Author's Note: I would like to thank the lovely people at Piglet Press who allowed me to read the Wonderful Wizard of Oz online when I forgot to bring my book with me. I would also like to point fingers at them if you don't like this chapter. It's their fault it exists.
Chapter 1
Thump
Turtle landed on top of something squishy with a thump and a rather disgusting crunch. Grumbling, she got herself off of whatever it was and looked around for whoever's fault this was, so she could yell at them. What she saw instead were gorgeous flowers, birds with feathers of every color of the rainbow (and a few that rainbows didn't even know about), and a sparkling creak. And some very short people in dressed in blue, except for one who was dressed in white. Turtle did not have time to yell at any of them before the woman in white said, "You are welcome, most noble Sorceress, to the land of the Munchkins. We are so grateful to you for having killed the Bitchy Witch of the East, and for setting our people free from bondage."
Turtle blinked once. And then she blinked again. And then she suddenly burst into hysterical laughter. The Munchkins looked at one another in confusion. "That's just fine and dandy, but would you mind telling me how exactly I killed this bitchy person?" asked Turtle when she saw that they were serious. "I didn't exactly bring a house with me."
The Munchkins continued to look at her questioningly, but none of them said anything. The woman in white continued, "You landed on her when you fell from the sky."
"Oh, thanks. My self-esteem is certainly helped by you saying I killed some bitchy lady by landing on her. Now I'm gonna have to become an anorexic," Turtle muttered. The woman in white pretended not to hear her.
"See! There's her ugly old corpse with her silver shoes!" the woman in white continued.
"Oh, crap. My first few minutes here and I've already got people talking ill of the dead."
"There is nothing to be done." The Bitchy Witch of the East's corpse shriveled up, leaving a smell like rotten fish.
"Ew." Turtle made a face. "Who was she?"
"She was the Bitchy Witch of the East, like I just told you," said the woman in white, with a look that plainly said, "Duh." "She has held all the Munchkins in bondage for many years, making them slave for her night and day. Now they are all set free, and are grateful to you for the favor."
"And those are the Munchkins?"
"Of course!" The woman in white's high-pitched voice combined with her fall was starting to give Turtle a headache.
"And you would be. . ."
"I am the Witch of the North!"
"Right. Well, good luck with that. I'm gonna go find a yellow brick road now. See ya!"
"But there aren't any yellow brick roads here." The Witch of the North, who was beginning to really get on Turtle's nerves, cocked her head to the side in confusion.
"Then how am I gonna get to Oz?"
"Who's Oz?"
"The wizard you're about to tell me about!"
"Huh?"
"Who can take me back to Florida?" Turtle asked, attempting to be patient.
"Florida? Where's that?"
"Where I came from. And I want to get back. Who can help me?" Turtle was beginning to feel like she was explaining algebra to a kindergartener.
"Why, the Queen of Freece of course! She lives in Frakken."
"Frakken? As in the capital city of Freece, land of the Freeks, home of the strange?"
"What other Frakken is there?"
"The one that doesn't exist."
The Witch of the North blinked in confusion.
"How do I get to Frakken?"
"Follow the green toadstool road."
"The what?"
"It's a wonderful road made of bright green mushrooms that leads between the countries here!"
"Which way is it?"
"You're standing in it."
Turtle looked down and found that this was true. "Oh, right then. Well, I'll be seeing you." She began to walk very quickly in the opposite direction.
"Wait! These shoes are yours now!" The Witch of the North shook some Bitchy Witch dust out of the silver shoes.
Turtle grabbed them and said, "Goodbye, little Munchkin creatures! Goodbye!" Then she ran off with strange looks at the Witch of the North.
"That was rather odd," said the Witch of the North, blinking stupidly. "Oh, well."
The Munchkins rolled their eyes at their new stupid leader. Even the Bitchy Witch of the East hadn't been this bad.
