PSG 4
I can't believe McKay ate Floyd. I mean, I know the food in Atlantis probably isn't the best, but an innocent hamster? That's just mean. It wasn't his fault Beckett lost him and you two ended up glued together. Besides, the experience couldn't have been all that bad. For one, you got to see what a Siamese twin feels like. I wonder if hamsters taste like chicken? Who wants to volunteer to test that theory? Anyone? Anyone? Fine! Another mystery that will never be solved.
I wonder where Floyd was from...maybe Hamsterdam...I dunno. Speaking of food, did you remember the snacks? Oh, sweet! Wait, what in the world are those? Rice cakes? You have got to be kidding. Are you trying to kill me? These things taste like cardboard. I'd rather gnaw on an extremely old, ripe, flamingo carcass. I'm never bringing you with me ever again. Yeah, I know I've said that before, but this time I'm serious.
I don't feel very well. I think I'm going into anaphylactic shock. I need food. Oh great, I think I've been spying on McKay far too long. Speaking of the snarky scientist, let's see where he ran off to after eating Floyd (may he rest in peace...or pieces as the case may be). I have no doubt Rod is going to hell in a hand basket for munching on that defenseless little rodent.
Rod just strolled into Dr. B's office carrying another ancient thingy-ma-bob. Seeing his approach, Carson tries to hide, but he isn't fast enough. You need to cut down on your food rations there doc. And where did you think you were going? That room you're in only has one door and its path is blocked by the guy you are trying to run away from. What were you thinking? Maybe you were sniffing white-out before you were interrupted?
McKay catches Beckett and shoves the gadget at the flustered man. Uh...where'd he go? As soon as the doctor touched the object, he disappeared. Hey, that's a pretty neat party trick. The Disappearing Doctor with his lovely assistant, Physics Nerd. Rod is looking around, really confused. Dr. B is yelling at the scientist trying to figure out what happened. Yeah, that's going to work. Actually, it might have if Carson stood still. Moving around so his voice pops in random spaces is not the way to keep someone calm. It's fun for me because every time this happens, it scares the bejesus out of McKay. Standing still is a concept not yet mastered by Carson. Maybe he ate paint chips as a child as well as the white-out. That would explain a lot of things.
Rod has started flailing around trying to get a hold of the invisible man. You know, I wouldn't be swinging my arms like that if I were you, someone could get hurt. Oh, lookie there. Right again. Dr. B has been whacked in the face by Rod. That's kind of neat how the blood pouring out of his nose accentuates his chin and gives his clothes life. Well the good news, now we can see Dr. B. The bad news though, he seems to have collapsed, unconscious. Good news, he's in the infirmary. Bad news, it's the night shift and no one is there but him. Good, Rod is with him. Bad, Rod is with him.
McKay is busy trying to round up the loose mice running around on the floor. You see, when Dr. B fell, his arm caught the side of the rodent cage. Woah Nelly! That is one funky looking mouse. Wait, that looks like a hamster...Floyd? Is that you? It's a miracle! I just have one question...If that's Floyd, what the hell did Rod just eat?
Oh well, he doesn't seem any worse for wear. I'm telling you, that man has an iron stomach. From unidentifiable piles of goo in the back of the fridge to steaming plates of who knows what in the cafeteria. Speaking of hot dishes, how's Beckett? Uh...Did I say that out loud? And did I say Beckett? I meant Teyla. Yeah. The woman…with the large, um, eyes. Oh who am I kidding, I yearn for Dr. B. I'm omnipotent and have no genitalia, I can swing which ever way I like (I wish I still had something to swing...anyway, that's another story).
Moving on, Dr. B is still unconscious...I think. C'mon, cut me a little slack here, the man is invisible. This might prove to be interesting. Rod is being yelled at through his radio. It seems that he is late for a mission. You'd think he'd be able to tell time. Seriously, you can see that watch he has on his wrist from space, without magnification. Huh, who knew he runs like a girl when under the chopping block. Uh...science dude, I think you forgot something. Looks like Dr. B will have to fix himself. His invisible self.
The self-proclaimed genius makes a lovely entrance into the gate room. He runs through the door smack-dab into DEW, landing on top of her. He uses her breasts to break his fall. Smooth. His hand is still resting on one. That's probably the most action he's had in awhile. Ooh, she doe not look happy. Her fangs are bared. Maybe she'll gnaw off his arm. That should take him down a peg or two.
Realizing what he has done, Roddy springs up, snatching his hand away from DEW like she's on fire. Hmm...Breasts of Fire, I think I've seen that one. What? It was a documentary...on fire eaters. Anywho, now at least three people are pissed off at McKay, and that's just in the last five minutes. This might be a new record.
The cool toilet bowl flushes and the scientist is shoved through followed by the other team members that were waiting impatiently for the resident geek, which are Sheppy, the hot chick and that one guy in the hat. Hmm...I'm renaming him because he isn't important enough for me to remember his real name. He shall henceforth be known as TOG (that one guy).
Using magical powers...using magical powers...ab-using magical powers...I have followed the tone deaf quartet to some strangely named planet. What's with all the numbers and letters? How about naming planets things like "Those Trees Look Like Beer Mugs" or "Beware Killer Three-Legged Wombats"? Why do all of these planets look like Canada? I'll put that on my list of things to figure out before I die.
What the hell are those things? Right off the bat, our fantastic ensemble is ambushed by...things. Wow, they look like catfish. Albino catfish. Mean albino catfish. I like them. Hey mom, can I have one? I'll clean up the mess and take it for walks everyday, I promise. Pretty please?
The team searches for cover as they shoot the beasties. Ooh, they are not going down without a fight. They might be fun to pit against the PSG's. One more thing added to my list.
Sheppy and the hot chick take out a couple of the so called enemy. TOG gets blind sided. That's what you get when you're not paying attention. I told him to stop starring at the pretty birdy in the tree. He should also learn how to duck. Rod has somehow managed to jam his weapon. That could only happen to him, I swear. A catfish approaches from behind. Luckily, McKay has his trusty pistol. (I know from inside sources that he named it. I can't tell you what he named it...I was sworn to secrecy.) No wait, my mistake that seems to be missing. They let this guy off world on purpose, right?
The missing gun is floating in the air in a way that would make David Copperfield proud. I mean the guy made the Statue of Liberty disappear. He's my hero. I once pulled a coin out of someone's ear. It takes great skill to be a magician. But I gave it all up to...what the hell am I doing anyway? Oh well, back to it.
The phantom holder of the gun sets the tiny metal prisoners free, straight into the catfish. Oh, stupid me. This totally makes sense now. Dr. B must have followed Rod and the team through the gate. Lucky for them he did. He's using his power of invisibility to take out the catfish. One thing escapes me though. If he followed Rod straight from the infirmary...his clothes should be bloody, thus allowing everyone to see him. Oh lord, he must have taken off his clothes.
I really hope the Ancient device is messing with his mind. We wouldn't want the good doctor to strip at any given moment. That might be awkward for some. I can see it now...someone walks into the infirmary a little banged up and they leave blind and scarred for life.
Hmm...maybe the naked Scot can be used strategically. In the face of the enemy, strip Beckett down to his birthday suit and throw him to the other side. If they don't go blind, he'll at least make a good distraction. Then Shep and Co. can do the G.I. Joe mumbo jumbo and shoot everything.
Anywho, the floating gun wielded by Dr. B is doing fine work. The duo has taken out the Cajun wannabes that were running around trying to be sneaky. Man, you guys got killed by a naked dude. That has got to be embarrassing. I'd rather be taken out by the hot chick. Hell, I'd take death by Rod over a nude fellow any day.
The threat having been taken out, Shep, the hot chick, Tog, and Rod are starring at the possessed gun. Rod doesn't look all that impressed. He figured out what's going on but forgot to tell his team. Major Hair wants to shoot it, the hot chick wants to fight it, and TOG wants to name it. Snark man dismisses them all and starts a conversation with the air. Huh, who knew the air has a Scottish accent. That's pretty nifty. Rod convinces Dr. B to stay invisible as they all head back to the gate. They lost TOG along the way. He saw something shiny and veered off to look at it. Maybe they'll pick him up later.
Popping back into the land of Atlantis, DEW thinksMcKay has finally lost all of his marbles. He's steering the invisible Carson to the infirmary to see it they can make him visible again. Again, he forgets to tell anyone. The two science boys leave and DEW starts ranting about TOG. Whoops, looks like she wanted the ENTIRE team to return. Meh, TOG'll be fine. He may be concussed and in the hands of the catfish, but most of them were dead anyway.
DEW doesn't seem to see it my way. Shep and the hot chick are sent back to Canada to retrieve the lost team member. Hey, can you guys bring back one of those catfish things for me? What do I want with it? Are you kidding me? If it's not obvious to you, you need to be more observant. I'm not even going to dignify that question with an answer. Plus, you tried to kill me with rice cakes.
Enter the infirmary...Rod shoos everyone away. Someone just flipped him the bird behind his back. Hey now, that was a little uncalled for. I will deal with you later. Right now there are more important things to take care of. Like, how are we going to get Dr. B visible again...and clothed for that matter.
Looks like Rod was thinking about the naked thing too. He grabs a pair of scrubs and makes Beckett put them on. Ok, that is extremely creepy. A pair of scrubs moving around without extremities...or a head. I may have to sleep with the night light on tonight. Um..don't tell anyone, ok? Thanks.
Oh, would you look at that. McKay wants to experiment on the good doctor. Dr. B doesn't take to kindly to that idea. Rod tries to snag the Scot, but he has removed the scrubs. Oh goody, he's naked again. Maybe he just likes all the ventilation for his nether regions.
Rod's flailing around again. Ok, this just gets better and better. He whacked Carson's nose again, causing him to drop the ancient device that he'd been holding all this time. It seems that the only reason that Dr. B was invisible is because he was in contact with the device. When he dropped it, he reappeared.
DEW just walked in, searching for Beckett because only Rod knew he was invisible. She's a little surprised. In front of her is the CMO, with a possible broken bloody nose, standing stark naked in the infirmary with Rodney yelling at him for dropping the device. Both of the guys freeze looking at the stunned DEW. She looks at the scene displayed for her, muttered something about coffee withdrawals, turned on a dime and walks straight back out. She's going to have that imagestuck in her head for a while.
Well that crisis has been averted. I miss the PSG's. I think I'll go visit them and see what kind of mayhem I can help with. You can come along if you bring the snacks...anything that tastes like soap, cardboard, or sawdust does not count. I want beer and potato chips. Got that? Good. Meet me here same time tomorrow. Don't think I won't leave your ass behind if you're late. Because I will. Oh and bring the badminton set. I have big plans for that.
