch of stupid Murkrow tell us something?"

Vivian led Pikario over to some Murkrow in a tree. "They just pretend to be stupid! They actually know a lot of stuff!"

Pikario, at this point, was ready to try anything, so he and Vivian hid in the shadows and listened to the "stupid" Murkrow gossip!

"So, anyway," one said. "You hear about Pokémon: Diamond & Pearl Version coming out on the DS?"

The other one nodded. "Yeah, dude! What's next? Pokémon: Peaches & Cream? Pokémon: Cookies & Milk? Pokémon: Peanut Butter & Jelly? Pokémon..."

The first one slapped him! "Dude, shut up!"

"And what about that Gastly guy named Doopliss? He totally sucks!" a third added!

"Yeah! That bitch is costing us big bucks from Nintendo! He keeps tearing up the background for no reason! He needs to stop!" the first said!

"Yeah! I say... WE GO POOP ON SOMEONE'S CAR FOR REVENGE!"

The others agreed! "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And with that, the "stupid" Murkrow left to do just that! Coming out of the shadows, Vivian looked at Pikario!

"'They just pretend to be stupid! They actually know a lot of stuff!' My ass they do!" Pikario fumed.

Vivian sweatdropped. "Well, they told us about that guy you're looking for, right?"

Pikario couldn't argue over that, so they went back to the trail to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! But then, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! !#&? jumped through the background again and ambushed the two!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What the hell?" !#&? asked, confused.

"Is this the guy that stole your identity?" Vivian asked.

"Well, I don't know! He looks like me, so, yeah! Maybe he did!" Pikario said, sarcastically!

"Hey! Fight me now, damn it! I'll win because I have no name! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" !#&? boasted!

"Actually, you do. It's Doopliss, is it not?" Pikario said, smiling.

Doopliss then went MAD! "W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude... chill..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Doopliss then ran all the way back to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple!


And so, IT BEGAN! Pikario and Vivian chased Doopliss all the way back to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! They had to fight some dumb Boos that kept moving the staircases around! Thank goodness that Vivian was there to... do something that confused the Boos and helped Pikario get upstairs!

Seeing Pikario again, Doopliss totally freaked out! "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" W-W-W-W-W-W-?"

"DUDE, SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE GET IT ALREADY!" Pikario shouted!

Doopliss turned to Pikario's friends! "Damn! Well, in that case... Let's go get that chump who dares pretend that he's Pikario! Everyone knows it's me! Right?"

Pikella nudged Doopliss! "Yes, Pikario! I know he's the fake because he obviously doesn't know how to love me like you do!"

Dooplis nudged her back! "THAT'S RIGHT!"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Pikario stuck his tongue out!

"Huh?" Vivian was confused!

"Dude! You KNOW I'm the real Pikario! I don't do shit like that!" Pikario rampaged!

Flurrie chuckled! "Why, darling! This IS Pikario! He gave me a nice, sweet kiss on my lovely lips!"

"...you bitch..." Pikario growled.

Crusher waved around some money! "Yeah! And he gave me at least 4,983,948,390 dollars!"

Pikario was outraged! "WHAT?"

"And he helped me in getting over my fear of love-making by telling me all about the Pidgeys and the Beedrills!" Squirt exclaimed!

Pikario tapped his foot in anger! "You mean 'the birds and the bees', you dumbass!"

Vivian gasped! "What? You mean... I've been helping Pikario all this time?"

Pikario looked at Vivian! "Damn, are you dumb or just plain stupid?"

Vivian was shocked! "But... but... Pikario is the guy Beldam was looking for... and I helped him?"

Pikario sighed. "I thought you left her!"

"I did... but still... Oh, I'll never do anything right! I'm such a failure..." Vivian started crying!

Doopliss raised his hand. "ENOUGH! This foolishness ends now!"

Pikario also agreed! "Damn you to the ends of the earth! I'll kill you for making me wait for sex, bitch!"

ENTER BATTLE MODE! PIKARIO'S GONNA DO SOMETHING NOW! UH OH!

Pikella threw her Tattle Log at Pikario, hitting him the eye!

"What the hell?" Pikario screeched!

"That's what you get for pretending to be my boyfriend, you overgrown oaf!" Pikella shouted, waving her fist. "Only the real Pikario loves me for me! Right, Pikario?"

"Yes, and you ain't bad in bed, either!" Doopliss added, making very rude gestures with Pikella!

"Pikella, you know I've never liked you! Think, woman!" Pikario begged the female Pikachu to listen to him!

Pikella turned away in a huff! "You used to be like that, but the last 2 weeks have been wonderful for us! You've gotten much nicer, so I know that you're the fake!"

Pikario frowned! "Okay, time to bring out the big guns!"

Doopliss sweatdropped. "Huh?"

Pikario used the Diamond Crystal Star! Sweet Treat! Candy flew all over the stage!

Crusher snorted. "That's all?"

"No! I'm not done!" Pikario retorted.

Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star! Clock Out! Doopliss and company can't move for the next 3 turns!

"HEY! You can't do that! It was our turn!" Squirt whined!

Just then, POOF! Vivian appeared on stage next to Pikario!

"What the hell?" Pikario wondered.

"Pikario, I've decided to become your partner now!" Vivian exclaimed!

"You're already my partner!" Pikario rolled his eyes.

Vivian sweatdropped. "Oh, yeah... oops..."

Doopliss wiggled around in his unmoving state! "Hey, hey, hey! Look! We have 2 more turns to go, then I'll cream you and the whore behind you!"

"Shut up!" Pikario said, looking at Squirt!

Squirt got scared! "Uh oh..."

Pikario used Thunder on Squirt! It's Super Effective!

Squirt fainted!

Doopliss frowned! "Hey! What was that for?"

Look! A random Boo in the audience threw a Boo Sheet at Vivian! Yay! Boo Sheets are the best! And so is Vivian! Yay!

Vivian used Shadow Ball on Flurrie! It's Super Effective!

Flurrie fainted!

"Man, you guys are weaker than I thought!" Pikario chuckled!

"Just wait 'til next turn! I'll show you who's boss!" Doopliss growled!

Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star! Clock Out! Doopliss and company can't move for the next 48,394 turns!

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? That's not fair!" Doopliss wailed.

Vivian used Shadow Ball on Crusher! Critical Hit!

Crusher fainted!

"Pikario, we're losing! Oh, my god! We're actually losing!" Pikella began to cry, still unable to move her body! "If we die, I just want to say that I love you more than life itself, okay?"

"This is insane!" Doopliss started crying, too!

Pikario used Quick Attack on Pikella!

Pikella fainted... somehow!

Vivian used a Stylish Shadow Ball on Doopliss! It's Super Effective AND a Critical Hit!

Doopliss fainted!

EXIT BATTLE MODE! NOW, WHO FEELS LIKE PLAYING SOME RANDOM POKéMON RPG GAME?

Vivian turned to Pikario. "Hey, Pikario! I did a Stylish move!"

Pikario twirled his finger around. "Whoop dee damn doo..."

Doopliss fell on the ground and dropped the Ruby Crystal Star! And gave Pikario his body back! And his friends weren't brainwashed anymore! And the cow jumped over the moon!

"GYAHH! You guys aren't fun! You hurt Super Mario! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Doopliss ran away crying!

Pikella looked around. "Huh? Pikario?"

"Damn, I guess you were right," Crusher said.

"...My life is a spiraling turmoil of the hatred that has been bestowed upon me!" Squirt shouted, for no apparent reason!

"Oh ho ho! Flurrie, you silly girl! How could you not tell the real Pikario from the fake?" Flurrie giggled to herself, somewhat amused at the whole thing!

"Just fucking great! I've got my shit back, so let's get the hell outta here!" Pikario suggested.

"But, Pikario, what about that Shadow Siren? Why is she here?" Pikella asked.

Pikario looked at Vivian. "Oh, her? She's just some Shadow thing that I found. She's in the group now, so no buts!"

Vivian brought the Ruby Crystal Star over to Pikario. "Um... yeah... about that, Pikario..."

"What, now?" Pikario huffed!

Vivian looked freaked! "Well, you see... I'm... um, well... kinda...um, it's like...well, uh...?"

Pikario stomped the ground! "DAMN IT, PEACH IS WAITING! SPIT IT OUT, ALREADY!"

"I'm not really a girl..."

Pikario raised his ears. "What?"

"Um, I'm kinda...bisexual..." Vivian said! GASP!

"...?" Pikella said!

"...!" Flurrie said!

"...&" Squirt said!

Pikario slapped Squirt! "Stop being stupid! It's starting to piss me off!"

Vivian dropped the Ruby Crystal Star! "You must hate me now!"

"What, are you kidding? We have a bisexual person on our team! That be bitchin'!" Pikario laughed.

"I thought you hated bisexuals..." Crusher sighed.

"I do, but that doesn't mean can't have one on the team!" Pikario frowned, picking up the Ruby Crystal Star!

Pikella sighed. "Aw, I was just starting to like the other guy as Pikario..."

Pikario slapped her! "Shut up!"

Pikella said nothing, but she sure was thinking it!

TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Ruby Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 5! He Can Use the Attack "Art Attack"! YAY!

1234567123456712345671234567EnD oF ChApTEr!1234567123456712345671234567


After all that mess, Pikario's probably going to be spending a pretty long time trying to figure out what the hell happened! Oh, well! He got the Ruby Crystal Star, so he's happy! YAY! Now he only has 3 more to go and then... SEX! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Peach's Event!

Peach walked into TEC's room and greeted him!

"Hi, TEC! Lovely day, huh?" she said, stupidly!

"When you're trying to take over the Pluto, no day is ever lovely! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" TEC laughed!

Peach smiled! "Okay!"

"And now a quiz! What's your name?" TEC asked!

"Oh, man... this is a hard one..." Peach was conflicted!

"TICK TOCK! TICK TOCK! TIME'S UP!" TEC informed her!

"Um... Peach?" the Raichu asked.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" TEC said!

Peach jumped up and down! "Yay!"

"Next Question! Do boogers smell good?" TEC asked.

Peach scratched her head! "Um, I think so…"

"Correct!" TEC boomed! "Question #3! The sky is green! True or false?"

Peach knew this one! "True!"

"That's wrong, but I like you, so it's right!" TEC said!

Peach was ecstatic! "Yay!"

"Now, go back to your room! You smell like peaches!" TEC demanded.

"Yay! I smell like peaches! I'm so happy, TEC!" Peach danced around happily, then left the room!

"Good night, my little computer printer, full of paper…" TEC whispered!


Bowser's Event!

Bowser and Kammy were in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard! Congrats to them!

"I think we have to go to Glitzville Shitsville now, my lord!" Kammy said!

"Fine then! I shall!" Bowser also said!

Kammy went over to the blimp thingy and stole it, while Bower decided to ride around in his Koopa Clown Car thingy! Along the way to Glitzville Shitsville, they decided to have a race, which they did! Bowser was beating Kammy's ass, too, until his Koopa Clown Car thingy started acting up, causing him crash into the ocean! Then, Bowser was bored! He used some special power to tap into the world of Super Mario Bros. again, so he swam around for a bit, killed some Bloopers, ate some meat, and killed some stupid X-Nauts who thought it would be a nice day for a swim! Unfortunately, he ended up back in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, with Kammy successful in reaching Glitzville Shitsville!

"My lord! What are you doing back here? I looked all over for you in the club! They were playing Bingo, for god's sakes! Why weren't you there?" Kammy waved her wand around!

"Maybe because I crashed and you didn't even stop to help me!" Bower grumbled!

"Uh…" Kammy sweatdropped!

And that is the end of something that probably didn't even happen! And if it did, then… EAT YOUR COOKIES AND LIKE THEM, TOO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Authoress' Notes: Whew! Finally! Sorry for the delay; shit came up. And yes, the ending was very unnecessary... As far as the rest of the story goes, I wanted to add a little more detail to the fighting just to see what happens. Unfortunately, it slows the story down, so I might not do it much. And for the uninformed, yes, Vivian IS a guy... at least in Japan, anyway. Apparently, the US thought that was too creepy, so they changed Vivian into a girl and improvised on the spot! HAHA! Notice how when Vivian kisses Mario, she does it differently than everyone else? That's because they added that part in! ...At least I HOPE they did, for Mario's sake...