Authoress' Notes: Yay! Chapter 8 is finally here! ...And that's all I have to say about that... Also, you won't believe who plays the Shadow Queen! XD
College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
Chapter 8: The Very Old Door Thingy!
When we last left Pikario and friends, they were traveling back to Sewers so they could get to the Very Old Door Thingy and save Peach! Once they left the teleporter from Da Moon, they were greeted by Franklyidunno, who seemed to be running away from something!
"PIKARIO, YOU BASTARD! DID YOU NOT SEE THE FREAK IN THE SHEET AND THAT ASS, BELDAM AND HER FLUFFY, YET MODERATLEY CUTE SISTER MARILYN GO TO THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY WITH PEACH?" the crazy old Pikachu shouted!
Pikario was outraged! "WHAT?"
"Well, common sense would tell us that's where'd they take Peach," Pikella nonchalantly added!
WOOOOOOOOSH! Pikario and the others were off the Very Old Door Thingy with a...um... WOOSH! Upon their arrival there, Pikario put the Crystal Stars in the door! There was shining, sparkling, and ridiculously long and overly-dramatic tension with opening a freaking door!
Franklyidunno got mad! "DAMN IT! GO THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR ALREADY!"
"It's not my fault it's taking so damn long to open!" Pikario spat back!
After what seemed like forever, the freakin' door finally opened enough for Pikario and the others to squeeze through it, so they did!
"It scary in here!" Squirt whined!
"Stop being a baby, Squirt!" Crusher said!
"I say!" Bobbery beamed!
"Oh, my darlings! We're almost done!" Flurrie said!
"Then we can save the world!" Ms. Rwatt added!
"And the Authoress likes me! YAY!" Vivian truthfully said!
"Plus, the Magnificent Seven shall rule over all, because that's what we are!" Pikella said!
"YEAH!" the seven awesome members doing some sort of a trademark hi-five thingy!
Blah blah blah! Pikario and the Magnificent Seven traveled around a bit until...
"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Dark Bones laughed!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Squirt hid in his shell!
Pikario kicked Dark Bones out of the way! "Move it, freak! I don't have time to fuck around with you!"
Dark Bones stood up, making this really annoying rattling sound with his bones! "Well, I'm undead, so time has no value to me! NOW FACE MY EVIL ZOMBIES AND SUFFER!"
Just then, it started raining Dry Bones! They were everywhere and they started pushing Pikario and others out the door! Dark Bones laughed at them!
"MY ZOMBIES WILL KILL YOU, AND IF THEY DON'T, THEN THEY'LL MAKE YOU WATCH STUPID SHOWS ON CRAPPY STATIONS, SUCH AS 4KIDSTV AND CHANNEL ABC NEWS! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Dark Bones laughed evilly!
Pikario got out a machine gun and fired it off, killing all the Dry Bones! "DIE, ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEES!"
"Aw, shit!" Seeing as all his malicious minions were being killed, Dark Bones ran away, dropping the next key to the next room behind him!
"What was all that ruckus?" Flurrie asked.
"Was that really necessary?" Vivian asked.
Pikario twirled his machine gun around! "No, but it was fun!"
OMG! That had nothing to do with the plot! Oh, well...
For hours and hours, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven continued on in the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is, looking for Grodius and Peach, but they weren't being very successful! The gang ended up having to jump over fire, walk through some freaky door maze, then they found some giant, underground tower thingy, and even a giant, black Salamence! ...Wait...
"GRRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKK! AAACK!" the dragon gagged, upon the arrival of Pikario and his friends!
Squirt looked worried! "Hey, um... are you okay?"
Pikario slapped him once again! "Why the hell should we worry about him?"
"WHO DARES DISTURBS THE GREAT BLACKTAIL IN HIS HOLY DOMAIN OF SCARINESS?" Blacktail roared!
"I say, old boy! Are by any chance related to that ghastly Bluetail we defeated a while back?" Bobbery asked!
Blacktail looked shocked! "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? You killed my baby sister?"
"Way to spill the beans, Bobbery..." Pikella grumbled!
"Your sister was an ass!" Pikario taunted!
Gloomtail stomped the ground! "My sister was an ass, but I'm even more of one!"
Crusher sweatdropped! "What?"
Now, Blacktail was pissed! "And now she's dead! No wonder she stopped sending me dead carcasses in the mail! For killing my sis AND disrupting my free supply of corpses, YOU SHALL DIE!"
ENTER BATTLE MODE! 'SUP MAN? IT'S BLACKTAIL!
Pikella used Tattle! "This guy is Blacktail and he's really stupid! He's just like Hooktail, except he's not afraid of crickets, plus, he's the master of slang talk and stuff! He has 80HP and a lot of stupid moves, like Chicken Wings, Mega Breath, Dragonbreath and The Authoress Can't Think Of Another Useless Attack To Teach This Guy, So This Is What It's Called!"
"NOW I WILL GET REVENGE FOR MY LITTLE SISTER!" the very angry Blacktail growled!
Blacktail used CHICKEN WINGS! It didn't work!
Pikario frowned! "What the hell was that?"
"Sorry! I had chicken for lunch, but I guess it's still on my mind!" Blacktail said!
Crusher used Dragonbreath! It's Super Effective!
Blacktail got mad! "OW! HEY! That's my attack!"
"You will never win!" Pikario shouted!
"Oh, yeah?" Blacktail begged to differ!
Blacktail used Fo' Shizzle Ma Nizzle!
"Wut da fuck, man?" Pikario asked!
Pikario used Straight Up, Dawg! THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK!
"MWAHAHAHA! Fear the evil slang talk of doom!" Blacktail shouted!
"G-money, you totally be not stylin' wit' dat shit!" Crusher shouted!
"Wut dat meen?" Pikario asked!
Crusher used Drunkenbreath! THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK!
Blacktail used The Authoress Can't Think of another Useless Attack to Teach This Guy, So This Is What It's Called! IT DIDN'T WORK!
Blacktail sweatdropped! "Damn it!"
"I say! How come I have not been affected by all this nonsense?" Flurrie asked!
"Same here!" Bobbery asked!
"Beecuz, y'all be all 2 proper N stuf!" Vivian answered!
"Kwik! Use dat shit rite thar 2 kell dat boy, y'all!" Pikario shouted!
Flurrie used PROPER ENGLISH! It's Super Effective!
Blacktail growled! "WHAT?"
Bobbery used BRITISH ACCENT! It's Super Effective!
Blacktail flipped over! "DAMN! AND I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD EVER BREAK THAT ATTACK!"
EXIT BATTLE MODE! BLACKTAIL WUZ PWNED!
Blacktail spit out the Star Key! "GAH! You may have defeated me, but no matter what you do, you can never stop tha powa, y'all feelin' meh, man?"
Pikario sweatdropped. "Yeah, we feel ya..."
So, after getting the Star Key from Blacktail's gut, Pikario used it to get into the giant, underground tower thingy, which I believe is called the Shadow Tower... or something... But the point is, that Pikario went there and did shit, like solving stupidly interesting puzzles that the evil people from Nintendo put out so the players would spend countless hours in that dank tower, trying to figure out what the hell they're doing! Fortunately for Pikario, he didn't have to do that, so he easily got the 8 Palace Keys and did... something... with them that made a path leading even deeper into the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is! Then, to make matters even worse, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven ran into some old friends once they got outside!
"MWEEHEEHEEHEE! So, Pikario! We meet again!" Beldam cackled!
"Get outta the way, bitch! I ain't got time to mess with you!" Pikario growled!
"...BITCH? Fuck you, Pikario! I'm here to teach that shemale a lesson about treason!" Beldam threatened!
Then, Marilyn came up! "GUH-HUH!"
And, Doopliss appeared out of nowhere! "Yeah, and I don't even know what that means!"
Beldam slapped Doopliss! "Shut up, freak!"
ENTER BATTLE MODE! THIS LADY JUST WON'T GIVE UP!
Pikella didn't use Tattle Log! "What's the point? I already did it for these guys!"
"Sis, why don't you just become the good guy and you'll be a lot happier?" Vivian suggested!
"NEVER! Vivian, you're an ass and a tramp, so you obviously don't care about who's on which side!" Beldam accused!
"Oh, that's so not true!" Vivian whined!
Doopliss turned into Shigeru Miyamoto and used VIDEO GAME PWNESS!
Beldam slapped him! "NOT YET! I'M NOT DONE MAKING MY EVIL THREATS!"
Bobbery gasped! "My lord! You just slapped Shigeru Miyamoto!"
Beldam was confused! "Eh?"
Just then, the Evil People from Nintendo appeared out of nowhere and arrested Beldam! What a shock!
"What? That's not Shigeru Miyamoto! It's that freak in the sheet!" Beldam protested!
"That's what they all say!" The Evil People from Nintendo said as they left the stage with Beldam in handcuffs!
Doopliss sweatdropped! "Oops!"
Marilyn laughed! "GUH-HUH!"
Since Beldam has left the stage, she, Doopliss, and Marilyn lose the battle by forfeit!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! WOW! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!
DWIKFCNDHJKFVGNDRHIGTJKRHKS! Seeing as Beldam wasn't going to be bugging them anymore, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven went through the evil place thingy, fighting stuff, solving puzzles, and occasionally getting lost! They also took lunch breaks, wrote nasty graffiti on the wall, and messed up the dingy red carpets in most of the dark dungeon! Then, they ended up finding Grodius! How swell!
"GACK ACK ACK ACKACK HAAAAAAAAAAACK! GAH!" Grodius hacked at the other end of the room!
"Aw, do you need a tissue?" Vivian asked, being so cute and sweet!
Grodius waved his stick! "NO! I need you to die, for I, the great Sir Grodius, shall take over the world!"
Pikario looked shocked! "Wait... YOU'RE Grodius?"
Grodius frowned. "Got a problem with that?"
Pikario started laughing!" Dude! You're wearing a dress!"
Grodius was starting to get ticked off! "ROBE! Not a dress, not a skirt... A ROBE! Get it?"
"Denying it only makes it true, sweetie!" Ms. Rwatt mocked!
ENTER BATTLE MODE! OMG! IT'S GRODIUS!
Grodius laughed all evilly and stuff! "Now, Pikario! I shall deal with you myself!"
Pikario started laughing! "Dude! I'm fighting a guy who wears a dress?"
Grodius was outraged! "A DRESS? Idiotic brat, this is a ROBE, not a dress!"
"Sure, whatever," Pikario scoffed!
Pikella used Tattle! "That guy is Grodius and he wears a dress! He's very wimpy and only has 50 HP, which is 10 less than what Macho Grubba had, and we faced him in the third Chapter! This freak is a total wuss and he cheats by using things that start with the letter 'X' to make him invincible in battle! It's probably not even worth our time to fight this loser!"
Grodius was pissed to the max! "WHAT? The pregnant Pikachu is clearly delusional! I am the great leader of the X-Nauts, who are very cute! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Flurrie used Icy Wind and blew away Grodius' xylophone!
Then, Vivian used Will-O-Wisp!
Grodius was mad! "HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT YET!"
Crusher used Fire Blast! It's Super Effective!
"NO, DAMN IT! IT'S MY TURN NOW!" Grodius started whining!
Pikario used Thunder! Critical Hit!
Grodius got out a 'Pedestrian X-ing' sign! "All right that's it! Try and get me now, scum!"
Flurrie used Icy Wind and blew away Grodius' 'Pedestrian X-ing' sign!
Then, Ms. Rwatt used Thief and took Grodius' dress!
Pikario scowled! "Eww! That's not funny! Get that shit away from me!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, STEALING STUFF LIKE THAT AWAY FROM EVIL ROBOTS BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD? IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!" Grodius rampaged!
Grodius used ...um... STAFF and set Squirt on fire!
Squirt ran around in flames! "OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"
Bobbery pushed the flaming Squirt into Grodius, which caused him to fall off the stage and into the crowd of cute X-Nauts! And since he's not on stage anymore, I guess that means Pikario wins!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! GRODIUS IS A 50HP WUSS!
"I may have lost my dress... I mean ROBE, but I've still got this!" Grodius waved his staff thingy and Peach came out, trapped in a bubble... thingy!
"Dude, look! It's Peach!" Crusher obviously pointed out!
Pikario growled! "You bitch! Let her go, or I'll..."
"Do what? Try to save her, and I'll... um..." Grodius was at a loss for words!
"Ooh! Ooh! I know! You'll kill me?" Peach answered!
"YEAH! I'LL DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" Grodius barked!
"I thought you needed to use her body to... um... take over the world, and stuff..." Squirt pointed out!
Grodius sweatdropped! "Shit! I forgot about that! Well, um, you still can't get to her because I'm going to strike you with lightning now! HAHAHAHAHA!"
And he did just that! KRACKO!
"Hey, you can't use that sound effect! That's the name of a Kirby bad guy!" Crusher pointed out, having just recently played "Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland", which is a very weird game, but the Authoress still kinda likes it!
"I DON'T CARE!" Grodius waved his staff again!
KRACKO! Oh no! The gang might be doomed!
"Oh no! We can't attack this guy cause he'll kill Peach if we do!" Vivian said!
"But he needs her to take over the world!" Bobbery reminded her/him!
"Didn't we just beat him in a fight? Why isn't he dead?" Squirt asked, whining as usual!
"GACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! GAAAAAAH! You can't kill me because I'm a robot... and STUFF!" Grodius coughed!
Then, all of a sudden, Bowser fell on Grodius, in all of his big, scary Koopaness and stuff!
"GIYAH! Damn it, Kammy! Why didn't you tell me there was a trapdoor over there?" Bowser growled!
"Because I wanted to see your fat-ass plow through the floor and hopefully kill an evil robot guy who's trying to take over the world using Peach's body!" Kammy replied, floating in on her broom!
Bowser sat up and looked around! "How the hell do you know all these things?"
"I went to college, my fatness of the assness," Kammy responded!
"BOWSER!" Pikario shouted!
"PIKARIO?" Bowser was shocked!
"I say! It seems that Bowser's here, too!" Bobbery shouted!
"What's next? Mario & Luigi try to steal Peach, or something?" Pikella asked, annoyed!
"I'm going to fight you and take the REALLY PRETTY Crystal Stars and the VERY SEXY Peach! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bowser proclaimed!
BATTLE MODE START! ALL THIS AND BOWSER TOO? KICKASS!
"MWAHAHAHAHA! Pikario! In battle, we meet again!" Bowser shouted!
Pikario shrugged. "And...?"
"AND... I have Kammy with me this time! SHE WILL USE HER AWESOME ELDERLY WOMAN POWERS AND KILL YOU! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bowser announced!
Kammy coughed up a lung! "Marvelous, my lord!"
Pikario took Kammy's broom and hit Bowser with it!
Ms. Rwatt used her Shuriken Ninja Skillz and took Kammy's backup wheelchair and tripped her!
Bowser expressed his displeasure with a loud "OW!" and Kammy went into a state of rigor mortis!
"Okay, that's it! Time to dye, Pikario!" Bowser growled!
"And I'll make you fear my evil arthritis medicine of DOOM!" Kammy shouted, coughing up apple sauce quite nastily!
Pikario made a stance! "Then, bring it on, fat man!"
Flurrie sweatdropped. "My darling... Make Pikario dye?"
Vivian looked around nervously! "That doesn't sound very good..."
Unfortunately, Bowser didn't realize he had spelled "die" wrong, so he went and dyed Pikario green!
Ms. Rwatt ran over Bowser's foot with Kammy's backup wheelchair!
Pikario looked at himself! "HEY! What the fuck?"
Bowser pointed and laughed! "HA HA! You're all green and stuff! Green is the color of boogers! You're a booger! You suck!"
Pikario got mad! "Damn you! No one makes me the color of snot and/or boogers and gets away with it!"
"I just did, you prick!" Bowser continued laughing!
"You got him good, Lord Bowser!" Kammy praised, dropping her teeth!
Pikario was getting tried of an old lady mocking him, so he used the Garnet Crystal Star! Go, Showstopper! The show was stopped! The audience got so mad at Bowser, that they booed him off the stage with broken Game Boys, therefore making Pikario the winner and shit!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! HAHA! WE KILLED AN OLD LADY!
Bowser fell over in a heap! "Blast you, Pikario and damn you, Kammy! It's all your fault! You made me lose!"
"Well, Mr. I-Need-To-Depend-On-Old-People-To-Do-Stuff-For-Me, that's what you get for trusting an elderly lady to help you!" Kammy groaned, spitting up her spleen!
"Oh, goody! Now that Bowser's dead, we can get Peach!" Vivian was happy!
"Uh..." Squirt pointed towards Grodius!
Grodius grabbed Peach! "HAHAHA! We went to the zoo and saw a Panda bear!"
"He tried to kill me!" Peach happily announced!
And with that, he dashed off with her into a dark room that arbitrarily appeared out of nowhere!
"We have to save her, old boy!" Bobbery shouted, blowing up for no reason!
"Right, but first, we need to train and shit because of the name of the town being an indirect message and if we don't, chances are, I might be neutered!" Pikario concluded!
And with that, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven ran off to places unknown and started training until they got to unbelievably high levels, because the Authoress is a stickler for killing Final Bosses with a huge advantage over them!
2 Weeks Later!
"Well... whaddya wanna do?" Groidus asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!
"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!
Just then, Pikario busted through the door, the Magnificent Seven looking a lot stronger than last time and Bobbery being an Electrode, because I think he deserves it!
"FINALLY! MY GOD, WE'VE BEEN HERE WAITING FOR, LIKE, 2 WEEKS NOW! Grodius growled in a rage!
"Shut up! Why haven't you taken over the world already if we've been gone that long?" Pikario questioned!
Grodius fiddled with his fingers! "Because I wanted to do it in front of someone, or else it's no fun..."
"What a wuss..." Crusher laughed!
"Well, anyway! Now that you're here, I'm going to take over the world, using Peach's body, and I don't mean as a prostitute!" Grodius said!
Sitting in front of an evil-looking coffin-type thingy, Peach waved at Pikario! "Hi, Pikario! Did I mention that we saw the monkeys, too? They were eating cheese and watermelons!"
Pikario gasped. "What the hell?"
Grodius did some thingy with his magical staff of doom and the candles in the room got really dark and then the scary coffin thingy that Peach was standing in front of opened and a lot of black swirly stuff came out! OMG! Then, to make things even worse, the Shadow Queen came out and she was all... BLACK AND SCARY... and stuff!
Peach smiled! "Ooh, look at the pretty evil lights!"
Meanwhile, in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, the sky got all dark!
"Hey, look! The sky got all dark and stuff!" a random Pikachu pointed out!
"LET'S PARTY! Shroomsworth shouted, wearing some damp underwear on his head!
And in PeachyKeenburg!
Kroops looked at the sky! "What the hell?"
"Hey, look! It's finally nighttime!" Koopie Koo pointed out!
The very second she said that, the entire town was swarmed with thugs, burglars and robbers!
"GIMME YOUR WALLET!" a random crook demanded from Koopie Koo!
Koopie Koo sweatdropped! "Okay... so nighttime is a BAD thing!"
And in the Great Googly Woods!
Chinio frowned! "Hey, man! I can't see my Game Boy! It's too damn dark!"
"See? I told you to get a DS! If you had one of those, you wouldn't have this problem, would you?" Chiniper taunted!
"Chinio, you're a Chinchou! Can't you just use your antennae, or something?" Chituni asked!
"Oh, yeah! In your face, fat stuff!" Chinio laughed at the pessimist Chiniper!
The Elder got pissed! "EVERYBODY, SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!"
And in Glitzville Shitsville!
"Oh, my god! It must be an eclipse! EVERYBODY, QUICK! PUT YOUR SUNGLASSES ON!" Joleneshouted, standing outside for no apparent reason!
And so, all the idiots standing around outside for no apparent reason did just that, but because of the dark hue of the sunglasses, they were blind!
"ACK! I can't see!" a Shroomish whined!
"It must be the eclipse!" Mr. Hoggle shouted!
"WE'RE DOOMED!" Rawk Hawk wailed!
Back in the evil Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is!
"MWEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE... I return with, like, poof and stuff... Who has called me back?" the Shadow Queen thing asked!
"Me! Me! I did it!" Grodius shouted, like an idiot!
"Damn! What the hell is that?" Pikario asked in a rage!
"Eww! She smells like Grape Soda... THE EVIL KIND!" Crusher said, grabbing his nose!
"Okay... so, where's the virgin? Can't be an evil, undead lady without possessing a female virgin, ya know?" the Queen said!
"She's right there! The dumb one with the crown!" Grodius pointed at Peach!
Pikario sweatdropped. "Virgin?"
Peach opened her arms wide! "Ooh, yay! Group hug!"
But, as always, Peach was wrong! The Shadow Queen wasn't in the mood for a hug, but in the mood for... um... taking over her body and making everything all flashy and scary and stuff!
In Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Umbreons ran around all over the place!
"QUICK, GET THE GOTHIC CDS!" Dour shouted, running around in circles!
"IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE US NOW!" an Umbreon yelped!
"WAIT! Maybe this is a sign..." Eve called out!
"That the world is ending?" a random Umbreon asked!
"No! Maybe we should change our ways and stop listening to dark and evil music! And maybe we should start going to church!" Eve suggested!
The Umbreons were shocked! She might just be right...
On Kill-All Key!
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"It's the pirate king! He's come back to take our underwear flag!" Random Shroomish Number 8,349 shouted, pointing to the flying underpants on a flagpole!
"Quick, who knows Spanish?" Random Shroomish Number 592 asked!
"No 'un 'ere knows bloody Spanish but 'ortez! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!" Pa-Patch cried!
In Pussy Heights!
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Pennington looked around! "I say! What kind of crap is this?"
Goldbomb ran up! "DIDN'T YOU HEAR? IT'S THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD!"
"NONSENSE! Money makes the world go round, and we have shitloads of it!"
Pennington boasted!
"That's perverse psychology! It's what the commoners want us to think so that we will inevitably destroy ourselves with our own greed and sexually pleasing statues!" Goldbomb explained!
"MY GOD! YOU'RE RIGHT! ...And I think you mean 'reverse psychology'..." Pennington corrected.
Goldbomb shrugged! "Same difference..."
In Fahr-OuwtMann Post!
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Welche die Hölle war das?" the mayor asked! 1)
A random Bob-omb ran up! "ES MUSS SEIN KRIEG!" 2)
General Red-and-White came up! "Oder, die Welt könnte beenden!" 3)
"Nein. Es ist bestimmt Krieg. FÜR ich KANN ES RIECHEN!" 4)
"我和很多愚蠢的人住在一起,还我总是好象是能干的一个!为什么这样是那?General Red-and-White asked himself! 5)
BOOOOOOOOOOM! The Shadow Queen had possessed Peach and she was scary! Her face was all evil and twisted and she wore a dark dress, with dark Lugia wings and tail included! EEK!
"Muh huh huh huh huh... That didn't sound right..." the evil ruler heaved a sigh!
"Now, my Queen, kill those guys over there!" Grodius commanded!
"Why?" the Queen asked!
"Cause I said so!" Grodius growled!
The Queen looked at Pikario's friends and scoffed! "...I don't want to..."
Grodius was outraged! "WHY?"
"Just cause..." the evil Queen, who was now Peach said!
Grodius jumped up and down! "NO! NO! NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO ME, YOU DUMBASS BITCH!"
KABOOM! The Shadow Queen struck him with Grape Soda lightning, leaving only a black spot on the floor! "Who's the DUMBASS BITCH NOW?"
Squirt scratched his head! "I don't understand... I thought she and Grodius would take over the world together..."
Pikario turned around and promptly slapped him! "BASTARD! Weren't you listening? The crazy lady thing needed Peach to be a VIRGIN in order to listen to that robot asshole!"
Then, Beldam, Marilyn, and the Freak-In-Da-Sheet appeared out of nowhere!
"Mwee hee hee! I broke out of Nintendo jail! Anyway, the fatass is right! I knew that Peach wasn't a virgin, so I set up Grodius and made him think she was! That loser brought back the Queen for us and now, WE can take over the world! MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"
"When we take over the world, can I have Yugoslavia?" Doopliss asked, meekly!
Beldam slapped him! "Shut up, freak!"
The Shadow Queen laughed evilly! "MWEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE... I used the evilly evil and flat Grape Soda to stay alive for all these years!"
Flurrie groaned. "Oh, my..."
"Grape Soda! That's, like, the most evilest kind of soda there is!" Vivian pointed out!
"Why should you care? I made you..." the evil Lugia replied!
Vivian sweatdropped. "But still..."
"And now... I don't feel like killing you guys, but if you don't join my evil reign of Grape Soda Horror, I will be forced to..." the Queen said!
"What do we do, Pikario? The Magnificent Seven can't go out like this!" Crusher asked!
Pikario sighed! "As sexy and erotic as Peach looks right now, I've gotta go with you on this one!"
The Lugia Queen was not amused! "I find that to be an insult! Now, you shall fight me to the death!"
ENTER BATTLE MODE! OH NO! POOR PEACH!
Pikella used Tattle! "Oh, my god! That's the Shadow Queen! She took over Peach's body because she thought she was a virgin, but she obviously wasn't, so here we are! She has a whopping 150HP, and strikes people with black lightning and I'm not supposed to say this, but we're gonna have to fight her again, so don't do anything stupid, Pikario!"
"I have to fight her AGAIN?" Pikario groaned!
"Silence!" the Shadow Queen growled!
The Shadow Queen used Lack of Common Sense!
Pikario got a really dumb look on his face! "I will now do something stupid!"
Pikella sweatdropped! "Huh?"
Pikario used Thunder on Squirt, automatically killing him!
Pikario sweatdropped! "Oops!"
"Why'd you go and do that, Pikario?" Pikella asked angrily!
"It's not my fault! She used 'Lack of Common Sense'! What do you want me to do about it?" Pikario retorted!
Vivian used Shadow Ball! It's Super Effective!
Bobbery used Explosion! It was a Critical Hit, but Bobbery fainted!
Pikario sweatdropped! "I really don't think we're winning..."
The Shadow Queen rubbed her chin with one of her ridiculously large hands! "I see that you and your friends are not weak... So, I'm going to do this now!"
The Shadow Queen used Recover to regain her energy, then she used Flat Grape Soda Rage and killed the entire audience!
Pikario freaked! "Now, why the hell did you go and you that?"
"BECAUSE I WANTED TO!" the Dark Lugia laughed!
"Well, now what?" Flurrie asked!
EXIT BATTLE MODE! WE NEED TO GET SOME MORE SUCKERS FOR THE AUDIENCE!
"Now, are you going to join me, or what?" the Queen asked again!
Squirt raised his hand! "ME! I will, if you don't kill me!"
Pikario slapped him! "I'LL kill you first!"
Ok, you guys know the drill! The Stars saw that Pikario was getting his ass kicked, so they went all over the world, telling random Pokémon to send him bottles of Viagra and booze so he could win! And they did, too! How nice!
"Look! Everyone in the world is sending us their love!" Vivian cheered!
"Through beer bottles?" Ms. Rwatt asked!
"Who cares? They ain't doing shit!" Pikario groaned!
Then, Peach, who was still possessed, came out of nowhere!
"Hi, Pikario! Look, I'm not dead!" she waved!
Pikario was shocked! "Peach?"
The Shadow Queen was mad! "What? Hey, you can't do that!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Evil Shadow Queen Lady Thing, but I have to give Pikario some energy so he can beat you and save the world, because I really don't like being possessed! It's nasty and icky! You understand, right?" Peach asked, being a ditz as always!
"NO!" the Queen of Shadow snarled!
"Oh, well!" Peach giggled, giving Pikario and the Magnificent Seven the only thing in the world that can beat Evil and Flat Grape Soda!
"PIZZA WITH ROOT BEER AND OREO COOKIES WITH MILK!" Pikario held up the almighty pizza, fully restored!
ENTER BATTLE MODE AGAIN! THE PIZZA AND COOKIES SHALL SAVE US!
"Bah! Your pizza and cookies shall do no such thing!" the Luiga thing said!
The Shadow Queen used Aeroblast, leaving Pikario and each of the Magnificent Seven with only 1HP left! They were all in Peril!
"Pikario! You've got to use the pizza and cookies! It's our only hope!" Ms. Rwatt shouted!
Pikario used PIZZA WITH ROOT BEER AND OREO COOKIES WITH MILK!
The Shadow Queen was defeated! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
EXIT BATTLE MODE AGAIN! YAY, THE SHADOW QUEEN IS DEAD!
"Shit! I never thought you'd figure out my greatest weakness! Damn, guess I'll have to wait another 1,000 years before I can take over the world... Oh, well..." And with that, POOF! The Shadow Queen disappeared into the darkness of nothingness, leaving Peach behind!
"Damn! Beldam, you said we could use that Queen lady to take over the world, but now what? She's dead!" Doopliss whined!
Beldam slapped him! "Shut up, freak! I'm outta here! You losers can stay and get your asses whipped, but I'm gone!" And with that, she disappeared!
Marilyn got scared and looked around! "GUH!" She also disappeared!
"Aww, man! Not this again!" Doopliss complained, running away somehow!
Pikario ran over to Peach and started shaking her! "Peach, if you know what's good for you, and I'm pretty sure you do, you'd better get your ass up and give me some sex right now!"
"Pikario, don't do that! You might hurt her!" Flurrie lectured!
Peach then woke up! "Hi, Pikario! Wasn't that fun?"
Then, Franklyidunno ran up out of somewhere! "WOW! YOU GUYS KILLED THE SHADOW QUEEN! SWEET! ALSO, WHILE RANDOMLY WALKING AROUND HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON, I FOUND THIS!" And he dropped a big, shiny chest thing in front of Peach!
Peach was happy! "Yay! Now, everybody's all happy!"
"And, the Magnificent Seven triumphs once again!" Crusher proclaimed, as the seven awesome members did their trademark hi-five thingy!
Then, Pikella looked strange! "Oh..."
Pikario looked at Pikella. "What's wrong with you? Trying to figure out a pessimistic thing to say about this, but you can't because I'm so fucking awesome?"
Pikella got this weird look her face! "Pikario... I think my water just broke..."
Pikario glared at Pikella. "Come again?"
Pikella frowned. "You heard what I just said!"
"Oh, yeah, Pikella! This is a great time for you to start going into labor!" Crusher sarcastically said!
Peach looked sad! "Oh, but I thought the stork came and brought the babies!"
DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! INN TIME!
So, everybody took Pikella to the nearest inn, which just happened to be in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard for some reason!
Pikario and the Magnificent Seven minus one sat downstairs... and Chuigi was therefore some reason! YAY!
"Dude! Did I tell you what I just got done doing?" Chuigi asked!
"No, but I dodn't give a shit!" Pikario reminded him!
As always, Chuigi ignored his older brother! "Okay, so I went to OMGIhatethissongbecauseitsbyBritneySpears Tower and I saw the Chestnut King!"
"Yay..." Pikario sarcastically said!
"He was a giant Ho-oh guy and he was strong! He threw nothing but chestnuts at me, but damn, they sure hurt!" Chuigi said!
"...And?" Pikario asked, not really interested!
"Then, Princess Eclair gave me the power to see into the future and so, I used all of this guy's attacks against him and I won! And I saved Princess Eclair... and I fought this other guy, too, but he was dumb, so he doesn't matter! Anyway, everything else was cool, huh?" Chuigi asked!
"Yeah, so, what'd you get?" Pikario asked, unenthusiastically!
"...Nothing... Princess Elcair said she was saved, but she ran away before I even got to see her!" Chuigi pouted!
Pikario smiled. "That's just great..."
"Master Mario! Thank the heavens you found the Princess!" Shroomsworth blurted out!
"And I went to the zoo! It was fun!" Peach reminded everyone!
Then, the Shroomish innkeeper came downstairs! "I have good news!"
"If you say anything abut car insurance, I'll cut you!" Pikario threatened!
"No, but Pikella's done having her children now!" the innkeeper said, inviting everyone upstairs!
Seeing Pikario, Pikella laughed illogically, slightly out of it! "I've got you now, Pikario!"
"Dude, what are you gonna do if they are yours?" Crusher asked Pikario!
Pikario cocked his .38! "If by some unexplainable reason they're mine... Pikella's going down..."
Crusher smiled! "Kickass!"
The innkeeper held up a Pichu! "It's a girl!"
Pikario held up his .38! "IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YA!"
Pikella looked flabbergasted! "What?"
"...And a boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Squirtle!
"A Squirtle...?" Pikella looked shocked again!
Everybody looked at Squirt, who sweatdropped!
"Well... it's been fun, guys... but, I gotta go!" And with that, he was out!
"...And another girl!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Charmander!
Everybody looked at Crusher!
"DUDE!" Crusher bugged out and flew away!
"...And another boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Misdreavus!
Everybody looked at Vivian!
"I HAVE NO REGRETS!" Vivian proclaimed, disappearing!
"...And another girl!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Voltorb!
Everybody looked at Bobbery!
"SCARLETTE, FORGIVE ME! I WAS LONELY!" Bobbery howled, rolling away!
"...And another boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Shroomish!
Everybody looked at Shroomsworth!
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I refuse to partake of this!" Shroomsworth declared, running away!
"Damn, Pikella! You're a hussy!" Pikario laughed!
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE?" Pikella shouted! "They all said they used protection!"
Flurrie sweatdropped. "Eww..."
Ms. Rwatt was outraged! "Eww, indeed!"
Pikella looked at the Tiny Mouse Pokémon! "But what about the Pichu! It looks just like Pikario!"
Pikario took a closer look at the baby Pichu! "Actually... this thing looks more like Chuigi than it does me..."
Everybody looked at Chuigi!
"Eh, so what? I'm not a coward; I admit doing it. Besides, it was fun being able to actually knock up somebody and get away with it! WOO HOO!" Chuigi then promptly jumped out the window!
Pikella slammed her head into the pillows on her bed! "This is just not my day..."
Sometime later, at the dock, Pikario was saying heartfelt goodbyes to all his friends!
"Ha! See you bitches later! I got Peach back, and now, we're gonna get it on!" Pikario rejoiced!
Peach jumped up and down! "Yay!"
Squirt waved goodbye! "Thanks, Pikario... You've really taught me... um... violence and... cursing... and, um... bad stuff like that... Thank you?"
Flurrie blew Pikario a kiss that he easily dodged! "So long, Pikario! After traveling around with you, I've decided to go back on stage again, because I've learned that if people don't like my show, I'LL SMASH THEM! ...With style, of course, my darling!"
Crusher gave Pikario a thumps up! "Keep it real, man! The Crotch Killer don't ever give up and I won't either... especially since I'm a Charizard now! HA HA!"
Vivian blushed and giggled! "I'm really glad I got to know you, Pikario! You're the only guy in the world who told me that being a transsexual is a good thing! I feel like a better man... woman... SOMETHING!"
Bobbery exploded! "I say, old boy! You helped get over Scarlette's passing and now I can sail the seas just like I used to, and for that, I thank you, sir!"
Ms. Rwatt slapped Pikario's ass! "Hmmm, even though my hunky piece of cheese ass will be leaving me, I will forever remember all the senseless brutality and carnage you committed during our time together. It has enlightened me in ways I can only express through killing other people and taking their stuff. So, as a burglar and a ninja, I thank you. SHURIKEN!"
Pikario yawned. "That's nice... Can we go now?"
"Hey, Pikario! Wait up!" Chinio called from a distance, he and Chituni running up to Pikario!
"We brought you a whole case of Viagra! We know you're gonna need it!" Chituni said, giving Pikario the case!
Pikario took the Viagra! "Sweet!"
Peach smiled! "Thank you! We'll have lots of fun with this!"
"There's the boat!" Shroomsworth, who was unimportant, pointed out!
Then, the boat thingy came up and the Shroomish came out! "I'm sorry I'm late, sir, but you said not to come back... so… I was perplexed as to what to do!"
Pushing the Shroomish out of the way, Pikario, Peach, and Shroomsworth boarded the ship! "Whatever! I don't care anymore!"
So, the Magnificent Seven minus one waved goodbye to Pikario as the boat sailed away! Aww! Goodbyes are so sad!
Pikario and Peach sat on the back of the boat, watching Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard in the distance! It became all prettyful and shiny and sparkly because the Shadow Queen was dead!
"Oh, Pikario! This was really fun! Not only did I get captured by some evil X-Nauts bent on taking over the world, but I was possessed, had fun with a computer, ate pie, and I went to the zoo!" Peach reminisced!
Pikario finished off his 12th bottle of Viagra! "Look, I'm totally hyped for this... Can we do it now?"
Peach beamed! "Okay!"
And so Pikario and Peach got together and made hot, sweet love to each other on the back of the boat! How nice! Coincidentally, the boat wasn't too far away from the dock, so the Magnificent Seven minus one was able to see the 'show'! What a treat for them!
"...What are they doing?" Vivian asked!
Flurrie was appalled! "...Are they?"
Crusher laughed! "They are!"
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Squirt jumped into the water to get away from the horrible truth of natural loving, but was almost immediately swimming for his life from a hungry Sharpedo!
Well, it looks like everybody is once again happy in the world of Pikario and friends! BLENDERS ARE VERY TASTY!
Authoress' Notes: And that, my friends, is the end! Finally! Even though this story may be over, I have good news, and it has nothing to do with car insurance because I don't have one yet! Nintendo announced a sequel to "M&L: SS" is coming out in November (Just a few days after the 2nd anniversary of M&L: SS, coincidentally)! Therefore, that means, P&C will have a sequel as well! Hooray! Here are the translations, and sorry I couldn't put them alongside the actual language, but something tells me that doing that will break some kind of rule, so I'd rather not take any chances:
1) "What the hell was that?"
2) "IT MUST BE WAR!"
3) "Or, the world could be ending!"
4) "Nope. It's definitely war. FOR I CAN SMELL IT!"
5) "I live with a lot of stupid people, yet I always seem to be the smart one! Why is that so?"
