Authoress' Notes: Time for Chapter 5, people! BTW, Ms. Mowz/Rwatt won't join the group until the beginning of next Chapter. This is mostly because a) I'm too lazy to write it out right now and b) I want there to be at least one new partner every chapter. Anymore would confuse a lot of people and I don't feel like hearing any complaints right now.
College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
Chapter 5: The Condom to the Dead Pirate Guys!
Everybody had regrouped back in Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town to say their goodbyes and shit!
"Well," Dour started. "Thanks for saving out town and stuff, Pikario! Are you sure you don't wanna stay? We commit satanic acts every 5 minutes and someone usually dies!"
"When I get the dirty stuff done with my girlfriend, we'll be sure to come back and try that," Pikario promised.
Dour looked confused, then winked at Pikario. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the dirty... gotcha. In that case, take your time!"
Squirt look absolutely horrified! Get it? Absol? Absolutely? Dour's an Absol? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, everybody went back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers to get the Star shit done. There was shining, bling-blinging, glittering, and sparkling! Yay! After that, they went to Prof. Franklyidunno's to get the scoop on where they were going!
Franklyidunno bungee-jumped off his roof! "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!"
Everybody watched him crash into some trash cans, then asked eagerly, "What? What is it?"
Franklyidunno sat up and looked at the map! "I just realized it! This fucking rope's too fucking short! I can't jump off the Grand Canyon with this piece of shit!"
Vivian sighed, "Um, we mean the map, Professor."
"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! AND YOU BETTER SHUT UP, YOU BISEXUAL FREAK! YEAH, I KNOW IT, TOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Franklyidunno shouted.
Vivian sweatdropped. "Um, Okay..."
"Anyway, this map says that the next Star is on Kill-All Key and it's called the Sapphire Crystal Star! But I've heard that Kill-All Key is full of pirates, ghosts, pirate ghosts, AND ghost pirates!" Franklyidunno pointed out.
Pikario shrugged. "Big whoop. Let's just go and get this shit done! Pirates are just retards, cutting off their own limbs with their own swords and using half of their ship to replace them!" He snatched the map and ran off, everyone else following him!
Since Kill-All Key was an island out in the middle of God-knows-where, the first place to look for a boat would be the pier! But there was no boat, just the same Pokémon walking around like always. Pikario and the others tried looking all over the place! They even tried to swim there and were almost eaten by a Wailord, no thanks to Squirt, as it was his harebrained idea! They eventually ended up back in the bar, wondering what to do! Then, Chuigi appeared out of nowhere with Torque the Buzzy Beetle behind him!
"Dude! I went to Gimmea Break Island and I was in a race! Wanna hear about it?" Chuigi asked.
"Urge... to kill... little brother... is rising..." Pikario struggled with himself, twitching very badly, I might add!
"Stop being so mean! Let him tell his little story! He's such a cutie-wutie!" Vivian said, with hearts floating around her head!
Pikella shook her head. "If only you knew..."
Chuigi made a face. "What the hell? Pikario, you have a bisexual following you around? That's insane AND stupid! And I like it!" Chuigi beamed.
Vivian instantly got depressed. "Oh, come on! How can you guys tell? It's not that obvious, is it?"
Chuigi ignored Vivian. "Dude, it was totally off the wall! I can't remember what I did exactly, but I was riding in this sweet car and I kicked everyone's ass! Sweet, huh?"
Pikario twitched! "Urge... to kill... little brother... is still rising..."
Chuigi scoffed. "Whatever, dude."
"Chuigi, you know that's not true! You were in my go-kart and you totally trashed it! I ain't leaving until you pay me back that fee!" Torque bellowed at the surprised Chuigi!
Chuigi frowned. "What fee? Last I remember, you lent me that ride! It's not my fault it crashed!"
"You had it in 'Reverse', so it IS your fault, dumbass!" Torque grumbled! "The only reason you won was because the race was called off, since the racers thought you died from crashing into that wall backwards! Everybody was disqualified except you!"
"Look, I won the Compass Piece Thingy, so who cares?" Chuigi retorted.
"I care! That thing cost me 57,845,954 bucks and you're paying every cent back!" Torque demanded!
Not feeling sorry for Chuigi or Torque, Pikario joined his friends at another table.
Crusher frowned at a nearby Meowth, singing some disfigured song from hell! "Man, why won't that guy over there shut up already?"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! BASSA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! FESTIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the Meowth continued.
"Hey, man! We're trying to figure out how to get to Kill-All Key over here, but I might be killing you soon if you don't shut the hell up!" Pikario threatened, throwing a beer at bottle at the Meowth!
The Meowth dodged it, then sat up! "Kill-All Key, you say? Well, the great Flavio has been thinking about traveling the world because Flavio is so damn bored! I might be able to take you to Kill-All Key, since I hear there's treasure there!"
Flurrie chuckled. "Well, that was easy."
"Just meet me in the harbor! I don't know how, but a grand ship that is very big and mine should be there waiting for us to sail in it!" Flavio said, then sped off to the harbor/pier thingy!
Just like Flavio said, there was a big ship in the harbor and there were Sailor Bob-ombs all over the place and some Shroomishes, an Electrode, and Lord Crump was there in a crappy disguise! Oh, have mercy on our common senses!
Pikario looked at the ship! "Now where the hell did this shit come from? We were just here, like, 2 minutes ago!"
Flavio boasted! "Nice, huh? She cost me well over 4,578,587,495,834,905,845,940,854,956,895,069,806..."
"We get the idea!" Crusher interrupted!
"Well, anyway! We would be sailing right now, but there is a slight problem! I can't steer this thing because, as you can probably see, there is no steering wheel!" Flavio sighed. "In order to steer a ship that has no wheel, you would need an expert at steering ships without steering wheels!"
"But that's impossible! No matter how good you are, you can't steer something without a wheel!" Vivian pointed out.
"Oy! Ise knows of the great Admiral 'obbery 'ho could steer this thing wit' 'is oyes closed, 'e sure bloody could!" Pa-Patch said, in his strange accent that was obviously fake!
"Perfect! The Pikachu is the captain now, so you go and find this 'obbery!" Flavio demanded!
Pikario frowned. "Damn it!"
"Oy! It's 'OBBERY!" Pa-Patch corrected!
"That's what I said!" Flavio argued!
"No, 'ou said, 'obbery!" Pa-Patch said!
"THE GREAT FLAVIO IS ANGRY AT YOU LIKE A MATH TEACHER WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF THE LETTER 'F'!" Flavio barked!
So, Pikario and his posse walked around for a bit, then found Bobbery's place! Needless to say, he was outraged at them for coming in!
"I say! What's all this ruckus now?" he demanded.
"Um, we're looking for this guy named Bobbery. We need him to steer a ship. Ever seen him?" Squirt asked.
"No!" Bobbery pushed everybody out the door and slammed it behind them!
"Oh, well," Vivian sighed. "I guess that wasn't him..."
Pikario slapped his forehead! "OF COURSE THAT WAS HIM, IDIOT!"
Unsure of what to do next, the gang went back to Flavio!
"You say this 'obbery's not coming?" he asked.
"IT'S 'OBBERY!" Pa-Patch corrected again!
"Yeah, whatever. Just go and find something! I don't know! Try the bar!" Flavio suggested, pushing them off the boat!
Much to Pikario's dismay, the gang went to bar to look for... something!
Podley walked up to Pikario, polishing a glass. "Want a wet one, man?"
"No, I want this dumb sailor guy to get us to this damn island!" Pikario mumbled.
"Yeah, have you ever heard of him? I think his name was Bobbery," Crusher said.
"Bobbery, huh? Well, he's not sailing anymore because his girl, Scarlette, died while he was out on the sea and he think it's his fault, but it's not. She even gave me this note that says it's not his fault!" Podley said outloud, as if the matter of Bobbery's personal business didn't matter to him! He gestured to a note on another table.
Flurrie picked up the note. "How sad! And you haven't given him this?"
Podley shook his head. "I'm stuck in this stupid pose, polishing this damn glass! Can you do if for me?"
"What are we? The fucking walking committee?" Pikario griped.
So, they went back to Bobbery's place!
Upon seeing them again, Bobbery was furious! "I shall never again sail! Off with you!"
"Just read the damn letter first! It's from your damn dead girlfriend!" Pikario growled, handing him the note!
"Scarlette?" Bobbery took the note and read it!
There was a lot of sappy stuff from it about how much Scarlette wanted to see his face again and loved him ever so dearly and that she was in the clouds and the air and the sea's breeze and all that crap! Bobbery was touched!
"If you'll excuse me a moment..." Bobbery said, going into his back room.
Pikella looked sad. "Aw, poor Bobbery. I feel his pain... he needs some time alone."
The Next Day!
"Hey, Pikella! Is 24 hours long enough for you?" Pikario asked, sarcastically.
"He's taking it hard, I'm sure..." Pikella sweatdropped.
Bobbery finally came out from the back, chuckling. "I am the master of Super Smash Bros. Melee!"
Pikario scowled. "What?"
Bobbery perked up, realizing that everyone was still standing around! "Oh! Um, I mean... Oh, Scarlette, I'll always love you so much... You mean the world to me..."
"Whatever! You've had enough time, so let's go!" Pikario shouted, pushing Bobbery and the others back to Flavio's ship!
Once they got to the ship, Bobbery looked at it and decided to sail the damn thing! Everyone was very happy and someone even fell off the side of the harbor, proclaiming "I'm on board!" Bobbery said it would be about three days before they docked again, so everybody got their stuff done before the ship set off!
Pikario dropped boxes and boxes of beer and wine into the cargo, along with some guns, bullets, his Nintendo DS, some games for it, and pizza! "Now, we're all set! Bring it on, Mother Nature, for nothing can topple the awesome lighting power of a DS!"
Pikella frowned. "Pikario, shouldn't you worry about more important things? Like me, for instance! In case you somehow forgot, I'm still pregnant, and as the father, you must attend to my needs."
Pikario shook his head. "Until you show me proof, I'm not lifting a finger for you! ...and even if they are mine, I tried to tell you to sleep on the floor, but NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Okay! After that and a lot of other shit was done, the S.S. Flavion set off for Kill-All Key, with Bobbery somehow moving the ship! How? We don't know!
Month: Whatever Day: Who cares?
Today is the first day the S.S. Flavion, my ridiculously high-priced ship sets sail to Kill-All Key for treasure! Although, Capt. Pikario had the nerve to shoot down some Wingulls and Pelippers for some reason. And why does he have a gun? I think we ran over someone in the water, but who cares?
Month: Wouldn't You Like to Know? Day: You Tell Me; I Don't Know!
Today, nothing much happened, but I am very annoyed at my crew, who decided that today was a good day to get drunk, thanks to Capt. Pikario's idea. Fortunately, for myself and Bobbery, we are unaffected by this insane drinking binge and remain not intoxicated. Bobbery says that he isn't a real beer man (I know that's not true!), and I really don't prefer drinking while on board a vessel. Last time was bad enough...
Month: B947TYHFN4RH3RIGHKT9IVUJ! Day: 57re4jgmroigjmwiot4jwemvgit7uyhg!
Thank the stars that today is our last day on the sea! Bobbery says that we'll be on Kill-All soon, but I have come to the conclusion that all of my other crew members are critically insane! This is mainly because Capt. Pikario decided to set the sails ablaze and the others actually had the nerve to join in! After about an hour, we finally put them all out. Capt. Pikario is sure to be relieved of his post once we reach land!
Month: What is the Point of Time Anyway? Day: Time is Just an Annoying Reminder That You're Only Getting Older!
Yes! By morning, will be on Kill-All! I plan to spend my last night on the sea like I would my money in a jewelry store! Fast and cheap! It's the best way!
Flavio closed his journal and cleared his throat. "Ah, yes! It is now time for me to spin another tale, no?"
"Yes, no!" a Bob-omb grumbled.
"If you insist!" Flavio boasted. "So there I was...!"
Pa-Patch hit the random Bob-omb. "Nice going, idiot! Now we 'ave to 'ear this shit again..."
"I say we get drunk," Pikario chuckled.
"No, Pikario! Once is bad enough!" Pikella lectured, trying to avoid watching Vivian and Squirt throw up over the side!
"Fine," Pikario yawned. "I'm going to sleep! Don't wake me up unless the booze is falling overboard, or something!"
"Ugh, I hope we get there soon..." Squirt mumbled.
Flurrie looked around. "Yes and we can live off the land like we were intended! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!"
'Four-Eyes' shrugged. "Crazy fat bitch..."
Just then, the ship stopped moving! Uh oh!
"Hey, uh, just whut the hell's goin' on here?" Pa-Patch wondered.
"Hey! This ship is supposed to be moving, not sitting on its ass in the middle of the fucking ocean!" a Shroomish shouted from the back!
"And then I said, 'Well, then! No more cookies for you until I get home, mister! Those are for all the very sad people in the world who don't have a Super Nintendo!' And then he said..." Flavio blabbed.
"'AVIO! THE SHIP AIN'T MOVIN'! WHY AIN'T THIS THING BLOODY MOVIN'?" Pa-Patch demanded, scaring Flavio!
"Well, it's Bobbery's job to keep it going, is it not?" Flavio asked.
"It's not working, mate!" Bobbery responded, not even doing anything!
"Ise ain't 'bout ta get stranded out 'ere!" Pa-Patch spouted, going to the top of the ship to look around!
It was then that the stars and the moon decided to disappear and a Gastly tapped Pa-Patch on his nonexistent shoulder!
"Yeah, yeah! I'm workin' 'ere!" Pa-Patch grumbled loudly, but the ghost tapped him again!
"OY! I SAID..." Pa-Patch turned around, then jumped down off the mast after what he saw!"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"What, you vile thing, you? Did you see a cloud, or something? Perhaps it was only your feeble, little mind playing tricks on you..." Flavio sighed, annoyed.
Just then, a lot of Gastlys and Haunters surrounded the ship and it was MADNESS!
"OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!" the ghosts said!
"IT'S THE PIRATE GHOSTS OF KILL-ALL KEY! WE'RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" a Bob-omb wailed!
Everybody ran around in a panic! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"ABANDON SHIP!"
"IT'S TOO LATE!"
"OH NO!"
"DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER A MEAL!"
Woken up by all the noise, Pikario stomped up to the upper deck, clearly irritated!
"Pikario, quick! Do something! The ship is being taken over by ghosts and we can't stop them!" Crusher informed the sleepy Pikachu!
Pikario took out his gun cocked it. "Ghosts? No sweat!"
He then proceeded to shoot the ghostly 'OoOoOoOoOo'ing things, missing every single one of them!
"Captain! That thing ain't gonna work!" Pa-Patch called, still running around!
"I don't see you losers trying to do anything!" Pikario growled, still shooting away!
At one point in the melee, Squirt tripped and ran into Pikario, causing him to drop the gun! ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! The trigger of the gun got stuck and bullets went flying everywhere!
Pikario was in shock! "Damn it! What the hell?"
Squirt hid in his shell! "I'm sorry, Pikario!"
So, there they were: In a ship, in the middle of the ocean, with no land in sight and it was very, very dark! They were ghosts haunting the S.S. Flavion, the ship wouldn't move, the crew was in a frenzy, and there was a gun out of control and shooting bullets all over the place! Well, it's times like this where you have to stop and think to yourself "Man! I just know things can't get any worse than this!" AND YOU'D BE WRONG!
Flavio waved his arms around in an attempt to stop the chaos! "LISTEN, EVERYONE! IF YOU COULD JUST FORM AN ORDERLY LINE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SHIP, I'M SURE WE'LL BE FINE! AND REMEMBER NOT TO TAKE CANDY FROM STRANGERS SO THEY'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE!"
Then, the ship started sinking! There goes your "Man! I just know things can't get any worse than this!" idea!
"FORGET THIS CRAP! METANG OVERBOARD!" 'Four Eyes' shouted, jumping off!
"Oh, come on! What's a little water? The island is like, what? Two, maybe, three miles away?" Flavio asked Bobbery!
"It's 15 miles..." Bobbery sighed.
"Oh..." Flavio responded, as the skip was consumed by ghosts and water!
Month: Where Are We Going With This? Day: All the Way to Hell
After last night, I see that I am not the only survivor of this mishap! This is good and bad at the same time. Good, because most of our cargo survived, and bad, because my crew is full of a bunch of loons and crack addicts! Honestly! I see that only Capt. Pikario, his friends, and 5 of my members have survived. I am lost as to what happened to the others, including 'obbery. I lament sadly over their deaths.
Flavio dusted himself off! "I say! Fortune shines down upon Flavio like it does on this beautiful world everyday!"
"Oy! Shut up, 'avio! This sucks an' 'ou know it!" Pa-Patch spat!
"Well, excuse me for trying to look on the bright side! You frightful thing, you're lucky to be here after what Pikario did..." Flavio shot him a dirty look!
Pikario perked up! "WHAT?"
"You know what! Pikario, you killed more than half of the crew!" Flavio pointed to random dead Shroomish and Bob-ombs floating in the water and on the beach!
Pikario slurped down some beer. "Squirt made me drop the gun!"
"I NEED HELP!" Squirt bawled, falling to his knees!
Month: Leave Me Alone! Day: Away You Go!
Day 2, and we still have not found any others! I feel this will soon turn into a game of "Survivor"! Oh, perish the thought! I told Capt. Pikario that he was no longer the captain, but he retorted with some awful mess about how he's the master and something about sucking... Absurb is all I can say! Absolutely absurd!
Pikario sucked down his 10th bottle of beer as everyone else worked to make his tent! "Now, put that there and this over here!"
Pikella waddled up to Pikario, holding her stomach. "Pikario!"
"WHAT?" Pikario threw his empty bottle of booze in the water!
"What are you doing? You need to be helping make tents for everybody, not the other way around!" she scolded!
Pikario opened another bottle of booze. "Look, I'm the captain, so what I say goes!"
"Flavio doesn't want you to be captain anymore! He told me to tell you that because you totally flipped him off!" Pikella said!
"HEY! NO! NO! NO! I SAID PUT THE GAMECUBE BESIDE THE SUPER NINTENDO, NOT BEHIND IT!" Pikario barked at Pa-Patch!
"Also, Pikario, I think I felt the baby kick! Want to feel?" Pikella asked, rubbing her stomach.
"Maybe later, I'm too busy trying to be captain!" Pikario responded, turning away!
"Oh, boy..." Pikella, irritated that Pikario didn't like her as much as she liked him!
Month: BOOMSHAKALAKALAKA Day: Mine Are Numbered!
The small camp we have made seems have to become Capt. Pikario's own personal base! I swear, will I ever understand this Pikachu? He is, by far, the most outlandish Pikachu I've ever met! I shan't write more, in fear that he will shoot or burn my beloved journal!
Pikario sat in his tent, along with the other partners, while Pa-Patch and a Shroomish cooled them off with some fans made from palm leaves!
"Oy! Captain! Aren't 'ou gonna do something for the crew? 'ou've been 'oing nothin' but relaxin' ever since we crashed 'ere!" Pa-Patch said.
"The retarded cyclops is right! Get up and help us build other tents, for god's sakes!" Flavio complained, getting a dirty look from Pa-Patch!
"NO! The Captain is tired! FAN FASTER!" Pikario commanded!
"Hey, C.K.! It's been three days, man! Do you think we should start looking for the Sapphire Crystal Star?" Crusher asked.
Pikario sat straight up, spitting his martini all over Squirt! "MY GOD! 3 DAYS? WHAT WAS I THINKING? TIME HAS GOTTEN FREE OF MY GRASP!"
"I'm surprised. I thought nothing gets between you and sex," Pikella comented cooly.
Pikario walked out, with everyone expect Pikella following. "Zip it! I got caught up in the moment, that's all! Now, get up! You're coming, too!"
Pikella scowled. "Pikario, I'm pregnant and in no condition to be walking around in the jungle like this! I'm staying here and these other guys can pamper me instead of you!"
"FINE!" Pikario stomped off!
Flavio shook his head. "Well, if that isn't..."
Pikella snapped her fingers. "Come on! Come on! Fans, please!"
"Oy, and 'ou said the captain was a nag..." Pa-Patch whispered to a Shroomish!
And now it's time for the stupid game of 'Survivor'! How fun for everyone! Aside from that, Pikario and partners went on through the thick jungle, sweating, coughing up blood, and using their urine to mark every other tree they came in contact with! ...Okay, so the last part isn't really true, but the point is that they eventually came to a bridge and saw Bobbery fighting some Gastlys! He was with 'Four Eyes' and a very unimportant random Shroomish!
"Look! It's Bobbery!" Vivian pointed out!
"Look! It's Capt. Pikario!" the unimportant Shroomish remarked!
"I SAY! I can't keep up the good fight for much longer! These ghastly things will kill us all, so GO! GO AND SAVE YOURSELVES!" Bobbery bellowed, throwing 'Four Eyes' and the unimportant Shroomish to safety and running off with the Gastlys!
"Wow, that was so brave!" Vivian sighed.
"Dude, what a sacrifice!" Crusher added.
"Why are we all standing around like a bunch of idiots? I'm gettin' outta here!" 'Four Eyes' grabbed the unimportant Shroomish and ran back to camp!
Despite 'Four Eyes' running away, Pikario continued on! A few stupid ghosts weren't going to stop him from getting what he wanted! Maybe a few martinis and a relaxing vacation would, but not some stupid ghosts! Sooner or later, Pikario came across a tree with Gastlys circling around it! It was too far to sse up, but Bobbery could be heard screaming at the ghosts!
"OH, THE PAIN OF IT ALL! YOU SCUMBAGS! HOW DARE YOU TEAM UP ON ME? I HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES TO BE DEALT WITH, SO OFF YOU GO! BUT YOU WON'T LEAVE, WILL YOU? NO... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bobbery howled, delusional!
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Pikario shouted, banging the Gastlys and the tree with his Hammer!
The Gastlys ran away and Bobbery fell out of the tree, all the while screaming "YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY POTATO CHIPS TODAY, MR. SOCK!"
"Oh, Bobbery! Are you okay?" Vivian gasped.
"...Oh, Captain Pikario... HAAAACK! Thank... thank the stars... you're here..." Bobbery coughed.
"Yeah, what?" Pikario asked.
"I'm... glad you were... GAH, able... to let me... GOOMBA see the sea... one more... HOOPLA... time...HAAAAAAAAAACK! PBBBBBBBBBBBPHT!" Bobbery spat, obviously starting to go insane!
Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude, chill..."
"Heh heh... I'll be with... Scarlette now... GIYAHH! ...farewell... Captian..." Bobbery whispered!
"Uh, Admiral Bobbery?" Squirt asked.
"Oh, Scarlette..." Bobbery wheezed!
Vivian gasped. "Is he...?"
"Could he...?" Flurrie gasped.
"He just might be..." Crusher gasped!
"...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." Bobbery said!
The whole group sweatdropped!
Pikario whacked Bobbery with his Hammer! "GET UP!"
"P-P-PIRATES! WHERE ARE THEY? THOSE SCUMS STOLE MY TOOTHBRUSH!" Bobbery shouted, alarmed!
Crusher sweatdropped. "Eh?"
Bobbery then noticed Pikario. "Captain? You're dead, too? CAPITAL! Quick! Let's go get my toothbrush from those blasted pirates!"
"He's not dead! You went to sleep, dude!"Crusher said.
Bobbery looked disappointed. "Oh, really, now? Oh. Hmm. Well. Yes. Of course... I guess not."
"What? Did you want to die, or something?" Pikario asked, smirking!
"Of course not! I was only wondering if I could be a part of your chain of assistants! You know, to repay you for the letter and the sailing thing... Since I'm not dead, I can join you now!" Bobbery improvised!
Pikario shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat..."
Bobbery exploded! "VERY WELL, THEN!"
Admiral Bobbery Became a Part of Pikario's Party! He's His Sixth New Partner! Yay!
Name: (Admiral) Bobbery
Gender: Male
Pokémon: Voltorb
Attitude: Hardy/Independent
Ability: Blowing Up Stuff! HERE COMES DA BOOM!
Met At: Kill-All Key
Admiral Bobbery is an old salty Bob-omb guy who likes to blow stuff up! Eh, who would've guessed? Anyway, he's also a sailor and sailors are cool, unlike pirates, who are stupid! Pikario can pick up Bobbery and throw him at stuff OR walk around with him, THEN throw him so he can walk around and blow up stuff! Isn't that just the coolest? Bobbery is a good man who, even though still lamenting his dead love Scarlette, can still pack a punch... and stuff! ...HE BLOWS UP STUFF! ISN'T THAT JUST SO WICKED?
And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Partner!
After going back to the camp with the others, everyone was happy that Bobbery was back! Surely he was a better leader than Pikario! Unfortunately, he only came to get Flavio to show him a strange cave they had seen near the edge of the island! Assuming they were about to do something stupid, Pikella tagged along while riding on Crusher! Now they were back at the rock thingy!
"Why don't you just blow it up?" Pikario asked!
"Good idea!" Bobbery blew up the rock! And there was a cave! YAY!
"Well, that was fun, but I must be leaving! Make sure you bring back that tresure for Flavio!" the Meowth called, running back to the camp!
Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah! They went into the Pirate's Ghetto and did stuff! They also saw the cute and adorable Bulky Bob-ombs! And the Authoress loves those things! They're so cute! Soon, they found a strange Black Box!
"Not again..." Pikario moaned!
"Oh, look at that Box!" Vivian found a key and opened it!
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
"Yeah, yeah! Go ahead and curse me!" Pikario interrupted!
The Box shouted! "Hey! You cut me off! Just for that, I'LL CURSE YOU EVEN MORE!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEE! NOW YOU CAN, LIKE, TURN INTO THIS BOAT THING AND FLOAT, EVEN THOUGH PAPER IS NOT GOOD WITH WATER! AND THE AUTHORESS HATES THIS MODE, SO THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE AWFUL! Oh, yeah! And thanks for letting me do my thing! I'm really happy now that I got this off my chest! HA! CHEST! GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha..." And he laughed and laughed until the laughing could be heard no more!
Vivian looked confused. "Aw, does this mean I can't keep the box?"
Yaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayadda! Pikario turned into a boat and sailed around and stuff! Then, he found some Shroomishes trapped on a ship and freed them, along with Frankie and Fransesca! What a surprise!
"Yo, man! Tanks a lot, man! Ise owes ya one!" Frankie said!
"And I promise I won't rip off your penis now!" Fransesca added!
And everyone was happy that Fransesca gave up her bad habit! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Afterwards, Pikario found a strange black ship! Going in he saw a whole shitload of loot!
"Sweet! After all that walking this must be my reward!" Pikario started to grab some loot, but was rudely interrupted by a giant, evil floating snake head made of steel!
"OHMUHGAWD!" Vivian gasped!
"Hey! Who let the snake head in here?" Pikario demanded!
The Steelix frowned! "Bien! Eso es! Yo me canso de esto 'la mierda de OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo'ing! Sé que usted tipos están después de mi tesoro, pero después de usted no lo obtiene sin una pelea! Entiende?" 1)
Squirt was confused! "What'd he say?"
Pikario started laughing! "What the hell? This guy only speaks Spanish!"
Vivian giggled. "Well, that is kind of funny!"
"¿Qué es tan chistoso? ¿POR QUE se RIE USTED? ¿Usted se atreve la risa en el gran Cortez! Esto no es un asunto que se ríe! ¡CALLEse EL INFIERNO ARRIBA!" 2)
Pikario stopped laughing and got serious! "Ok, that's enough! I'm asking this guy if he knows where the Star is because I need Peach in so many ways! Hé, vous! Je suis sûr que les ballons mangeront mes pantalon et volent à la lune de petit gâteau de mort! Là-bas, ils pèleront leurs bicyclettes du plafond et mangent les camions de la vache, mais je n'étais pas là-bas parce que la porcherie volant a dit que j'arrête et je n'ai pas été fait emballant même mes cadeaux pourtant!" 3)
Cortez became enraged for some reason! "¿QUE? ¡Usted idiota! Usted habla francés, no español! Puedo ni le entiendo ya, usted retarda!" 4)
"Oh, Pikario, you dashing man! I didn't know you could speak French!Ce n'est pas une telle belle langue?" Flurrie fawned over herself! 5)
Pikario rubbed his head. "What? That was French? Damn..."
"¡BASTANTES! ¡Esta insentatez ahora termina! Le demostraré qué sucede cuando usted ensucia con Cortez, el rey de piratas! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"Cortez laughed! 6)
ENTER BATTLE MODE! WHO WILL WIN THIS FIGHT? I DON'T KNOW!
Pikella used Tattle! "That guy is Cortez, an evil, dead Steelix pirate that was once feared across the seas for taking treasure, sailing around in a black, scary ship, and stabbing innocent bystanders with his ridiculously sharps swords of different varieties!"
"¡Le mataría normalmente primero, pero esto es una lucha dar vuelta-basada! Maldígala!" Cortez groaned! 7)
"I don't understand you!" Pikario roared!
Pikario used the Ruby Crystal Star! Art Attack! Pikario drew a missile and tossed it at Cortez! It exploded upon impact!
"¿Ahora, cuál el infierno era ése? Lastimó! Usted no puede hacer eso! ... puede usted?" Cortez was stunned! 8)
Crusher used Flamethower! It's Super Effective!
Cortez pulled out, like, 4 different kinds of swords! "¡AY! Idiotas estúpidos! MUERA!" 9)
Cortez stabbed Crusher and used Crunch on Flurrie!
Crunch was Super Effective! Flurrie fainted! Crusher is in Peril!
Pikario rolled his eyes! "Oh, come on! You guys are wimps! Do something!"
Bobbery used Self-Destruct! It's not very effective... Bobbery fainted!
"I MEAN SOMETHING SMART! WE'RE LOSING HERE!" Pikario shouted, stomping around! "Quick, Squirt! Use a Water attack! He's part ground, right?"
"Uh, ok..." Squirt mumbled!
Squirt used Withdraw! Defense was raised by 1!
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO CARES IF THEY LOSE TO AN OVERGROWN GARBAGE DISPOSAL?" Pikario rampaged!
"¿La DISPOSICION CUBIERTA DE HIERBA de BASURA?" Cortez repeated angrily! 10)
Cortez stabbed Vivian and slashed Pikella! Then he had the nerve to use Crunch on Pikario!
Just then, Crusher started glowing, then POOF! Congratulations, Crusher is now a Charmeleon! Oh, happy day!
"How lucky was that?" Vivian giggled!
Pikella shrugged. "No comment..."
"Hey! Look, I'm scary-looking! GRR!" Crusher growled at Cortez, who drew back for some reason!
"¿Usted se atreve el gruñido en mí? Y usted no es ESO espantoso! Mi mamá parece más espantoso que usted y mi papá hizo, también!" Cortez strangely boasted! 11)
Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star! Clock Out! IT DIDN'T WORK!
Pikario frowned. "What the hell?"
Cortez sighed. "¿Qué estaba con la bomba? Sus tonterías me confunden!" 12)
Crusher used Fire Blast! It's Super Effective! Cortez fainted!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! W00T FOR CRUSHER!
"¿Qué? Ah, sí... ¡Despida + mí no soy bueno! Yo kinda se olvidó eso, pero TODAVIA! Soy un fantasma, por lo tanto, usted no me puede matar porque estoy ya muerto! Y si usted me mató otra vez, entonces yo llegaría a ser undead, pero viviría todavía... sólo como un autómata, no un fantasma! Y autómatas no pueden morir cualquiera, así que en el fin, yo GANO! ¡MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cortez laughed, as lightning flashed in the background! 13)
"I don't know what you just said, but all we really want is the Sapphire Crystal Star, if you have it," Vivian said.
"¿Qué?" Cortez's head floated over to the Sapphire Crystal Star! "¿Esto? ESTO? ...Sure, cualquier. Odio el color azul, de todos modos." 14)
Squirt scratched his head. "What'd he say?"
"If I didn't know when we first got here, what makes you think I'd know now?" Pikario growled, kicking Squirt in the head!
Cortez gave Pikario the Sapphire Crystal Star! "¡Lo toma! Tómelo y salga! Yo no quiero que nada más haga con usted y con sus bufonadas tontas!" 15)
"Sometimes I feel like the things I do for sex are worth it," Pikario smirked, taking the Star!
TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Sapphire Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 6! He Can Use the Attack "Sweet Feast"! YAY!
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Now Pikario has 5 Crystal Stars! Only 2 more to go, then Pikario will find Peach and they'll do what they do best! Yay! Cortez is now at peace (not really) and everyone is satisfied! But how will Pikario get off of Kill-All Key? Hmmmm... PLOT THICKNESS!
Leaving Cortez's ship, Pikario ran into Frankie, Fransesca, and the 1,854,958,498,958,340 stupid Shroomishes!
"What was all that noise in there? Was someone having sex, or something?" Fransesca asked, worried.
"I wish! Now, how the hell do we get the hell out of here?" Pikario asked.
A Shroomish walked over to a hole in the wall! "All that noise cracked the wall and now we can get out! HOORAY! No more dark cave for us!"
So, everybody ran out of Pirate's Ghetto, never to return! ...or will they? Upon reaching outside, they saw Flavio, Pa-Patch and the others all standing looking at something in the ocean!
BOOM!
"What was THAT?" Flurrie asked, surprised!
Then, 'Four Eyes' appeared on a ship! "Buh! Buh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh! HACK! OW! Anyway, FOOLS! I have this giant, evil, spiky ship thingy that fires cannonballs! WATCH!"
'Four Eyes' fired the cannon! BOOM!
"Hey, look! Four Eyes is so totally pimpin' with that evil, spiky ship of his!" a Shroomish shouted!
"Sweet! Hey, Four Eyes! Can you get me one of those!" another Shroomish added!
"I want one, too!" yet another Shroomish asked!
"Me, too!"
"Don't forget me!"
"What about me?"
"Can mine be purple?"
"SILENCE!" 'Four Eyes' fired the cannon!
BOOM!
"Can I have one if I say 'please'?" some other Shroomish asked!
'Four Eyes' shook his fist! "NO! That's beacuse I'm really... Wait for it ...wait for it... wait for it... BOOM! LORD CRUMP! BUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH! COUGH! Ouch, damn it..."
GASP! Pikario and the others were shocked! No one even knew! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
"And now, I'm going to kill you and blow up this island for no apparent reason!" Crump fired the cannon!
BOOM!
"Oy! Now what are we gonna do?" Pa-Patch asked!
"It's a stupid idea, men, but we will fight to bitter end!" Flavio stated, actually sounding courageous this time!
"Oy! But 'ow are we gonna fight to the bitter end if we ain't gots a ship?" Pa-Patch questioned!
"Youse could ask dat Cortez guy! I tinks he's got a ship youse could use if youse asks!" Frankie suggested!
"Oh, Frankie! That's perfect!" Fransesca swooned!
"But you can't do that! He'll cream you! CUH-REE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM you!" a Shroomish warned!
"We have no choice! Pikario, if you want to get off this island alive, take me to Cortez!" Flavio demanded!
Pikario dragged Flavio with him as he ran! "Oh, hell, yeah!"
Walking back into Pirate's Ghetto, Pikario led Flavio to Cortez's Black Skull, which is the name of his ship, by the way!
Lightning flashed in the background! BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF! Cortez's head appeared!
"¡MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAHAHAHAHAHA! ¿Qué? Qué el infierno hace USTED aquí otra vez?" Cortez's head grunted! 16)
Flavio cleaned out his ears. "What'd he say?"
"¡No este otra vez!" Cortez moaned! 17)
"Hey, listen! We need your evil black ship thing so we can stop this other guy from trying to blow up this island for no apparent reason!" Pikario told Cortez!
Cortez's head huffed and turned away! "No, yo no me siento como la matanza hoy..." 18)
"Okay! Okay! Then I will give you this!" Flavio showed Cortez the Skull Gem!
Cortez turned around and went mad! "¿QUE? MI GEMA de CRANEO! USTED ROBO ESO, USTED ABIGARRANDO GATO! Yo RAJA de OUTTA USTED ARRIBA Y LE TIENE PARA CENA!" 19)
Flavio gave him the Skull Gem and started to panic! "Look! Um... ¡Mis pantalones están muy enojados en usted, pero no los tener inconveniente en! Ellos acaban de comeres!" 20)
Cortez sat in silence for a moment, then started laughing and grabbed the Skull Gem! "¡Sus tonterías me divierten, gato estúpido! La multa, entonces! Todo se perdona! Encuéntreme en la plataforma! NAVEGAREMOS OTRA VEZ!" 21)
Lightning flashed in the background! BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF! Cortez's head disappeared!
Pikario sighed. "Now what?"
Flavio ran out the door! "Quick! To the main deck!"
DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! BAAAAATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Out on the main deck, everyone was on board and ready to attack Lord Crump's stupid ship of the stupidness! Lightning flashed in the background! BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF! Cortez's head appeared!
"Oh no! It's Cortez! He'll CUH-REEM us!" a random Shroomish shouted!
Everybody started to run around in a panic again! That's just great! Ignoring them, Cortez summoned thousands of Gastlys and Haunters to take the ship out of Pirate's Ghetto!
Back Outside!
Crump fired another cannonball! BOOM!
"Dude! I think we're actually winning for once!" an X-Naut happily said!
Crump pushed him down! "Shut up and do something whileworth... WORTHWHILE!"
"¡Usted tipos tienen algún nervio para joder conmigo! Nadie vuela esta isla para ninguna razón aparente! ...Except para mí!" Cortez roared frome somewhere! 22)
All X-Nauts looked at each other in confusion! "What?"
Crump got mad! "Just what're you trying to pull? Who is that? We can't understand you, man!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The Black Skull came crashing through the paper-made background, ripping it into pieces!
"Shit! That hole's gonna cost us a fortune!" Crump shouted!
"¡Le haré el rue el día que usted vino aquí, mortal idiota! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 23) Cortez growled loudly!
"¡Bien, eso es demasiado malo justo para usted! ATAQUE, MIS ALCOHOLES!" Cortez ordered the Gastlys and Haunters! 24)
Crump looked worried. "Wait! What? Quick! Someone go get Johnson! I think he understands Spanish!"
But it was too late! The Gastlys and Haunters attacked and the ship went up in flames! How? I dunno! It just did!
"ACK! X-Nauts! Retreat! Retreat!" Crump boomed!
The X-Nauts ran around in a panic! "What do we do? What do we do? The ship's on fire! We're gonna die!"
For the next few hours, Pikario, Cortez, the ghosts, the Shroomishes, and even Flavio engaged in beating the crap out of the poor, confused X-Nauts! The ships bumped into each other well over 584,958,495 times, Pokémon fell into the ocean, flew away, swam away, got set on fire, or just up and disappeared! Nonetheless, it was complete and total chaos amongst the two battling ships! Crump was soon able to pull away from the fight!
"You stupid little bastards! I'll get the next Star and you can't stop me! BUH! BUH HUH HUHUHUHUHUH! HAAAAACK!" he choked on his words!
"HOORAY! We did it!" the Shroomish cheered!
"¡MÁS COMO LO HICE! Y USTED NO SE OLVIDA DE ESO!"Cortez threatened playfully, spooking the crew! 25)
Woo hoo! Pikario saved the haunted Kill-All Key from Lord Crump and now everyone can live in peace! Ah, you get the idea...
Peach's Event!
Grodius slammed his fist down on the table! "Damn it, Crump! What the hell do I pay you for?"
"Sorry, sir!" Lord Crump whimpered on a transmission screen! "But, Pikario was..."
"NO! You get you sorry ass to work or I just might, uh..." Grodius stopped for a second!
"Blow up something?" Crump pondered.
"YEAH! I'll do that if you don't get the next Star!" Grodius turned off the screen! "I'll get you one day, Pikario... GAAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHPT!"
Elsewhere!
Peach walked into TEC's room! "Hiyah, TEC! Wutcha doin'?"
"I am troubled, Peach!" TEC responded! "See, I need this Memory Card to save my "Paper Mario: TTYD" game or that'll be 25 of my hours wasted! Please go turn invisible, or something and steal one from Sir Grodius!"
Peach smiled. "Yay! Okay!"
Sometime later, Peach was in some other room upstairs, trying to turn herself invisible! The potions in the lab weren't working, due to the fact that she didn't have a watch to count for the damn 30 seconds it took to heat the potions to the right temperature, so she just had to use her imagination! And guess what? It actually worked! Now that she was "invisible", Peach strolled over to Grodius' pad, took a Memory Card out of his GameCube and brought it back to TEC!
TEC was excited! "Sweet! Now, off with you! I need some time alone so I can beat the last boss!"
"Okay, then! See ya tomorrow!" Peach sang, dancing out of the room!
Bowser's Event!
Bowser and Kammy walked up in Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town! Upon realising where they were, Bowser's eyes went wide!
"Holy shit! Kammy, do you know where we are?" he asked, in a panic!
"Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town?" Kammy asked!
"YES! And this is a gothic town! Quick! We need to get out of here before someone starts trying to sell us EvanescenceCDs!"Bowser shouted, alarmed!
He and Kammy were just about to run away, but Bowser spotted Lord Crump in the bushes, looking for something!
"Wait, Kammy! That guy looks weird!" Bowser stomped over the Crump! "HEY, YOU! What the hell are you doing?"
Crump lifted up the object he was looking for: the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb! "None of your business, fat-ass!"
"FAT-ASS? All right, you asked for it!" Bowser called all his Koopas to attack! "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You can't stop me now!"
"Yes-huh!" Crump called all the cute, little X-Nauts to battle!
SHOWDOWN TIME! THE KOOPAS VS. THE X-NAUTS!
Crump made the first move by throwing the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb at Bowser! "Take THIS!"
The Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb didn't work!
Bowser scoffed! "Idiot! You always LIGHT the bomb before you throw it!"
"Lord Bowser! Don't do it!" Kammy freaked out!
But it was too late! Bowser lit the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb and the results were EXPLOSIVE IN A BIG WAY! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Let's hope everyone involved in the explosion has good health and life insurance!
And now for a teaser! Oh, I'm so evil!
NEXT TIME! ON "COLLEGE RULE PIKARIO: THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY!"
"Pikario, we can't stop the train! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Squirt shouted!
Ms. Rwatt walked up and winked! "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
The train turned into a sock!
"Quick, get the Star before it flies away!" Bowser commanded!
The Star exploded!
Smorg got out a machine gun! "SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"
"ALL I NEED... IS YOUR LIFE!" the Shroomish ghost ripped out Pikella's heart and lungs! Blood squirted everywhere!
The Munchlax protested! "Food? I have no idea what you're talking about!"
Zip Sharoomeesh smirked. "So, Vivian? Wanna come to my room for a little bit?"
"My ex-boyfriend gave me these earrings, but I still have his corspe in my room!" the waitress added!
Bub bounced up and down! "No! I wanna be a basketball player!"
Pennington rubbed his chin. "I think I've got it!"
Pikella locked the door! "Pikario, I'm in heat! I need you now MORE THAN EVER!"
Pikario freaked out! "DUDE!"
Pikella grabbed Pikario! "Look, I'm BEGGING you! You're the only one here I feel right having sex with!"
Vivian stood near the edge of the train! "I'll jump! I really will!"
"Hey, Chuigi! Since when does grass knock the main character off stage, then dance around and sing about it?" Hayzee asked, enraged!
"Pikario... I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm pregnant..."
Pikario was in shock! "NO WAY! NOT AGAIN!"
Grodius shook his fist! "Damn computer! I can't rule the world if you keep giving out free smoothies like THAT!"
"I LOVE YOU!" Frankie spat!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A YUCKY, STINKY THREAT!" the business guy freaked out!
"Wow! Da Moon!" Peach said, happily!
Authoress' Notes: Heh. The very last part was just an experiment and a teaser, like I said. Also, lame chapter name, I know! Silence! The one in the game is lame, too! Also, thanks to Lord Luffy for suggesting Cortez to be a Steelix and the chapter name! I skipped a few parts (the Chuckhola Cola thing, fighting Lord Crump) because they were both only things to do to add time to the gameplay. Anyway, here are the translations for the whole Cortez bit.
1) All right! That's it! I grow weary of this 'OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo'ing crap! I know you guys are after my treasure, but you're not getting it without a fight! Understand?
2) What's so funny? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? You dare laugh at the great Cortez? This is not a laughing matter! SHUT THE HELL UP!"
3) Hey, you! I'm sure the balloons will eat my pants and fly to the cookie moon of death! There, they will peel their bicycles off the ceiling and eat the cow's trucks, but I wasn't there because the flying pigpen told me to stop and I wasn't even done wrapping my presents yet!
4) "WHAT? You idiot! You're speaking FRENCH, not Spanish! I can't even understand you anymore, you retard!"
5) "Isn't it such a beautiful language?"
6) "ENOUGH! This foolishness stops now! I'll show you what happens when you mess with Cortez, the king of pirates! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
7) "I would normally kill you first, but this is a turn-based fight! Damn it!"
8) "Now, what the hell was that? It hurt! You can't do that! ...can you?"
9) "OW! Stupid idiots! DIE!"
10) "OVERGROWN GARBAGE DISPOSAL?"
11) "You dare growl at me? And you're not THAT scary! My mom looks scarier than you and my dad did, too!"
12) "What was with the bomb? Your nonsense confuses me!"
13) "What? Oh, yeah... Fire + me is not good! I kinda forgot that, but STILL! I am a ghost, therefore, you cannot kill me because I am already dead! And if you killed me again, then I would become undead, but I would still live... only as a zombie, not a ghost! And zombies can't die either, so in the end, I WIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
14) "What? This? THIS? ...Sure, whatever. I hate the color blue, anyway."
15) "Take it! Take it and get out! I want nothing more to do with you and your silly antics!"
16) "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAHAHAHAHAHA! Huh? What the hell are YOU doing here again?"
17) "Not this again!"
18) "No, I don't feel like killing today..."
19) "WHAT? MY SKULL GEM! YOU STOLE THAT, YOU FREAKING CAT! I OUTTA SLICE YOU UP AND HAVE YOU FOR DINNER!"
20) "My pants are very angry at you, but don't mind them! They're just eating!"
21) "Your nonsense amuses me, stupid cat! Fine, then! All is forgiven! Meet me on the deck! WE SHALL SAIL AGAIN!"
22) "You guys have some nerve to fuck with me! No one blows up this island for no apparent reason! ...except for me!"
23) "I shall make you rue the day you came here, idiotic mortal! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
24) "Well, that's just too bad for you! ATTACK, MY SPIRITS!"
25) "MORE LIKE I DID IT! AND DON'T YOU FORGET THAT!"
