Authoress' Notes: Ok, here's the epilogue I promised! Enjoy!


College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!

Epilogue: The Really Dumb Ending of Something That Was Probably Very Stupid!


"...And that's what happened!" Pikario finished, very proudly, I might add!

Pikario & Chuigi sat in their living room together, just recently back from their journeys! How they got the house back, I don't know!

Chuigi frowned! "That's a load of BS! That didn't happen!"

"I SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD, FOR GOD'S SAKES! IT HAPPENED!" Pikario shouted!

Chuigi flipped him off! "Kiss my ass! That shit is all talk!"

Pikario got out his .38! "Oh, yeah?"

Chuigi whipped out his .22! "Yeah!"

BOOOOOOOOOM! The two started shooting at each other! Such violence! SUCH WAR! Just then, Pikario's Nintendo DS started ringing! Wanting to be able to kill his little brother in peace, Pikario abruptly picked it up!

"What the hell was that?" Chuigi asked!

Pikario opened the DS! "It's an e-mail, asshole! And it's from... Pikella?"

"You mean that hussy I got away with knocking up?" Chuigi smirked!

"Yeah, the hussy..." Pikario replied, rolling his eyes!


Dear Pikario (and maybe Chuigi),

You fat bastard! You're lucky you left when you did, cause if I ever see you again, YOU'RE GOING DOWN! Even though it's been awhile, I'm still pissed at you because you wouldn't admit your love for me, but it wouldn't be fair not to tell you what's been going on since you left, so...

First off, I'm proud to say that graduated from U PiPi, also known as the University of PiPi, as a valedictorian! I don't work with the Prof. anymore, but I run into him every once in a while, since he says he's constantly on the run from federal accounting, or something like that. After traveling around with you, everyone pays me to tell about what happened in our journey! Do you know how much money that is? Like, 859,409,483,738 dollars a day! I'm rich now and I live in Pussy Heights! I bought the Pussy Museum from Pennington and he left, saying something moving to some place called the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom... Aside from that, all the children are doing fine and growing nicely. Even if they all have different fathers, it doesn't matter, since we're stinkin' rich! In your face, Pikario (and Chuigi)!

Also, remember that big shiny, chest thing Prof. Franklyidunno found? Well, we opened it! You won't believe what we found in that thing! I sent it along with this note so you could see for yourself...

And guess what? Sweet little Squirt went and evolved! I'm really proud of him, aren't you? He's a Blastoise now and he runs PeachyKeenburg as the mayor! He's still a little shy, like always, but he's really come a long way, don'tcha think? The only problem with being in charge of the town is that he does it by threatening everyone by saying "I'm the master, and I can make you suck me!" ...Ring a bell, Pikario? I ran into him the other day and he and the others doing fine, despite his disturbing terrorization...

Flurrie, on the other hand, went back to the stage like she said she would, and she even made a parody out of our adventure and went on tour all over the world with it! It's called "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door" and it's so totally awesome! The children and I went and saw it well over 50 times! Flurrie went and hired the entire "Paper Mario 2" cast to do the play for her and they're really nice people! I especially like Goombella the most. She's so down to Earth and straight to the point. I wonder why she reminds me so much of myself...

As for Crusher, with him being a Charizard and all, he flew back to Glitzville Shitsville and took over the Shitz Pit by storm! He gave me a tour of the place, and I hate to say it, but I think it's worse off now than it was when we where there... Fights break out everywhere and somebody dies almost every hour! Oh, well. At least Crusher and everybody else there is happy. Rawk Hawk isn't the champ anymore since Crusher kicked his ass like, 90,739 times, but he still picks on weaker fighters. Jolene decided to go back to being a stripper out of boredom and Mush took her place as the manager, not a very smart one, though.

Vivian went back to Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town and she made up with Marilyn, Doopliss, and Beldam, who is currently serving 39,303,789,838 years in Nintendo jail for slapping Shigeru Miyamoto, trying to take over the world without a license, and being mean to Vivian! Vivian also told me that she and Doopliss are getting married, since both of them can either a male or a female (Y'know, Doopliss can turn into anyone he wants at will)! Marilyn even said she was thinking of taking over the world when she got old enough, so she's now currently in Bad Guy Training to get her Evil Bad Guy License!

Remember poor, old Bobbery and how he lost Scarlette? Well, it seems he was mistaken! I met up with him on Kill-All the yesterday and he admitted that Scarlette's twin sister was the who had died, while Scarlette had left to travel all over the world! She came back just last week and Bobbery was thrilled! Now, they both live on Kill-All, together with Pa-Patch and all the Shroomishes. Isn't that just too sweet?

Last but not least, Ms. Rwatt became an A-List Superstar Shuriken Ninja Assassin, just like she said she would. She's still an Ass Fortune-Teller Extraordinaire, but only on the side. I see her almost all the time around Pussy Heights, since the rich and famous live there and those are usually her targets. Since were friends and all, she promised not to rob and/or kill me. Real nice, huh? (Sarcasm!) She's never been caught in a murder scene and she even keeps her shop, "So U Wanna B A Ninja?", open in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard so she could earn a few extra bucks.

Well, as you can see, I'm rambling at this point, so I'll rap it up. I've learned a lot stuff from you that I'll probably want to forget about in, maybe 12 years, or so, but I still learned some things from you! Since we'll never see each other again (Because I'll kill you if I do!), tell Peach I said hi and kick Chuigi's ass for me!

Your Friend/Assassin, Pikella


"Well... that's nice," Chuigi sarcastically said.

Pikario kicked Chuigi's ass! "Shut up! She said she sent the box with her, so where the hell is it?"

Then, Parakarry flew by with a big, shiny chest thing! "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! MAIL CALL! MAIL CALL! COME OUT AND GET YOUR MAIL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GAY AND THINK I MEAN MALE, AS IN A GUY MALE, BECAUSE I DON'T!"

"How many times do I have to kill you before you leave us alone?" Chuigi shouted, throwing a baseball bat at Parakarry, knocking him out instantly! Unfortunately, the big, shiny chest thing he was carrying fell on Chuigi!

Pikario ran out and yanked it off his brother, looking inside! "Lemme see! Move it! Mine!"

Chuigi rubbed his head. "Probably something stupid, like drugs from Mexico..."

Proving Chuigi quite wrong in his theory, Pikario pulled out a broken beer bottle! "Hey, this is from our ancestors!"

"How do you know?" Chuigi frowned!

Pikario then pulled out a picture of a Pikachu and Pichu, who looked just like they did, except they didn't wear the red and green Italian hats!

Chuigi frowned again! "What the hell...?"

"What?" Pikario turned the entire box thingy over and broken beer bottles poured out! W00t!

"Told you it was something stupid..." Chuigi obviously pointed out!

Pikario shrugged. "Whatever... At least we have ancestors..."

"...Or do we?" Chuigi smirked!

Pikario slapped him! "...Shut up..."

Then, Peach and Shroomsworth walked up!

"Hi, Pikario! Guess what?" Peach shouted happily!

"We're all going to hell and I'm driving the bus?" Pikario guessed!

Peach giggled! "No, silly! I found a map in the castle that says it leads to treasure!"

"And, chances are, the adventure we're going on this time will be almost exactly like the one you just got done doing!" Shroomsworth shouted!

"I've already got the boat ready, so I'll meet you there!" Peach sang, dancing off!

Pikario lowered his ears! "Not this again..."

Chuigi handed Pikario his .22! "I still got some bullets, man... you know, if you wanna gut yourself..."

Pikario took the gun and hit Chuigi with the hilt of it! "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"


THE END!

But wait! We can't very well forget about the other Epilogues, can we?

First off, Chinio DID finally get a Nintendo DS and now has about 67,680 games on it! How? I DON'T KNOW!

Also, the Umbreons in Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town decided to go back to being gothic and listening to Evanescence CDs, since it made them look scarier that way!

Like he told Pikella, Pennington moved to the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom and is currently waiting to see if he can somehow make a cameo, or something in "Pikario & Chuigi!"

General Red-and-White finally realized that exploding Bob-ombs in ridiculously large cannons off into space for no apparent reason was fun, so he now fires it off almost every day! If you ever hear something loud and booming coming from outside, it's probably him!

Frankie, Fransesca, Tony, Vinny, and Da retired Don all still live on Da West Side of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, raisin' hell and promoting drives-bys, with Fransesca being the one with all the violent ideas, Tony and Vinny being idiots as always, Da Don doing nothing because he was retired, and Frankie often nodding his head, saying either "I LOVE YOU!" or "YES, DEAR!"!

Shroomsworth still works for the Princess, of course, but he's also on the run from federal accounting, and people still don't know what that means!

Not feeling like taking over the world anymore, Bowser and Kammy went back to their evil castle of doom and had fried eggs, like Kammy had suggested in the first place!

After Chuigi "killed" the Chestnut King in the Pieceashit Kingdom and left, all of his partners took up the throne and now live in OMGIhatethissongbecauseitsbyBritneySpears Tower with fame, fortune, and...um... CHICKEN!

Grodius, now only a head after the Shadow Queen totally kicked his ass, spends most of his time being the ball or keeping score for the regional X-Naut Basketball Championship Playoffs, held twice every year on Da Moon, which they recently relocated back to, since Crump's plan with trapping Pikario there work!

Despite Sylvia's wishes, Goldbomb ended up inviting Michael Jackson AND Michael Jordon over to his house for dinner! Because of this, Bub learned how to play basketball, do the moonwalk, and make up excuses as to why he has to carry around a Nintendo 64 with him everywhere he goes! All of these were perfect reasons for him to join the XBCP on Da Moon, which he did and he because their All-Star Player!

Prof. Franklyidunno is currently on the run from federal accounting, and since no one knows what that means, he hasn't been seen since!

Hooktail, seeing as she could no longer go on in a world full of crickets, killed herself and now haunts her own castle as a ghost! Unfortunately, this didn't solve the cricket problem.

Magnus Von Grapple is currently a pile of shit under some 4-year old's bed! Crump laments over it almost everyday!

After getting his ass kicked by Pikario, Grubba continued taking steroids so he could exact his revenge, but he somehow ended up on Flurrie's "Paper Mario 2" World Tour as a bodyguard! The steroids make him Macho Grubba, so he gets to bust the heads of people who didn't pay almost every show!

Pleasing Vivian to no end with sexually disturbing antics, Doopliss also joined up with the Evil People from Nintendo in their quest to take over the world with trippy games, such as "Super Mario Sunshine" and "Luigi's Mansion"! He now makes well over 50,492,937,484 dollars a minute!

Cortez is still back on Kill-All Key and, out of boredom, he decided to start up a Spanish class for all the Random Shroomishes living on the island. Unfortunately, he couldn't speak English to begin with, so no one's learning anything!

Smorg and the Smorg Miasma still take over the Excess Sex Express on a regulary basis, demanding food, money, and front row tickets to see Flurrie's "Paper Mario 2" World Tour!

Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple is currently being rebuilt as Magnus Von Pwn3d, the 3.0 Version of Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple, but due to Crump's idiotic orders and awful-ass calculations, it'll never be a gigantic robot bent on world destruction ever again.

TEC, on the other hand, was fixed by Pikella and joined up with AOL like she suggested when she got him working! So far, he's only one virus away from TAKING OVER NEPTUNE! And maybe Mars.

The Shadow Queen remained as nothing but a small puff of black smoke until 1,000 years later, she came back and TOOK OVER THE WORLD! Now, everyone lives in eternal darkness and hatred forever! So, if you ever plan on living in the year 3005, you'd be better off dead! Pikario's great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great grandchildren were too lazy to get rid of her, but seem in a world full of darkness and turmoil doesn't seem to bother them much! They actually bet on how times they'll get struck by Evil Flat Grape Soda Lightning in one day!

Now in the possession of the Shadow Queen, the Crystal Stars now spend their days striking people with black lightning and killing innocent children! They occasionally go after old geezers, but children run faster, making it more fun to chase them!

Being the Shadow Queen's favorite pet, Blacktail was granted great power and strength, but he still spend most of the time in the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is with gas from eating Pokemon... who make him gassy! It's been suggested that the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is be renamed as the Place of Stinky Stinkyness That is Very Stinky Just Because A Gassy Salamence Lives Here!

Even though he wasn't in the story, Bonetail is very cool and freaky, therefore he deserves an Epilogue! He's been dead for over 789,101,234,289 years and trapped in the Pit of 1,000 Ass-Kickings for over... well... a really long time! If he ever escaped, he would take over the world, due to his 200HP pwness!

Finally losing his virginity to Princess Eclair, Chuigi somehow continued living until 3005, with 85,000 children. He also teamed up with the Shadow Queen and is serious when it comes to homicide!

Believe it or not, it seems that Princess Eclair was actually the Shadow Queen's little sister! Holy crap! So, now she, Chuigi, the Shadow Queen, and Pikario's great (etc.) children rule the world with the Crystal Stars!


Well, since the world has ended, I guess that's REALLY...

THE END!


Authoress' Notes: Hallelujah! CRP is finally over with and it sure did go out with a bang! As you probably may have noticed, I didn't do an Epilogue on everybody because some of them were already better off as the way I left them, so there was no point. For others, it was just too funny not to make one for them! Well, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!