Authoress' Notes: After looking through my bio, I've just noticed that "P&C" and "CRP" are close to being finished! W00t! Anyway, here's Chapter 6, one of my least favorite Chapters in the game. (Trains are so boring...)
College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
Chapter 6: 3 Days of Excess Sex on the Excess Sex Express!
Picking up from where we left off (SORTA), Pikario and company are standing around Cortez's ship, saying their goodbyes to the crew before they leave back for the main land!
Pikario waved at Pa-Patch! "Well, it's been bitchin', but I got what I wanted, so I'm getting the hell out of here!"
"Oy! 'aptain! We'll miss ya!" Pa-Patch replied.
"Really?" a nearby Shroomish frowned!
"Nawh, 'oi just want 'im outta 'ere..." Pa-Patch whispered back!
Flavio got on board the Black Skull! "The great Flavio will miss being captain, but I must go back to being rich and balderdash like that!"
"That's just fine with us!" the crew chimed happily!
"I think that Frankie and I are going to stay, as well! Right, Frankie?" Francesca asked.
"Dat's right, muh lovey-dovey hamburger pizza pie, wit salami and Swiss cheese, wit a dash of seasoning an' some salt 'n peppa an' pepperoni, not ta leave out da tasty sauce an' soft goodness of da freshly baked crust!" Frankie said!
Uh, okay... anyway, everyone said their farewells and shit and Pikario, his friends, Flavio, and the giant, evil Steelix ghost left and made it back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard in, like, 3 minutes! Wow! Ghostly ships that rose from the dead are simply the best! Just as he was about to leave the harbor, Chuigi ran over to Pikario, with a Crayzee Dayzee with him! Yay! Crayzee Dayzees are cute!
"Hey, man! I got another one of those Compass Piece Thingys! I was in a play and I rocked the show! Wanna hear about it?" Chuigi asked.
"No," Pikario said, hoping that would make Chuigi go away!
Ignoring his response, Chuigi continued! "So, anyway! I went to Freek-A-Leek City to get the Piece Thingy and it was full of crazy Crayzee Dayzees and this guy here..."
"HAYZEE!" Hayzee reminded him!
Chuigi ignored him! "...let me be in his play and I totally pwned it from the inside out, man!"
Vivian sighed! "Aw, plays are so dreamy!"
"I played grass and I kicked someone's ass!" Chuigi beamed!
"Hey, Chuigi! Since when does grass knock the main character off stage, then dance around and sing about it?" Hayzee asked, enraged!
"Well, you didn't give me any lines, so I just thought you wanted me to improvise!" Chuigi retorted!
"Grass doesn't improvise, Chuigi; IT LAYS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND DOES NOTHING!" Hayzee shouted!
"Well, that would've been boring, anyway..." Chuigi mumbled under his breath!
While Chuigi and Hayzee were arguing about how grass goes about kicking people's asses, Pikario and his team ran off! They went to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers, did the Star shit, and went back to Franklyidunno's place to see where the hell the next Star could be!
Sitting on his roof, Franklyidunno fired off a torpedo and hit the nearest building, causing it to go up in flames! "BULLS-EYE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hey, Franklyidunno! What about the next Crystal Star?" Crusher called from below!
The old Pikachu jumped down from the roof! "HOLY SHIT! YOU TURNED INTO A CHARMELEON! THAT'S SO COOL! I WANT ONE, BUT I'M TOO OLD AND IT WOULD PROBABLY EAT ME! ANYWAY, THE NEXT STAR IS IN SOME PLACE CALLED PUSSY HEIGHTS AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE A TRAIN TO GET THERE! CHOOOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOOO!"
"I've heard of this place, but don't you need to be rich to ride on there?" Pikella asked.
"PROBABLY, BUT I WOULDN'T KNOW, BECAUSE I'M OLD! WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE TROUBLE CENTER, OR SOMETHING AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?" Franklyidunno ran off, proclaiming something about oranges and their will to destroy Jupiter!
So, they went to the Trouble Center on Da East Side of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!
Pikario picked up a flyer that had a lot of question marks on it and something about badges! "Let's try this one; it looks weird!"
Pikella sweatdropped. "Pikario, we're looking for a train ticket, not badges!"
"Whatever..." Pikario blew her off!
Sometime later, the gang found themselves somewhere on top of a building in Da Middle of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!
Ms. Rwatt walked up and winked! "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
Pikella got pissed! "Hey! What are you doing here AGAIN?"
"Well, Mr. Pikachu here answered my ad, did he not? So, I am here to tell him what I want, Ms. Fat-ass!" Ms. Rwatt calmly said!
"I'm not fat, I'm pregnant with HIS child!" Pikaella growled, pointing at Pikario!
Pikario turned away! "Don't listen to her; she's crazy!"
"Well, anyway, I want you to find this badge for me! I don't know where it is, or what it looks like, so good luck on finding it for me!" Ms. Rwatt winked!
"Oh, you mean this?" Squirt picked up a random badge laying on the street!
Ms. Rwatt was shocked! "Why, yes! That's it! You guys are good!"
Pikella scoffed. "Fine. Now, let's go..."
Ms. Rwatt cut her off! "I think I want to join your little group... Pikario, was it?"
"NO WAY! WE HAVE ENOUGH PARTNERS AND WE DON'T NEED YOU!" Pikella shouted!
"I find help you find stuff," Ms. Rwatt said.
"Sweet! You're in!" Pikario agreed!
"OH, MY GAWD! THAT'S, LIKE, SO NOT FAIR!" Pikella rampaged!
Ms. Rwatt Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His Seventh (and Final) New Member! Yay!
Name: Ms. Rwatt
Pokémon: Rattata
Attitude: Naughty/Sly
Ability: Finding and Taking Stuff from other Pokémon!
Met At: Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!
Wow! This is both sad and exciting! Sad, because Ms. Rwatt is the last partner that will join Pikario in this game and exciting because she can use her nose to find stuff that Pikario can't see! Ms. Rwatt can smell anything in the world and she'll tell you how far away you are from the treasure she smells! She can also use her SUPER AWESOME NINJASKILLS to steal items and stuff from unfortunate enemies or bystanders! That's pretty much all she can do, but it's cool anyway!
And That's Basically All You Need to Know About Your (Final) Partner!
After getting Ms. Rwatt in their party, she told them that the only way they could get on the train was if they went back to Don Pianta to get the shit, so they did!
"GAH!" Don Pianta was sick in his bed!
Pikario got mad! "What the hell?"
"It seemz dat da Boss got sick cuz Francesca done left us!" Tony explained.
"Yeah, man! Youse knows where Francesca's at?" Vinny asked!
"Gah... Francesca... FRANCESCA!" Don Pianta wailed!
Pikario sighed! "No way! I'm not going all the way back to that damned haunted island to get her!"
"Youse means she's on Kill-All Key?" Tony asked!
"Oh, da horror!" Vinny shouted!
"Don't panic, my dears! Ms. Rwatt will find this 'Francesca' and bring her back! Mmm hmm hmm!" Ms. Rwatt said!
"But she's all the way out there on Kill-All and we need a ship and stuff!" Squirt said!
"When you're a Master Thief who's trained with ninjas all your life, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!" And with that, Ms. Rwatt jumped out the window!
"...think she'll come back?" Crusher asked.
"I hope not..." Pikella pouted!
BOOM! Seconds later, Ms. Rwatt jumped back through the window with Frankie and Francesca!
Flurrie was shocked! "Oh my!"
"Here you are, dearies! Like I said, nothing is impossible! Mmm hmm hmm!" Ms. Rwatt winked!
Pikella got mad! "How'd you do that?"
Ms. Rwatt laughed! "A skilled ninja never reveals their secrets! SHURIKEN!"
"Frankie! What the hell just happened? You're not done saying you're sorry to me for losing our wedding ring!" Francesca shouted!
"I LOVE YOU!" Frankie spat, holding up the ring for her!
"NO! You still have to say it 2,854,905 more times! YOU'RE NOT DONE!" Francesca whacked him!
"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" Frankie continued!
"THAT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH!" Francesca took the ring! "Keep going!"
Don Pianta sat up! "Francesca?"
Francesca looked up! "Hi, Daddy! Look! Me and Frankie are getting married! Right, Frankie?"
"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" Frankie continued!
"Well, good fo' youse! We'll be havin' da most an' best gangsta wedding eva!" the Don laughed!
"So, can we have tickets to the train now?" Pikario asked!
"For da Excess Sex Express? Sure!" the Don gave Pikario a ticket! Yay!
Pikario held up the ticket! "W00t! Now we can continue this dumbass adventure!"
"Dat's good an' all, but da Don iz checkin' owt!" Don said, starting to leave!
"Daddy!" Francesca shouted. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah, I'm too old fo' dis shit now! Frankie iz now... DA NEW DON! Sorta..." the now retired Don said!
"Yay! Didja hear that, Frankie?" Francesca asked.
"I LOVE YOU!" Frankie shouted!
Francesca whacked him! "Stop it, Frankie!"
Frankie pulled himself together! "Uh, Ise means... tanks, Boss!"
"Youse welcome! Now, if youse excuse me, I'm off ta hit da casino! Since Ise ownz it, Ise always wins!" the Don ran off!
"ALL RIGHT! NOW, I'M TAKING OVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! FRANKIE MAY BE DON, BUT I'M THE DON...ESS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Francesca roared, scaring everybody in the room!
Frankie sweatdropped. "Dat's just great..."
YAY! Now that Pikario has the ticket, he can get on the Excess Sex Express and go to Pussy Heights without having to fight anybody on the way there! ...Or at least that's what he thought! After being lead to their room, the Excess Sex Express started up and scared Squirt!
Day 1!
"Pikario, we can't stop the train! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Squirt shouted!
Pikario punched Squirt! "We're not trying to stop the train!"
"I wonder why they call this the Excess Sex Express..." Crusher asked.
Flurrie then noticed a note and picked it up! "Oh, my! Look, a note!"
Ms. Rwatt perked up. "What's on it?"
"It says 'DaMn It! If YoU dOn'T gEt OfF tHe TrAiN, i WiLl HaVe To SiCk UpOn YoU a YuMmY, sTiCkY tHrEaT!'" Flurrie read.
"A yummy, sticky threat?" Bobbery questioned. "Rubbish, that's all it is!"
Pikario smiled evily! "Sorry to be the perverted one here, but just think: we're on the Excess Sex Express, we're going to Pussy Heights, and we get a note talking about a 'yummy, sticky threat'... so..."
"EWWWWWWWWWWW! PIKARIO! THAT'S NASTY!" Pikella roared!
"OH NO! NOT THIS AGAIN!" Squirt hid in his shell!
Crusher smiled! "Sweet, dude!"
HAHAHAHAHA! That's our Pikario; always the nasty, I'm-going-to-say-something-sex-related-and-you-can't-stop-me guy! HAHAHAHA! Anyway, Pikella took the note to the conductor, who was at the back of the train! But wait... shouldn't he be near the front, or something? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
"Hey, you! We have this note talking about a yummy, sticky threat! Do something about it!" Pikella demanded!
The conductor laughed! "Aw, come on! This is the Excess Sex Express and we're going to Pussy Heights! We find shit like that all the time!"
Pikario laughed! "What'd I say?"
Squirt hid in his shell! "NOT AGAIN!"
Seeing as that didn't work, everyone decided that maybe a light lunch would help them forget about Pussy Heights and the fact that they were on the Excess Sex Express... oh, and the yummy, sticky threat, too! But they were oh, so wrong!
Pikario waved his fist at the chef Magikarp! "HEY! Serve us some damn food, or I'll have YOU for dinner!"
"You there! Pikachu and the others! Where were you 8 on the 20th of June, 16 years ago?" a Delibird demanded!
Pikario chuckled. "You don't wanna know..."
"The Great Pennington now labels you as SUSPICIOUS!" the Delivery Pokémon shouted!
"What? Dude, fuck you! I didn't even do anything!" Pikario defended!
"That's what they all say!" Pennington waved his magnifying glass!
"Please! You have to find my cuff! NO… NO! I MEAN STUFF! YES, THAT'S WHAT I MEANT! STUFF!" the chef exclaimed!
The business Furret looked at his watch! "Can I go now? I paid 695 dollars for this and I need sexual entertainment… or action! Either way…"
Pennington threw the waitress at him! "Shut your trap, rat! The Great Pennington is not done with his interrogation!"
The waitress sweatdropped. "What interrogation?"
Zip Sharoomeesh started to leave! "You guys are all a bunch of losers and douche bags! I'm going back to my room!"
Pennington jumped up! "AHA! YOU TOOK THE POT, MR… WHATEVER-THE-HELL-YOUR-NAME-WAS!"
Zip Sharoomeesh left! "Whatever, dude!"
Pennington rubbed his chin. "I think I've got it!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
"IT WAS THE WAITRESS! YOU EVIL WOMAN, YOU! SHALL YOUR VAGINA FOREVER FLOW WITH EVIL SEVIPERS FOR YOUR CRIME!" Pennington shouted!
"Liek OMG! I didn't do it! Tht's soo not fair!" the waitress freaked out!
"Naw, just kidding. Actually, not even I know who the hell did this!" Pennington replied!
Pikario got up! "What the hell? I want some fucking food!"
Crusher smelled some wet stuff he found on the floor! "Hey, man! What's this crap?"
Pikario glared at it! "Uh…"
"Knowing this place, it's probably you-know-what! Hmmm hmmm!" Ms. Rwatt said!
"STOP THIS MADNESS!" Squirt hid in his shell again!
So, everybody followed the stuff on the floor until they got to a small Munchlax's room!
"What? WHAT?" he asked, annoyed!
"HEY! You're not a certified Pokémon yet! Nintendo's totally gonna kick your ass when they find out you're being distributed in public acts of work without permission!" Pikario pointed out!
"I don't have to be certified to be in this story! If you're a Pokémon with an English name, then you're certified!" the Munchlax retorted!
"BUT, YOU'RE STILL NOT OFFICIAL!" Pikario boomed!
"Have you seen a pot around here lately? You know, with food in it?" Vivian asked.
The Munchlax protested! "Food? I have no idea what you're talking about!"
Pikario pulled out the pot thingy from a drawer and it was full of porno magazines! "You horny bastard! I outta kill you!"
"Okay! Okay! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY! Gee whiz, it's not my fault I enjoy eating and masturbating!" the Munchlax complained!
Sometime later!
"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! YOU GUYS FOUND MY POT, AND I DON'T MEAN THE SMOKING KIND!" Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi exclaimed!
Coming back from his room and seeing Vivian, Zip Sharoomeesh smirked. "So, Vivian? Wanna come to my room for a little bit?"
Vivian sweatdropped. "Uh..."
"Oh, yeah! Why don't you guys go and see that Delibird guy! He wanted to shoot… no, wait! SEE YOU!" Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi said!
So, everybody went to see the Delibird with the improbably large brain in Sexy Cabin 006! Upon entering, the gang saw strippers, prostitutes, and nasty pictures on the wall! Not to forget the booming loud porno music and multi-colored disco ball on the ceiling! …Heh… I said 'ball'…
Pikario frowned! "How come I don't have that shit?"
"Because you have to order it first! What? You think it comes with the room? That's why it's called ROOM SERVICE!" Pennington spat!
"Well, what do ya want?" Crusher asked.
"After finding that guy's pot, and I don't mean the smoking kind, I've decided to make you guys and girls my new assistants!" Pennington said.
"Ok…" Pikario said!
"Ah! Yes! I didn't see it earlier, but now I do! The Pikachu!" Pennington shouted, kicking a stripper out the way so he could see Pikario!
"What?" Pikario made a face!
"I know you! You're that guy! That famous guy!" Pennington deduced!
Pikario boosted! "Oh, yeah!"
"You're Shigeru Miyamoto, aren't you?" Pennington shouted!
"That's right… The fuck?" Pikario glared at Pennington!
"Yeah!" Pennington concluded!
"Dude, I'm not that guy! He's rich; I'm not!" Pikario complained!
Pennington ignored him! "Anyway, Miyamoto! I want you to go and check on the Bob-ombs rooming in Sexy Cabin 008! Those bastards are way too loud!"
"If it'll get you to leave me alone…" Pikario mumbled!
OMG! It's Afternoon Now! OMG!
In Sexy Cabin 008!
Goldbomb shook his head! "NO! NO! NO! That's not what Bub wants! He needs guns, explosives, army trucks, and all that rot!"
Sylvia begged to differ! "He needs an education! All he's been doing lately is blowing up around the house! It's not healthy for a boy his age!"
"Education is stupid! You think I got rich from being smart? NO! I JUST DON'T PAY MY INCOME TAXES! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Goldbob laughed!
Pikario walked in! "What the hell?"
Bub sighed! "Damn… why didn't I bring my GBA?"
Pikario slapped him! "YOU ASS! NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT A GBA! IF I EVER SEE YOU WALKING AROUND HERE GBA-LESS AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!"
Bub changed the subject! "Hey! Wanna know what I'll be when I grow up?"
"A loser?" Pikario asked.
"An engineer?" Vivian guessed.
"An evil psychopath bent on taking over the world with the power of mustard?" Squirt added, being the loser he is!
Bub bounced up and down! "No! I wanna be a basketball player!"
"So?" Pikario asked!
Bub changed the subject again! "I want a cookie!"
"Eh…" Pikario gave him one!
"Sweet! You can have this!" Bub gave Pikario a copy of "Super Mario World" for the GBA! OMFG! "My mom thinks its rotting my brain anyway…"
OMG! It's Nighttime Now! OMG!
Vivian yawned! "I'm tired! Can we go to bed now?"
Squirt sweatdropped! "Why is it so late? We've only been on this thing for 15 minutes!"
Then, the conductor walked up! "Hey! I'm missing my blanket and I need you guys to find it!"
Pikario flipped him off! "What's in it for us?"
"I'll order you Room Service and it'll all be on me!" the conductor said!
Pikario ran off! "Works for me!"
After a lot of walking around and talking to all the other passengers, Pikario and his posse soon found out that Sexy Cabin 004 had no one in it!
"Sweet! A free room!" Crusher said!
"Um, actually, there's a ghost, like, right over there…" Vivian, being ghostly herself said!
Just then, a Shroomish ghost came out of nowhere! "Damn... the transsexual is right... Oogly boogly ooooo..."
Vivian sighed. "Look, it's not my fault I'm this way! Things happened!"
"Whatever... Anyway, I've been dead for, like, a really long time and I was cold, so I took that guy's blanket because he took my diary, so if you, like, get it, I'll give you this blanket..." the ghost said!
"Uh huh..." Pikario backed away!
"Actually, I changed my mind... ALL I NEED... IS YOUR LIFE!" the Shroomish ghost ripped out Pikella's heart and lungs! Blood squirted everywhere!
Pikella freaked! "GAH!"
"Just joking... HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaaaaa..." the ghost said!
"O...k..." Pikario slowly crept away!
"Oh, yeah... and don't read my diary ad stuff..." the ghost warned!
Pikario and friends walked off! "Right..."
Blah blah blah! Pikario told the conductor the shit and he gave him back the ghost's diary, saying that he didn't want to be cursed and stuff! On the way back to Sexy Cabin 004, Crusher stopped the group!
"I have an awesome idea! Let's read this guy's diary because he said not to!" he said, taking the diary from Pikario!
Pikella took it back! "Don't do that! It's rude!"
Ms. Rwatt took it! "Mmmmm hmmm hmmm! One peek won't hurt!"
Pikario took it and began reading! "'March 19, 200 B.C.: Today is a great day! I just had sex with 15 girls, but one of them had, you AIDS, so I, like, killed her and stuff! It was sweet.' ...and... That's it?"
Crusher sweatdropped. "That guy was alive in 200 B.C.?"
The Shroomish ghost appeared! "Hey, you're like reading my diary, and stuff! DIE!"
And then, Pikario died the most horrible death know to man! ...then he came back to life!
The ghost was shocked! "What the hell?"
"Dude! If the Almighty Authoress doesn't want me to die, then I can't!" Pikario scolded!
"Then can I have my diary back?" he asked!
Pikario threw it at him! "Wuss, you only wrote in there once! And in 200 B.C.?"
"I told you that I've been dead for a long time…" the ghost said, giving Pikario his blanket!
So, the blanket was brought back to the conductor, who ordered Pikario Room Service! When he got back to his room, the room was full of strippers, one for almost each partner and Pikario! A female and male Pikachu, a Squirtle, a Charmeleon, a Mr. Mime, a Voltorb, and a Rattata!
"MWAHAHAHAHA! ROOM SERVICE! WE'RE HERE TO FUCK YOU UP!" the strippers shouted!
Pikario sweatdropped. "Ok..."
Vivian frowned! "Hey! Where's mine? Is this because of my condition? That's not fair!"
Zip Sharoomeesh came in! "The last guy had a lot of bitches on his hands, so I'm taking over for him!"
Pikella pushed everybody out! "Yeah, yeah! That's nice! I'm pretty sure you can all do the nasty elsewhere!"
Pikario got mad! "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pikella locked the door! "Pikario, I'm in heat! I need you now MORE THAN EVER!"
Pikario freaked out! "DUDE!"
Pikella grabbed Pikario! "Look, I'm BEGGING you! You're the only one here I feel right having sex with!"
"And you said I was sick!" Pikario inched away!
Pikella came closer! "That's not the point!"
Pikario took out his gun! "Look! Don't make me use this! There WAS a stripper for you, right?"
Pikella got out her can of mace! "Now I see there's only one way to get what I want..."
Well, what an unexpected twist! Let's just say the rest of the night was complete and total chaos, as everybody on the train was busy doing their own dirty deeds for the night! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! There was noise, smells, shouting, anger, happiness, and the occasional "Hey! You can't do that!" Nonetheless, nothing else can be said, because I'm THIS close to making the entire story R-rated, so just use your imagination to fill in the blanks! WAHAHAHAHA!
Day 2!
OMG! It's Morning Now! OMG!
Pikario sat up in the kitchen, remembering how awful last night was! At that instant, everybody else came in, wanting to eat breakfast!
"So... what happened?" Pikario asked!
Squirt trembled! "It was awful! She showed me a lot of stuff I've never seen before and she kept using all these weird words and stuff! Please don't let me ever see her again!"
Flurrie frowned! "I didn't have much of a glorious time, either! I've done something like this before, but now it's getting old! I shan't ever do it again... for a while..."
Crusher smiled! "Well, mine was awesome! We just got done about an hour ago, so that's probably why I need a bath..."
Vivian blushed. "Let's just say it was different..."
Bobbery looked irritated! "Balderdash! I threw her off the side of the train the very instant we were alone! Scarlette, forgive me! You know what she was trying to do; it wasn't my idea!"
Ms. Rwatt laughed! "Mmmm hmm! With my SUPER AWESOME NINJA SKILLS, I tricked him into jumping out the window and giving me all his valuables, too! SHURIKEN! So, we didn't do anything..."
"So, um... what are you doing in here?" Squirt asked!
"Hell if I know..." Pikario mumbled!
Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi came up! "Hey! The Delibird stalled for you guys... NO... WAIT! CALLED! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT! STUPID TONGUE!"
So, they went to Pennington's room to see that Pikella and the business Furret guy from yesterday in there!
The Furret freaked out! "Look! LOOK! DO YOU SEE? I don't have my briefcase! I'll get fired! THERE'S NO MORE SELLING OF OVERLY-PRICED JAMMIN' JELLYS!"
Pennington slapped him! "SHUT UP!"
Pikario saw Pikella! "YOU!"
Pikella sneered! "Yes, me!"
"What the fuck was up with you last night?" Pikario demanded!
Pikella ignored him! "Mr. business guy, didn't someone take your briefcase and talk about and using it for a yummy sticky threat?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A YUCKY, STINKY THREAT!" the business guy freaked out!
Pennington slapped him! "Idiot! She just said 'yummy, sticky threat'!"
Flurrie was confused. "Huh? What is this madness?"
"Well, you heard her! This wimp lost some shit and someone wants to use his shit as the shit that will become a yummy, sticky threat! So, go find his shit, Miyamoto!" Pennington demanded!
Pikario sweatdropped. "That's not my name, dude..."
Okay, then! Pikario and the others went off in search of the Furret guy's suitcase! They found a lot of papers and stuff in their room, then they found Zip Sharoomeesh hiding out in his room, talking about a yummy, sticky threat! After trying to get away (and running straight into Pikario), the group brought him back to Pennington and the Furret guy!
OMG! It's Afternoon Now! OMG!
"You fiend!" Pennington whacked Zip Sharoomeesh! "How dare you leave an arousing 'yummy, sticky threat' note in Shigeru Miyamoto's room! I really thought that sex was involved in all this! Stupid!"
The Furret guy slapped him, too! "YEAH! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF, STEALING SHIT LIKE THAT?"
"Fuck! And I almost got away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your damn dog!" Zip Sharoomeesh said!
Bobbery frowned. "What dog?"
"This guy's whacko..." Crusher whispered!
"And to think; you were the guy I lost my virginity to!" Vivian cried!
"You had sex with a transsexual?" Pennington slapped Zip Sharoomeesh again! "ALL THE MORE WHY YOU SHOULD PUNISHED, YOU CAD!"
Vivian sighed. "Not again..."
Pikario went and gave all the stuff back to their owners! The waitress was ecstatic to have her stuff back!
"Oh, wooooooooooooooooooow! Thanks a lot! My ex-boyfriend gave me these earrings, but I still have his corpse in my room!" the waitress added!
Pikario sweatdropped! "Okay..."
And so was the Shroomish lady! She was very happy, I mean!
"Oh, thank you, you handsome go-getter-of-stuff-from-people-who-took-it-and-it-really-doesn't-belong-to-them-but-everybody-else-is-too-stupid-to-know-that guy!" she said.
Pikario shook his head. "There are some real sad people on this train..."
About an hour later, everybody found themselves stopped atWhatthehellwhyisthereadrawbridgehereiftheresnomorefuckingwaterIsweattogodthatssostupid Station because some dumbass had lifted up the drawbridge, stopping the train!
Pennington got off the train, dragging Zip Sharoomeesh with him! "Bastard! You'll pay for your crime dearly!"
"Fat chance, Slick!" POOF! 'Zip Sharoomeesh' turned into Doopliss!
"What the hell?" Pennington and the nearby conductor shouted, surprised!
"You ain't taking me in, Slick! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... eh, yeah..." Doopliss ran away!
Pikario ran up to a random Shroomish standing around and grabbed him! "Why did the fucking train stop? TELL ME NOW!"
"Because some ass raised the bridge! Why don't you go and fix it if you want to leave so damn much?" the Shroomish gave him the key to the inside of the Station... thingy!
So, Pikario went inside the Station thingy! He and his party fought stupid Ruff Puffs, got a key, fought stupid Poison Pokeys, went... somewhere... and did a whole lotta shit! He found some Ultra Ass-Kicking Boots and learned how to jump really high and grab onto to stuff exactly 4,839,089 feet in the air! WOW! Eventually, he got a key and took an elevator to the second floor and was overrun with some awful, stinky, purple thingies, also known as Grimers!
"Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Etcetera!" the Grimer shouted!
"Smorg?" Pikario asked, in confusion!
"Is that some kind of a new soda, or something?" Squirt asked!
Pikario shrugged! "Let's just kill them and get the hell out of here!"
And he did just that! Well, he really just threw rocks and his Hammer at them until they ran away, revealing the switch to the drawbridge out side! Crusher flipped the switch and the bridge was fixed! HURRAH! That rhymed, too! Getting back onto the train, everybody had a stripper party for Pikario... and themselves, of course! Alotta stuff that shouldn't be mentioned here happened and then, Pikario went to sleep! The End!
Day 3!
OMG! It's Morning Now! OMG!
The next day, Pikario woke his friends, as something foul was in the air!
The Pikachu frowned! "What in god's name is that god-awful smell?"
Pikella covered her nose! "Squirt..."
The Squirtle put his hands up in defense! "It wasn't me! I swear it!"
The train turned into a sock!
Crusher sat up! "What the hell?"
Pikario went to the front of the train! "I'm complaining about this shit!"
And he did just that!
"Dude! What's up with this place? IT'S A FREAKING SOCK!" Pikario demanded!
The engineer panicked! "Well, this Grimer thingy jumped onto the window and another one got on, then another, and another and now they're all over the damn train! I CAN'T SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING!"
Pikario and friends knew that, like, driving a train blind was, like, a bad idea, so, they went to the back of the train to get the conductor, but he and the waitress were being attacked by the Smorg thingies! Everybody fought off the Smorgs and they ran to the top of the train with the rest of the passengers! OH NO! But Pikario followed them! YAY!
Pikario squinted with all the wind in his eyes! "Damn! I can't see!"
"Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Ah, you get the idea!" the Smorgs shouted!
Flurrie blew away some Smorgs and Ms. Rwatt used her SUPER AWESOME NINJA SKILLS to trick some of the Smorgs to jump off the train, but they were still everywhere!
Vivian stood near the edge of the train! "I'm about to go insane! Don't make me jump! I'll jump! I really will! These Smorgs are getting on my last nerves! THEY JUST WON'T DIE!"
Pikario took out his gun again! "Fine, then! I challenge you to a gunfight! If I win, you get the hell outta here! If you win, you can have Pikella!"
Pikella did a double-take! "WHAT?"
"Ok! We can rape her, or something!" the Smorgs said, getting together and becoming a big ass Smorg-like thingy! He also had the other passengers with him, but Pikario didn't care!
ENTER BATTLE MODE! OMG! SMORG'S GOT A GUN!
Smorg got out a machine gun! "SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"
Pikario took out his .38! "Let's do this shit!"
Ultimate Staredown! 3... 2... 1...! SHOOT THE DAMN GUN!
Pikario started shooting like crazy, making Smorg drop his gun! "Hah! Bastard! Take that!"
Smorg turned into Smorg Miasma, who... used FREAKY DANCE AND DID 10 DAMAGE TO SQUIRT! AHH!
Pikario used Thunder! It didn't work!
Bobbery used Explosion! It didn't work! Bobbery fainted!
"SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!" Smorg Miasma taunted!
Pikario shook his fist! "Son of a bitch!"
Vivian used Will-O-Wisp! It didn't work!
Flurrie used Icy Wind! It didn't work!
Smorg Miasma did… something… and… IT DIDN'T WORK!
Pikario pulled out another shotgun! "You're goin' down, asshole!"
Smorg pulled out a heat-seeking missile! "SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"
Pikella warned Pikario! "Don't let him launch that! It'll blow up the train!"
Pikario got out... A POW Block! OMG!
Pikella sweatdropped. "You're kidding, right?"
"Watch me!" Pikario used the POW Block!
SMORG EXPLODED! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! HE FLEW OUT ALL OVER THE SURPRISED AUDIENCE!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! NOW, SMORG IS FREE TO TAKE OVER THE AUDIENCE! GASP! LOL!
Later, everybody was back in the nonsock-like train, all safe-like and stuff!
Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi bounced up and down! "Wow! Thanks a got! Gah! Stupid tongue! I mean A LOT! I shall punish you, you evil tongue!" So he, like, cut off his own tongue with his butcher knife! Ouch!
The conductor smiled! "We'll be getting to Pussy Heights, soon, so get ready for more sex!"
Squirt sweatdropped. "Just great..."
"Pikario... I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm pregnant..." Pikella said out of nowhere!
Pikario was in shock! "NO WAY! NOT AGAIN!"
Pikella sweatdropped. "I was already pregnant, dumbass..."
Pikario pointed his gun at her! "Don't play games with me!"
Hooray! The 3 days are up and now Pikario is at Pussy Heights, well-known for its fancy-ass rich Pokémon natives and their expensive, but nasty and disturbing statues all over the place! W00t!
Bobbery looked at the Star map thingy! "I say, old boy! Looks like the Garnet Crystal Star is at the Pussy Heights Museum!"
Pikario stole a nasty and disturbing-looking statue and ran off! "Then let's go already!"
So, everybody ran to the Pussy Heights Museum, but the door was locked!
Pikario slammed the nasty and disturbing-looking statue against the door! "OPEN UP, GOD DAMN YOU!"
Then, Pennington arrived and he was furious! "WHAT THE HELL? Damn communists! If you want to get in the fucking door, just let me open it first! DAMN!"
"I thought you were a detective!" Crusher said!
"So? Detectives make money and money leads to things like this!" the Delibird answered, going inside!
Once inside, there was huge painting on the wall of all of the Paper Mario 2 partners and everybody on it was dramatically detailed! Yay! But then... BOOM!
Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss had broken in through the window and they were stealing the Garnet Crystal Star!
Beldam grabbed the Garnet Crystal Star! "Mwee hee hee hee hee hee... and shit! We finally have the Star now!"
"GUH!" Marilyn shouted, like the retard she was!
"I broke the window!" Doopliss proudly announced!
And so, the three left with the Garnet Crystal Star! Oh, shit!
"Hey! We've, like, gotta go after them and stuff!" Squirt shouted!
Before anyone else could do anything, Pennington grabbed the REAL Garnet Crystal Star that was hidden under a curtain or something, meaning that Pikario wouldn't have to go inside the painting to get it because the Authoress thinks it would really save a lot of time if they didn't! SO THERE! The PM: TTYD picture of the partners is much, much better, anyway!
"Here! Shigeru Miyamoto may be a communist, but god damn it, he's the smartest man in the world, so take this in honor of my gratitude!
Pikario snatched the Star! "Well, that was easy!"
TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got theGarnet Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 7! He Can Use the Attack "Showstopper"! YAY!
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Wow! How fucking fun was that? Pikario got to ride a sexually disturbed train full of hookers, he solved a mystery case, saved the day, beat the Smorg Miasma's ass AND got the Garnet Crystal Star! Only one more to go, and then you guys know what's going to happen! Sew! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Peach's (Last) Event!
"GODDAMN IT! WHY CAN'T I EVER GET WHAT I WANT AROUND HERE, HUH?" Grodius shouted, waving his arms around!
"Sorry, man! Pikario got the Garnet Crystal Star!" an X-Naut said!
"Damn!" Grodius blew up a random X-Yux floating around the room! Yay!
"Also..." the X-Naut whispered to Grodius, causing him to blow up, yet, another unfortunate X-Yux flying around the room!
"TREASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Grodius bellowed and walked off, but not before blowing up a Z-Yux who was eavesdropping on them!
Peach walked into TEC's room, which was full of X-Nauts! "Hello, TEC! How's the virus thing with AOL going?"
TEC groaned, giving an X-Naut a drink! "AWFUL! THOSE DAMN FIREWALLS ALWAYS HAVE THE STUPID BACKDRAFTS!"
Peach got sad! "Awwwwwwwww..."
TEC blinked on and off in excitement, as he just remembered something very important! "Ooh! OOOH! Peach, guess what?"
Peach smiled crazily! "WHAT?"
"WE'RE ON DA MOON!" TEC shouted!
"Wow! Da Moon!" Peach said, happily!
"Yeah, Da Moon! Da one in outer space! MWAHAHAHAHA!" TEC laughed, handing a smoothie to another cute X-Naut!
"Hey, TEC! What's with all the X-Nauts?" Peach asked!
"Well, I'm trying to raise spare change by giving out smoothies and drinks to these guys for 5,849 dollars each! Trying to take over Venus costs money, and that's something I don't have!" TEC replied, giving some random X-Naut a chocolate shake!
"Oh, yay! Can I have one?" Peach asked!
"Sure!" TEC gave her a peach-flavored smoothie, free of charge! OMG, THAT'S SO SWEET! ROTFLMAO!
"Yay!" Peach rejoiced!
"And I'm going to tell you something else, too!" TEC said.
Peach slurped her drink! "WHAT IS IT?"
"Grodius plans on using your body to..." TEC whispered the rest to Peach, who gasped in shock!
"Oh, my! Pikario might get mad at that! I'm going to mail him and tell him what's been going on around here on Da Moon!" Peach got on TEC and started typing! "'Hi... Pikario! Look at me! I'm typing! ...Yay!...'"
Just then, Grodius busted in, scaring all the X-Nauts who were hanging around and chilling out with their overly-priced drinks and stuff!
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" he demanded!
"UH-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TEC shouted, idiotically!
"I KNEW THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON WHEN ALL THE X-NAUTS DISAPPEARED EXCEPT FOR ONE!" Grodius shouted!
"Dude, we're on our lunch break!" an X-Naut said!
"And I'm trying to raise money so I can use it for complete and total world domination!" TEC said!
Grodius shook his fist! "Damn computer! I can't rule the world if you keep giving out free smoothies like THAT!"
Free? Wait… YOU'RE RIGHT! I SHOULD'VE CHARGED THEM WITH AN EVEN 6,000 DOLLARS! AT THE PRICES I CHARGED THEM WITH, I WAS PRACTICALLY GIVING THEM AWAY!" TEC shouted!
"Now I don't get a decent profit! All right, then! X-Nauts turn off TEC! He has a lot to learn in world of financing!" Grodius ordered!
Peach continued typing! "...'and I love you... very much... and... please... save... me... soon... because... there's this evil guy... who wants to... use my body... to... um…do stuff… that I can't say… outloud… cause it… will spoil the…plot!' Yay! I'm finished!"
Grodius sweatdropped! "Good! Now turn him off!"
Peach pushed the 'Send' button just as the X-Nauts turned off TEC!
"You'll regret what you've done one day, you evil bastard! Pluto just called an hour ago and he said he's gonna kick your..." TEC turned off!
"Oh, poo! Now I don't have anybody crazy to talk to anymore! I'm so lonely!" Peach whined!
"I'M CRAZY! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Grodius laughed!
"But you're crazy and evil!" Peach pointed out!
"...Wanna go to the zoo?" Grodius asked, changing the subject!
Peach jumped up and down! "Okay! The zoo! Yay!"
Bowser's Event!
Bowser walked up in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, coughing up smoke! "Damn it! I'm never gonna find any of those goddamned Crystal Stars! It's hopeless!"
"Hey, Bowser!" Kammy flew up on her broom! "Lord Bowser! The Koopas said they found some shit in the Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers! I think we should go there!"
Bowser walked off! "Well, it's better than nothing, I guess!"
Then, Chuigi walked up out of nowhere! "WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS? WHY NOT CARE ABOUT ME FOR ONCE? I SWEAR, ALL YOU GUYS EVER THINK ABOUT ARE YOUR DAMN GBAS AND MP3S! GET A LIFE ALREADY!"
MWAHAHAHAHA! Bowser tapped into the power of the old skool Super Mario Bros. game and went though his own castle... or something like that! He jumped over lava, set some X-Nauts on fire with a conveniently-placed box of matches he had, and... um... STUFF! Anyway, he eventually came to a secret training room with Kammy, who saw something!
"My lord! Look! It's a Crystal Star! Let's get it before we're caught up in some random plot twist, where a stupid chicken walks in here and tries to stop us!" Kammy said!
Then, Rawk Hawk walked in! "HEY! LOSERS! What the hell do you think you're doing here? This room is for sexual pleasure only, and I sure ain't seeing it!"
Bowser laughed at him! "Sexual pleasure? BAH! I'm not a virgin and I'm pretty sure Kammy's not either! Are YOU?"
"THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS! I TAKE STEROIDS NOW!" Rawk Hawk used Sky Uppercut on Kammy, knocking her into the 'Gold Crystal Star'!
Bowser knocked him over with a Hydro Pump! "Wimp! With my powerful box of matches AND water, you can never defeat me!"
Kammy freaked out! "My lord! The Star!"
"Quick, get the Star before it flies away!" Bowser commanded!
The Star exploded!
Rawk Hawk coughed and laughed! "Ha ha... You're too late, man... The Crotch Killer... he already got the real Gold Crystal Star... Ha..."
Bowser stomped the ground! "DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!"
Kammy sighed. "Another one bites the dust I suppose..."
And now for a teaser! Oh, I'm so evil!
NEXT TIME! "ON COLLEGE RULE PIKARIO: THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY!"
"MWAHAHAHA! This thing doesn't have any tissues!" Crump shouted!
"Sie können unsere Bombe hier nicht benutzen, verschwindet jetzt, Sie kleine Bastarde!" the mayor shouted!
Pikario frowned! "What'd he say?"
"You must... save PEACH! GAH!" TEC said!
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! You can never stop me now!" the Metallic Thwomp laughed!
"GOD DAMN IT! WHY WAS SHIGERU MIYAMOTO HERE? WHAT DOES HE NEED WITH THE CRYSTAL STARS?" Bowser growled, stomping the ground!
"Hey, guys... how can we breathe?" Crusher asked!
Bobbery read the note! "It says 'Today's code is PAPERMARIO:TTYDISAWESOMEANDIFYOUDON'THAVEITYOU'REASHITFACE!'"
Screamy sighed. "On this day, a legend is born... He shall rise to the challenge and claim victory over the King..."
The X-Yux bounced about! "Look! LOOK! I'm an X-Yux! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X!"
"Aussehen! Ich kann Sie verstehen, und ich weiß, dass Sie eine Kanone haben!" Bobbery said!
Crusher threw his arms up! "Who is this guy? RIP VAN-STINKIN'-WINKLE?"
Pikario smelled the room! "Peach... she was...in heat... SHE WAS JUST HERE!"
The mayor slapped Bobbery somehow! "Schließen es, scheißen Gesicht!"
"Dude, that's so not cool..." the X-Naut said!
"Da... I speak the English!" General Red-and-White announced!
Crump sighed. "Maybe we should relocate?"
"Я не понимаю ваши слова," the mayor replied!
Franklyidunno jumped up in surprise! "WHAT THE HELL?"
Authoress' Notes: Sorry! I know it's been well over 2 weeks, but I've been lazy and bored! Dry spells come very seldom, okay? Notice how everything that was said in the teaser in Chapter 5 was here, as well? The story might be ending by, uh... maybe June? Late or early, but more likely late June. BTW, I didn't use Lord Luffy's suggestion for Smorg because I think Gastlys have been used enough (Doopliss, Boos, Embers, Lava Bubbles, and eventually Phantom Embers) and I like the name 'Miasma'. It sounds cool, lol. Also, to answer Lord Luffy's question about what Flavio said last chapter, he meant that his anger matched that of a math teacher who has a lot of failing grades, or 'F's, like he stated. I guess I should've made that a little more clearer, huh? Also, again, now that all the partners have been found, do you see the irony in their attitudes? (Hint: It has something to do with Pokémon Versions R/S/E/FR/LG and beyond.) Oh, yeah... and the crack Pennington about the 20th of June, 16 years ago... look in my bio and you'll see why Pikario couldn't tell him where he was. XD
