Rei Ayanami is not dead.
Shinji Ikari, feeling as though his cup of energy had been completely refilled as he darted away from Misato's apartment, making his way toward that place. After an extremely brief conversation with a very worried Misato, whom, still wrapped in a blanket of drunkenness had begged him to stay, Shinji darted out of the house, ignoring her pleas. The Third Child knew he had to get back to the beach, where he and Rei had first awoken. He knew this would be the place where he could find Kawrou, and if it were true what the silver haired Angel had said about him being a God, then Shinji would simply change this world to his liking, or at the very least, bring back his blue haired, crimson-eyed love. The boy's head had been cleared, the mist that clouded his mind was gone and for the first time since the accident, Shinji was thinking clearly, quickly, and in a very rare occasion, analytically, and for another first since the incident the young boy smiled,
"This must be how Rei feels all the time."
Main Story (Day of the Explosion)
It was all happening to fast! Shinji's mouth was still agape as the sagging body of what seemed like a lifeless Rei Ayanami continued to gush blood from numerous places on her tiny frail body. She was gone; the limpness of her body was proof of that. How could this have all happened, how did this situation come to term, how did his, and her destinies be forced to end like this? Young Ikari had no doubt that he too would die down his this cavernous area made of rock and steel, his inability to run, coupled with the collapse of Gendo's labyrinth would surely seal his fate. But as his face fell down onto Rei's chest, Shinji's forehead felt something…As it touched her weak, crushed chest cavity he felt a small bump, and a tiny sound that silenced everything around him, and echoed through the flames….
A heartbeat.
Everything around him seemed to go black, for a moment he felt as though he was floating…floating in this jet-black abyss. Thump…thump. There was a long pause between the twin convulsions of the heart, but they were there, and they sent shockwaves throughout the water.
She was alive.
After realizing this, it felt like someone turned a knob quickly, and the world came rushing back to him, the smell of the smoke, the acidy sting from the shards of glass still craning out of his leg, the baritone sound of hot metal bending and collapsing. He was back in this inferno…now he just had to get the fuck out of there.
Shinji stood up quickly, too quickly, his back popped and it felt as though a razor wire cut a diagonal line across his back…he snapped a tendon. Instantly, his left arm went numb and limp, Rei started to fall from his grasp but he hunkered down and caught her on his knee, sending the piece of glass deeper into his muscle. Rising again, the battered child sprinted toward the door, the glass in his moving arms dug themselves in deeper and blood continued to fall.
Nearly falling back into the elevator, Shinji gingerly laid Rei's shattered body in a corner, and hit the UP button. Nothing. He hit it again. It didn't budge.
"MOVE GOD DAMN YOU! PLEASE MOVE! SHE CAN'T DIE, REI CAN'T DIE LIKE THIS!" Shinji screamed as he punched it with all his might, the button gave way, but the cost…two broken fingers.
As the duo reached the main floor the door lurched open angrily, grinding it's bent metal door against the frame. Shinji, with Rei's arm thrown over his shoulder, drug her to the bed and practically dropped her on it. He winced as she suddenly convulsed, and vomited up blood, they instantly fell back onto her face. For a moment he just stood there, unaware of what to do.
STOP THE BLOOD!
His emergency NERV training class about medical safety had been long, and excruciatingly boring but it had explained a few crucial points. The false nurses station came fully equipped and Shinji darted around, quickly trashing the room looking for what he needed.
Gauzing all the four large wounds across her body, Shinji also tightened a long strand of rubber at each of Rei's thighs, and one on her right arm, to slow the blood flow. He tapped on more bandages on the lacerations that covered her body. They were small and more than likely not the kind to leave scars, but they were still seeping what little precious blood Rei had left, and Shinji knew this would not do. That was all Shinji really knew what to do until he saw it, and it made his stomach do a flip. Rei's arms were bent backwards, lying underneath her body…backwards. Shinji knew he had to snap it back, but he also knew the it was make a horrible cracking sound, one that he was not looking forward to. Knowing it had to be done, he grabbed Rei's wrist with his left hand, and her upper arm with his right, closed his eyes and looked away.
Cruuunnnkach!
The arm cracked back into place and Rei screamed out, awaking from her unconscious sleep. Instead of screaming like any normal person would be doing in a situation like this, Rei instead just shut her eyes with all her might and moaned softly. Seeing his angel light this, lying is so much pain, thrashing around gently, Shinji looked around the room for any kind of medicine that might ease the pain. As he looked through a number of cabinets, the bloody brunette only found bottles with names he'd never heard of, he was about to give up when he stumbled across the first bottle with a name he recognized.
Morphine.
It was in pill form too! Lucky! Because Shinji could never have been able to give her a shot. He grabbed four of them and ran over to get a cup of water, cracking the gel tablets open he filled them with just a bit of water, hoping it would speed up the process and poured them gently into her mouth, a bit of it falling onto her chin and cheeks as she sputtered, trying to swallow faster. She instinctively reached out and grasped Shinji's hand for about 15 minutes, until the pills took effect, and she passed out once again…into a sleep she has yet to awake from.
Main Story (Present)
Turning sharply around a bend, Shinji knew he still had a least a half hour run ahead of him, that's if he ran the entire way, which he knew was going to be impossible, and this would do nothing more than delay the inevitable. As he moved from through the mountainous cityscape of Tokyo-3, Shinji glanced out to his destination, the beach. Almost smiling, his glee dissipated as he looked out across the now-blue ocean, it's peaks glimmering white, reflecting the sun. They were still there…those large crosses, the ones that the MP Eva's were still crucified to, and their decaying corpses with their luscious lips grinned at the vultures that peaked at their remains. The wind suddenly took an updraft and blanket the city in the stench of their, and EVA UNIT 03's rotting bodies. Glaring at them, Shinji quickened his pace.
Main Story (Weeks Prior)
"There, that should do it. You did a very good job Shinji, I'm proud of you." Maya said as she slowly stepped away from Rei's almost unbreathing body.
Shinji craned his neck so he could get a better look, and as his hands gently grasped the metal frame of the hospital bed, he looked, for a moment anyway, like a gazing child, trying to understand what was in front of him. Maya noticed this in Shinji's eyes, the youthful curiosity, trying to figure out what she had done that Shinji hadn't thought of and smiled with pity. He had his love, even though she couldn't see or hear him, Maya's eyes misted as she wished she had her love beside her.
"Thank you." A hollow voice rang out. A dead and empty voice, riddled with defeat, if Maya had to issue a color to the voice it would be brown and black, two weak and powerless colors.
A beep sounded out through the room and standing in the doorway Asuka rolled her eyes and swore under her breath as she made toward the cafeteria.
Rei's heart monitor beeped again, and though there was an eerily long pause between beeps, they were there, giving proof that the young girl was still with them. Rei was blessed enough to get the trickle-down treatment, one bag of matching blood dripped steadily into her arm, helping her regain that which was lost, and another bag full of clear liquid, a mixture of morphine and a sedative to keep her from involuntarily moving around. Twin casts tightly wound around each leg were now in place, and one on her arm. For a moment Maya played with the thought of getting a marker and having Shinji sign her cast but the young girl was in a deep coma, one that she would probably never awake from, and actions of that sort were too light for a situation such as this. Her face, now swollen immensely sported a black eye, a broken nose and a forehead full of stitches Maya had administered while Shinji was out of the room, he couldn't bare to watch. There were burn marks across her "good" arm and lacerations on her chest and stomach, and finally, to finish it all off, 3 broken ribs and a cracked chest plate. All of which had thrown her head first into this deep coma, one that was more likely than not forsaken, but at least with Maya's surprising knowledge of medicine the blue haired angel had at least a fighting chance.
Main Story (Present)
This was stupid. Shinji thought to himself as he past a very familiar café with a laptop sitting on one of the chairs. What do I plan on doing? Am I supposed to run up and down the beach screaming for Kawrou, and he's supposed to just appear when I call his name? Then what if I do talk to him, he said this entire world was a creation of my subconscious…was it in my subconscious to kill Rei! NO! How could I have…what is wrong with me!
Shinji tightened his knuckles until they turned white, released them, then clenched them together again…this was his method of relaxation. He wanted to scream, to cry out, to call and beg for help from someone, anyone, and ask them to, in simple terms, explain what the Hell was going on! But he knew there was no one he could talk to, not Misato, not Maya, obviously not Asuka, and especially not those other two men that lived with him at NERV…actually, where had they come from?
Main Story (Day of Misato's Return)
As they both held each other, crying, Shinji was, for a moment anyway, happy. This was quickly snatched away by the remembrance that Rei was still dying, and that Misato had betrayed him too many times. The fact was…he still nearly hated her. She had pushed him too far in the end, forcing him to pilot that God-forsaken machine against his will and as it obviously hurt him. Then there was the kiss…for a moment Shinji had felt like a true man, but the taste of Misato's blood in his mouth robbed that sense of maturity and he was wrought him back down, spiraling into the body of a child…who could do nothing but cry. This feeling was amplified when he heard the explosion below him, knowing Misato's fate…then the feeling grew even more when he could not save Asuka. The memories of all these events caused him to push away from Misato, and dart down the hall, tears streaking and an annoyed grunt from a passing Asuka.
Fortunately for Shinji Third Impact had indeed occurred and he would no longer be forced to pilot his Eva, which was, currently, gliding somewhere through space with his mother's soul still inside, trying to remind the universe that humankind had, at one time, actually existed. For that reason Misato was out of a job, and would no longer have to screech at Shinji, bearing down on him to do his job…no, that part of Misato was now gone, and the only part that remained was the Misato that loved Shinji unconditionally…and that's what he needed right now.
Within minutes the purple haired, twenty-something year old found Shinji, at the same place where she saved his life. Under a small stairwell in sector 12-C.
"Hey there." She said in her buttery sweet tone.
Shinji didn't bite.
"I know you're hurting right now…and I can't begin to comprehend what that feels like. Not just because of Rei, but also all of Third Impact."
"You'll never understand." Shinji growled in an adolescent tone.
"You're probably right…but you need to know something Shinji, I-I…I love you…and…God it feels so weird to say that…I never even said that to…" Misato looked down and smiled slightly, playing with a memory, "…Kaji…"
Shinji looked at her, with a little more sympathy. He wasn't the only one hurting and he backtracked to a former pre-Rei Shinji whose main goal in life was to blame himself for everything, Misato instantly took note of this and with a gentle touch, continued her speech.
"Don't blame yourself Shinji…it was SEELE and NERV's fault all this happened…you, me, everyone were just pawns in something much larger."
"Don't try to justify this all to me!" Shinji screamed, wanting to leave. "It was my fault, my decision, I don't want anyone making excuses for my mistak-"
"But they weren't your mistakes Shinji."
"You don't understand…"
"Maybe I never will…but you can't go through the rest of your life hating everything and not doing anything." Misato smiled, and Shinji grimaced, preparing for a joke, "For one," She lowered her voice just above a whisper and looked around to make sure no one was looking, "You'd be too much like Asuka…and one of her is already too many. And two…it's…it's not what Rei would want."
Shinji lifted his head so fast it hit the walled, his eyes tripling in size it seemed as though his life he had shared with Rei quickly darted before his eyes, and he began to remember what she had taught him. Misato sat quietly, letting these words sink in. After a ten minute silence the young woman began to crave a beer, but just as she was about to jump up she startled her with a question.
"Why are you here?" He asked, still staring straight ahead, his knees pressed tightly against his chest.
Misato pondered this
for a moment and responded with what really didn't seem like an
answer.
"I…rejected it."
Shinji turned and gave her a questioning look, so she continued.
"When you initiate Third Impact, something you could not avoid, everyone was lifted up into "Heaven"…their own Heavens…something they created by a using a culmination of all their hopes and dreams. It was beautiful…perfect even…but artificial, and because man is not a god…he could not create a true Heaven."
"I-I still don't understand…you said it was perfect…"
Misato smiled, remembering her own Heaven for a moment and continued,
"It was
perfect, and that was the problem. Man has always thought that
Heaven would eradicate all pain, sadness, anger and so on…and
thusly their worlds were created by these rules. Unfortunately
mankind is not a God, and as we disposed of our sadness, anger hate
and so on we messed up the equation. We had to balance it
out."
Shinji was getting lost, but he quietly listened just the
same.
"Let me put it this way…'You can't taste the sweet without the sour' and that means, you can't feel true happiness, unless you've experienced true sadness. The equation had to be balanced, and at times, when we were unhappy, angry, sad or scared we didn't feel those emotions…we just felt…numb. So the kisses I had didn't taste as sweet, the food I ate wasn't as appetizing, and the world I lived simply wasn't that great…as time went on, everything was numb…and so I rejected it and returned to this world where…even though it has pain-" Misato took Shinji's hand into her own, "-It also has great pleasure."
Shinji suddenly felt tired, as though all his energy had suddenly left his body. It had been nearly 2 days since the young boy had really grasped sleep, and unintentionally his head fell and began to rest on the purple haired woman's shoulder. She put her head on top of his as he spoke.
"What did you dream of Misato."
As Shinji fell into a deep sleep, he could feel Misato's face tighten as she smiled,
"I had a wonderfully large house full of beer and laughs. I had a scruffy faced idiot of a husband, and three kids. Their names where Rei, Asuka and Shin-"
And before her story even began, Shinji was asleep.
Main Story (Present)
Shinji was close now. Closing in on the beach as his mind raced, how was he going to find Kawrou. Lost in thought Shinji walked quickly right past a young silver haired boy leaning, with a cocky smile, against a light post.
"Looking for someone?" He called out, his voice full of love and upon hearing it, all Shinji's worries dissipated.
Turning swiftly an open mouthed Shinji replied with a squawk of his throat,
"Kawrou!"
"Hello
my Shinji." He called back, and for a moment, a feeling of bliss
surround the two, until Shinji remembered why he was there and darted
forward coming mere inches away form Kawrou's smiling face, but
before he could speak, Kawrou did.
"I've been looking for you…but I noticed you were a bit busy."
"What happened! Did I-" Shinji barked out, worried, sweat from the jog drenched his white shirt.
"Lost in the world of self-hate again Shinji? I thought Rei would have resolved that little issue." Kawrou thought to himself for a moment, toying with the man-lyric 'If I were a God, and didn't believe in myself, would that be blasphemy?'. Then continued,
"Not even God himself could tell what decisions you were going to make or what was going to happen. You were made into a god Shinji…unfortunately, the real God requests that power back."
"Bu-but I don't understand…"
Kawrou scrunched up his nose, the lilan were so dense sometimes. But with a smile to Shinji he went on,
"As I spoke of before, you were given the gift of being a god, but again as I said before, that power has a limited shelf life. You will need to return it."
Shinji's mind was going a mile a minute, all of this was confusing the hell out of him, and he missed the days when it was just him and Rei. But that didn't matter; all that mattered now was bringing Rei back! And with his temperamental fuse lit, he was just about to go off.
"I don't give a damn about any of that! All I want is Rei; I want to bring her back now! I want you to do that now!"
"But why? What would you do with that?"
Shinji was taken aback by this, and could only reply with stutters.
"We-well I-I mean, I don't un-underst-stand…"
Kawrou began walking around, his arms behind his back, taking in this breathtaking view of the ocean.
"You're a god, and if you wanted you could change this entire world around again…but when you lose your power that's it…and if Rei gets hurt again for…for whatever reason, Shinji…there will nothing you could do."
"But-but…" Shinji began, but didn't know really what to say, he was at a complete loss.
"Shinji…" Kawrou started as he sat on the back rest of a bench and laid his elbows on his knees, "You must choose…now, unfortunately…whether you want to keep or change this world. Your powers are coming to an end, and this decision will be fixed and you will not be able to change it."
Shinji's eyes darted back and forth, his hand clenched and unclenched so fast it was if he was working out. What was he to do? Bring back Rei, change the world so it was simply him and her again, go back and stop Third Impact…what?
"I don't know what decision to make! I have no idea!" The young boy screamed to no one in particular, his voice echoing through the empty streets.
He was trying to understand it, but it was just too much! He knew he wanted Rei back more than anything, but also knew that he owed mankind something…but they didn't matter, the only thing that mattered now was Rei Ayanami…his love.
"Make your decision?" Kawrou asked while keeping his eyes on the water.
"Y-yes…I want-" He began.
"Shinji, you Lilan
only ever see the obvious. When you make a decision as a god, you
cannot think so selfishly-"
"I don't give a damn what you
think I should do! God Damnit! I just want Ayanami back!"
The brunette began to break down, "I don't….sniff…care…I-I…I
just…I just want Rei back."
"You will never forgive yourself." Kawrou said calmly, although a hint of sadness bore through him like a knife.
Shinji finally stopped, his arms dropped to his sides and it felt as though his heart inside of his chest snapped. With an eerily hollow voice, one that simply radiated his thoughts, he spoke.
"I-I…I can't. I'm…" He thought to himself for a moment, "I'm sorry Rei…I've failed you." Glancing back up, he stared down Kawrou for a few moments and finished, "I need…no, I desire to…to…l-leave everything…the way it is now."
It felt as though Shinji was watching television and someone was changing the channel twice every second. He saw images he'd never seen before, some of death, so of life, some of mere colors, all these bounced around inside him until everything went white, his head grew too dizzy to stand, and he passed out.
God in his heaven, all's right with the world.
As things came back into view, his vision still fogged and his mind still extremely groggy he noticed that someone was standing over him, arm outreached. Because of the sun, he couldn't, at first, tell who it was, after his eyes adjusted, the silver hair gave it away and as a very loving Kawrou helped Shinji to his feet, the young Angel spoke gently.
"You should hurry…she's probably waking up by now."
